


We're All Mad Here

by BinguRani



Category: I.M - Fandom, Jooheon - Fandom, Monsta X (Band)
Genre: F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-14
Updated: 2018-07-31
Packaged: 2018-08-15 00:21:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 46
Words: 100,754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8034706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BinguRani/pseuds/BinguRani
Summary: This is my first fanfiction. It is based around No.Mercy with a few OCs and of course all the No.Mercy/Monsta X members. Main Character is called Cheshire (yes like the cat lol) or at least that's her stage name. Nobody really has any idea about her past just because its in her contract. Honestly they don't even know her real name outside of the CEO. She was a risk but it seems to be paying off and now Sajangnim has a new job for her to do. Judge No.Mercy. What's going to come of this? (Bit of a love triangle between Jooheon, I.M, Giriboy and the oc)
 
Yeah I'm not really good at descriptions sorry guys...





	1. Judging???

**Author's Note:**

> A/N  
> So we're all aware english will be written in italics if possible lol...

“You want me to judge what? Are you joking?” Cheshire couldn’t believe what she had just heard. Was sajangnim crazy? She had only debuted a little less than two years ago. Not only that she was very much the only American Kpop idol that was currently in existence. “Are you sure that this is a good idea? Won’t there be a lot of backlash from the nietzens?”

 

“I’ve already thought that through Chess. I think this will probably be one of the best ways to actually show that you know your stuff. I think it’d be pretty hard to hate on you so long as you actually keep yourself objective and focus strictly on the performance aspect itself,” Si Dae sajangnim looked her dead in her eyes, still noting that her trademark grin never once faltered though he could sense that it held some sarcastic undertones now. “Chess, we’ve been over this. You have fans. Die hards even. You shouldn’t worry too much about the haters. They don’t even compare to the fanbase that RI5E has garnered. I really want you to do this for me. Do you think I would have approved you debuting if you hadn’t known what you were doing? I think that you would have a great ability to connect more with the trainees than K. Will can.”

 

“But sajangnim… I just…. I don’t know… I’m not completely comfortable being a judge… I mean I don’t even know how to tell people things if I think it will even slightly hurt their feelings but you want me to potentially be the vote that could end their careers?” Chess was starting to get nervous. She knew in the end she would have no choice but to be a judge whether by her own volition or if sajangnim practically ordered her to, though she knew he was trying to get her to just agree on her own. It seemed he had a bit of a sweet spot for her and often tried to make sure that she was as comfortable as possible in the company whether that was letting her slide on some of the general rules for his new idols, like no tattoos and no going out alone, or just trying to not make her do anything she was uncomfortable with. He just sat in his chair across his desk from her with an almost pleading look in his eye before she finally just sighed. “Ugghhhhhhh…… Fine! But I withhold the ability to stop if I get too much backlash in the comments!”

 

“You know I would never let it get that far,” Si Dae sajangnim chuckled at her showing his brightest eye smile, the one that always made her feel like she was his favorite child or something. Honestly that description wasn’t too far off. He had always liked to protect her as much as was possible. She was his biggest risk in the company but he also saw her as his highest potential. She was after all the first of her kind being a white american female in an industry strictly devoted to the asian people. “You start filming tomorrow they just got ranked for their monthly evaluations last week. And should be prepared for their mission by now.”

 

“Tomorrow? Jinja? Sajangnim couldn’t you have given me some more heads up?” She rolled her eyes with a smirk still plastered to her face. He just laughed he knew she was just nervous, after all that’s why he had waited till the last minute to tell her. With one final groan she stood and bowed. “I assume that’s all you had to tell me?”

 

“Well not really. The last thing is that RI5E will be taking a one month break to give you some time to adjust to your new judging position and then you will be back in the studio for your first full length album. The fans keep demanding it. Don’t think we can wait any longer on it,” Si Dae sajangnim laughed again as he watched her eyes and smile widen to show exactly how excited she was.

 

“ _Oh my god!!!!!!!!!_  Jinja? Kamsamnida!” Chess bowed three or four more times before finally getting waved off by the man still seated across from her. As she headed out of the office door she heard sajangnim tell her to let the others in on the news to which she nodded while closing the door before running to the elevator. Once she was finally alone in the elevator and had pressed the floor number where their practice room was she finally allowed herself a moment of joy, jumping up and down and squealing to herself. She couldn’t believe it. A full length album! Hadn’t they just come off of their second mini? Wasn’t this a little quick in the idol world? She kept having these questions come up in her mind but always pushed them away. Who cares? The fans are apparently demanding it! She could not believe it! 

 

Before she knew it the elevator opened to her floor and she went directly to the glass door that held RI5E's practice room. As soon as she opened it she was accosted with a loud high pitched wail of "Unnie!!!!!"

 

Alice was known to be a very demanding Maknae but she was rather adorable to be perfectly honest and Cheshire couldn't help but open up her arms as the youngest threw herself into them.

 

"What happened this time? Was Sumi being mean to you?" Chess looked over to their leader who just scoffed and turned her glare to the oldest.

 

"I am never mean, demanding maybe but mean? Ani," Sumi turned back to look at the mirror and began practicing whatever dance move she had been working on.

 

"No it was Bei Lee! She stole my snacks! Unnie! Don't roll your eyes! They're my favorite!" Alice pulled the best pout she could at Chess as the latter just patted the formers back.

 

"Bei Lee at least ask before you take them you know how sensitive Alice can be," Chess's comment earned her a gasp from the maknae as she realeased her death grip on Chess's waist. Bei Lee simply shrugged and kept reading whatever magazine had her curled up in the corner today.

 

"Okay guys where's Young Ji? I have something to tell you guys. Well more like two somethings but you get the idea," Chess clapped her hands and went to go sit near the corner that held Bei Lee as Alice and Sumi came to sit forming an almost circle with a spot open for the missing middle child of the group.

 

"She should be back soon I think I heard something about needing the bathroom," As soon as Sumi finished her sentence the door opened with Young Ji entering and swiftly taking her spot in the now complete pseudo circle on the floor.

 

"What's going on?" Young Ji was glancing around the circle as if trying to figure out if it was her fault the 'family' meeting had been called.

 

"Calm down I was waiting on you to tell them too," Chess being the strange one she was paused for a bit of dramatic effect before realizing that Sumi was about to stand up again and thus end the meeting. "So we have a month of a break because I am going to be a judge on that show that the higher ups are making. You know that No.Mercy thing? But after our break we're going back to the studio to... get this! Record,  _I shit you not_ , a full... length... album!!!!!!!!!"

 

All the girls paused and just stared at the eldest as if she was pulling some sick joke. Chess honestly felt a little offended, she was knowing for pulling some stupid jokes but come on she would never joke about this! As soon as the others realized that there was no sarcasm in her permenant smile they all started squealing and screaming the highest notes that Chess had ever heard. 

 

"We need to use this month to write then I guess!  _Oh my god_ , do you think you'll be able to handle writting your raps and judging?" Sumi ever the leader started planning the rest of her month off as though she wouldn't even take the long needed and deserved break. None of which surprised the girls in the least, it's how she always was.

 

"I think I can handle my part. Apparently they only have missions once a week and tomorrow is their first one of course. Because, you know, I never need time to process anything and apparently having to help eliminate people who are working their  _asses_  off for debut is just not something I need to process," Chess just rolled her eyes and stood beginning to stretch out her muscle to begin a much needed dance practice to clear her slightly nervous energy.

 

"You'll be fine it's not like they didn't know what they were signing up for when they decided to be on the show," Bei Lee may have been the lazy second youngest of the group but she really was the voice of reason that Chess generally needed. Chess had a really bad habit of over thinking things or just not thinking at all, there was no middle ground with her. She assumed that was most of the reason why they all agreed she was the 4D member of the group but hey, at least she had fun with it.

 

"I guess it's just hard for me to be any kind of critical to people I don't really know. I mean I know that they've been trainees for a long time too and that kind of bugs me. When I auditioned you guys were just waiting for a fifth member so you could debut and they just chose me for some god forsaken reason and that meant I was only a trainee for four months. I just feel like they won't appreciate me telling them what to work on let alone eliminating them," Cheshire still had a lot of insecurities dealing with her trainee days specifically the fact that she didn't have to wait nearly as long as 95% of the others in the company had. She was really glad to have the girls though as they immediately hugged her (Sumi lightly smacking her upside her head).

 

"Who cares what they think about that? You proved you were ready and those four months were hell on you and we all know that. Not to mention that you've worked yourself to death since to make sure there's nothing anyone could say about it. You are an idol for a reason. It doesn't matter how long it took, you deserve what you've gotten for all your hardwork," Young Ji had this basically memorized she had said it so many times to Cheshire, though it was never lost on the latter how much she genuinely meant it.

 

"Thanks guys... I guess all that's left is to just practice until I can't stay awake anymore," Chess laughed and the girls started warming up for their last practice of the night. Chess tried to keep her mind and body occupied for the rest of the night to the point that when they finally made it back to their dorm she passed out as soon as her head hit her pillow.


	2. First Mission

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N So I forgot last chapter but all encompassing I own nothing except for the members of RI5E. So you're aware Cheshire is always and I mean ALWAYS smiling in one way or another whether its a light grin or a smirk or full blown gummy smile. Also forewarning I don't honestly know much about the judges from no.mercy besides Mad Clown and Giriboy in all honesty and am rewatching No.Mercy as I write from now on because I want this to be as close as possible to what really went down so all of it is going to turn out the same just with personal opinions put into it as judge Cheshire's comments. Please don't be offended if it's not something you agree with I'm trying... (u n u) lol Thanks for readingif there's anything else to add I'll generally put it at the bottom... I promise I'm done rambling now...

When Cheshire woke up it was already passed noon and she was really thankful that all she had to do was start filming for No.Mercy today. That still meant a trip to see her stylist who was sure to have something ridiculous planned and to have a Coordi style her hair and make up. Not that she really minded either task, she like the ridiculous outfits her stylist gave her and she would always end up asleep in the make up chair so as soon as she could manage to get her third, yup third, cup of coffee in her she went on her way to the company. Ji Eun met her at the elevator when she got to her floor already babbling about whether or not to go pseudo casual or full fierceness. All the babbling just made Cheshire giggle and look at her unnie fondly. Ji Eun had been picked specifically for her since she was supposed to be viewed as exotic and sexy and every now and then just a bit weird, and Ji Eun had some of the strangest yet completely loveable fashion sense known to man kind.

"Honestly Unnie, I'm kind of nervous so if we could go pseudo casual I'd appreciate it. I don't really want to stand out any more than I already do,  _ya know?"_  Chess was very happy to see the calculating look on Ji Eun's face meaning she was going to take her suggestion and make sure she was as comfortable as possible. As they entered the wardrobe room that was filled to the brim with all of Cheshire's stage, tv, and interview clothes (honestly she had a closet filled at the house with a lot of these clothes too but there were so many by now that they would never fit in her dorm let alone her room.) they followed the wall to the end where they kept all her comfy shirts and jeans. Well as comfy as designer clothes could really be at least. After thirty minutes of Ji Eun digging through the clothes she had finally made a decision and it was very much to Cheshire's liking. It was a simple pairing of black ripped skinny jeans with safety pins in some of the holes, a black muscle tank top with a picture of the Cheshire Cat from Alice Madness Returns with "We're all mad here" written in blood red, with a matching red bandeux. Very much comfy and very much Cheshire. Though for most girl groups tried to stay away from anything creepy or strange the company had seen it fit to let Chess have a more tough and badass image considering the style of rap that she generally had and to just kind of give her another level of edge. Plus she ended up appealing to a lot of her gamer fans when she got asked why she wore a lot of Alice Madness Returns merch, it was her favorite game after all.

"I think this will probably be best. I just hope you don't scare off any of the trainees." Ji Eun's laugh rang through the room making Chess giggle again. She really loved everyone she worked with but outside of the girls Ji Eun had to be her favorite. She was very much like the older sister she never had and they actually had a lot more in common than Chess originally thought possible. Ji Eun probably heard more of Chess's worries than anyone else including the girls but it was more so that Ji Eun had almost a sixth sense about when something was bothering Cheshire and a super power to get her to talk about it. Today though Ji Eun was just put simply a mind reader. "Don't you even start thinking about comparing your trainee days to theirs. I will knock you into next week if you do. You deserve everything you have and these young punks need to listen to you too. You know what you're doing. Stop fretting over things you can't change and just get on with it."

"Thanks Unnie. I guess you were just the kick in the  _ass_  the doctor ordered for me today," Ches giggled again. Ji Eun was rarely ever strict sounding with her but when it came to insecurites that Cheshire didn't need to have she would get really passionate about telling her to get the hell over it.

The rest of their time together, which was just over an hour of Ji Eun making sure none of the safety pins would come loose and that the muscle tank wasn't too open (you'd be surprised at the meticulousness of the woman), went by much too quickly for Chess's liking. So after a swift hug and hwaiting from Ji Eun, Chess made her way to get her hair and make up done. She didn't know the girl that did her hair and make up this time but was thankful for the considerate smiles and small talk that she made. The girl swiftly did her base and contouring followed by light eye make up with a little wing and a dramatic dark matte lip. When she finally moved onto Cheshire's hair she decided to do a light wavy curl that Chess was sure she was going to have to redo at least once during filming. Her hair was too naturally straight and too thick to hold any curl for any amount of time but it was beyond her to try to change a stylists mind once it was set.

Once out of the chair and on her way to the location it finally hit Chess that since Ji Eun had almost scolded her she hadn't even thought about the filming for the first time since she had agreed to be a judge. Sure she had put it to the back of her mind last night while dancing but she hadn't really fully stopped thinking about it and it kept trying to nudge its way to the front of her mind but Ji Eun had stifled any thought of it from coming back up. She really needed to buy the woman a bouquet the next time she went to see her. 

The car ride to the event space was uneventful and she almost fell asleep except as soon as she closed her eyes she was being told that they had arrived. When she got out she realized that they were at the H Art hall. It was fairly familiar to her. RI5E had done a few mock concerts here before they officially debuted. She didn't miss the feeling she used to get stepping onto such a small stage worrying that she wouldn't be good enough for them to move on to debut. But she did miss the excitement everytime that they would praise what RI5E did on stage. Not that they didn't get plenty of praise now, it was just different.

After her reminiscing, she made her way through the front guided by her manager Dae Suk to where the filming would be taking place. When she walked in K. Will, Hyolyn, and Mad Clown were already in their spots. Cheshire was a bit relieved when she saw Mad Clown, they had a rather strange friendship that would never fail. Mad Clown had been one of the people that sajangnim had recruited to help teach her how to rap in her four months as a trainee and she had come to see him as an older brother and her as a little sister which suited them both just fine given their tendancy to bicker and poke fun at each other.

"Well if it isn't Miss Can't-be-on-time-for-anything," Mad Clown deadpanned. 

"For your information, Oppa, I was told that I was on time.  _Thank you very much,_ " Cheshire walked down the row where Mad Clown had stood up and gave her a quick hug before she sat down in the seat next to him and Hyolyn. Chess had never really been around the two to her right but Hyolyn gave her a huge smile and greeted her while K. Will nodded in her direction before turning back to the papers in front of him.

"I've wanted to actually meet you for a long time! I really love all the work you've done with RI5E!" Hyolyn seemed a lot peppier and nicer than Cheshire thought she would be but was glad to be wrong.

"Kamsamnida. I really love Sistar and the work you do too," To say Chess was nervous might have been a bit of an understatment but Hyolyn just kept on smiling and talking to her and it slowly eased away the tension that had set in.

"Do you mind if I speak informally to you? You're only a few days older than me," Cheshire heard a scoff from Mad Clown at Hyolyn's question and had to hold herself back from smacking him in the arm telling him to shut up.

"Go on ahead. I'm quite used to having people be informal with me. For a long time it used to mess me up to speak formally to people honestly," Chess giggled and this time Mad Clown couldn't help but laugh at her this time which in turn caused Chess to smack his arm playfully. "Don't be mean to me Oppa! You know how hard it was for me when I first got here!"

"Yeah I do. You refused to use honorifics for the first two weeks I knew you and pried into my business every chance you got, brat," Chess pouted and turned back to Hyolyn who looked slightly shocked.

"Wow! Usually he's so shy! How did you get him to act like this?" Hyolyn and Chess shared a laugh at Mad Clown's expense making him sigh and shake his head.

"I don't know I guess he just likes to keep reminding me of my screw ups like the caring Oppa he is," Chess emphasized her sarcasm with a smirk and eye roll before she noticed that two other men had filed in beside K. Will. "See Oppa! I told you I wasn't late!"

Mad Clown just shook his head and patted his dongsaengs head to placate her. Rhymer and Wheesung chuckled a bit from their seats before turning to talk to K. Will.

Before much else could be said the production crew let the judges know that filming would be starting and that the trainees were almost there. The lights went down and all that was left was to wait for the trainees to step onto the stage. Barely two minutes passed before the trainees were lined up on stage and the lights came back on on the judges.

K. Will began his introduction and the judges went through what they were looking for in their performances and before long it came to Cheshire and she had to say her bit. The nervous energy was back but for some reason holding the microphone was giving her just enough of a confidence boost that she didn't jumble her words.

"Anneyong. I'm going to be looking at how you perform in general, mainly if you're prepared and whether or not you capture the audience. I know that seems hard with it just being the six of us but I expect if you've worked hard it will show on the stage," For the first time Chess really looked at the trainees. She had seen most of them around but one stood out. Jooheon was standing on the stage. Behind the number two. Her eyes lingered a little longer than they should have on him but she quickly glossed back over the remaining trainees.

Besides Mad Clown, Jooheon had been the other person to teach her how to rap. She had a hard time believing that he was apart of this show and not already on track for a solo debut. She quickly noted that he seemed to be staring at her, though from this distance she couldn't be entirely certain. All she knew is that now she was really feeling that insecurity. He had been a trainee for years and helped her debut and now she might end up being a vote that killed his career before it started. She was starting to slightly panic when the production team called a five minute break so that the trainees could go to the waiting room.

"I saw him too but trust me he won't be upset with you as long as your honest," Mad Clown must have seen her smile falter for that half a second when she noticed him because he was in full protective oppa mode now.

"I would just feel bad if I say anything negative considering how he TAUGHT me..." Chess looked at her hands hardly able to keep her smile going.

"You'll be fine. He knows how hard you worked remember that. He has no grudge against you," Mad Clown placed his hand on top of her clenched fist and gently squeezed before handing her a bottle of water and motioning for her to drink. The water helped calm the nerves she was feeling and before she knew it the first trainee was on stage. His name was Shownu and according to the card in front of her he was more confident in his dancing than anything else. She was intrigued at least a little. She wanted to see what he could do.

He apparently chose a slow song to sing. An American song she was familiar with at that. Now she was going to be listening extremely hard. She wanted him to be able to actually be able to pronunciate the english correctly. She might have been asking for too much from a trainee but she couldn't help it. It was a pet peeve of hers. If she worked as hard as she did for her Korean to sound perfect she wanted them to work equally as hard to make their english sound perfect.

She listened as the other judges asked him questions about his profile and his trainee life but couldn't think of anything that wouldn't already sound negative to ask so she just kept quiet and listened as he modestly answered. She couldn't help but feel for him. He seemed like a genuinely nice guy or at least that he could act like one really well.

After that small interogation his performance began. Honestly Cheshire was pretty amazed. His english was really well done. A few mistakes here and there but nothing to write him off for and his voice was actually very entrancing. After a few minutes he moved the mic out of the way and started dancing and she instantly knew why he was more confident in his dancing. It was enticing, subtle, vibrant and loud all at the same time. He was really good. It felt like it all ended a bit too quickly for her and honestly she probably could have watched him dance all day but before she knew it the other judges had said their bit and she was given the opportunity to put in her two cents.

"I really liked your stage. It seemed really well practiced and like you put your heart into it. It kept my attention and made me want to see more. Your pronunciation in the song had a couple moments were it was iffy but I don't think I could've asked for more out of you. Overall it was just really well put together," Chess smiled a gummy smile to him and he bowed a few times thanking her for her input before heading off the stage.

Now was the part she was dreading though. It was Jooheon's turn and he was on the stage before she really had the time to prepare herself. All she could hope for now was that he performed so well that she couldn't possibly say anything bad. It was nervewracking to say the least. He stepped onto the stage with a swagger she felt no one else in the room could ever pull off, even with Mad Clown sitting beside her. He just oozed confidence. She almost missed all that was being said she was so stuck in her own thoughts. When Mad Clown started talking about the song he had featured in Chess almost jumped. Unfortunately Jooheon had to have seen this because he was trying to hide a chuckle behind his hand to make it look like he was clearing his throat. Cheshire wanted to crawl into a hole but never let it show on her face. She needed to stay professional about this.

After a short talk about their song together Mad Clown motioned for Jooheon to get ready before incospicuously squeezing Chess's hand one more time before crossing his arms. Shortly after Jooheon started his stage. Chess had always been awed listening to him rap in the practice rooms when he was teaching her but nothing compared to watching him own the stage now. He was in his element no doubt about it. He was so expressive and the way he moved made her want to get up and dance. Her anxiety was gone by the end of his performance. She couldn't possibly be negative. She loved every moment of it.

All of the judges again said their peace and Mad Clown seemed like a proud father the way he praised him. Then they all looked at Chess. She picked up the mic in front of her and took a moment to arrange her thoughts. She had to still be professional and fangirling over a trainee was definitely not professional no matter how weird she was known to be.

"I guess in case you didn't know I should tell you, Jooheon was one of the people who taught me how to rap alongside Mad Clown. I've heard him rap a lot honestly," A chuckle left her and some of the other judges. "I enjoyed watching you own the stage. It feels like that's all you've been doing your entire life. I can't wait to see you perform again."

That was it. That was all she could say without going overboard into the no man's land of fangirl so she set down the mic as Jooheon looked at her and smiled before bowing and saying his thanks. She huffed out a puff of air and smirked to herself. Only ten more trainees to listen to today.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N Well that's it for this chapter I guess... if you like it let me know in the comments please! lol I need confirmation that its good and that I should keep writing it lol


	3. First Judgement

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N I'm probably going to skip over some of the performances because honestly that last chapter was a lot longer than I expected and I honestly didn't have a bunch of oppinions on some of the performances so sorry if I skip one of your favorites I don't mean to offend lol

Cheshire was happy to feel herself relax a bit now that Jooheon had performed now she didn't have any worries really. Except the impending judgement she was going to have to pass but besides that she was mostly back to normal. This fact proven by how she was able to giggle so easily when Hyolyn looked like she was about to spit out the water she drank when the next trainee came on stage. K. Will kind of poked some fun at her reaction making Cheshire have to literally hold her laughter behind her hand. It was priceless, the face that Hyolyn was making that is and Chess could not help but find it unbelievably funny that this super confident and beautiful woman beside her almost lost her cool when a trainee walked on stage.

Apparently his name was Hyungwon and to be perfectly honest Chess was not sure what Hyolyn saw in him but then again Chess was a strange person. After their moment of fun at Hyolyn's expense he was instructed to start.

" _You have got to be kidding me..."_  Cheshire mumbled when she heard him start in on singing 'No Diggity'. She had grown up listening to this song and she couldn't believe he knew it let alone decided it was something he knew well enough to perform for them. Though she was fairly impressed with how well he actually sang it. It was definitely no copy of the original but it wasn't too far off for her liking. His english could use some more practice though if she was honest. He wasn't too bad though and she figured she'd just remind him to practice the english just a bit more next time but his intoxicating voice made up for it. It was deep and really smooth and Chess felt herself drawn to it. Then he started dancing. The boy had moves she'd give him that. Maybe not the best song to follow 'No Diggity' with but not bad. She saw how much he had practiced though and felt like commending it.

For a change the comments started with Cheshire and she was a bit taken aback. She was not particularly fond of the idea of going first since she was going to at least slightly criticize, oh well.

"So I'm American, if you haven't figured that out yet," she chuckled a bit with the other judges at her own joke. "I grew up listening to 'No Diggity' and I really did like your performance of it... but... If you're going to sing an entirely english song next time I'd say just practice your pronunciation just a little bit more. You were a little shaky on some of your notes which somehow you managed to make work for you but I think if you had a little stronger pronunciation it would help a bit with the shakiness. Overall it was a good performance and I really liked your deep voice but the pronunciation just kind of got to me. Your dancing was well practiced though and it came across on the stage how much you had put into it. Good job."

Well that was easier than she thought. The other judges seemed to have similar points minus the pronunciation bit and she didn't feel as bad about what she had said. For once she had a popular oppinion and that just never happened. After all was said by the judes, Hyungwon bowed and thanked them before heading backstage allowing for the next trainee to enter.

The trainee introduced himself as Minhyuk and honestly nothing about his performance really stood out to Cheshire. ( **A/N**  Don't kill me!!!) He seemed like he was trying but it just didn't capture her attention. But on the plus side she didn't have anything negative to say so she just let the other judges make their comments and shook her head when asked if she had anything to say. Mad Clown scoffed at her, she always had something to say so he was amazed.

After a short while the next trainee came onstage and introduced himself. Wonho, or at least Chess was pretty sure that was his name, tried to make his performance sexy. He tried flashing his abs but failed because of his outfit choice and that was all she could really remember from his performance. ( **A/N**  again don't kill me!) Again she had nothing to say so she let the other judges fill in the silence which honestly even they didn't have much to say. So onto the next, she thought slowly raking her fingers through her hair in boredom. She was still surprised that the curl had stayed so long but her thoughts were interrupted when the next trainee entered.

This one was Kihyun. As soon as he started he tugged at Chess's emotions. He was really good at getting the emotions of the song across. It was amazing to listen to and the only thing she wished he'd done differently is use the stage just a bit more but overall she was very impressed. By the time he finished she just had nothing to say to criticize and she just wanted to hear more from his heart wrenching voice. She again let the judges say their peace and they again moved on.

The next couple trainees went by in a similar fashion. Nothing too memorable or enough to really criticize on her part and she was just starting to wonder why sajangnim had ever wanted her to do this in the first place if she had nothing to say to them. Then the next trainee entered. #Gun. She was slightly confused. I mean she got stage names she really did but this was a bit outlandish even for Kpop. What was he supposed to shoot sharp bullets with his rap? Come on. She was just starting to write him off when he got the go ahead to perform. If the judges had said anything to him to begin with she had completely missed it trying to figure out his stupid stage name.

He started rapping and boy did she feel stupid for questioning his stage name. He had so much passion, so much energy, and so much raw emotion in what he was rapping that it dropped her jaw for a second. Cheshire was floored. It was amazing what he was saying, how he was moving, all of it. She couldn't find anything she disliked. It reminded her of some of the older rap she would hear in the U.S. sure but it wasn't a bad old. She found herself enjoying it almost more than she did Jooheon's and that's saying a lot. She just couldn't think of words that could describe what she felt towards this song. But she knew one thing. He was tied with Jooheon in her mind.

It came to an end almost as quickly as it started and as she clapped along with the other judges she couldn't wait to put in her own two cents because she knew that Mad Clown was probably going to tear him apart for sounding old fashioned. She wanted him to know that whether or not Mad Clown liked it not every rapper had the same oppinion. So after Mad Clown finished his statement even saying he liked it she picked up her mic almost too fast considering how he rolled his eyes at her.

"That was awesome... You really know how to reach your audience... Sometimes it can be hard to reach an audience and make them actually feel your emotions with rap but you managed to do that and I was very impressed. I don't care how old fashioned you may have sounded it was reminiscent of the beginnings of rap in the U.S. and it was very well done. I've heard a lot of english artists try and fail to get that same kind of feel in their rap but you did it like it was just second nature and honestly I loved every second of it. You did an amazing job and should really be proud of yourself. At least I think so," As she set the mic down she caught his bright smile and shot back a gummy one of her own before he bowed and thanked her. With a last couple words from K. Will he left the stage and let the next trainee enter.

The next couple trainees went by in the forgetable blur again. Though the last one almost screeched his way into Chess's memory. It sounded terrible but Hyolyn was mean enough for the both of them honestly so she just sat back and let it be. Finally the last trainee of the day came on stage and went through the usual routine. Yoosu was singing an english song so Cheshire perked up and listened intently. Even making sure that she heard every word it was still almost forgetable and since he didn't have bad pronunciation she again just let the other judges state their minds. After Yoosu left the hard part started. The actual judging.

Cheshire almost stayed by the sidelines the whole time not wanting to get in the other judges way until Mad Clown finally just pulled her forward. "What do you think Chess? You always have strong oppinions. What's going on in that weird brain of yours?"

"Don't be mean Oppa! I'll call Unnie on you!" Cheshire pouted in his direction while he simply patted her head again. "Honestly I think Jooheon put on the best performance and Shownu and #Gun are probably tied for second in my book. I think Kihyun was probably 4th in my eyes. Hyungwon I'd say falls somewhere near 5th. These guys were just forgettable to me but this one I'd honestly like to see in last."

Cheshire just kind of shivered as she pushed the screechers picture towards the end of the line. She didn't know how much of her oppinion they would take into account but apparently for the most part they seemed to agree with her. Now all that was left was to announce the rankings and she could finally go home and relax for a week. Her bed was sounding more and more like heaven.

The trainees were called back out and Rhymer was set to announce the rankings when he suddenly made Hyolyn do it. All of the judges laughed and Hyolyn made a snide comment while picking up her mic and anouncing the rankings.

As much as the rankings weren't a surprise to her, Cheshire found herself almost tearing up when Minhyuk started crying and apologizing to his mom and dad. No matter how long she was in Korea it was something she would never see herself getting over, the fact that no matter what their doing the kids here would always apologize to their parents if they weren't in the top rankings. It tore her up. Thankfully they went on to allow the judges remaining to exit and make their way home. Chess wasn't sure she could be there much longer without crying herself and she didn't like the prospect of that.

When her car finally reached her dorm she found that she was the only one still awake or not out enjoying their break but she was happy for the silence. It gave her time to process what she had just done all day. Finally after some much needed dinner, cigarette, and a shower she laid herself down on her bed and went to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N so hopefully at this point you don't hate me but if you do I'm sorry *pouty face* Yes Cheshire smokes and it kind of plays a part in upcoming chapters so I mentioned it to kind of get you used to the idea lol. Thanks for reading! Kamsamnida!


	4. Inevitable Boredom

Cheshire was sick of her dorm now. She had wanted nothing but to be back home for months because of the asian tour but dear god was she sick of staring at the same walls only two days after really being home. Including the filming they had been back in Seoul for four days. How was it even possible for her to be sick of her dorm? She really wasn't the social butterfly that Young Ji and Alice both were and she usually liked couping herself up inside the dorm when they got a break so why was she sick of it now? With a groan she got out of her bed and threw on some decent looking outfit and headed out. Maybe a walk would do her some good. She had been alone in the dorm since yesterday since the others were taking a bit of time to go visit family since they hadn't had the chance to do that since their schedules had picked up around the second mini album. Chess kind of wished she could have gone to the states at least for a few days but then again there wasn't too much left for her there. She shook her head violently ridding herself of those thouhts. It wouldn't do her any good to dwell on the past. Look forward and smile, that was her motto. Always smile. If nothing else it'll make it seem less dark no matter what's going on.

With a deep sigh she finally realized she hadn't been paying any attention to where she was going and looked up only to find herself outside of Starship. Guess this was the closest thing to visiting family for her. As she stepped in the heat immediately surrounded her making her realize how cold she had actually been. Without really thinking about what she was doing she walked through the building before ending up in front of one of the many glass doors the building held. The steady beats that she could hear through the door alerted her that this was the right choice. No matter how bored she would potentially be in there at least she wouldn't be alone.

Chess raised her hand to knock on the door and almost immediately heard the person on the other side tell her to come in. As soon as the door closed behind her Giriboy looked over to her and smiled.

"Well look what the cat dragged in!" Giriboy laughed at his own lame joke while Chess just rolled her eyes at him.

"You do realize I'm still older than you right?" 

"By what? 23 days? I think we know each other well enough to not bother with the formalities, unless you just want to hear me call you noona. Which, you know, all you have to do is ask," Again Chess rolled her eyes. He may be an amazing rapper and producer but the boy could be corny as all get out.

"I'm bored. What are you working on?" Chess said walking over and stealing the headphones from around his neck and placing them on her own ears while Giri (A/N don't care if anyone calls him that I'm too lazy to keep writing out Giriboy) simply hit play on whatever it was he was working on. It sounded about half finished and it still blew Chess's mind. She had no idea how he went about making such good music but he was damn good at it. She bobbed her head along with the beat until it was finished and then removed the headphones handing them back to Giri. "It's really good, I dig it. You already trying to put out a new album?"

"Nah this is for No.Mercy. In a couple challenges they're gonna have a team battle and me and Nochang are pretty much the team leaders. I've been working on it for a couple days. Have to have it perfect for them to be able to be decent enough to release it," Giri spun around in his chair resting his hands behind his head while Cheshire just continued to look at the screen trying to figure out if she could decipher what it all meant. "I think Jooyoung and Mad Clown are gonna be on it to. So I pretty much like my chances as long as I don't end up with a shit team."

"I make no promises. From what I've seen most of them are pretty forgettable but they've only had one mission. Maybe the rankings will be enough to make them step up their game," Chess finally gave up on the screen and fetched herself the other computer chair to slump herself into.

"I'm gonna be a guest judge at this next mission so I guess I'll get to take a look at how they sound," Giri simply turned his chair around knowing that this was news to Chess and trying to play it off like it was nothing.

"Are you kidding me? What did they just decide to replace Mad Clown with you?" Chess laughed a bit as Giri turned around looking offended with his hand over his heart.

"What am I not good enough for you?" Giri pushed his thick frames up his nose and stared at Chess.

"I guess you're alright. You're providing me with free entertainment right now after all," As soon as the words left her mouth she regretted it. Of course he was going to have something to say to that.

"My services are not free! I'm surprised you still haven't learned that!" Giri held out his hand expectantly, to which Chess just slid her hand onto slowly locking her fingers around his. He had been one of her friends since she debuted almost as long as Mad Clown so while it might have seen awkward to a by stander this was fairly common in their relationship.

"Come on. I'll buy you food," Chess stood up pulling Giri to his feet too. They released their hold for long enough for Giri to save what he had done and lock up his studio before he locked Chess's arm in his.

"What are you hungry for?" Giri asked as they stepped into the bitter cold afternoon sun.

"Honestly? I thought you would choose since I had no idea I was hungry till just now," Giri shook his head at Chess's response, not expecting much else from her. This is how it usually went, her mentioning getting food but always forcing him to choose. Luckily it wouldn't take that long today because he was craving sushi and she would be in about two seconds after she saw the place. As he directed her to the left of the building he pulled out his cigarettes about to light one as he noticed the smoke already leaving Chess's mouth. "How do you always manage to immediately have a cigarette in your mouth the moment we get outside?"

"Because unlike someone I walk out prepared," Chess laughed before taking a long drag on her cigarette. "Also for the past couple months I've been living on nicotine, caffine and carbs. Mostly nicotine and caffine. I love touring but half the time I still can't even order food without it making me sick. Onion allergy sucks!"

"I still don't understand how that's even a thing. How can someone not even like onions. You strange woman," Giri laughed.

"It is a thing! And I have one and it sucks! The last time I tried ordering in China I literally puked for like three hours because I have no idea how to say no onion please," Chess removed her arm from his only to smack his shoulder and immediately put it back craving the warmth he exuded.

Giri laughed again while putting his arm around Chess's shoulders sensing her need for heat. They walked in silence the rest of the way until they finally came to the restaurant. Giri had been right about her wanting sushi after she saw the place because her eyes grew wide and she rubbed her stomach.

"Guess I made the right choice then," Giri chuckled as Chess nodded her head frantically almost bolting into the warmth that was offered beyond the doors. After a few moments they were seated at a table in the back away from prying eyes. They had been here many times and the staff always seemed prepared just in case they arrived. It was almost enough to make Chess laugh if she wasn't so damn hungry now. 

"So I heard you guys are going to start working on a full length album soon. How's that treating you?" Giri asked as Chess finished ordering their usual spread. 

"Good I guess. Sumi is going into full stressful leader mode. Before she left for Busan she told me she'll be back with at least six songs worth of lyrics and that I should have at least three raps ready. I love the girl but she's going to kill herself with all the stress she keeps putting herself under. We have a month before we start recording and she is already breaking her back to have lyrics which I can guarantee half of them won't even make the album because you know how strict sajangnim is about what actually gets put out. I get how much she wants to show her worth as a leader but I just wish she would breathe at least a little, ya know?" Chess let out a big sigh as she finished her slight rant.

"I get it but I do also see Sumi's point. She really just wants RI5E to be self sufficient when it comes to music. She doesn't want to be like every other girl group out there just singing what's handed to them. She has a lot to learn but I think she has the passion to do it if she'd just do it the right way," Giri scratched the back of his neck hoping that Chess had seen his point.

"Yeah I know I just wish that someone else would suggest it to her so that maybe she would actually listen. She seems to think I'm only telling her that to get out of writing my raps," Chess let her smile drop for a second pouting before Giri looked over at her and pinched her cheek.

"Yah! Since when do you do aeygo? I always ask you to and you never do! Who's the lucky guy that got you to start acting cute?" Chess slapped his hand away before laughing with her gummy smile back in place before slightly glaring at Giri. He was one of the only people in the world who ever got to see her without a smile anymore. She rolled her eyes at him knowing that he only said that to make her smile again. He knew how much she hated letting down that wall of smiles that she had built up the past three years.

"Jackass."

"Was that one of your english curses? You know that's unladylike as fuck," Giri chuckled as he watched Chess giggle and fall silent at the sight of the food being placed between them.

The sign of a good meal is the silence that follows and the food was definitely delicious considering neither said another word until the check appeared and Chess reached for it.

"Not a chance," Giri said as he swatted Chess's hand.

"But I said that I'd buy you food for offering entertainment," Chess said with a smirk and quirked eyebrow.

"Well, you got me out of the studio when I was just about to through my keyboard across the room so we'll call it even," Giri laughed at the eyeroll he received out of Chess. He did this everytime. She would always try to pay only to be stopped when the check arrived. She didn't honestly know why she even tried any more.

"One of these days I'm going to just stop offering if you keep doing this."

"Then how will you ever convince me to entertain you?"

"I have my ways. Plus I'm generally good at conning you into things you don't want to do. Remember the rollercoaster?"

"Don't even start! I have no idea how you convinced me that it would be okay. That was the stupidest decision of my life." Chess laughed at the sick look on Giri's face. She might not be a huge fan of rollercoasters either but seriously she would ride it everyday of her life to be able to see the tough Giriboy squirm like a little girl again.

"Okay I've got to go back now. I need to finish that song. And start working on a few for you guys apparently," Giri said standing up from the table.

"Oh you're going to produce for us again?" Chess stood and put on her coat before turning back to Giri.

"Not officially but I might as well go on ahead and get something ready. I can just feel that I'm going to be asked sooner rather than later." He wrapped his arm around Chess again as they stepped back into the cold, reaching into his jacket pocket when a puff of smoke floated in front of his face. "Seriously! How do you do that?!"

Chess laughed at the dumbfounded look he had on his face. They walked back to the studio in a comfortable silence. Chess wished him luck with his writing at the door so that she could return to the dorm and not bother him anymore than she was sure she already had despite how much he would protest. Giri promised to text her when he finished something so she could listen to it first and Chess just giggled while waving him inside. Once he finally went inside Chess made her way to her dorm to start trying to write some of her raps. Needless to say she ended up bored again but this time just fell asleep instead of going in search of entertainment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N sorry if this seems like it ends weird. I realized I didn't really have any idea how to end the lunch date without it seeming weird... Thanks for Reading! Kamsamnida!


	5. Just Made It

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N There will be some time skips just so you're aware. I'm going to try to keep them to a minimum but honestly anything I write for the time between missions right now just doesn't seem to be anything but filler and I'm trying to keep you guys at least kind of entertained lol

Cheshire was awoken by the lovely sound of Alice screeching. Nothing too out of the ordinary in her day to day life but damn if she didn't want another hour or two of sleep. She had been up all night trying to write just one more rap but nothing felt right. It was like all of her inspiration went out the window the moment she realized what today was.

"Unnie!!!!!! You need to wake up! Ji Eun keeps calling for you!" Alice banged her tiny fist against the door this time ensuring there was no chance of sleep for the eldest.

"Yah! I'm up already!  _Calm your tiny ass self!_ " Chess heard Alice giggle her way away from the door. Bei Lee maybe the laziest member but Cheshire was definitely the worst to wake up. She was a right bit like a bear waking up from hibernation a little too early, aggitated and ready to kill whatever caused the disturbance. Rolling herself out of the warm embrace of her bed, Chess searched for the warmest and comfiest clothes that she could while also searching for her mysteriously silent phone. Once changed with her phone located she checked her notifications. 10 missed calls from Ji Eun. What the actual fuck... Without anymore hesitation Chess swiped her phone screen to call Ji Eun back.

"Do you have any idea what time it is!? You were supposed to be here an hour ago! Get your ass in gear!" Ji Eun rarely cursed and generally only did it when she was super frazzled with work so Chess could just see the mountain of clothes she was probably trying to sort through in her minds eye.

"Mianhe Unnie. I was up all night writing. I'll be there in 5 min I promise. Just let me get a cup of coffee. Why did I need to be there an hour ago though? It's only 11 right now.... I didn't think filming was starting till 4?" Cheshire was genuinely confused about what was going on this time and didn't actually want to be scolded after her not so gentle wake up call after only about three hours of sleep.

"It does for everyone else but you were supposed to do an interview for CultureM Magazine. You're lucky that I caught Dae Suk on his way out so that he could reschedule for you! Where in the hell would you be without us?" Chess could practically feel the glare that Ji Eun was no doubt sending through the phone.

"Mianhe Unnie. I can't help it with this recording session coming up in two weeks you know how much pressure Sumi is putting on me and I can't let her down. I'll be more careful next time I promise." Chess was having a really hard time dealing with the pressure now. Recording and Sumi? That was nothing new she was used to it but now that she was doing all this excess because of No.Mercy she was just about to reach her breaking point. Why had she agreed to this again? Oh yeah sajangnim gave her that look. The please just agree before I make you do it anyways look. She couldn't stand that look and at that exact moment she was rather pissy with sajangnim for making this a thing on top of recording. The man knew how Sumi was so how did he not see this coming?

"Hurry up I've already got you an outfit picked out and if I hear one word of protest out of you I swear to every god you have ever heard of I will throw you face first into the Han River." Now that made Chess giggle a bit even though she made an acknowledging grunt into the phone before hanging up. Ji Eun couldn't be more than 155 cm and about maybe 50 Kg, so how she expected to be able to lift let alone throw Chess was beyond her but the image of her trying was probably one of the funniest things she had ever imagined.

"Nicotine and caffine kind of day?" Alice held out a tumbler of coffee made specially for Cheshire, evidenced by the fact that it was in her Nightmare before Christmas Tumbler of course.

" _You have no fucking idea,"_  Chess grabbed the tumbler and immediately exited the dorm pulling a cigarette to her lips, lighter at the ready for the moment the outside doors opened. Taking a deep drag on her cigarette Cheshire was suddenly very happy that she had chosen to wear her extra large sunglasses as it seemed the press came to realize that RI5E was back in Seoul. Amazingly it had taken them a week to swarm the dorm like the mosquitos they were. Chess simply smiled and waved before heading in the direction of the company building hoping that they would be waiting for someone more interesting like Young Ji who had always seemed to have a way with the press. Luck was apparently not on her side today though as they continued to swarm around her asking questions about No.Mercy. Her smirk was slowly turning cold as they started to block her path to Starship and very much irritating the living piss out of her asking the same damn question 50 different ways.

"I can't tell you anything about what's going on in the judging. We haven't even filmed for the day. The first episode releases in a few days but unfortunately I can't talk anymore today as I am already late and there won't be much of a second episode if I do not get to the venue in time to actually judge. Thank you for your support now if you would kindly move so I can be on my way," It was amazing that all of that didn't come out as a snarl but the press moved out of her path none the less. They still followed her but at least now they were  in a range where she could ignore them again.

Chess could not recall the last time she had been so relieved to step foot into the Starship building but she thanked every single deity known to man that she was here now. She practically ran to the elevator and down the hall when she reached her floor only to find Ji Eun in the largest pile of clothes she had ever seen in the wardrobe department. Ji Eun eyed her with a cold stare when she entered thirty minutes later than she had said she would be there.

"Mosquitos were buzzing and blocking my path here. I tried Unnie I did." Ji Eun simply pointed to an outfit laid out on a chair making Cheshire's smile shrink to an apologetic grin. Upon closer inspection of the outfit Chess let out an unsatisfied groan. It wasn't too bad but it was going to be cold and she was not prepared to have her legs assaulted by the bitter December air. Not bothering to look at Ji Eun, who was sure to be giving her her best stink eye, Chess quickly changed. It was a knee length black pencil dress with long sleeves and a super low V cut neckline. A cropped leather biker jacket was paired with it but thankfully since she was so tall she never really had to wear heels so a comfy looking pair of flats was paired with it. All black. This felt like she was going to her own funeral. Not that Cheshire kept a bunch of colors in her wardrobe but still, this was definitely mourning garb even for her. Ji Eun barely even looked her over this time before shooing her out the door to hair and make up. A different stylist was working on her today and apparently had decided a smokey eye and bright red lip would fix all the problems in the world. Given at least it was simple. She also just made sure to pull a straightner through Chess's hair a few times 'just to make sure' and sent her on her way.

Cheshire was ridiculously happy to finally be in the car with Dae Suk. He was a man of few words and always seemed to know when all she needed was some peace. The car ride was fairly silent and Chess was very thankful for that, though all she could think of was how could it possibly be 3 already? Hadn't she just gone through the quickest styling of her life? Apparently not since she got there at almost noon. How could it have possibly taken that long? Whatever had happened to time was going to be something that eluded her for her next three lifetimes and all she could do was hope that she made it to the venue on time.

The one stroke of luck she seemed to actually get was that the car pulled into the venue at 3:38 on the nose. Chess could not have been happier. Now all she had to do was make it to where the stage was and sit her happy ass down and watch 12 trainees potentially ruin any hope of a career that they possibly had. Let's hope that they improved. At least a little. Maybe just no more screeching out notes, that'd be nice.

As Chess was rushing to where the stage was supposed to be she caught sight of Giriboy and ran directly to him hoping to just be able to follow him.

"Hey Giri! Hajima!" Cheshire yelled hoping to catch his attention and thankfully she did.

"Yah! You were supposed to be here -"

"I know already I have had the worst day ever!  _Don't even start with me!"_ She knew he didn't understand that last bit but surely the cold smirk on her face gave away the idea of it.

"The fuck happened? Did you have to run here or something?" Giri was eyeing her up and down. At least he seemed to be worried about her well being. That or he was definitely checking her out right now. She preferred to think it was the former to keep her cheeks from turning an obnoxious shade of red.

"I was writing till 7 this morning and then my phone was turned to silent so my alarm didn't go off, I had ten missed calls from Ji Eun, Alice screeched me awake, I've only had one cup of mildly strong coffee and one cigarette that was almost cut short when I had to fight the stupid press to get to where Ji Eun decided to dress me as though I'm attending a funeral, and apparently sat in a make up chair for two hours despite the fact that the stylist said she was going to just go simple and classic, and to top it all off traffic sucked! I need nicotine and caffine stat."

Giri seemed to understand the urgency and pulled a Monster out of nowhere and handed it to the slightly confused Cheshire.

"I have like three more inside I came out for a smoke real quick and maybe chug that one before we started but you look like you need this more than me honestly." Chess immediately cracked it open and chugged about half of it in one go. Giri was quite honestly impressed he'd never really seen a woman chug a Monster as fast as him.

"I think today will be the end of me."

"Nah. You know I wouldn't let that happen you're too entertaining to lose over something this stupid," Giri threw his arm over Chess's shoulder and escorted her into the building with the stage. 

"That's a real sexy get up by the way," Giri whispered in her ear as he helped her with her chair before taking his own. Chess was dumbfounded and hid her embarassment by finishing off the Monster in her hand. So he had been checking her out. What the actual fuck? How was she supposed to take that? Luckily before she could even begin to truely over think his comment the trainees made their way to the stage. For once she was thankful that she was there as a judge and could pour all her attention into people other than the man sitting next to her.

The other judges all went through their words of welcome, encouragement or in K. Will's case warning and the mic finally landed in Cheshire's hands.

"Hopefully you all remember me from your last mission. I'm still hoping to see a good performance from you. I want to see you lay your heart on the stage like it's your last chance to do so because let's be honest, for two of you it will be. I want you to walk away from this performance with no regrets." Ches looked all the trainees in the eye and noted that Jooheon's seemed a tad bit wider when he locked eyes with her. Damn Ji Eun and this stupid dress. It was going to be the death of her. She could already feel her cheeks beginning to heat up and swiftly reached over to swipe the second of Giri's Monsters before quickly drinking from it.

K. Will announced the start of the mission and the first trainee team was put on standby. It was going to be a long night. Cheshire was not exactly sure how she was going to manage to handle it but she knew it was going to take a shitload of professionalism that she was almost certain she did not have. How in the world was she going to manage this one?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N Thanks for Reading! Kamsamnida!


	6. Second Mission

Shownu and Kihyun were up first. Two that Cheshire very specifically remembered. The one that made her feel things and the one that had almost perfect english. To say that she was actually intrigued by what they would do would be an understatement. Her hopes were high and given her luck today she should have known better. What were they wearing on their heads to begin with. Just why? Chess could see this going at least a little bit sour from that point honestly and was preparing to see how far the great have fallen.

As the performance went on Chess came to realize that unfortunately Shownu was just not up to par for this song. Whether his throat was hurting or he just didn't fit this song she wasn't sure and it ever so slightly hurt to know that he was going to be up for elimination. There was no doubt that he would be. Kihyun was killing his part he was lively and energetic hitting all his notes with only a few mispronunciations every now and again but nothing too major. Shownu had lost and it was almost sad to Chess. She really kind of liked the guy.

Shortly after the judges gave all their criticism and input and it was Chess's turn. She reached for the mic and just kind of stared down the trainees on the stage for a minute with a confused smirk playing on her lips.

"You two were both some of the most memorable trainees from last time. Given that half of the others didn't even stand out enough for me to have anything good or bad to say to them I think that should tell you about where you had landed in my mind. Kihyun you were definitely into it and were doing really well but honestly Shownu....  _What the hell?_  You did so amazing last time. You had a great song that you knew, great dance moves, and it felt like you put your whole self into the performance. Where was that spark? You felt more like Kihyun's back up than anything this time around. I'm disappointed this time. Jinja. If you make it through this I expect a lot more from you next time. This was almost painful to watch."

Shownu seemed like he really understood what Cheshire was saying because instead of looking like he was about to cry like she slightly expected out of him after that rant, he squared his jaw, bowed, and apologized with a new fire burning behind his eyes. Maybe that was all he needed, a swift boot to the ass, to get it. K. Will went through his spiel about the loser would face elimination and announce that unsurprisingly that loser was Shownu.

Minhyuk and Seokwon were up next. Their stage while much better than Shownu and Kihyun's was almost so average it was forgettable. Chess was already tiring of boring performances and she had to sit through at least four more. She could feel the headache forming. All of the judges seemed to only have positive things to say and as her oppinion was definitely the unpopular one Chess just kept quiet while sipping on her monster. She had to admit they had definitely improved a lot but she was not very fond of the amount of praise they were getting. And suddenly the mic was in her hand as she had changed her mind in a split second.

"You guys have most definitely improved... But... a few things. You're vocalists. It should be much simpler for you to project than the rappers in all honesty and you just didn't do it for me the beginning of the song I understand is light and airy but if I can't really hear your notes over the background music then it's too light and airy. Second if you don't have that gravelly soulful bluesy voice in your artillery Do. Not. Use. It. It makes it sound like you are prepubescent boys who's voices are starting to change and it screws up your notes and quite honestly sounds really bad. I'm really impressed with the improvements you've made but you're still not at the top yet so don't let all the praise your getting go to your heads you still have some work to do." Chess slightly tossed the mic onto the table in front of her and rubbed her temples. She didn't mean to be rude or mean to the poor kids but after the day she had had she felt like they were just getting a lot of false praise for going up a little in the rankings. She barely heard K. Will mess up the anouncement calling for Seokwon to face elimination when it was supposed to be Minhyuk but that didn't matter. All that mattered was the steady pounding behind her eyes. She couldn't take it anymore and asked for a break which was swiftly given. Cheshire stood and quickly marched her ass outside only the have the cigarette light and being deeply dragged on before the door even shut behind her. Not that it would have anyways considering Giri had apparently followed her out.

"Are you sure you're okay? That was a bit harsh considering the circumstances especially for you," Giri wrapped his jacket around her shoulders as she had forgotten to grab her own on the way out.

"Ughhhh.. This day just won't let up will it!?" Her sarcastic smirk was more than enough to alert Giri to how bad this was but when it dropped for two seconds in favor of a snarl he was almost scared about what was going on in Chess's mind. 

"Cheshire. Look at me," Giri grabbed her arms and turned her to face him. Very rarely did he ever use her full stage name so she figured he must really mean business and looked him dead in the eye with her sarcastic smirk plastered back in its place. "I understand your day has been shit but you've had shit days before and never have I seen you like this. What's the real problem here?"

"I can't even honestly tell you. Remember I told you about that stupid clause in my contract? The only person who knows anything about why I am even remotely on the beginning of a breakdown is sajangnim and I can't tell anyone. I would literally lose everything. Every year without fail this happens and we just had to film today and listen to these trainees perform  _today. I can't even talk to anyone about it today. It's been two years and I still can't talk to anyone. I'm losing it_ Giri." The more upset she got the harder it was for her to keep up her Korean. She knew he didn't really understand english but he must have seen the tears beginning to pool in her eyes that she wouldn't dare let fall because it took no time for him to pull her to him throwing her face towards the crook of his neck so she could hide there until she wasn't on the verge of tears. That's all it took for her to let them fall though. It was the closest she had been in two years to someone being able to actually comfort her on this day and she didn't care if he didn't know why she was crying she just wanted to feel like someone understood for just five minutes. And despite not truely knowing the reason he did understand because for Chess to actually breakdown and to actually let tears fall was something he had never witnessed in the entire two years of close friendship that they had managed to build. She was always the strong one. Always the shoulder. Never did she cry. Not anymore. Giri held her tight not saying anything because what could you say in a situation like this? He simply held her rubbing comforting circles onto her back until she finally pulled herself together enough that she backed away on her own to relight the cigarette that was forgotten in her hand.

"I know that I don't know why you're feeling this way and I know you can't tell me but Cheshire I'm here for you whenever you need me. Always remember that. Even if all you can say is that your having a bum day or that you might break I'll always be here for you. You don't always have to be so strong. You can lean on me it's fine." Giriboy reached up to grab Chess's chin to make her look at him. "Wow at least the stylist did an amazing job. All those tears and not a bit of make up out of place."

Chess laughed. Genuinely laughed for the first time on this day in two years. Giriboy had made her laugh like nothing was wrong. Thinking about this just made her laugh even harder. She almost went into hysterics she was laughing so hard but Giri couldn't help but grin at her. So happy just to see her actually smile for the first time today. He never felt worse than when he was having to look at her putting on her fake smiles. He knew she did it as a way to try and cope with whatever was wrong but it didn't make it any less painful for him.

"About ready to go back inside now? And seriously if you steal another of my Monster's I will make sure you have to pay me back triple the value," Giri smirked at Chess as she scoffed and flicked out her cigarette before heading towards the door.

"I guess I'll just have to be extra entertaining for you then," Chess turned and winked at him before throwing his coat at his face and making her way towards the stage. She didn't manage to see him look at the sky or hear him muttering to himself.

"She has no idea what she does to me huh?" Giri shook his head and quickly followed behind Cheshire quickly closing the distance between them only to poke her sides making her squeal like a little girl and jump about ten feet in the air before realizing they were being watched by the other judges and immediately halting the assault.

"Mianhe. I didn't mean to make an awkward situation for any of you. There's a lot of things that unfortunately I can't even tell Giriboy that have influenced my behaviour today and for that mianhe," Cheshire bowed swiftly to the other judges who simply nodded and turned back around in the case of the men or waved their hands ridiculously in front of their faces saying that it was fine and they understood, in the case of Hyolyn and Soyou.

Before Cheshire had actually fully settled herself into her chair the next pair of trainees were entering the stage and Chess knew she needed to start finishing off her Monster now. Unfortunately she had apparently already drained it before her little moment and had none left though she found that a new one was being set in front of her as she placed down the empty can. Looking up at Giri he waved at her in a motion that said don't worry about it and she dipped her head in thanks towards him. She didn't think that she could watch Jooheon's performance without having something to at least occupy her hands.

Chess had never been more right in her life either if it hadn't been for the can of Monster that she was continually sipping on through his performance she was pretty sure she would have hit crazy fangirl level and that was just not becoming. Jooheon and #Gun just had an unbelievable chemistry on stage it was just plain mezmorizing. Jooheon really was a monster. That was all she had managed to take away from the judges opening statements, but it was definitely true. They owned the stage together and they showed what this challenge was all about they competed and worked together so well. Cheshire couldn't get over how much they played with the judges too not ending their rap and just flat out saying "We're not done yet". It was the best performance she had seen in a while and honestly it was exactly what she needed to brush away what had been left of the negativity that always surrounded her on this day. It was playful, fun, entertaining, enrapturing, and honestly well written. And as soon as SanE confirmed that they were done the mic was in her hand waiting for her turn. Of course she had to wait for SanE to finish first which was proving difficult especially with the amount of caffine now coursing through her veins. At least he had had some solid points that she wasn't going to disagree with.

"That... Just... I... I swear to god I had points to make but just... Wow... That... That is my new favorite performance of all time. Sorry Giri but they just beat you out. You controlled every aspect of your stage and your audience. You even used the entirety of the stage which I'm pretty sure we're not going to see again today and if we do I'd be surprised if it could hold a candle to what you just did. #Gun you have an amazing ability to express the feelings in the lyrics and it almost made me jump up and start dancing with you. Given the three Monster's I've drank haven't helped that case but still." The judges chuckled along for a moment before Chess continued. "Jooheon... I'm really proud to say that you helped to teach me to rap.... And you've surpassed even my high expectations for you each time... You know me I have a tendency to hold others at the same standard I hold myself and I would like to think you know that standard is pretty damn high. You just come out and you own the stage. I am always amazed when I watch you perform its just so beautiful because I can feel how you leave your whole soul on the stage to make sure you give it your best. I feel like if no one else today you should definitely walk away from this stage with no regrets." The entire time that Cheshire was speaking Jooheon could not so much as blink. Apparently she was as enrapturing as their performance had just been and he didn't want to miss one second of what she had to say. When she was finally finished praising him he bowed low still not taking his eyes off of her and thanked her for her praise.

Chess kept her eyes on Jooheon untill K. Will announced that #Gun would be up for elimination. She locked eyes with him as his platform descended after his final praises from the judges and he was no longer visible. As much over thinking as she was definitely going to do later Chess couldn't help but feel her ego bloat just a little from the way his eyes couldn't move from hers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N Well that took a turn I wasn't honestly expecting until I wrote it. I promise that eventually it will get explained. Cheshire will reveal her past but not for a while. And I know that it seems like she jumped out of a depression really quick but honestly that's sometimes how it is one minute you are in the worst moment of your life and then someone comforts you or does something to make you laugh and it takes you to hysterics. And honestly it helped that it happened just before Jooheon performed because sometimes all you need to do is just listen to a bit of your favorite artist or type of music and everything just instantly feels better. I would know I've been in recovery for severe depression for a long time so while I know that it seems ridiculous put to paper it is a real thing. Again Thank You so much for reading! Kamsamnida!


	7. Eliminations

Kwangji and Yoonho entered shortly after Jooheon disappeared and Cheshire was eagerly awaiting their attempt to blow Jooheon and #Gun out of the water. If they didn't it would end up being pretty obvious who was going to be leaving out of the rappers. Chess didn't like the idea of eliminating them based on this. No matter how they tried to justify it, this just seemed like too much. She silently suffered through their performance and most of the judges seemed to think the same way. The song just felt incomplete and confusing. Chess reached for her mic and pulled it up to her face.

"What was that? Are you proud of what you just did? If I was you I wouldn't be. The entire song was just confusing sounding. If you had maybe switched parts... Let Kwangji do the faster bit and Yoonho do the slower bit it would have felt a bit more like it made sense I think. Kwangji you have a beautiful deep voice and it has an almost scratchy quality to it that would be better suited to something a bit more upbeat while Yoonho your voice is more mellow and relaxed and would have been better suited to something a little slower. I don't know what you guys were thinking but it didn't work. I think you both failed extremely hard at this mission."

Cheshire must have amazed the other judges because they sat just staring at her for a bit. The others gave Yoonho a bit of praise but nothing too dramatic. It would be really hard to praise them so much after Jooheon and #Gun's performance. It just didn't match up. Of course instead of both facing elimination only one of the pair could and unfortunately that was Kwangji. Chess felt like he had had the better potential to be great but this song destroyed him. He would be eliminated. There was no way they would give up #Gun for Kwangji and Cheshire had to agree. She wouldn't trade them either. It was still saddening to know.

Jooheon would be realeaseing a song with SanE and Hyolyn too. Chess was excited to see how well he would do. Given she had heard him on Mad Clown's song but this felt different and like he'd be able to put a different energy into it. But now was still time to focus on the trainees. The "visuals" were up. Honestly Chess didn't get how they were the visuals but again she apparently had strange tastes. She looked at her cue card to find what they were singing and her breath caught in her throat.

" _You have got to be fucking kidding me.. I hate this song..."_  Of all the english for Giri to know apparently I hate this song was it. He had to hide his chuckle behind his had disguising it as a cough.

Sexy Back. Of all the uselessly over played American pop hits they chose fucking Sexy Back. Cheshire could not help but continually grumble under her breath which prompted K. Will to ask for her opening thoughts. Of course. Great. None the less Chess picked up her mic and grumbled with an almost sneering smirk.

"Hi guys again I'm going to point out the obvious. I'm American. I was in High School when this song came out. I. Absolutely. Without a doubt. Hate. This. Song. I hate it. It's the most over played song that I've heard in the past 6 or 7 years honestly. When it came out, I kid you not, every other radio station played it every third or fifth song. It was horrible. And now you're wanting to use this tired song? You will have a lot to prove to me. I mean a lot. This song makes me cringe."

The boy's faces faltered for a second. Their confidence must have taken a hit from that last comment. Chess couldn't help the teasing smirk that crossed her face as they got into position. As they performed Chess was a little bit impressed. She didn't cringe at the song which really did say something to how well they performed. Their voices were sexy and the dancing was on point. As it came to a close with all the judges clapping they again turned their attention to Cheshire wanting her remarks first considering her harsh review of their song choice. She simply picked up her mic with a slightly irritated smirk.

"I still hate this song. I do have to say though you almost, ALMOST, made me like it. You have sexy voices and they are very complimentary of each other but... Hyungwon, you kind of disappeared. You felt much more like you were support than you were a main player. It doesn't help that while you're in all black Wonho has that splash of white which is going to draw more attention. Your choice in outfits could have been better. Wonho, you owned the stage and demanded attention. Your pronunciation was pretty good on both ends but I just wish you would have stood out a bit more Hyungwon. Whether with your outfit or with your voice. Next time you give up the more vocalized part make sure you're the one with the more colorful outfit at least that way we're not strictly drawn to your competitor. I know it sounds stupid but it can make a world of difference. But all together not a bad job. I hate this song but you performed it well."

The boys both exchanged happy smiles before bowing and thanking Cheshire. She assumed that they realized this was going to be the best comments that they could have received from her all things considered. Amazingly the judges didn't have much else to add though apparently she still had the unpopular oppinion because Wonho ended up being the one to face elimination. Cheshire was actually a bit upset by this seeing as honestly he was the only one she could focus on the entire performance. So be it though, there was no turning back now. Now was the part that Chess had been dreading and she was honestly going to rip this boy to shreds if he screeched out anymore notes. It was time for Minkyun and Yoosu to have it out. Chess could only skeptically smirk as the boys entered the stage. She could honestly feel the nervous energy rolling off the two like water. It made her ridiculously uncomfortable.

When the boys finally started their performance Cheshire was very happy to not hear any screeched notes but that was about all she was happy about. Minkyun seemed to do better and seemed to stay on pitch this time. But Yoosu just didn't sound right. This song definitely played to Minkyun's strengths. What caught Chess's attention was the single english line  _I think I'm gonna hate it girl._  Seven words. Seven. And as a native speaker she could hardly understand them. Who the fuck did they think they were? This was not well practiced apparently. Giriboy reached over and gently squeezed Chess's shoulder making her drop them from where they had apparently risen without her permission. The judges seemed to sense the anger and frustration coming off of Cheshire and decided rather than have her destroy the poor boys last without being able to give them at least some kind of confidence they would let her go first.

"Explain to me, please enlighten me, as to why you felt okay with coming out onto the stage and butchering the only english phrase in your song so bad that I couldn't even hardly understand it and I'm a native english speaker," The judges while realizing that this was all she was going to rant on both relaxed and immediately tensed back up. "You had seven words to learn that were not the title of the song. Seven! How did you manage to mess up all seven?! How do you even think that's ok?! I work my ass of to make sure that in my raps and vocal lines that my Korean is perfect but I am an idol already! With a fanbase that is fairly forgiving of a few mispronunciations! You are trainees! I expect you to work at least as hard as I do if not harder just to prove that you deserve this! Kpop is no longer and strictly asian thing! It is very much international! English is the third most spoken language in the world besides Spanish and Chinese! You are offered it as a class in school here! You've had the ability to study it since you were young! I learned Korean 2 and a half years ago! How do you expect me to want to push you into the next round when you can't even manage to work half as hard as I do? Your job as an idol, should you ever get that far, is to make your fans happy! That includes your fans outside of the Korean speakers! Do you really think that fans would be happy to hear you make a mockery of their language? That is a slippery slope to a pool of anti-fans honestly and I don't think you really understand the damage that can cause to your image! If you are going to perform a song with a different language in it don't you dare bother unless you can make sure that you can recognizably get across what the lyrics are! I am immensely disappointed in this performance!" Cheshire not so subtly dropped the mic onto the table while still eyeing the clearly upset boys with a near snarling smirk on her face. Unsurprisingly the rest of the judges were just as disappointed in their own views of the performance. This lead to the hard decision of naming Yoosu as the loser and making him face elimination.

Luckily enough it was easy to choose who was first and who should be eliminated. Jooheon would be the rapper releasing the song with SanE and Hyolyn while Kihyun would be the vocalist would be the one to release the song with Soyou and Giriboy. It was also quickly anounced that Kwangji would be the rapper going home and that Yoosu would be the eliminated vocalist. It was hard to watch Kwangji and Yoosu get eliminated but at the same time Chess made note of something strange. According to what she knew about the layout of the eliminations there was going to be one eliminated at the next mission. And there were only two missions left before the final. The fourth mission was supposed to be a team battle with Giriboy and Nochang's songs. This was going to give one team an undeniable advantage. What in the world were they planning? Something wasn't right. Did they plan on having a redemption mission? Were they going to change it to two people getting eliminated next round? Surely she would have known if they had changed the rules. Something was very wrong and she very much intended to badger K. Will until he told her what was going on after they were done filming. Cheshire never liked being left in the dark but this, whatever they were planning, was cruel even for this show and she would not allow herself to be left out of the plans knowing that somehow or another this would end up with some very pissed off trainees.

After some tears from the trainees mourning the loss of their friends in this competition the judges dismissed the remaining trainees and Cheshire immediately went over to where K. Will had just stood from his chair. Giri had tried to grab her attention but noticed the set and determined look on her face and decided to just hang back to see what she had just thought up that had caused her to be so fierce at that moment.

"K. Will Sunbaenim," Cheshire was very cautious and reigned in the look on her face as to not disrespect her elder. Though the determination was still visible in her eyes.

"Please call me Oppa. It feels weird to have you call me sunbae after working so closely now, Cheshire-ah," K. Will showed her a bright smile that didn't even falter at the look in her eye, which Chess took as a good sign.

"Then Oppa just call me Chess. It's a bit easier," Chess offered a tight smile trying to figure out how to breach into the current question on her mind without immediately destroying all the progress she had made in just a few simple sentences.

"Alright then Chess, what has you so determined that you even ignored Giriboy to come talk to me?" K. Will knew she wanted something. Chess almost sighed in relief. That meant it wouldn't be too far out of line to just openly question him.

"What is going to happen?  _You know_  when there is going to be an uneven number of trainees for the fourth mission? How are we going to fix that? I'm not fond of the idea of having 9 angry trainees breathing down our necks without at least knowing the plan," Chess couldn't help but notice that K. Will's eye smile got even brighter as he bent to pat her on the head and look her in the eye.

"Ah! Our Cheshire is as observant and clever as I've been warned! Sajangnim has told me what's happening and I guess since you are a permanent judge it wouldn't hurt to inform you!" Even though the words he said were condescending he said it so nicely that Chess figured he couldn't have meant it to be rude.

"Well sajangnim told me that he wanted me to judge since I would be able to connect a bit more easily to the trainees since it hasn't been as long since my debut," Chess emphasized that she was trying to be nice with an equally bright eye smile of her own which seemed to catch not only K. Will off guard but also Giriboy. She never really eye smiled. Giri had only seen it a few times himself and now she was just haphazardly using it on K. Will? He suddenly tensed behind Cheshire as she continued her conversation with K. Will who had bent to whisper in her ear so that he could be certain that no one around could hear their conversation.

"We're going to be bringing in a new rapper trainee after the next mission."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always Thank You for Reading! Kamsamnida!


	8. Processing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be lyrics in this one. I will try to come up with my own but if I can't I will include an in story a/n to give credit where credit is due.

Cheshire knew it was inevitable. Sumi was going to make sure she couldn't leave the dorm until she had some solid lyrics written for at least one part. Chess couldn't help it though, she just couldn't focus on anything outside of the drama that was sure to happen soon. She had already agreed to help K. Will introduce him when they brought him in but she couldn't even begin to imagine this going over well and she kind of knew how the new guy would feel too. When she joined Starship she had been immediately placed with RI5E who had been in training for years already and were simply waiting for a rapper to complete the five piece group. Apparently sajangnim had simply seen the potential in Chess and decided it was best to just take the risk to put her on the fast track for debut. She had only trained for four months before their debut and she had felt the original dislike that the girls had for her simply because she didn't have to spend a tenth of the amount of time training that they had. Given that all the animosity faded with the girls fairly quickly, Cheshire had learned that a lot of trainees were basically out to prove that she didn't have what it took to be an idol from the moment they heard about her. Chess could vividly remember the snide comments and lack of human interaction outside of Jooheon and Mad Clown for the first month of her training. It was hell and she had no intentions of ever letting that happen to another trainee if she could help it. Problem was she had no idea how to really help him. While the circumstances were similar they were also completely different.

Chess huffed and moved to sit in the window to try and get some form of inspiration when finally she just opened up her phone and went to the notes. Maybe if she stared long enough they would just write themselves. Suddenly quite like a fly ball coming out of left field it hit her. Her fingers practically flew across the phones keyboard. Her inspiration left her with four phrases but it was enough and Cheshire was sure it was solid. It was all of her pent up emotions from her time as a trainee and a little before. She couldn't help but smile proudly at what she had written before standing and almost running out of her room to where the other girls had gathered in the living room.

"Sumi I think you'll be proud of your Unnie! I finally got somehting!" All four of the other members perked up hearing the excitment in Chess's voice, she hadn't been this perky since she had told them about the album they were set to start recording in about two weeks.

"Well then lets hear it," Sumi had regained her composure a lot faster than the others and was back to leader mode trying to not be impressed until she heard what the eldest had for her.

"I'm on the bottom everywhere I go  
The risk is too high  
The profits too low  
The force is too much  
The hate is too real   
I refuse to feel  
Like my sights are too high  
For the goals that I seek   
  
For the friends who need me  
I'm sorry for leaving  
I needed my time   
I needed my space   
I needed to let go  
Of all this dead weight  
  
I was dragging my feet  
I couldn't even see me  
Forest for the trees  
I tried to escape  
what I thought was a place   
But was really disease  
  
Every time I step up  
I feel pushed back to the ground  
That edge where I live  
You couldn't even survive  
All I have is my voice  
And this one chance to... go," Cheshire finished and just kind of waited for someone to talk. It was just about to grate her nerves when finally Alice spoke up.

"Wow Unnie... That was really good!" The other three girls seemed to come back to their senses and started clapping.

"You've learned a lot judging this show haven't you?" Bei Lee was still having trouble keeping her mouth closed and not gaping at what she had just heard.

"I guess you could say that. More I've learned to just learned to let my story be told I guess.. I'm not even really sure anymore... I'll be able to explain more when I finally get done with this weeks mission I think," Chess just shrugged and began moving towards the door to the dorm.

"Where do you think you're going?" Sumi just had to break out her leader voice right now didn't she? She couldn't just be happy with the fact that Chess had done her part finally.

"I need to go talk to Giriboy. He's already working on producing something for him and I want to run this by him and see if he has any idea what to do with it or if he even thinks it's that good," Chess shrugged once more as she grabbed her favorite peacoat and face mask before heading out the door much to her leaders displeasure.

Cheshire was trying very hard to not think about the possibility of Giri not liking her lyrics. She had always looked up to the fact that he was such an amazing songwriter that she still got nervous about showing him anything she was working on. It felt like she was trying to hard when she had him look over too much of her stuff but she hadn't shown him anything in a while so maybe he'd have something useful to say rather than just telling her it was shit if he didn't like them. She tried to clear her head as she saw the company looming in front of her and decided that the faster she showed him the faster her doubts would disappear. She rushed through the door and collided directly into the chest of the man she had been looking for.

"Damn woman you don't have to tackle me if you just want me to touch you!" Giri smiled down and her as she took a step back and rolled her eyes.

"Were you leaving for the day?" Chess knew that he probably had better things to do than help her so if he was leaving she wasn't going to bother him.

"I was but you seem like you were looking for me, so I guess I'm staying a little bit longer," Giri bent down to be at eye level with Chess. "So what's on your mind Chess?"

"If you were leaving it's not a big deal I can just catch you later," Chess was about to turn and walk away before Giri grabbed her arms holding her in place. Cheshire could feel heat starting to pool into her cheeks which thanks to the bitter cold outside couldn't have possibly turned much redder. Sure Giri and Chess had a friendship involving skinship but this was the first time his face had been that close to hers while he touched her. It was just a little awkward for her.

"You have lyrics don't you? Is it vocal or rap?" Giri eyed the girl carefully honestly wanting to figure it out on his own before she could tell him. "Don't tell me you're gonna finally show me a rap!? You haven't done that in a year! Let's go back to the studio!"

Before Chess could protest Giri had grabbed her wrist and was pulling her towards the elevators. He didn't even bother to let go until he had sat her down in his second computer chair so that he could face her. Cheshire was starting to feel nervous with him staring at her like that. She felt like he was sizing her up, which he probably was, just not in the manner she was thinking of.

"Well? Go On!" He finally leaned back in his chair with his hands behind his head closing his eyes to give Chess a bit of peace of mind. 

Nervously, Chess pulled out her phone pulling up her notes. Taking a deep breath she rapped out the same phrases she had to the girls only half an hour ago. She found herself surprised at how easy and natural it felt even with Giri listening intently to her every breath. Giri nodded his head a couple times with his eyes still closed before he acknowledged her officially.

"That's the best thing I've heard you write since you debuted. I think it'd go well with the song I've got in line for RI5E too... We'd have to change up some of the beats but that shouldn't be too hard. I know you generally just let your raps flow to a certain rhythm in your head till we change the beat on you... Maybe i should try to pick it up a bit here..." Chess just kind of blinked in his direction, unsure of how she had managed to elicit this reaction.

"You like it?" She stared dumbfounded at Giri for a minute before he finally turned around to face her again.

"Of course I do... Would I be trying to work on the song if I didn't? You did really well, not that I'm surprised. Once you manage to find the right motivation you have a tendency to even beat my lyrics into the ground," Giri smiled and turned back to his computer messing with some level or another.

Cheshire couldn't believe it. That was the highest praise she had gotten since she debuted. She was beyond proud. For the rest of the evening she just sat and watched Giri work while his words swirled around and around in her head... She just couldn't wrap her head around why he liked her lyrics but it was an awesome feeling.


	9. Starship X Concert

Cheshire had never seen a more chaotic greenroom in her life. That was saying something considering that she was still wondering how all the members had managed to fit into the greenrooms in China. Stylists and Coordi's were running back and forth making sure that everything was in its place and that the girls were prepared for their stage. To Chess they sounded like a bunch of bugs flying close to their ear with how fast they were talking to each other and how many different conversations were happening. That didn't bother her though. This was what Cheshire lived for. She loved everything from being in the greenroom to the heart pounding feeling she got on stage to the adrenaline that would course through her after they were done and heading home. This was her favorite thing in the world.

"Hey will you look this over for me? I think I got everything but I'm not sure," Young Ji slid her crossword book into Chess's lap who rolled her eyes but looked down at it anyways. Young Ji had this pseudo ritual of doing brain games before she went on stage and she had currently been on a kick of doing english crosswords. Since Chess was the only other english speaker in the group she would have to ask her to make sure she was right before she could be considered 100% ready for the stage. Chess didn't really mind but was still wondering when she would decide to go back to korean brain games so that she would bug Bei Lee rather than her.

"You spelled  _Interchangable_ wrong.  _It's an I not an E_ ," Chess finished correcting Young Ji's mistake as she heard the door open and looked up to see her members frozen and staring slightly wide eyed at the door. Before Chess turned around to look though Bei Lee accidentally dropped her tablet on the floor while trying to place it on the make up table that was a good two feet away from her. Cheshire started laughing so hard that she fell out of her chair to her knees. When she looked up at Bei Lee's wide eyed embarassed face she started laughing harder to the point that she couldn't even hold herself on her knees anymore and just laid on the ground turning her head to see all ten of the No.Mercy trainees standing in the door either chuckling themselves or staring at her with confused looks on their faces which wasn't surprising to her in the least since Jooheon was the only one of them that had ever seen her laugh like that.

"Unnie! Don't laugh at me that's mean! Why didn't you tell us they were coming?" Bei Lee had made her way over to the still laughing woman and nudged her shoulder with her foot. Chess calmed her laugh to giggles so that she could just lay on her back on the floor and looked up at the pouting second youngest.

"Aw don't pout Bei Lee! I didn't know they were coming! You know they never tell me anything!" Chess replied still giggling a bit before rolling onto her side and propping her head up with her hand, accidentally looking like an attempt to imitate a pinup girl. "So what brings you boys to the land of RI5E?"

"We came to wish you luck and see if you had any advice for us," Shownu said with a slight shrug while Chess moved so she was sitting crosslegged on the floor. She leaned back on her hands and dropped her head back so that she was looking at her members upside down. She could feel all ten pairs of eyes locked on her and almost wished she had been in her street clothes. After all her stage clothes were kind of provocative. She had a deep V neckline on her cropped tank that did nothing but make her already bigger than average bust look even bigger and her high waisted short shorts made her long legs look longer and slender waist look even smaller especially with her wide hips and round ass. Looking at her members it was easy enough to see that somewhat matching outfits just made her standout more as they were all the standard slim and delicate women that you see in idol groups and Chess was just too curvy to ever fit that description. Chess slightly shook her head to clear her thoughts as she watched Sumi step over to lean against the make up table.

"I guess I do... Work your asses off. If you want to be good enough just work hard. If you see the others goofing off go to the practice room. If the others go to sleep early go to the studio. Just practice," Ever the leader Sumi shrugged and turned to look at the other members sending them the mental message to say something. Chess stood up with a little help from Shownu who had offered his hand when he saw her move. Before she knew it the maknae had come up to wrap her arms around her waist and rest her head on her shoulder.

" You need to make sure you have fun too. The audience isn't going to appreciate watching you perform a stage like a robot," Young Ji was simple and to the point as always. Chess felt Alice's head move off her shoulder and she looked to the young girl.

"I know I'm younger than most of you but if you want it my advice is don't let the music down," Alice finished with a shy smile placing her head back on the eldests shoulder. Chess simply reached up and patted the top of her head and grinned sweetly at her.

"She's right. Music is a living and breathing entity. I know that sounds weird but I'm not the 4D member for nothing," Chess chuckled along with some of the boys before continuing. "Music is the one thing in this world that you don't have to completely know whats being said to understand what it means. That doesn't mean that I'm giving up on pronunciation but you should be able to make people feel things with your music. Don't regret your music and don't let the music regret you."

"Yah! Unnie that's weird even for you!" Bei Lee shoved Cheshire's shoulders making her trip over Alice falling back first into the trainees. Chess froze when she felt a pair of arms catch her and pull her to his back. She didn't have to look to know it was Jooheon. As soon as she realized that she was still in his arms she jumped away smiling awkwardly and offering a stiff incline of her head in thanks before turning to the younger member and smacking her shoulder. She didn't hit her very hard but she could see the faint pink bloom where the younger girl was rubbing her arm.

"Yah! How dare you push your elder you disrespectful brat!" Everyone in the room, including Sumi surprisingly enough, laughed at the outburst from the eldest who couldn't even hold back her own laughter. Soon after the boys all bowed and said good luck before leaving the girls alone again. Cheshire took note of how Bei Lee had a slight blush on her cheeks as she stared after Minhyuk's retreatin form, filing that away should she ever need any blackmail on the younger girl.

Chess couldn't stop thinking about how Jooheon had held her though. His embrace felt ridiculously similar to Giriboy's. She felt so secure and there wasn't a cure for the cold she felt on her skin when he had let go. It was so confusing to her. She couldn't have these feelings. There was too much going on and neither one of them could ever return her feeling. Not really. They didn't even really know anything about her since she wasn't allowed to tell them anything. She shook the thoughts out of her head and resumed her seat in front of the mirror.

The girls stayed silent for the rest of the time before the show, each one mentally preparing for the one song that they were to perform. There were too many acts tonight for the time allotted and unfortunately being the most recently debuted came with certain drawbacks but the girls were honestly just happy to be performing here. It was kind of like putting on a show for family as it was mostly Starship artists and workers in the audience but that was what was going to make it so much fun.

After a few short minutes Cheshire found herself walking across the dark stage to sit on her mark. The air smelled like electricity and it vibrated like it too.This was what Chess loved. All she needed was a stage and a crowd to watch her and she was happy. If she could do this every second of her life she would. A few seconds later a spotlight shone onto Young Ji who started singing the soft and light intro. As she sang she slowly walked towards her right to tap Sumi's hand illuminating her spotlight before walking to tap Bei Lee's shoulder and turning on her spot. Next she went and tapped Alice and all four gathered to do a small dance before they dropped their heads and their spots went out to be replaced with Cheshire's when the beat picked up. Chess rapped melodically while slowly standing and headed towards center stage. ( **A/N** song is "Hate" by 4Minute) Bei Lee started singing in her beautiful midtone when the rap ended and the other girls spots came back on. The four other than Chess made their way to center stage keeping Chess in the center and stood still. Cheshire started rapping as the tempo started climbing dancing with as much passion as she could. All the girls started dancing together when they hit the titular line.

"I hate you! Hey! No! I don't need you!"

Cheshire's smirk turned smug as she danced hard watching the crowd start to dance along. Alice made her way to the front as she started rapping and Chess couldn't help but think how fierce she looked. Sumi soon replaced her moving fluidly and slow as the others moved to their separate sides of the stag. When Young Ji took over from the front right side of the stage it sounded like the crowd was going to lose their mind. Then they were all dancing the chorus together again. The lights went out and a spot came up on Bei Lee who did the last little bit of vocalizing from the front left of the stage. Cheshire came in one last time over the vocals rapping melodically again from center stage in yet another spotlight moving as gracefully and sexily as she could which still honestly surprised her. When the lights came back up for the last chorus there were background dancers behind them and the girls were once again center stage dancing hard. When the music cut Cheshire was on one knee in the front of the stage smirk as smug as it could be breathing hard.

After a few seconds she stood with the other girls at the front of the stage and bowed waving and looking over the crowd. Chess unconciously searched the crowd for Jooheon who she found standing towards the back. He was jumping up and down and yelling like it was the best stage he had ever seen. She couldn't help the gummy smile that crossed her face as she saw him throw his hands up in a heart. She threw her hands up in her signature double heart sign and bowing one more time before running off the stage with the other girls.

The adrenaline was palpable in the greenroom as the girls got changed into their preapproved street clothes to go enjoy the rest of the show. Cheshire was excited to watch the rest of the show. Mad Clown would be performing soon and she was excited to watch him, he was one of her favorite stage shows after all. Unfortunately though after Mad Clown the concert seemed to fly by and all she wanted to do was watch more but oh well. There'd be plenty more chances for her to perform and watch the other artists. She just hoped that they would come sooner rather than later.

The ride back to the dorm was quiet as the adrenaline had finally wore off and the girls were exhausted from their long day. As soon as the girls finally made it to their dorm they all practically collapsed in the living room in a pseudo puppy pile. Chess had her head in Bei Lee's lap when Alice curled into her side with her legs across Sumi's lap.

"Can we sleep out here tonight? I miss our 'sleepovers' that we had on tour," Sumi slowly lifted her head from its spot on Young Ji's legs.

"Sure I'll go get the blankets," Sumi stood and made her way down the hall while Alice placed her legs over Young Ji's instead.

"We should go get changed before we lay down and Alice go help Sumi. You know she can't carry all those blanket," Chess stood as the younger members did as she said. Chess quickly walked to her room that was off of the living room and quickly changed into some comfy pjs.

Walking back into the living room she saw all the other girls already curled up on the thick blankets and each one covered with their own personal blankets. Chess laid down next to Alice who immediately cuddled into her side. Cheshire couldn't help but grin. If nothing else in this world ever worked out she was glad to know that she at least had these four.

"Good night guys. Saranghe."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N So two things... 1) I realized not too long ago that Giriboy is actually not a part of Starship Entertainment... Yup, go me... So lets just pretend he is or at least that he has a studio in their building since he works with them so much. 2) I had this entire chapter written out once and then I pressed the wrong button and it completely erased it. I have had to write this twice now. So, sorry it took so long but I'm just not on top of my game today apparently... As always Thank You for Reading! Kamsamnida!


	10. Third Mission

Cheshire was actually excited for today.  Technically there were only four performances to watch and she had just had the most stupidly funny birthday of all time. The girls had made a pillow fort in the living room of the dorm, with hallways, doors and all, and even invited over Giriboy and Mad Clown. When Chess had walked into the dorm she saw the blanket fort entrance and the note attached to it saying to enter the fort for her birthday surprise. Once she had managed to crawl to the living room part of the blanket fort there sat Giriboy, Sumi, Alice, Young Ji, Bei Lee, Ji Eun, Mad Clown, and Eun Hee Mad Clown's girlfriend. ( **A/N** I know that he's married now but times state it would still be his girlfriend and I don't know her name so we'll just call her Eun Hee. Also I'm super happy for him and his wife! She's so pretty!) Chess couldn't have asked for a better surprise, even if Mad Clown kept acting like he was too old for a blanket fort like the loser he was. Who doesn't love a good blanket fort? They ate all of Chess's favorite snacks and watched horror movies until everyone had to leave with the exception of Giriboy who had stated whether they liked it or not he was too comfy to leave and was therefore staying the night. That didn't bother Chess though that meant she got to keep cuddling up to him and watching stupid movies all night, which is exactly what happened. They all fell asleep in the fort and when Chess woke up she was curled into Giri's chest with her head on his arm and his other arm draped across her waist. She had snuggled her face further into his chest and smiled when he had pulled her closer in his sleep. It had been years since Cheshire had been that happy to do absolutely nothing and was disappointed when they all had to wake up and start their day, even if it had been a couple hours after she had actually woken up.

Chess didn't even bother to try to tone down her smile when she walked to the judges table and sat in her seat next to Giri and Mad Clown. Giri wrapped one of his arms around her shoulders in a quick side hug before placing a large can of Monster in front of her. Chess squealed and wrapped her arms around Giri's neck bringing his face to hers so she could nuzzle her cheek to his. Mad Clown scoffed and lightly smacked Chess on the back of her head earning a momentary pout and glare from the girl.

"I'm going to tell Unnie on you! That was mean!" Mad Clown just scoffed and rolled his eyes. Chess stuck her tongue out at him before turning to look down the table. "K. Will Oppa! Why am I always seated away from the other judges? You make me feel like you don't like me!"

"We figured you would like to sit with Mad Clown and Giriboy that's all. Of course I like you! You're a sweet dongsaeng!" K. Will sent her an almost blinding smile which she returned.

"But Mad Clown's always mean to me! Why do you let him be mean to your dongsaeng Oppa?" Chess could feel more than see Mad Clown rest his face in his palm pushing his glasses off of his face. Giri was having a hard time holding in his snickers at the older male.

"Yah! Mad Clown! You're being mean to her? How could you? She's so cute! Don't be mean to her!" Son Hoyoung added his two cents into the conversation before Mad Clown finally broke.

"Hyung if you had to sit next to her when she squealed like she just did you'd be mean to her too," Mad Clown fixed his glasses before sending an exasperated look to Hoyoung.

"Oppa! I don't squeal that much! You're just being mean! Besides I can't help it that someone being nice to me makes me that excited when you're always so mean to me!" Chess sent a sarcastic smile his way and the older males down the table laughed.

"I just came over to your dorm for your birthday! I'm pretty sure that's not mean," Mad Clown rolled his eyes.

"Yeah but you complained the whole time!"

"It was a pillow fort! What adult do you know that still plays in pillow forts?"

"I do! Giri did! Ji Eun did! Even Eun Hee did! I bet you K. Will Oppa wouldn't have complained nearly as much as you and he's older!" K. Will sputtered a bit when his name was brought up but slowly looked down the table.

"A pillow fort? Like you built when you were a kid? Yeah I'd probably be up for it."

"See Oppa!? K. Will wouldn't have been as mean as you! Besides all you needed to do was watch movies with us but you just complained about how you were too old for pillow forts! That wasn't nice!" Cheshire knew she had won and the victorious smile on her face was the brightest it had ever been.

"Fine! Mian. Next time you invite me over for a pillow fort party I won't complain," Mad Clown conceded as he lightly ruffled Chess's hair. She turned to face Giri who at some point during the argument had lost the ability to keep a straight face and had his head between his knees trying not to laugh at the ridiculousness of the situation. Cheshire couldn't help the giggle that came out of her mouth at the sight of him. 

Just as everyone calmed down and was back to their small talk the lights on the stage started going. Chess almost spit out the Monster that she had just taken a sip of when it happened. She looked left and right and noticed Giri on his phone. She smacked his hand and pointed to the stage in a pay attention gesture to which he just rolled his eyes and put his phone away. The stage opened to reveal the trainees who stepped forward. K. Will started with his opening remarks talking about how the competition was happening and what they were competing for and who everyone at the table was and why they were there. Mostly boring things that Cheshire didn't really pay attention to.

Before too long the first team came on stage. Chess thougt that their greeting was really cute and couldn't help but smile at Jooheon when he came out of the deep bow. She liked how they had coordinted their outfits too. When they went back to their marks Chess was really impressed with their lighting. When they started it was apparently with english, she stared them down watching for any noticeable mistakes though she didn't really find any. She really liked their energy and the little mini skit that they added into it. Jooheon stood out a lot which wasn't surprising to her he was the only rapper in their group. They had a couple pitches that were off there at the end but nothing too bad. Over all she liked it. They looked like they had fun and enjoyed their performance which was a lot of what she had told them she wanted from them. As they ended Jooheon called out a happy new year to everyone and looked over to Cheshire.

"Happy Birthday Cheshire!" Suddenly the other trainees joined him making Chess blush and laugh a little bit. The judges all clapped but before they could say anything about the performance Hoyoung looked down the table towards Cheshire with his mic in hand.

"It's your birthday? Saeng-il Chuk-ha-hae-yo!" He smiled brightly at Chess who bowed her head a bit.

"It was the first actually but kamsamnida!" The rest of the judges told her happy birthday too before continuing with the judging.

Hoyoung started and gave them positive reviews followed by Ga In who also gave positive reviews. Cheshire wasn't sure why but when she started talking about how Jooheon's rap was attractive to women she felt a weird tug in her stomach that she quickly ignored in favor of listening to what else she had to say. Cheshire felt that tug again though when she said that she liked the way he looked and couldn't keep her eyes off of him and it definitely tugged more when she gave him a quick 'hwaiting' and he giggled and covered his face. She didn't like that. Not at all. Soon though the topic of the vocals came up and Cheshire quickly picked up her mic.

"You could have done a little bit better with at least pushing your main vocalist forward or center to push focus onto him but the way you went about it it was hard to tell who I should be focusing on. Jooheon kind of stole the show in this performance which while it's not necessarily a bad thing if it's a normal performance it was today since the whole idea was to work as a team. I liked your performance overall and your english was practically immaculate. Jooheon I loved your rap and you looked really good on the stage today. Keep it up," Chess didn't know what came over her or why she had to say something about Jooheon but she did it and she locked eyes with him for a couple seconds seeing a look that she didn't really know how to take cross his eyes before the other judges started picking at her and Ga In.

"Jooheon I think you might just have these two fighting over you by the end of the night," Hoyoung laughed out causing both Ga In and Cheshire to look at each other and blush. Chess immediately looked back down to the cue card in her hand not wanting to see if Jooheon was looking at her.

"I think I'd have to choose Cheshire," Jooheon's voice was just a whisper but through the mic and in Cheshire's ears it sounded like he was yelling at the top of his lungs. Cheshire's face was as red as it could possibly get, if it could get any redder than it already had been. Suddenly, amongst the ooohs and aaahs from the other judges, she felt Giri wrap his arm around her shoulder. What in the hell was happening? She looked up and saw Jooheon smiling looking at Giri with a dark look despite the smile on his face. Chess turned to look at Giri who swiftly pulled her closer to his side and smiled a gummy smile at her without even sparing Jooheon a glance. Chess just put her face in her palm and rested her elbow on the table. This couldn't be real. Stupid boys.

Soon Team Ohjangnam was sent backstage and the judges had a moment to themselves before Team Segyero came on. Chess chugged at her Monster quickly trying to cool her burning cheeks before realizing it wasn't working and just asking for a break which was, thankfully, given. When she stood up and walked to the door she noticed Giriboy following her. As soon as the door was closed like always she had her cigarette lit and was taking a deep drag.

"That kid is something isn't he?" Giri was the first to break the silence.

"Yeah he's got a lot of talent. He really helped me a lot when I was still learning how to rap," Chess didn't think that's what he meant but was trying hard not to think of the alternative. It would be easier than trying to figure out Giri's feelings honestly.

"That's not what I meant and you know it," Of course he didn't and now Chess had no idea what to say. "He's definitely got some balls though to say that in front of all the judges."

"As long as I've known him he's been pretty ballsy," That was the safest reply she could think of and she was trying really hard to find a way out of this conversation.

"Do you think you would have chosen him?" Giri finally made his point but Chess couldn't help but wish he hadn't.

"I'm not going to dignify that with an answer. You know as well as I do that I'm not in a position to be able to deal with this right now so why are you pushing it Si Young-ah?" Chess was done trying to think of an indirect way out of this it was too much work. She knew it sounded pretty harsh but she just really didn't want to have this conversation. Giri blinked at her for a second not used to hearing her call him by his real name before he figured it'd probably be better to just drop it.

"Mianhe Chess. It just got to me. I'm not sure why," With that simple reply Chess was back to having to figure out his feelings. She hated this back and forth game about as much as the conversation at hand.

"It's all good just don't do that to me. You know the girls are always up my  _ass_  about  _shit_  like this anyways. I'm just kind of tired of it," Chess just let it go she didn't want to deal with it right now. She knew she'd have to eventually but she just wanted to pretend she didn't have to for just a bit longer. The two finished their cigarttes in silence before heading back in.

Cheshire sat down and slowly worked herself back to being the happy and not confused person she was at the start of filming. It didn't take long though and soon enough she was ready for the next performance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N I don't really have much to say here but I will say that for now I am still not sure of the pairing that will occur. Giriboy as I have written him has a lot of potetntial but that's more so because he's just been the closest for so long. That will be changing soon and I will have some really good close moments for Jooheon and eventually I.M. but we have to get there first so please just bear with me for just a little bit longer. I think it'll be in Chapter 12 that I.M will finally show up so again just bear with me. As always Thank You for Reading! Kamsamnida!


	11. Painful Loss

Cheshire looked up and down the line of trainees waiting for K. Will to give the go ahead on their performance. What the judges were saying honestly didn't matter to her right now she just wanted to get it over with so that she could watch their dancing honestly. Once they started Chess was actually kind of disappointed. She was not a fan of slow songs and they chose a slow song of course. They sounded really good though and the little bit of english they spoke was immaculate. She couldn't find anything she didn't like besides it just being to slow for her taste. They were really good at making sure to highlight who was the main for each part. The judges began their comments and slowly but surely Chess's turn came around.

"I really liked your stage. I'm not a big fan of slower songs in general but this was enjoyable. You looked like you all had fun and had practiced really hard. Your english was immaculate and I can't think of anything other than the tempo that I disliked but that's not anything big. #Gun you looked really good up there especially your solo bit at the end when everyone was facing away from you. Good job," Cheshire heard Hoyoung chuckle as he pulled his mic up.

"I guess Jooheon's gonna have to fight #Gun for your attention now!" Everyone laughed including Cheshire and they went back to analysing the performance for a quick moment before they called Team Ohjangnam back to the stage. Team Segyero won and honestly Cheshire couldn't even be upset. She agreed for once. Apparently she had actually been the vote that made Team Segyero win. She felt bad for her choice though when she saw Jooheon and Shownu's faces. They almost broke her heart and she started thinking about the fact that they were going to have to eliminate someone this round. She almost couldn't take it it was so painful. Chess gently shook her head to clear her thoughts that was something to deal with later not now.

Team Ohjangnam was up first again for the dance portion of the mission and to say that Cheshire was excited was most definitely an understatement. She couldn't wait to see what Shownu had come up with, knowing what she did about the boy she expected some really impressive shit. When they entered in orange jail jumpsuits Chess chuckled a bit to herself. She knew they had to have something good planned. K. Will had them describe their idea behind their dance and Jooheon told them it was a prison break. Chess thought about what she wanted to see and honestly ended up just visualizing a whole bunch of acrobatic moves. Soon after the performance started.

They did great telling the story and their moves were super solid. When Minkyun jumped face first for them to catch him and throw him back Cheshire audibly gasped and covered her mouth with her hand. It was amazing the amount of trust that he had just given the other boys. She could hardly contain herself. They had some really cute moments in their dance too and Chess couldn't help but giggle at some of their antics. She bobbed her head as the song switched. She really liked the mix that they had come up with. Suddenly Shownu had an outfit change and the music changed once more. The moves felt sharper and stronger now. It was amazing how many different styles they had put into this short time span. When they finished Cheshire clapped maybe a little too loudly but she couldn't help it it was impressive, what they had just done. She quickly reached for her mic before anyone else had even really thought of it ready to give them her thoughts on how they did. K. Will just kind of raised his hands in surrender and let her say her peace.

"Wow... Just wow... That was awesome guys. I can tell that you practiced really hard on that. You also just looked like you enjoyed the hell out of it too! You just owned the stage. Minhyuk...  _Oh my god..._  You are my new hero... I would never have been able to just jump like that and expect someone to catch me. That was amazing. You are  _badass._  I cannot believe that was so good. You enthralled me from start to finish and you told a complete story and with dance sometimes that's a bit hard to do. Shownu, your solo bit there? That was killer. I love how you managed to incorporate so many different styles while staying true to one general theme. Good job!"

The rest of the comments were really similar but it caught Chess off guard when Giri complimented Jooheon. She actually snapped her head towards him with her eyes widened in shock before reigning in her features. She had no idea if Jooheon could tell or not but Giri had to have LOVED his performance to give that compliment as small as it sounded. Giri was not the type to get over something very quickly and this was definitely not what she would have expected from him after their conversation outside. When she finally got herself together she turned to face the stage finding that again Jooheon was looking at her again. Yup, he knew that he had started something and he knew that this compliment was definitely a lot bigger than it seemed on the surface. Chess just chuckle and rolled her eyes while slightly shaking her head. It was good to know that at some point Giri would get over whatever it was that had gotten into him.

Team Ohjangnam was sent back and Team Segyero entered the stage shortly after. Honestly Cheshire thought they kind of looked stupid but she wasn't going to say that out loud it was just a bit too mean. When they described their concept Chess couldn't contain her eye roll. If she thought they looked stupid their concept sounded even worse. She could already see how it was simply a ploy to cover for #Gun who was apparently not that great at dancing but she tried to contain her judgement until after she had seen them perform.

She was happily surprised to find that they were doing a nice job with their kind of meh concept. They kept making her want to giggle but she tried really hard to keep that contained. Until the stupid song said 'go ahead and go ham sammich' she burst then. She couldn't stop laughing. Which worked out because at that point Yoonho was pretending to be broken. She got herself back to normal in time to watch them do some sychronized dancing that was actually pretty sharp and she had to admit she was in love with #Guns expressions. When the song changed she was actually surprised to find that she really enjoyed the variation that they had made. She loved the isolations that they pulled off before the sudden tempo change. Suddenly she was amazingly impressed. Not so much at the choreography but the fact that #Gun did so well! The judges took their turns complimenting them and praising them before it was Chess's turn.

"I am not a fan of your concept. It was just kind of  _meh_  to me. But I did like the actual performance. I'm just the home of conflicting opinions of you guys today!" Chess giggled a bit at her own lame joke before she continued. " I know that you went about it to try and cover for #Gun's lack of dancing ability but honestly he was my favorite to watch. #Gun, you had perfect facial expressions the entire time and I was very impressed with your dancing actually. It was just so entertaining to watch you. Unfortunately, for me that means that I spent the entire time watching you and not seeing anything else. No one else stood out to me. Even though I know Yoonho, you had a lot of mini solos I just wasn't that entertained by it. The only team bit that I really saw and focused on were your isolations. I'm a sucker for some good isolations and they were. I wish you would have put more in it would have fit your concept a bit more I think. Overall it was a good stage I just wish it hadn't been SO #Gun centric."

K. Will made it a point to talk about how hard this was going to be for the judges as the boys left the stage and Chess found that he was right. She knew she was voting for Ohjangnam to win the dancing bit but she couldn't tell you at this point who she would vote to eliminate. She could already feel the decision tugging at her heart. She really wasn't sure she could do this. She had been so sure the decision would be easy when she had first got here but now she didn't want to see any of them leave.

When the boys came back onto the stage Chess could feel her chest start to tighten. She was not prepared for this, not at all. She heard K. Will tell the boys how well they had done and how proud of themselves they should be. She watched as Team Ohjangnam bowed after being told they had won the dance portion and how they immediately tensed when they were told that Team Segyero had won the mission overall. She felt everything in her fall as K. Will asked for a word from Shownu who immediately took the blame for them not winning. She refused to cry. She would not. But despite everything in her tears were starting to pool in her eyes. She couldn't take anymore but she knew the worst was yet to come.

The judges were debating and Chess was trying her damnedest to keep her emotions in check but she couldn't help it when she knew what she had just voted for. She hoped against hope that her vote wasn't the deciding one this time though it wouldn't help her feel any better knowing that she had even had to vote in the first place. She couldn't look at the boys standing at the front of the stage and decided the safest place to keep her eyes was on her hands clenched in her lap. Suddenly Giri's hand landed on one of her balled up fists and he squeezed it gently. She released her fist only to intertwine her fingers with his as his thumb rubbed soft circles on the back of her hand. He knew she was going to break when the elimination happened. It wouldn't take long to set her over the edge into a saddness that couldn't be helped. She didn't want to end any of these ten boys' career now. They were all too good for that and she couldn't believe the disappointment that was about to be set upon one of them.

It felt like an eternity before K. Will finally spoke up again. And when he did he excused himself apparently in roughly the same shape as Chess was. It was understandable though. The two of them had been the only ones that watched every challenge and saw every improvement that the boys made on their way to debut. It was hard. Tears actually left Chess's eyes against her will when the short break was called. Giri pulled her chair to him and reached around to rub her back with his free hand. Sitting in that almost hug position Chess laid her forhead on Giri's shoulder and tried to breathe as evenly as she could to calm the raging current of emotions in her chest. As soon as she had herself almost to a decent point she chanced a look at the stage. Shownu was already crying. Chess was never going to get herself back to normal after that sight. She couldn't handle that. Of all the people on that stage Shownu had to be the one that it hurt the most to see like that. He just always seemed so strong and almost detached but seeing him like that broke her heart. Chess hated this show after that. She could never like anything that made him look that pitiful. She couldn't. It was like watching someone kick her little brother when he was down. She had never felt so attached to someone that she knew almost nothing about but damn if she didn't want to run onto that stage and comfort him now.

By the time that K. Will came back Chess could only bite her lips hoping that the tears would hold off for just a little bit longer. K. Will sat down and took up his mic making the boys line back up at the front of the stage. When he called out Minkyun's name Chess pushed away from the table and stood up. She couldn't help the tears flowing from her eyes. She knew it was coming but that just made it feel worse. Watching Minkyun break down though? That made her practically run from the judges table. She was done. Her knees gave out when she managed to look back and see #Gun crying. She sobbed openly at that point. She knew how far he had come, how hard he had practiced, how he always had a smile on his face. She couldn't bear it. He was like a ball of sunshine. She knew it seemed hypocritical of her to cry over this when all she had wanted in the first mission was for him to be last and how whenever he got on stage she subconciously keep preparing herself to hear him screech but every time he had proved her wrong he made her like him that much more. This was the worst.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N I honestly cried writing this. I was never a big Minkyun fan but when he got eliminated it hurt my soul because he was just always so happy.... But... Brightside.... I.M will be in the next chapter! Yay! As always Thank You for Reading! Kamsamnida!


	12. The New Trainee

After the last elimination Cheshire had considered asking sajangnim if she could stop judging. She didn't want to watch the boys suffer anymore. As soon as these thoughts hit her she remembered the new trainee they were introducing though and that kicked her back to just pulling herself through it. She had agreed when K. Will had asked her to help introduce the new trainee but she hadn't told her the full plan. Only her and sajangnim knew what she was up to and she planned to keep it that way until the last possible second.

Chess stood outside of her dorm holding her larger purse in one hand and her almost finished cigarette in the other waiting for the van to pull up. When it finally did Chess disposed of the cigarette and sprayed herself with a little bit of perfume before getting into the backseat of the van where the new trainee was already sitting. She greeted K. Will and his manager in the front seats before turning to actually look at the trainee. There was about a two second pause before her brain made her stop looking like a deer in the headlights and she hoped he didn't notice it.

He was hot. Like hot as fuck. She hadn't seen someone that attractive that close since she met the boys in BTS. She couldn't really figure out how to work words at the moment so she slightly bowed her head in greeting which he swiftly returned. He seemed like he might be staring just as hard at her as she was at him. This was difficult.

"Chess this is I.M. He's been one of our trainees for two years now," K. Will did the introduction having seen that neither were going to be able to talk anytime soon.

" _Two years? No shit!"_  Good job. English was probably not the correct choice of language but her brain just wasn't functioning on a korean kind of level right now. She heard I.M laugh beside her though and that made her curious. " _You speak english?"_

" _Yeah. I spent three years in Boston, Mass."_  That was it Chess was definitely going through with her plan now. She wasn't taking any chances wtih this.

" _I'm from the states. Can't exactly tell you which, it's in my contract..."_  She had never wanted to be able to tell someone about her life in the states so bad. It must have just been the fact that she hadn't had a truely fluent conversation in years. She couldn't help but laugh though as she turned to see K. Will just staring at the two like they had three heads. "Oppa, it's english not an alien language."

Chess laughed as K. Will lightly flicked her forehead. She was honestly more so happy that her korean brain was working again. K. Will then told them the plan. They were heading to a BBQ restaurant to meet the other boys and that he would then come back to get I.M after softening them up with free food. Cheshire turned to I.M's direction to see that he was nervously picking at his nails and focusing really hard on K. Will. Before she could stop herself and remember that skinship was strange when you first met someone in Korea, Chess reached over to put her hand on top of I.M's fidgeting ones thus making him freeze. She almost pulled her hand back in shock at her own actions before basically thinking Fuck It and just leaving it where it was.

"You'll be fine. I'm literally here to help you out and to keep the others chill. Don't worry so much," Cheshire eye smiled at him when he finally lifted his head to look at her rather than his hands. Chess felt her heart beating just a little too fast for comfort when he nervously grinned back.

She took her hand back only when they had reached the restaurant and was moving to get out of the van, given it hadn't taken very long. Chess couldn't help but feel a familiar cold set in where her hand had touched him. Unnerving was a good way of describing what she felt. Soon enough though her and K. Will had walked into the room where the boys were sitting and waiting for them. They took the two seats at the center of the table before K. Will started on a conversation. Chess wasn't very hungry but she had made sure that she stuffed her face like there was nothing wrong. Eventually the conversation at the table split into two groups. One talking to K. Will about god only knows what and the second trying to make Cheshire laugh like they had seen in the greenroom the day of the Starship X concert.

"You know that you're very strange right Cheshire?" Hyungwon said across from her making her almost spit out the rice she had just put into her mouth at the suddenness of the statement. Chess made herself swallow quickly and looked to Hyungwon with a smirk.

"Yah! I'm older than you have some respect! It's 'You know that you're very strange right, Noona'!" Everyone on her side of the table started laughing including Chess who couldn't help but look at the boys surrounding her with the most caring smile she could. They all felt like family now. When she caught eyes with Jooheon though he winked at her making her start laughing again in a more nervous way. What was this boy doing to her? "Jooheon-ah what in the world are you even?"

This was the wrong question to ask. She knew it as soon as he started smirking. There was no way she could take it back either. Well, if you're going to be stupid, you better be tough. Chess braced herself for his response before she looked back to his face from her lap.

"I'll be whatever you want me to be, Noona~," Jooheon drew out the end of the word in a playful manner before adding a quick wink and immediately putting his hands up in the V sign. "You want aegyo? I'll be your Kkuu-kkuu Ga-ga forever!"

She was definitely not expecting that high of a baby voice to come out of the rapper. Chess laughed so hard she was almost crying. Scratch that definitely crying. He just kept adding on randomly everytime she would almost get back under control and she couldn't take it. It was so funny! By the time he finally stopped her sides were aching and the boys around her were wiping their eyes from laughing so hard at her. Chess made a mental note to figure out how to make him laugh and use it against him one day. Today would not be that day though as K. Will had already called for everyone's attention. Chess was not exactly happy about this. She really wished they could have just kept laughing and never had to worry about the anger and confusion that was coming but of course that was unavoidable.

Cheshire forcing herself to eat was suddenly backfiring on her as she felt sick to her stomach when K. Will finally got to the point and told them about the new trainee. She watched as every single one of their faces fell into a grimace or a scowl and almost regretted staying seated when K. Will left to go get I.M.

"He's kidding with us, right Noona?" #Gun had the most disbelieving look on his face. She couldn't reply with words so she just shook her head. The other trainees started talking about how it was ridiculous considering how Minkyun had just been eliminated and Chess suddenly felt like she was going to cry again. The happy atmosphere had shattered in less than 2.5 seconds after they had heard why they were gathered here. It was ridiculously uncomfortable.

A few comments later K. Will came back with I.M following close behind. Cheshire sent the boy an apologetic smile as soon as he was standing in front of the other trainees. The tension was palpable as K. Will told him to go sit in his vacant seat beside Chess. Shortly after I.M was seated K. Will said he was leaving and thus began the comments. It took two snide remarks before Cheshire couldn't stand it anymore. She looked over to find the PD and once she had his attention she spoke.

"Please take all the cameras out for a few minutes. I don't particularly want this bit filmed," Chess gave him her best attempt at a pleading smile but she knew it came across as a cold smirk at best. None the less he removed the cameras and turned off the sound equipment having gotten the idea of what was coming. Chess sighed in exasperation before finally leaning forward and resting her elbows on the table in front of her all traces of smiles or smirks gone from her face. The trainees seemed to realize that something was very wrong as they quickly shut up and stopped moving all together.

"You will be stuck with me for the next 24 hours. Shut up and don't you dare interrupt me right now," Cheshire glared in the direction on Jooheon who had opened his mouth to speak and quickly snapped it shut at the tone of her voice. " _I swear to god_  if I hear one, mark my words, ONE snide remark from any of you towards him you will have hell to pay. You are trainees. Your lives are not your own and you have no fucking say in what happens to you. This is unfortunately how it is but I will not let you take it out on him as it was as much his choice as it was yours. In case you don't fucking know coming into something like this in this manner fucking sucks. Period. Yes I'm standing up for him and yes I'm going to do my damndest to make sure that he's alright for now. You want to know why? Because I auditioned for this company three years ago. When I did for whatever fucking reason sajangnim saw something in me that he hadn't seen in the other trainees and immediately put me with a group that was four months away from debut. Four months. That's exactly how long I was a trainee and that was the worst four months of my life. Not because I was working day in and day out to make sure I was ready but becase of all the other fucking trainees that always had something to fucking say. I went through hell to get to where I am but the absolute worst was knowing that the other trainees were not only talking behind my back but trying to make sure that they proved I wasn't worthy of debut. Literally the first month that I was there I had no one apart from MAYBE Mad Clown and honestly there wasn't anything he could have done. Luckily my members eventually came around and decided that they liked me. If that hadn't happened I wouldn't have debuted at all. I will not EVER let someone else go through that kind of hell if I can stop it so you better put your fucking big boy panties on and man the fuck up because I will not sit by and let any of you pull some immature shit. Got it? I am not fucking with you I will be your worst fucking nightmare if I hear any of you going out of your way to be rude or mean to him. You don't have to like the situation. Hell you don't HAVE to like him but you will not be a douche canoe. Do you understand? If you can't be nice when you open your mouth then keep it fucking shut. You have to fucking deal with this just like he does and honestly I'm already through with your fucking comments. I will not hesitate to fuck up your life if I hear anything rude directed towards him. Despite what you fucking think he proved himself to get here just like you all fucking did. Sure it wasn't in front of judges or cameras but he wouldn't fucking be here if he didn't deserve it and I will not let you fucking judge him before you give him a chance. So your options are either shut the fuck up or be fucking nice. If you want to be a douche canoe I swear you might not even live long enough to be told that you're kicked out. I'm not going to deal with it so suck it the fuck up. Now anyone want to say something? Any questions? Good. Lets go back to the dorms."

Cheshire stood up, grabbed her bag, and patted I.M on the back with a tight smile while watching the others slowly get up and exit the restaurant until they were the only two left.

"You really didn't have to do that or stay. I'll be fine. I knew it was going to suck. I don't take it personally," I.M grinned at Chess sweetly.

"Yeah I knew you probably didn't but unfortunately I do take it personally and I won't let it happen so I do have to stay. Don't worry though I'll be just as hard on you as I am them," Chess laughed lightly at her own stupid joke as she walked passed I.M who started to follow her. She couldn't help but feel a little protective of the boy, he was just too adorable when he was nervous.

The walk back to the dorm was so quiet you could hear a pin drop. Chess was certain she was in for one hell of a long and sleepless night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N Yay! I.M! Finally! So honestly I just about screamed at my tv when I saw them being indirectly mean to him. It wasn't his fault! So I'm glad that I got to finally write this it makes me feel like I finally got it out of my system lol... As always Thanks for Reading! Kamsamnida!


	13. The Sleepless Night

When the trainees and Cheshire entered the dorm she noticed how I.M hung back like he was waiting to be told where to go. It irritated her that no one seemed like they could be even the slightest bit bothered to tell him where he was going to be staying but since they weren't necessarily being rude she just let it go. It was going to take some time for them to process especially seeing as Minkyun had apparently left while they were all out without even saying goodbye or leaving a note. Chess wasn't unsympathetic to the loss they had just had.

When the boys all made it to the living room, with the exception of I.M who was still being wary, Chess entered and set down her bag. She listened for a while as they talked about how they were upset over losing Minkyun and how they weren't mad at I.M just the situation entirely.

"Yah! A part of the going out of your way to be rude or mean includes just leaving him out there in the doorway. Will someone PLEASE just go tell him where he's going to be staying? I can't very well do that for you since I don't know anything about your sleeping arrangements," Chess could already feel her head starting to pound and was definitely going to need nicotine soon even though she had just chain smoked all the way from the restaurant to the dorm. Finally one of the guys stood up and walked out to the hallway where I.M was standing like a lost puppy and told him to come sit in the living room with them. Chess rolled her eyes. This was going to be flat out impossible.

When I.M finally sat down on the bottom bunk of the beds that were randomly placed in the living room the boys started just getting up and silently leaving the room till only I.M and Yoonho were left. Chess felt like there was a chance that at least Yoonho could be decent to him if she left them alone for a minute so she stood up and as she was leaving the room looked over her shoulder to find Yoonho looking at her.

"Be nice. I'll be back in a bit," With that Chess left to go find Jooheon who she hadn't seen since she stepped into the dorm. It wasn't exactly a difficult task considering the boys weren't exactly trying to be quiet. She walked in just as #Gun was finishing saying that just looking at I.M frustrated him. Smirking the entire time. "Then don't fucking look at him but shut your fucking mouth if you're gonna laugh about it."

All the boys startled not having heard or seen her enter the room. She went over and laid her hand on Jooheon's shoulder quickly tipping her head indicating for him to follow her. He did of course but he had no idea what she could possibly want from him at that exact moment. At least that's what she thought his hesistance was. Once she got him into the only currently empty room in the dorm she turned on the light and leaned against the bunks.

"You okay? You haven't really said anything for the past hour or so and that's weird even if you're pissed off," Chess eyed Jooheon up and down taking in his guarded expression. She hadn't seen it in so long it felt foreign to her.

"No I'm not. I just lost Minkyun one of my best friends here and now you.... you..." He couldn't even finish his thought properly. He looked at the ceiling and that's when Chess realized he was fighting tears. She knew him well enough to know that right now wasn't the time for her to rush him so she let him reorganize his thoughts. "You're protecting his replacement! Why did you even bother to cut Minkyun if you were just going to immediately replace him? What makes him so much better? What makes him worth protecting? I feel like I lost two people today instead of just one! Why? Just Why?"

Cheshire let him finish but the moment he stopped she walked over to him and wrapped her arms around him putting her chin on his shoulder. Had he always smelled this amazing? She couldn't remember but there were more important things to worry about. "I'm protecting him because he's a human and he didn't make this happen so he doesn't deserve people trying to tear him apart for something that wasn't his decision. Stop acting like I'm the only one who judged you guys. I actually didn't even vote for Minkyun. I wasn't lying when I had said he was my new hero. It wasn't just because of the stupid dance you guys did, it was because of how much trust and faith he had in you. I couln't stop the elimination and I would have if it had been possible. It's not necessarily that he's any better than Minkyun either. It was literally just that he was a rapper that had proven himself to be on the same level as you guys. And how did you lose two people? I'm here aren't I? Would I have made sure you're okay if I wasn't still your friend?"

"I just feel like everything is shattering. I can't be nice to him. I can't even try," Jooheon had wrapped his arms around her waist and buried his face into her neck. She couldn't help the sad smile that crossed her face at the action.

"It's okay. It'll take time. I know you're having a hard time so like I said you don't have to be nice just, please don't be rude. For me?" Chess felt Jooheon nod into her neck and just stood there hugging him and rubbing small circles into his back with her hands. She hated seeing him like this. He was just so vulnerable that it hurt to watch. She wanted to make things better but she didn't know how. When he finally started to pull away she felt him place a small kiss on her neck where his face had been. Cheshire froze wide eyed from the shock of his actions.

"Thank you for checking on me but I think you should probably get back to babysitting," Jooheon said with a small smirk before walking out of the room.

"Yah! That counts as mean you know!" Cheshire called after him as she headed back to the living room. When she got back she noticed that I.M was putting away his things into the dresser. She walked up to him and hit her forehead into his shoulder having to bend her neck since they were the same height. When she finally moved she saw the light pink dusting his cheeks.

"Are you.. Are you okay?" It was really cute how I.M stuttered and Chess couldn't help but giggle.

"Yeah it's just going to be a long night," As she spoke she saw the brightly colored sweatshirt he was holding and promptly ripped it from his hands and ran a little ways down the hall throwing it on over her thin long sleeved shirt. I.M, who had slightly chased her froze when he saw that she was putting on his shirt. He looked like it was something he'd never seen done before and the dumb look on his face only made Chess laugh harder, falling to the floor in the process. " _Oh my god!_ Your face if fucking priceless!"

After the other boys had heard the commotion they had exited their rooms only to stare at the woman still laughing on the floor. Despite themselves they all started chuckling when they saw her, they couldn't help it. She was splayed out in the middle of the hallway clutching her side and gasping for air as her face turned red as a tomato from how hard she was laughing. Unfortunately, as she slowly got herself under control the trainees realized what was happening and returned to their somber selves. They all went back to their rooms and closed the doors either ready for sleep or more likely, Chess thought, just trying to make sure that they didn't have to see I.M.

After all of the doors had closed I.M came over and offered Chess a hand up from her spot on the floor, which she happily took, but as she was in socks and hadn't landed quite right when she got up slipped. She fell directly into I.M's chest who thankfully had a better handle on the whole using legs bit of his life than Cheshire did. She scoffed at the irony of being named after a cat and having the grace of a blind dog trying to run on wood floors. I.M wrapped his arms around her waist to keep her from falling.

"You seem to really be in love wtih the floor. Should I leave you two alone?" Oh god. He was 4D. And he was hot. Chess was screwed. Without bothering to look up from where he face was connected to his chest she shook her head, smirking evilly at how she felt him tense at the motion. She was going to Hell. 100%. But at least she was going to have fun getting there. The other boys around her were never this easy to make nervous and she was going to use it against him. Slowly she snaked her arms around his waist and stood up straight dragging her face to lodge in the crook of his neck. She had to think of something to say and quick or this was going to end up being a really awkward situation but his smell was making her mind fuzzy. God he smelled good.

"We have an abusive relationship really. The floor always trips me or throws itself at me. I need someone to take me away to somewhere where it can't hurt me anymore," Chess pulled her face away from his neck and wiped away a nonexistent tear. Chess felt his laugh rumble in his chest seeing as they hadn't let go of one another yet.

"Well I guess I should get you out of here then," I.M said still chuckling. "Where should we possibly go?"

"Anywhere that offers the ability to inhale nicotine into my system honestly," Chess looked up at him with the best pout that she could muster and felt very proud that when he looked at her his face got slightly pink again.

"To the balcony we go I guess," I.M started to guide her to the door with one arm still around her waist trying to make sure she didn't slip again. He bent to pick up two pairs of Nike sandals out of his bag before they reached the door and gave Chess a pair so she wouldn't have to be in just her socks on the balcony. When she started to tug off his sweatshirt so that it wouldn't smell like smoke when they came back in I.M simply tugged it back down. "Don't worry about it my parents smoke the smell doesn't bother me."

When he turned his back to her, Chess couldn't help herself, she jumped onto his back making him stumble for a second before regaining his footing and putting his hands under her thighs to support her. "Forward movement supplier!"

I.M shook his head but went towards the back door anyways, setting her down outside before turning to close the door. He saw Jooheon staring at him from the hallway before he quickly turned into his room slamming the door. I.M just lightly closed the sliding glass door and turned to face Cheshire who was already puffing on her cigarette.

"You know, Noona you're a very special breed of human," I.M placed his elbows on the railing looking at what they could see of the stars.

" _You know, bruh you say that like it's a bad thing,"_  Chess snickered as she imitated his comment.

"It's not. There's not a whole lot of people who would have put themselves in this position. And even less girls that would stand up for another guy in front of their boyfriend," Cheshire choked on her own smoke at the last comment.

"Boyfriend? What boyfriend? I haven't had time for a boyfriend in three years. Didn't even consider wanting one for the first two," Chess looked over at the boy just in time to see him smile a bit before going back to his straight face and looking at her.

"Oh really? No dates? Nothing?" Chess felt her cheeks heat up under the look that he was giving her. Damn this boy and his questions.

"Nope. Not even in the slightest," I.M studied her face for a minute as if he was trying to tell if she what she said was true before smirking and turning back to look at the stars.

"That must have sucked," Chess felt a little bit braver than she probably should have. That's the only way she could possibly explain what came out of her mouth next.

"I bet your girlfriend is going to die when this episode airs," She mentally slapped herself. Why did her brain not stop her mouth?

"Doubt it. I've never had one. I'm not generally the type of guy that girls want," Chess felt the finished cigarette fall from her fingers onto the balcony's floor. No fucking way. He had to be lying. She smooshed the cigarette with her foot to make sure she didn't burn the floor while trying to make her brain work.

"Girls don't like you? What is hot and funny no longer on the list of things girls find attractive anymore?" That was it. Her brain was fired. It refused to help her sensor herself and she could not stand the embarassment that came with it.

"I guess I haven't been around the right girls because no one has ever called me hot before," Chess knew her face was redder than the flashy sports car parked across the street. And it was only getting worse considering the look that I.M was giving her. He sighed stuffing his hands in his pockets. "Glad to know what you think of me though."

She couldn't function. She couldn't take it back that would be mean and completely untrue but she couldn't confirm it either. She had embarassed herself enough apparently though as her mouth remained shut.

"If it makes you feel any better I think you're beautiful."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N And I'm still not sure of the pairings but I'm pretty sure that I.M's part just wrote itself into making him the main love interest. This will be interesting to say the least... As always Thank You for Reading! Kamsamnida!


	14. The Awesome Song

After firing her brain, Cheshire and I.M reentered the dorm, where I.M started yawning and telling her that he was going to go change. As she waited Chess went on ahead and dug out her pj pants and clothes for the next day so that they wouldn't get super wrinkled, and hung them on the end of the bunks in the living room. As she was grabbing her toothbrush and hair brush, I.M came back in a pair of basketball shorts and a hoodie telling her the bathroom was free. Chess nodded and practically ran to the bathroom. Once she closed the door she leaned against it. What was she supposed to do now? This night had gone far different than she had ever imagined and quite honestly she wasn't sure how she felt about it. When she finally felt her breathing come back to a normal pace she stood from the door and quickly changed getting herself ready for bed, deciding that it was much better to deal with this all later. Procrastination was one of her strongest traits after all. When she finally exited the bathroom she looked like a total bum but she was about to go to sleep so what did it really matter? Upon entering the living room she went directly to deposit her used toothbrush and clothes into her bag before looking up and noticing how the couch/bed/ottoman thing had been made up and I.M was laying on it with his arm covering his eyes.

"I figured you'd like to take the bed and I honestly don't know if there's another open one so you can just take mine while you're here," I.M slowly turned his head towards her never moving his arm but she saw his eyes widened and a faint blush crawl up his neck when he caught sight of her.

"Oh no... You, sir, have to start practicing tomorrow with your team! I am not going to be the reason that you can't perform your best! Giriboy or Vasco or both would kill me. Go on get in your damn bed!" Chess pulled him up by the arm covering his face and pushed him towards the bottom bunk in the living room. "I don't have to do shit tomorrow besides just watch over you guys so I mean it's not like I really need to be pampered or anything. I don't even really want to get pampered when I do have to do shit. Besides I honestly don't sleep all that much."

"Why? Don't you need sleep to function?" I.M walked over to the entrance to the living room and cut off the light after making sure that Cheshire was safely on the makeshift bed, not wanting her to slip and fall again.

"I do but not nearly as much as I used to. I used to rival Suga from BTS for being the best at rolling around in bed all day. I actually can say that I beat him since I have once slept for 32 hours straight," Chess laughed when she saw him freeze on the way back to the bunks in the dark. "But a lot of shit happened and then I went from sleeping all the time to never sleeping. For a long time I was stuck in an unhealthy cycle of insomnia but then I moved to Seoul and auditioned here. Sajangnim kept a really close eye on me to make sure that I kept myself healthy and eventually I just had to force myself back to an, at least kind of, decent sleep schedule. I generally get about 4-6 hours of sleep honestly. But it's enough for me to not look tired all the time and still be able to function as close to normal as I ever could."

"Wow. That's impressive. If I don't get at least 7 hours I look like I got hit by a bus," Chess snorted. She doubted the boy could ever look like he got hit by a bus but she'd probably get to pass judgement on that in the morning seeing as it was now 2 a.m. and they had to be up at 7.

"Well then go the fuck to sleep cuz right now you're looking at 5 hours at best," Chess laughed when she heard I.M snort and roll over in his bed. She cuddled down into the blankets and pillows he had laid out for her and she couldn't help but breathe deep and sigh as she was surrounded by his scent. She hadn't even bothered to take off the sweatshirt she had stolen from him and it was still amazing to her how good he smelled.

"Good night Noona. See you in the morning," I.M's tired voice was just so cute she couldn't help but giggle.

"Good night Pabo.  _Sweet dreams,"_  Chess heard him hum in acknowledgement already seeming like he was going to pass out and turned herself over to do the same. This could have gone much worse.

When Cheshire woke up it was 6 a.m. and her alarm hadn't even gone off. She got up and decided that she would get herself ready quickly before trying to wake up the boys. She smirked evilly. She knew exactly what she was going to do. After a quick few minutes in the bathroom, Chess looked at herself in approval. She had on her most comfortable pair of jeans and a simple scoop neck black long sleeved thermal shirt. Upon second inspection though she decided that she would throw I.M's sweatshirt back on just because. As she walked out of the bathroom she pulled her hair into a high pony tail and set out to retrieve her phone. She quickly found it and a speaker system with an aux port. She plugged up her phone and checked the time. 6:30 perfect. She made sure that the volume was as high as it would go and that all the rooms doors were wide open before opening her music and clicking a song. As Crowtit by BTS was blasting and the boys were startled awake Chess started dancing and rapping along. She watched as ten pairs of eyes came to stare at her, though by the time J-hope's rap came up Shownu had made his way over to her and joined her impromptu dance break laughing along with her until everyone slowly began to join in and by the time 'Spinebreaker' was on the whole dorm was dancing and singing along, apparently forgetting the tension of the previous day even if just for a few minutes. Jooheon came over towards her rapping Suga's part and dancing like the pabo he was, throwing his arm around her shoulder before he shoved her hip into his cutting him off and singing the chorus and leading into Rapmon's part which I.M took coming up to her following Jooheon's lead and dropping his arm on her shoulder only to have her do the same as she had to Jooheon. They all had fun for a few more songs, not even noticing the exception of I.M and Jooheon who were having a glaring contest over the others in the room.

Chess finally cut the music much to the boys dismay but it had already been longer than she planned and most of the boys were only in shorts and whatever top they could find when they left their rooms. Cheshire actually took note of how Wonho's hoodie was on backwards. She couldn't help but chuckle at the miscombobulated bunch of boys.

"Alright guys. It's 6:45 time to get ready and head out. I'm leaving at 7:15 on the dot and you all better be following. Ppali!" All the boys started to rush to get ready leaving I.M and Chess the last ones in the living room. "I'm gonna go out of the balcony to smoke so you can change but hurry I'm coming back in at 7:15 on the nose."

I.M nodded and Chess walked quickly out to the balcony and lit her cigarette. Thinking about how the day had started Chess figured that maybe today would be better than yesterday. Taking her time dragging on her cigarette Chess looked over her messages that she had ignored yesterday in favor of keeping the boys in check. Most of them were just her members wishing her luck on her mission and a few were from sajangnim thanking her for looking out for the boys and asking how they were taking the news. She quickly sent a reply that the boys were doing as well as could be expected given the situation and returned to her messages. The last one was from Giri.

Giriboy91: Are you ok? they're not doing anything stupid right? I'm not gonna have to kill one of em right?

Cheshire grinned lightly at her phone. She knew that he cared about her but when he tried to be protective it was just so funny. He wasn't like that with anyone else from what she had seen. She thought about her reply for a while before finally just deciding that it was easier to just be as simple as possible in her answer.

CheshireCat: I'm fine. Of course they were stupid, they are boys after all. I don't think murder is in your schedule for the day though.

Giri's reply came so quickly that she didn't even have time to take her a drag off her almost finished cigarette.

Giriboy91: Alright well get their asses in gear. We're already waiting at the studio. I need them to hear how fucking hard this song goes!

Chess couldn't help but laugh. He could be a five year old at times where his music was concerned. It was one of the qualities she loved about him.

CheshireCat: Don't worry they're getting ready now. We're heading out in a few.

Chess checked the time on her phone and it was 7:15 exactly. She went back into the dorm after disposing of her cigarette to find that the boys were all gathered around the door waiting.

"Good job guys. I expected to have to leave a few of you behind," Chess directed her look to the three visuals that were left who as they looked down and blushed under her stare. "Let's go. Giriboy's getting impatient."

The walk to the studio was surprisingly light hearted and peppy. The boys' moods seemed to have definitely perked up since last night. Chess was happy that the tension was almost completely gone. The boys might have still been avoiding I.M but it didn't seem so much like they were doing it to be mean anymore. More like they just didn't know what to say to him honestly and Chess could live with that. It took about fifteen minutes to walk with all the boys from the dorm to the studio and when they got there Chess was already freezing, I.M's sweatshirt did not manage to block the steady wind at all. As soon as she saw the doors she ran for them almost tripping over her converse shoelaces on the way. She really needed to figure out to tie them better.

Once all the boys had joined her in the elevator, which was a tight squeeze and she found herself between the buttons and I.M and Jooheon's chests, she pressed the button for their floor sending a silent prayer out that the elevator would make it to the floor with all the weight. When they finally made it, Chess led them to their meeting place and immediately ran over to give Giri a hug. He swiftly returned it before whispering in her ear.

"You sure no one has to die? I can always make time for murder in my schedule if it's for you," Chess scoffed and pulled away as Giri gave her sweatshirt choice a confused look. This was definitely not her normal style so where did it come from?

"Nah you're good. The boys were all as gentlemanly as they could have been. I.M even let me borrow his sweatshirt. Okay so I might have just outright stolen it from him but I think he would have just offered it anyways," Chess pouted at Giri and felt Mad Clown lightly smack the back of her head. She didn't actually see him do it but she knew it was Mad Clown. He was the only person who would have dared. "Oppa! I'm gonna tell Unnie you're being mean again!"

"Why do you even think that threat will work?" Mad Clown sighed and rubbed his forehead.

"Because I know what she'll take away if you don't treat me nicely. Remember Unnie loves me," Mad Clown turned to glare at Chess who had the most evil looking smirk on her face. Before either could continue their argument thought Junggigo started addressing the trainees explaining what the mission was. 

"Well the song I wrote is fucking amazing. Fucking cool. Fucking fun," Giri must have really wanted to beat Nochang. That much was obvious by the way he dropped those F-bombs. Chess was ready to hear it honestly, she had been curious about it since she heard the simple unfinished beat. Nochang was just as confident apparently though and Chess was looking forward to that one too. They didn't call him 'Genius' Nochang for nothing.

As fast as they had started, they ended their introductions and split the boys into their teams. Chess definitely was biased to Giri's if she hadn't been before seeing as he had chosen both Jooheon and I.M. Sure she hadn't really heard I.M rap yet but she was pretty sure he'd be great so long as he could keep a beat with that deep and sexy voice of his. She slowly followed the boys into Giri's studio and sat on the floor next to the door so that the boys could all take chairs and the couch, despite both I.M and Jooheon trying to offer their seat to her which made Giri scoff in their direction. Obviously neither boy knew her very well, she was stubborn as a mule and would never let anybody treat her delicately.

"Yah! Just because you don't have a chivalrous bone in your body doesn't mean you should be mean to the ones that do!" Giri looked at her deadpanned.

"I just know you better than to even offer at this point. You are the most stubborn ass I know," There was an audible gasp heard before Chess dropped the fake hurt look on her face and laughed.

"Okay, you're right. I am one hell of an ass," Giri chuckled as Mad clown rolled his eyes.

"Let's just listen to the song, yeah? I want to get paid already," Mad Clown was ever so eloquent. It made Chess giggle some more biting her lips to try not to cause anymore of a disturbance. Giri set about turning the song on and Chess couldn't help the shocked look that came onto her face. It was nothing like it had been a month ago. It was sleek and dirty and... god she just wanted to hear what they would put into their raps. It was perfect! Chess wasn't even aware that she had started dancing along from her spot on the floor until it ended and she caught four pairs of eyes on her.

"Yah! Don't you think that you're being a bit to biased as a judge?" Mad Clown laughed as Chess looked at her lap before looking up at him through her thick eyelashes.

"I'm gonna go listen to Nochang Sunbae's song in just a minute, what difference does it make?" Chess pouted slightly and the other three pairs of eyes widened. Giri, Jooheon and I.M all slightly blushed and looked away. She was so damn cute when she pulled out her aegyo. Giri cleared his throat and changed the subject quickly.

"No one's heard you rap yet?" He turned his attention to I.M asking the question that was on everyones mind. After a momentary conversation Mad Clown asked him to rap for them and Cheshire was so happy that she had stayed just a little bit longer. If she liked his speaking voice then she was in love with his rapping voice. Jooheon may have him on flow but he had nothing on I.M's tone. Chess really found it hard to believe that he had never had a girlfriend before now. His voice was way too sexy. She had to leave as soon as he was done. She couldn't risk being asked what she thought of it, not when her brain had been fired the night before and she was sure she wouldn't be able to filter thoughts yet.

Time to compare. Maybe it'd help her get her mind off of whatever confusing feelings kept swirling in her. She headed over to Nochang's temporary set up and entered. Praying his song elicited the same reaction from her so she could feel a bit more calm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N So I love writing for I.M honestly. Him and Giriboy are definitely my favorites. Since we're close to the end of No.Mercy though I wanted to let you know that I realize I haven't put much in about RI5E and I'm not even honestly sure if you want more about them or not but just so you're aware, after No.Mercy ends and Monsta X is formed I will end up with at least a few chapters strictly dedicated to the girls. It definitely goes with the story though so don't worry eveyone will show back up eventually. As always Thank You for Reading! Kamsamnida!


	15. The Fourth Mission

Cheshire entered Nochang's temporary studio exactly as he said they were going to listen to the song. She bowed slightly to him and her other two sunbaes before closing the door and standing beside it. As soon as the song poured out of the speakers Chess knew that the competition would end up coming down to the lyrics and how they performed it. She had unconciously started dancing to the song just like she had with Giri's, and she was thankful that when it finished and she looked up only Shownu had seemed to notice. The boy just smiled at her with a bright eye smile before turning his attention to his team mates who were screaming about how sure they were that they would win. As they started discussing parts and what they thought about putting into their lyrics Chess left the room giving a quick bow to her sunbaes before opening the door.

Chess waited in the center room for the trainees to finish meeting with their leaders. She was a judge and she didn't want to give herself too much information just to try and keep herself objective though she knew that her opinion wasn't going to decide who won this time. She could not have been happier when K. Will had told her about the audience vote that was going to decide the winning team. She was so sick of feeling bad for voting people out or being apart of the reason that a team lost. While she lost herself in her own thoughts the teams must have finished because both doors opened and the ten trainees came out all looking smug and confident. Chess just rolled her eyes and shook her head lightly smiling at the boys who were gathering in front of her like she was their chaperone for a field trip and once that visual came to mind she couldn't stop her mouth.

"Alright children! Did we all enjoy our field trip to the studio? Yeah? Okay well remember keep quiet and stay in a double file line while we make our way back to the school!" Chess had bent to place her hands on her knees over exaggerating the smile on her face as some of the boys sniggered and some just looked at her like she was crazy. "Oh come on! That was hilarious and you know it!"

That set them off. All ten trainees started cracking up at the offended look on Cheshire's face, most laughing so hard they doubled over.

"Ne, Seonsaengnim. Mianhe, Seonsaengnim," I.M couldn't help adding in his own 4D comments as he found himself in a similar situation as he had last night with the abusive floor. Chess walked over to him and gently patted his head with a bright eye smile.

"This is what a good Hagsaeng looks like! Take note you brats!" The laughter slowly tapered off but the jokes that had passed between Chess and I.M seemed to help the other guys accept him even if only a little bit as they started lightly shoving him and just talking to him in general. It made Chess's heart soar to watch them acting like they were friends. 

"Well I guess I can leave you guys be now. I'm going to go back home and I'll see you all again in a few days for the mission," Chess smiled at the group of trainees happy to see them genuinely smile back at her. She watched as they all filed out of the room to make their way to the practice rooms before catching I.M's shirt sleeve as he was the last one to start to leave. "I'll give you your sweatshirt back after I wash it, okay? Thanks for letting me borrow it."

"Keep it. You look better in it than I ever did. Remember? I'm not that hot. But you're beautiful," It was cheesy and awkward and everything that Cheshire had ever come to expect out of anything remotely similiar to a confession aimed her way. She blushed deeply before she heard someone clear their throat behind them. I.M just bowed and walked out the door as Chess turned to look at who it was. Mad Clown did not look happy.

"You realize you're still a judge right? If you're too close to him he'll get eaten alive by the nietzens," Mad Clown closed the distance between them and whispered in her ear.

"It's not like that and the PD has already been informed to cut almost everything with me out anyways. Sajangnim is getting to look over what they have prepared before it gets released too. So it's ok. Besides it's not like that," Chess felt the need to explain herself though she was pretty sure Mad Clown didn't buy it.

"You haven't acted like that since you met Giri. I find it hard to believe that it's not LIKE that. On a separate note, you still might want to put some distance anyways. Even if the nietzens don't get wind of it there are others who can be just as harmful that are already taking notice," Mad Clown started walking away leaving Chess confused. What the hell was that supposed to mean? Well at least she had plenty of time to think that over before she even had to look in I.M's direction again. Uggghhh.... She hated when Mad Clown was being cryptic.

 

It had been almost a week since she had seen the trainees or Giri and Mad Clown and she was starting to go a bit crazy. Her last conversation with Mad Clown had done nothing but confuse her and force her to think over how she had acted with both Giri and I.M. She had to admit there were definitely similarities but she couldn't see why her becoming friends with a trainee was a bad thing. She was friends with Jooheon too. Finally she had just given up and decided that she'd have to just see for herself who these dangerous people were that Mad Clown had mentioned. Just let them try to hurt her friends, she would bury them. Thankfully though, today was the day of the fourth mission and as it was an audience vote only K. Will and Cheshire were there to give criticism.

Ji Eun had done an amazing job on Chess's outfit choice, it was both hard and sexy with a hint of danger. Black ripped skinny jeans tucked into black knee high combat boots accented with a thick studded belt. All topped off with an off the shoulders ripped black tee with the Saying we're all mad here in red with the Cheshire smile appearing as a white cresent moon. Her hair was in thick wavy curls again and she had a smokey eye on top of a dark matte lip accented by her new lip piercing that she had gotten the day after she left the trainees in the studio. She looked like a force to be reckoned with and she relished in the confidence it gave her. She was ready for anything.

Cheshire was told to sit up in the balcony that had been set up so the teams could watch each others performances and K. Will would shortly be joining her too, he just had to introduce the mission and Giri's team first. Once he was done and had made his way up to the balcony himself the performance started. Chess's heart felt like it was going to pound out of her chest. She was so nervous for her boys. As soon as Mad Clown's rap started though, she could never understand why she had been nervous the song just flowed from them like it was the most natural thing in the world. Chess felt her heart skip a beat when I.M started rapping though. He looked amazing. If he was hot in every day life then he was a god on stage with a mic. as he rapped he made his way towards Chess's side of the stage and the moment that Seokwon took over he reached a hand towards Cheshire gesturing for her hand. She leaned over the railing to offer it and he tied a thinly folded bandana into a bow around her wrist. It was so cute Chess had to laugh. He went back to entertain the audience afterword and Chess just started dancing along with the rest of the crowd, yelling out in excitement when Giri started his rap. He was definitely 100 times sexier on stage. He oozed confiedence and it just made you want him to just look in your direction for a second. Of course he did look at Chess when he was rapping he had always made it a point to if she was at a show. she was almost disappointed when his part was over but was happily surprised to hear Jooheon's voice cut through the noise. Jooheon wasn't so much 'sexy' on stage as he was fierce and strong. It just drew you to look at him and Chess noticed she was definitely not the only girl there that had been drawn in either. He had always known how to own a stage but it felt so much more real with fans in the crowd screaming his name. As he meandered back to the main stage he looked up at Chess and gave her a wicked smile coupled with a wink. If he hadn't been so in control of the stage at that exact moment she probably would have rolled her eyes but the way he was killing it she could only offer her most seductive smirk. She hadn't even meant for it to be seductive, it had just come out that way, especially considering the body rolls she was doing with the music. She just couldn't stop. It was like a natural reaction and it filled her with a joy and excitement that she had only felt when she was the one on stage. And just like that it was over. The music stopped and K. Will asked her opinion.

"Wow. Giriboy you've always made good music but I'm pretty sure this is going to be your masterpiece. I loved it. I literally could not stop myself from dancing. I haven't ever had that much fun with a song unless I'm the one on stage performing it. And I think I saw a couple girls almost faint when you took off your shirt Wonho. I gotta give it to you guys, that will be tough to beat," Chess noticed how out of breath she sounded but she couldn't care less the crowd was roaring in agreement with her and she had no regrets. She zoned out for a while until she heard Jooheon say something about putting his soul into two fingers and Chess turned to face him right at the moment that he started his aegyo. She dropped into a crouch with one hand still on the railing and the other covering her mouth as she openly laughed. She couldn't breathe. No way he had just done that in front of 300 and some odd people... No way... But of course he had, it was impossible to deny by the way the crowd was loosing their shit. That may have been the best and most manipulative move she had seen this entire competition and she loved it.

Shortly after Cheshire had reclaimed her seat the red team had come to replace the white team on the balcony and she felt someone wrap their arms around her shoulders as they sat down. Looking over she saw Jooheon slowly lean his head on her shoulder and she reached up to pat his cheek. Almost as soon as she had dropped her hand another arm wrapped around her waist and pulled her so that Jooheon's head fell off her shoulder. Giri smirked at the look Jooheon gave him and the staring contest wouldn't have stopped anytime soon if Chess didn't have something to say about it.

"That was mean Giri!" She smacked his shoulder wriggling herself free from his arm and stood up to lean on the railing. 

It was long after that the white team was starting to perform. Their performance was definitely more base on the vocals and dancing but it still made Chess have to dance along. It was almost as much fun as Giri's song, almost. Before she knew it #Gun had started rapping and was practically dissing Mad Clown as he walked towards where Chess was. He made the same motion that I.M had and when she lowered her hand to hime he tied his own bandana on her wrist. She really couldn't hold in her laughter as he looked over at I.M and slapped both hands on his chest in what Chess could only describe as a 'come at me bro' gesture. Their performance while nifty to watch hadn't focused as much on interacting with the crowd which Cheshire thought was the only real downfall. Else wise it had been just as good musically. This time though when the song ended K. Will just gave his comments not bothering to ask Chess what she had thought. After a few comments from the group K. Will explained the voting process and how they were going to work eliminations. Then it was over. The crowd went to vote and all they could do was wait. It didn't take too long and K. Will was about to announce the winners. It came down to 11 votes. That's all that separated winning and losing in this mission. 11 votes. When K. Will had announced the winners Chess couldn't help but feel proud of the boys. She just smiled brightly down to them standing on the stage.

Giriboy's team had won.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N Why did they do the bandana thing? Well you'll find out in the next chapter ^_^... As always Thank You for Reading! Kamsamnida!


	16. Breakdowns and Lotte World

Cheshire looked at the other judges. She had known that they were eliminating but that didn't make her feel any better about her choice. It had been obvious who to choice on the white team. The only one who forgot their words, Yoonho. That made it no easier for any of them. But this had to be done. K. Will brought back in the trainees, telling the red team to stand on the stage behind them so that the white team could line up. Their faces said it all. This was painful.

K. Will took some pity on them and made the announcement quick. Ripping the bandaid off it one fast swipe. There were tears and lots of them. This was about as hard as losing Minkyun. Everyone was attached to the boys at this point. It was so hard for Cheshire to watch her boys breakdown. Her boys. She felt like every single one of them had become family to her and she couldn't help but to break down herself. She exited the balcony knowing there wasn't anyone to console her this time. Giri had had to go for some reason or another and all she really wanted at that point was to have him hug her and tell her it was alright. That everything was okay. She wouldn't get that though and she couldn't possibly ask Jooheon or I.M for such a thing right then. Despite being a judge she walked out. She couldn't be there anymore.

As she was going through backstage to leave the boys came through at the same time. Chess stopped in her tracks and turned to face the wall, not wanting them to see her tears. It was too late though, they had all already seen her tear stained cheeks and she knew it. She had hoped that they would just keep walking, that they would ignore her but apparently that wasn't their plan. She felt arms wrap around her waist from behind and a chin settle itself onto her shoulder. She sobbed then. A choked and strangled noise that she didn't even know she could make. She forced her head forehead to connect to the wall pulling both her hands up to cover her mouth that was opened in a silent wail. Soon another set of arms wrapped around her and her other shoulder held a chin. The sobs wouldn't stop wracking her body and she didn't know for certain that the shaking was entirely her own doing. Eventually the two boys managed to pull her away from the wall so that the other trainees could come hug her or pat her head or just give her a comforting touch whereever they could reach. She felt the two chins move off her shoulders to be replaced with a pair of large arms that pulled her face to his chest, though neither boy released his grip on her waist. Shownu's embrace sent her over the edge. It felt like having a younger brother trying to protect her when she should have been protecting them. Chess threw her arms around his waist, clinging so tightly that she was sure he was having trouble breathing but not one word of protest came from his lips. Shownu ran his fingers through her hair as she cried, leaving makeup on his pristine white shirt. Chess had not felt this kind of pain in a long time. It wasn't about eliminating trainees anymore, it was the fact that she once again could no longer protect those she cared about. She felt her knees go weak and the two boys holding her waist keeping her upright. She couldn't imagine how horrible this would have looked to anyone outside of their circle but at that point it probably didn't matter.

"Shhh... Shhh.... It's okay Noona. It's going to be alright," Shownu and the other boys started to lightly sway trying to get her to calm down. It took a long time before she finally loosened her grip on Shownu and pulled her face out of his chest wiping her cheeks on her hands, trying to make sure that she didn't look too bad when she looked up.

"Mianhe. Jinja mianhe...." Chess repeated this a couple times before she finally calmed down completely. She still couldn't bring herself to look at the boys though and she didn't know what to do. I.M took his arms from around her waist and moved to stand in front of her and lift his chin.

"Come on Noona. Let's get you away from these floors before they throw themselves at you again," He smiled sweetly at her when she chuckled a bit.

"I.M you're very strange you know that?" Jooheon had released his grip on her waist as he broke into his aegyo making Cheshire laugh a little bit harder. "There's my favorite smiley Noona."

Chess laughed some more as he wouldn't drop his aegyo at all. She could never have imagined that these would have been the people who had comforted her but she couldn't help but smile knowing that they were. "Saranghe boys. Jinja saranghe."

Chess made sure to make eye contact with all nine of the remaining trainees trying to make them understand that she really meant it. She loved these boys. She really did and she was not ready to let another one go without telling them.

 

The next day Cheshire woke up feeling much better considering she had spent the rest of the night with the boys. She even stayed the night at their dorm again where they played stupid team work games and drank a bottle or four of soju together to celebrate them moving on and mourn the loss of Yoonho who had left before any of them had even made it out of the venue. Today though they were going to Lotte World. Cheshire had never actually been and was being allowed this free pass to go unemcumbered since they were going to be filming the boys too which just screamed celebrity at a place like that anyways.

When she finally moved to get off the makeshift bed that had kind of just become her spot, she saw that over half of the trainees had opted to sleep in the living room on the floor. It was really adorable to see them all cuddled together. Chess quietly made her way to the bathroom and happened upon a black Angels shirt that had been cut into a muscle tank lying on the drying rack. Without a second thought she stole it and went into the bathroom to change and freshen up. She wore the tank along with a black and lime green bandeaux and a pair of skin tight ripped skinny jeans. She put a little light make up on since she was going out in public and simply pulled her hair into a high ponytail after brushing through it a few times. She was ready to go.

When she walked back out to the living room none of the boys had moved so she quickly connected her phone to the speakers again and turned up the volume. This time it was BigBang's Bae Bae that startled the trainees awake. When some just rolled back over Chess went up and loudly imitated T.O.P.'s rap above them causing them to curse and finally start moving. After getting woken up they all started moving to get ready for the day. As the song finally changed to Good Boy, Shownu came out of the bathroom shirtless.

" _Oh my god!_ My innocent eyes!" Chess yelled as he came closer to her. She laughed when his eyes widened and his face dropped into a shocked expression.

"Are you really wearing my shirt?" Chess bit her lips giggling at the shirtless boy in front of her. He really was like a younger brother.

"Oh this? It's yours? Yeah I grabbed it off the drying rack. I liked it so I figured I'd wear it today," Shownu groaned in response.

"I specificlly washed that so I could wear it today," Chess couldn't help but laugh as he retreated to his room to search for a new shirt utterly defeated.

"What is your deal with stealing peoples shirts?" I.M came over to her finishing pulling on his own shirt.

"Well I'd steal your pants too if I liked them. But unfortunately I also couldn't fit them either," Chess looked at the ceiling deep in thought for a second. "Honestly the reason I always steal peoples clothes is something I can't tell you. Contract. Its a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma."

"One day that contracts going to end and you're going to have to tell me all your secrets," I.M smirked at her as she wrapped a hoodie around her and then a thick black peacoat.

"Maybe. You'll have to be around for that long though," I.M finished putting on his own coat and wrapped his arm around her shoulders pulling her into his side so he could whisper in her ear.

"I'm not going anywhere."

 

The trip to Lotte World was uneventful but as soon as she got there Cheshire was wide eyed and childlike. She proclaimed how she wanted to ride everything and the only one brave enough to attempt some of the rides was Jooheon. They split off from the group in favor of going to the French Revolution and the Giant Loop rides. When Jooheon tried to get her on the Gyro Drop though she literally ran away from him. When she stopped running she found that all the guys were staring at the Gryo Spin and Jooheon shortly caught up with them while they were considering. Chess quickly ran to I.M pulling him towards the line for the ride by the hand. He laughed at how excited she got, it was just so cute. He made it a point to intertwine their fingers though when she didn't let go of his hand. It startled Chess since she hadn't realized that she hadn't let go of his hand yet and drew her attention to his smiling face. She couldn't think of a reason to make him let go so she just looked away and blushed. When she looked to her left though Jooheon was there and he grabbed her other hand interlocking their fingers. Just when she thought her face couldn't get any redder Shownu showed up behind her and wrapped his arms around her neck. These boys were going to kill her.

After some strange looks from the attendant the group got on the ride and sat in their respective seats. Cheshire was literally bouncing up and down in excitement waiting for the ride to start. Jooheon and I.M both sniggered at her childlike behavior before everyone heard Wonho yelp as the bar locked him into place. Cheshire laughed so hard that if it hadn't been for the bar holding her in place she would have fallen to the floor. When the ride started moving everyone was yelling and having a blast except for Wonho who looked like he was about to die.

The day went on in a similar manner with not a lot of conversation but a whole lot of smiles and laughs. They rode most of the rides and they ate almost everything in sight. It had made everyone forget the breakdowns that happened the day before and couldn't have been more perfect in Chess's mind. By the time they were getting tired the boys decided to take one last photo on the bridge above the ice rink when they got two of the mascots to come take a picture with them. Cheshire had been informed of the plan so she was standing in the back ready to strike her pose before they realized what was happening.

When she did and #Gun realized what was going on she cracked up. The face he made was just so exasperated that he looked like a grandpa. Once everyone had read the banner though they were starting to feel the seriousness of the week ahead of them.

This was it, their last mission for No.Mercy. The boys couldn't tell what they should be feeling judging by their faces. None the less this definitely ended their fun trip. It was time for them to go back home and for the boys to go back to the practice rooms. Cheshire was excited for it to end but was nervous at the same time. She would have to help eliminate two more of the boys and she had no idea how she was going to manage it. She loved them all so much and they each brought something very valueable to the table. So much talent was being wasted while they were still trainees but she felt like it was a smack in the face to be told she could only choose 7 to debut. She hoped that the boys would understand when the final decisions were made but she couldn't even ask that of them either. She'd just have to wait and see what happened just like everyone else. It felt like the Hunger Games. As each boy dropped their number on the ground she stood and watched and when the last one hit the banner she looked at the boys backs as they walked towards the exit.

" _May the odds be ever in your favor."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N I know the Lotte World bit is kind of cheesy and meh but it had to be included because I mean its fucking Lotte World. But I hope it was still at least slightly enjoyable... As always Thank You for Reading! Kamsamnida!


	17. Finals and Monsta X

The stage was set. There were 600 people in the audience. There were 9 judges. The real battle began now and Cheshire was feeling very conflicted. She watched as the introduction played across the stage and the fans screamed. She tried but lost count of how many girls had which boys name on a sign or screen. She could only hope that everything would be easier than the last couple eliminations though deep down she knew that wouldn't happen. Hyolyn had long ago grabbed Chess's hand to try and comfort the conflicting emotions in her soft grin. Cheshire was actually impressed with her ability to sense the discomfort that Chess had. On her left Mad Clown had taken to simply resting his hand on the back of her chair and rubbing her back every now and again. Chess wished Giri could have been here. It was going to be months before she saw him again though. His promotions were just coming to an end and with the success of RI5E's album that had come out almost a month prior after only a few weeks of recording, Chess was going to be very busy soon. This was the last thing she was set to film before she had a two day break to pack and prepare for their first world tour. And that meant while Giri and the boys that made it into the final group were recording she would be in Europe, or the States, or even South America or Canada. She wasn't sure she couldn't handle the separation this time. It was going to take a lot of will power that she wasn't sure would survive this show.

Just as Chess was sure she was going to lose her sanity they finally introduced the trainees, spoke about how the voting would work and began to set up for the first performance. Hyungwon, Jooheon, and I.M were first and as happy as Chess was that Jooheon and I.M were on a team she wasn't happy that they were first. She wished they had been last so she could have focused on that while watching the others perform should it be unsatisfactory causing her to not be able to criticize but nope. They were first. At least it would be a good performance.

Chess had not ever in he life felt as unprepared as she did for the amazing opening that they had prepared. The stage looked amazing as it exploded in light and Jooheon owned the stage like always. His familiar flow was accentuated perfectly by Hyungwon's low timbre. She couldn't stop moving. She bobbed her head and swayed not knowing how to process all the awesome sights they had going for them. Then I.M was on the stage. His voice sounded better than usual if that was possible. He was hyped and Chess couldn't contain it anymore. She stood and started dancing along. She watched as Jooheon, I.M and Hyungwon made a show of watching her like they had planned it from the beginning causing her to drop to a crouch laughing at herself. These boys really did know her too well. Their stage was amazing none the less and she couldn't have been happier for them as they ended their song with the crowd screaming for more.

After Junggigo, Rhymer and Hyolyn had their say K. Will looked expectantly at Cheshire. He quirked an eyebrow when she didn't immediately reach for the mic which made her smile awkwardly at him and bow her head before reaching for her mic.

"I loved it," Cheshire giggled nervously as the other judges chuckled at her immediate praise. "I wasn't honestly going to say anything. I felt like the fact that you caught me dancing along just kind of gave away how I felt. I've honestly never been more proud in my life. I feel like I have gotten to be a part of history simply by being a judge on this show but now I think that I'm just lucky to have been able to meet and get to know such amazing people as yourselves. You put on an amazing show and I hope you're proud of yourselves."

"You're not going to comment on their english this time?" Mad Clown had to chuckle at her lack of usual commentary.

"Well now that you mention it they did very well on their english. And thanks Mad Clown I was trying to not be known only for my critiques on the boys' english," Chess sent him a playful glare and smirk only to have all the judges and the fans laugh. It was good to feel the light hearted atmosphere that had come just from this one performance.

The judges continued on for a while before sending the boys back to the greenrooms, though the didn't leave before sending various heart hand signs to Chess who responded with her trademark double heart. The time between groups passed quickly and before she knew it Wonho, Seokwon and Kihyun were taking their places on the stage. Chess remained seated the whold time, not because it wasn't good but becuase she was in shock. It was so ridiculously sexy. She could hardly look at the boys and she knew her cheeks were burning. She couldn't look away though, the boys demanded attention. Their body rolls were out of this world and their breakdown made her heart flutter. They were just so damn sexy. Where the hell had this sex appeal come from? She was on the verge of passing out from lack of oxygen reaching her brain when they finally reached the end of their stage.

"Cheshire let's hear your thoughts," K. Will's voice sounded like it was miles away but she picked up the mic none the less never taking her eyes off the boys.

" _Wow... That was amazing... It was ungodly sexy..."_ Cheshire saw the confused looks on the boys faces and figured out what was wrong. She was unknowingly speaking english. She blushed clapping a hand to her mouth and dropping her head to land on her knee before looking back up. "Mianhe! I couldn't get my brain to work. You guys just.... uggghhhh... I don't think I know the appropriate words in korean for this.... So ridiculously, sinfully, beyond sexy... Where? When? How? What happened to you guys? You've never done a stage like this before! I just can't even function right now. I just... Wow.... When did you get sex appeal? Good english though..."

The judges all laughed at how flustered Chess was but she couldn't help it. This was crazy. She couldn't even really hear the other judges comments as she just kept having memories of the dance flash in her mind. She needed a drink. Something stronger than Monster too. It wasn't long before the boys were sent backstage again and she could finally breathe correctly again. She waved her hand in front of her face trying to cool down her burning cheeks but it did little good. Luckily before too long Shownu, Minhyuk and #Gun were getting into position and Chess could finally focus on something other than that god forsaken performance earlier.

Their stage was sweet seeming. It started with some beautiful vocals and some cute dancing on Shownu's part. Chess couldn't help but bob her head up and down and clap along until the beat dropped and #Gun started his rap. She was dancing in her seat this time but couldn't help but feel a gummy smile stretch across her face. It was all just so cute! They were all looking like adorable school boys and it just made Chess feel like she was watching her younger brothers at a talent show, just more professional. The judges took their time talking about how well they had performed making sure to tell them how cute they were. Finally Chess just took it upon herself to pick up her mic.

"Before it's brought up again for me, yes your english was perfect," Cheshire earned a small laugh from the judges, the boys and the fans. "This was a really cute stage and I'm very impressed with how you managed to make that rap cute #Gun. I had a lot of fun watching it and I am so proud of you. You've grown so much as performers and I am so happy that I got to know you all."

Chess could feel herself getting close to an emotional level and put down her mic so that she couldn't make herself cry. Shownu raised his arms above his head making a heart at her and she just chuckled at his cute attempt to make her laugh.  The boys were sent to get ready for the final performance and Chess could feel how nervous she was getting now. It was going to be another 15 minutes before the performances were done and another hour before they would be eliminating the final two. It was almost over but the anxiety that Chess was feeling wouldn't go away. No matter how she tried she would never be mentally prepared enough for this.

The boys were in position. The music dropped and it was amazing to watch. They were sharp and they were clean. Their vocals were amazing. Their raps hit hard. They were as perfect as she could have ever asked them to be. She watched the ten boys that she had started out honestly not expecting anything from become ten talented and amazingly sexy men right in front of her. They were everything she had ever wanted to see from a boy group and she couldn't believe it was over. Chess couldn't hold it anymore conflicting tears escaped from her eyes. They were beautiful and she was so proud of them but she was also just so devastated that two were going to be leaving. When K. Will asked for opinions he started on the opposite side of the judges line than Chess was on and she was thankful. She needed time to get herself together. Though by the time her turn came around she was almost more of a mess.

"You guys are beautiful. You put on an amazing show. You had fun. You don't regret the music and I'm sure you can tell the music definitely doesn't regret you. Mian," She apologized for the almost sob that left her. "I can't imagine that I could ever be more proud of a group of people in my entire life and honestly I'm already upset because I don't know how we're going to eliminate two of you. We, the judges and the fans, have the hardest vote of the show right now because you have all been perfect. You looked like you've been debuted for years and I can't express how amazing you all are."

Cheshire put down her mic and held her head in her hand. She wasn't going to make it through this without a breakdown and she realized that just now. Soon enough though the fans were sent to vote and the judges deliberated while the boys sat in the greenroom. The votes were almost unanimous and the final eliminations were set. When the boys were called to the stage Chess was already fighting tears again. When had she turned into such a baby? She didn't know but these boys were breaking down walls she hadn't honestly known she had and that made losing two of them that much harder.

K. Will began calling names. First was Jooheon followed swiftly by Shownu then Kihyun then Hyungwon then Wonho then I.M. I.M looked like he was about to fall out but the last announcement broke Cheshire's resolve. The tears were falling with no barriers. She couldn't have stopped them if she tried. Minhyuk looked so conflicted. He was so happy to hear his name obviously but so sad that Seokwon and #Gun had failed. Sobs wracked Chess's body watching the two left break and watching the debuting trainees try to keep their eyes dry. It hurt her heart so much.When #Gun and Seokwon left the stage the judges were given the chance to speak and Cheshire wanted to go last. She wanted to be the last official words that they heard in this as selfish as that sounded. When she finally picked up her mic she had a big smile on her face and sad eyes. She was so proud of them but so sad for the others.

"I want you all to remember that you deserve this. Don't ever, EVER doubt yourselves. Every last one of you has made me so irrevocably proud," It was hard to talk around the lump in her throat. "You will do amazing things that much I know... There's not one of you that I am not happy to see still standing on that stage... No matter how you started or even when you deserve this and I could never have asked for more than what you gave us... While its sad to see the other two go and I know that it's going to weigh on your hearts, I want you to always remember to be happy about what you've done here..."

With that it was over. The judges went down to the stage to congradulate the winners and Chess stood back until the boys were all free. Still crying she went up to the boys and just smiled with the tears flowing from her eyes. Jooheon and I.M were the first to rush her but the other boys swiftly followed engulging her in a group hug. She couldn't help but laugh as the seven guys started bouncing up and down around her. 

"Yah! No more tears! We made it!" Shownu was the source of the shout that made giggles bubble out of Cheshire's mouth.

"Yah! I'm still older than you Pabo!" Chess lightly smacked Shownu's arm before they all broke into a laughing fit. Somethings would never change and she hoped this was one of them. She looked at all the boys faces surrounding her.

Cheshire had officially met Monsta X.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N I'm sorry if this is repetitive or boring I just couldn't help how it happened. If it's badly written it's probably because I was crying the entire time I wrote it and I couldn't help it honestly... I hope it's still enjoyable enough though.... As always Thank You for Reading! Kamsamnida!


	18. Problematic Locale

Cheshire woke up in a hotel room with Alice tightly wound around her legs and arms. No wonder she had woken up. Chess attempted to move the smaller girl off of her only to be greeted with a groan as she disentangled herself in her sleep. Chess just scoffed and headed to the bathroom to get a start on her day. It was the end of their tour. They had just had a two day break in New York and now they were in North Carolina for a show in Raleigh. Why? Because sajangnim had a vendetta against Chees apparently. Why else would he put her so close to her childhood home knowing that she couldn't even go see anyone or even let anyone know it was going to be her on that stage tonight. This was the only time she had ever dreaded a show. What if someone who knew her just so happened to come? She didn't look that different from when she had lived here. Sure she was much skinnier but that didn't change her basic look. Panic was the only way she could describe the feeling creeping up her spine. This show could literally ruin her if the wrong person showed up and recognized her. She finally came out of the bathroom in the most inconspicuous clothes that she could. It was just after 8 a.m. and all she wanted was a good coffee from one of her old favorite shops.

Morning Times was just as she remembered it, a little bit of urban country settled in the heart of downtown. Walking in she immediately felt all the tension leave her shoulders as she breathed in the beautiful smell of fresh brewed coffe. When she got to the counter she ordered a simple large coffee and paid, putting a couple dollars in the tip jar. As she made up her huge cup of coffee she let her mind wander down memory lane a bit. She used to come here almost every morning before she had packed up and flown to Seoul. Nothing around her had really changed in the three and a half years she'd been gone and she couldn't decide if that made her happy or not. She knew that the City of Oaks hadn't really been known to be ever changing but she had kind of hoped that it could have just wiped away the parts that held memories for her so she didn't feel so bad about not being able to talk about or to anyone from her past.

" _Scarlett? Scarlett Beck?_ " Chess froze. She hadn't heard that name in three and a half years and had no intentions of answering it. Luckily she was still wearing her suglasses that covered half her face. " _Oh my goodness it is you! How have you been!?"_

"Mwoh? Mianhe I don't speak english," It was a pitiful attempt and she knew it but somehow or another she had to get out of there. This would not end well.

" _Scarlett, you can't fool me I've known you since we were 7,"_ Well she tried right? Cheshire removed her sunglasses and looked at the woman in front of her. She hadn't changed much since high school. She still looked every bit the geek she was.

" _I'm really sorry but I can't talk I have to go. It was nice seeing you Christina,"_ Chess made her way towards the exit only to find that Christina was following her.

" _At least let me walk with you. No one's heard from you since the accident and we were all worried about you,"_ Christina WAS always the persistent one. How could she have forgotten that.

_"Unfortunately due to my job I really can't talk to you. I know it sounds mean but it could really fuck up my life. I'm really sorry,"_ Chess felt the urge to run but she just ignored it and kept her pace even. Only four blocks to the hotel. She could do this.

_"I'm sorry but you can't do that! We've looked for you for years. After everything that happened we all went over to your house just to find a note saying you were leaving and that you'd call us when you could. It's been three and a half years! You could have at least called to let us know you were okay! What happened to you?"_ Christina had hit a nerve and Cheshire couldn't hold back now.

_"The accident happened! I lost everything! I picked up and moved to get away from the memories! Hell, you want to know what I've done with my life? Fuck it, why not? I'm probably already screwed anyways,"_ Chess took a deep breath and glared towards her old friend. " _I moved to Seoul. Like I always said I would. On a whim I auditioned for an entertainment company thinking it'd at least be something to do with my life. They signed me Chris! I'm an idol now! The only white female one at that! When my boss wrote up my contract he very specifically made it so that people couldn't dig into my past and that I couldn't talk about it. I am not even supposed to be talking to you at all. It sucks but for what I've gained I was willing to give up everything I had ever been. Get this, I'm a rapper too. Pretty famous over there. I was voted Female Idol to watch last month. I have worked my ass off for this and you not just letting me walk away could destroy everything that I have built for myself now. Sorry if I don't really have a lot of sympathy for my old life or for trying to make myself better again. I am not Scarlett Beck anymore. She died in that accident too. My name is Cheshire and I have a concert tonight so I need to go get ready should I still have my job by the time it starts."_

Chess didn't wait to see the look on Christina's face she just turned and walked away leaving the other girl dumbfounded in the street. She dug her phone out of her pocket before placing a quick call to Korea. It was late and she knew that but sajangnim needed to help her now.

"Yoboeseyo?" Sajangnim must have still been at the office though it wasn't super late considering.

"We have a problem sajangnim," Chess knew that he was going to flip and she was not up to dealing with pleaseantries at the moment.

"What happened Chess?" She stopped walking and just finished off her coffee.

"I ran into one of my old friends at a coffee shop. I tried to walk away but given the circumstances that I left under she wanted an explanation. She hit a nerve. I told her everything. Who's idea was it to stop in Raleigh anyways? How was this not expected?" Chess was about to lose her cool again and it was driving her insane that sajangnim hadn't realized why this had been a bad idea.

"It was expected Chess."

" _What?!"_

"We had no doubts that you would be recognized. We're trying to slowly ease you out of the gag order. I don't like that you've been having to deal with so much on your own. You're strong and I know that but I also know that you need to be able to talk to people about what you went through. You've gotten a lot of praise recently and we think that your career can handle it. We're not going to run a full coverage piece or anything but we're going to start letting you answer questions as you see fit... But we wanted to give you a chance to tell your home town what you've been up to if you wanted. We just didn't want you to panic though so we kind of just threw the raleigh stop off in there to give you a nudge." Chess almost dropped her phone. He was kidding right? She didn't want to come back. Not really. She didn't want anyone but those closest to her to know anything. Now people would be able to dig. She didn't want her fans to know about the accident or her pain. She wanted to be the enigma.

"I don't want anyone to know though. I just wanted to be able to talk to Giriboy or Jooheon or Mad Clown or I.M or the girls. I don't want the fans to find out. I want to be a strong enigma to the public. I don't want them to know sajangnim."

"We can't keep it a secret forever. You have a past just like everyone else. The fans will appreciate your candidness. You should give this some more thought." Chess sighed. He was right and she knew it she just didn't want to admit it.

"Okay sajangnim. Arrasseyo," Chess hung up her phone and placed it back in her pocket turning around to see where she had just fought with Christina. She knew she wouldn't be ther but she kind of wished she would have been. She felt bad for yelling now. Christina had been there for everything and had helped to make Cheshire see that the accident hadn't been the end of her life and Chess just treated her like shit. She walked back to the hotel feeling lower than dirt and went through the doors to find her members sitting on the beds waiting for her.

"Are you okay? You disappeared for a long time," Bei Lee asked as soon as she entered the room.

"No, I'm not okay. I need to tell you guys a really long story soon but I want to wait until after we get back to Korea okay? What I will tell you now though is this is my hometown. I grew up here. I lost a lot before I moved to Korea and it's been hard to be back here. I'm going to say something about that at the concert. I think there are some people I need to apologize to," Her members nodded before standing up and coming to hug her. They had seen some rough times together but they had never seen Cheshire so vulnerable. There weren't words that could fix this and she thanked her members silently for not trying to find some to placate her. She was going to get through this though. The hardest part was already over.

 

The girls had just finished their concert and they were heading back to the stage for their encore. Cheshire was the first to go onstage and she knew now was the time if she was going to try to talk to her friends. She was sure Christina would have gotten them last minute tickets and even if she hadn't she was posted up somewhere that she could hear her. That's just who she was.

" _Hey there guys I want to tone it down for a minute I have something really important to say,"_ Cheshire waited for the inevitable silence that followed. She loved that her fans were so willing to listen to her. " _This is my hometown. I haven't been back in three and a half years and nothing has really changed. Including the friends that I left behind. I ran into one of them today. I know that it's pretty different to hear anything about my past but that's because all this time that I've been debuted we've had a contract in place to keep people from being able to dig into my past. I'm still not quite ready to share that part of the story with you but I wanted to take a moment and apologize. I was a lousy friend. I just up a left to South Korea without even truely saying goodbye. I promised to contact people and I never did. I actually yelled at one of the few people who stuck with me through the hardest time of my life today and I feel terrible for it. I don't deserve that friendship anymore but I just hope that they can hear me and that they understand that I didn't meant to hurt them. There's no excuse for what I said and I can't think of anything that could have been worse to do. Christina, if you're out there I'm sorry and this last song is for you guys. The ones who waited and looked for me."_

It was the song that Giri had produced for them. The only song on their album that had lyrics written by the memebers. When 'Apologies' intro played through the speakers it sounded like crowd went crazy. Chess had taken the time to translate and learn her rap in english for this moment even if she didn't know it at the time. When she danced her way to the front of the stage she could swear she heard Christina scream her name. Not her stage name. Her actual name. Scarlett.

I'm on the bottom everywhere I go  
The risk is too high  
The profits too low  
The force is too much  
The hate is too real   
I refuse to feel  
Like my sights are too high  
For the goals that I seek   
  
For the friends who need me  
I'm sorry for leaving  
I needed my time   
I needed my space   
I needed to let go  
Of all this dead weight  
  
I was dragging my feet  
I couldn't even see me  
Forest for the trees  
I tried to escape  
what I thought was a place   
But was really disease  
  
Every time I step up  
I feel pushed back to the ground  
That edge where I live  
You couldn't even survive  
All I have is my voice  
And this one chance to... go

With one last chorus it was over. The tour was finished and RI5E was set to be on a plane that night back to Seoul. Chess hoped that this would be enough for now. That her friends had heard her and could understand. As much as she wished she could see them once before she left, she knew she needed to start this new journey in Seoul. She couldn't do anything more here. So she left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N Who will be the first to hear the story? I doubt you'd be able to guess.... It's going to get a bit feelsy for a while but I promise that there will definitely be some fluff coming soon if nothing else. As always Thank You for Reading! Kamsamnida!


	19. Hero

"Unnie! What are you doing? You haven't moved for like two days! Get up!" Bei Lee entered the eldest members room only to find Cheshire curled on her bed not even really moving.

"We just got off of eight months of touring! I'm exhausted! What do you want from me?" Chess rolled over to face the opposite wall of where Bei Lee stood. What was that lazy bones complaining about anyways? Wasn't she usually the one that was curled up somewhere doing nothing?

"Well you know since Monsta X is filming their MV today I figured you'd go see how they were doing. Weren't you the one complaining for eight months about how much you missed them?" Before Bei Lee could even finish her question Chess had shot out of bed running to her closet to find something to wear. She finally settled on a pair of black high waisted cutoff shorts and a burgundy sweetheart cropped tank top before running into her bathroom to inspect her face.

She had gained a new lip piercing in the States so that she now had spiderbites on the right side of her bottom lip and the new concept for their next MV had her hair dyed neon green. She looked completely different than when they had filmed No.Mercy. She actually worried for a second if they would even recognize her. Quickly shaking that thought from her mind she brushed her hair and added a little make up. She left her hair down so the boys could fully admire it so it fell in a straight curtain to her waist. When she was finished she ran out of the bathroom grabbing her purse and black gladiator sandals on her way to the door. Bei Lee quickly relayed the location to Chess, getting a hug before the older girl ran out of the dorm throwing on her sunglasses.

Chess headed directly to the parking garage where her new shiny black Jeep Wrangler Unlimited waited with its top already down. She couldn't help but grin about the memory of how sajangnim had told her it was his apology for not letting her know about trying to break the gag order. She quickly jumped into the drivers seat and started the car heading out to the set. Surprisingly it wasn't that far of a drive and before she knew it Chess was parking next to the line of black production vans. As she got out she saw a PD that she knew from her own MVs with RI5E struggling at the door of the building hands filled wiith coffee carriers. Chess jogged over and grabbed a couple of the carriers and pulled open the door for the PD.

"Kamsamnida!" The PD dipped her head before looking up at Chess. "Omo! Cheshire-ah! Did you come to watch the filming?"

"Ne. We just got back from tour and I haven't been able to see the boys since No.Mercy," The PD nodded and continued to make small talk as she led Cheshire up to the rooftop below the Heliport. "I brought the coffee!"

Chess watched as the carriers were swiftly emptied by the staff, she was fairly impressed actually. When she looked up she saw the main PD was waving over to where he was standing by Giriboy. She hadn't expected to see him here but she was happy to see him none the less. She bowed to the PD quickly before going and giving Giri a quick hug.

"We're about to give the boys a break for dinner if you want to go tell them. I figure you're not here for this old man's face. Just let them finish this run through real quick," The PD chuckled and pointed her towards the monitors to see what was going on. They had apparently decided to use drones to film and it looked really nifty she had to admit. The boys looked completely different, not that it was any surprise. She noticed that Shownu was wearing the Angels shirt she had borrowed when they had gone to Lotte World and it brought a smile to her face. They finished their run through quickly and the PD pointed Chess and Giri to the stairs leading to the Heliport. Giri and Chess decided on their way up that they wanted to really surprise the boys so Giri went up first and Chess waited a few steps below waiting for her cue. 

"What did I do wrong this time?" Hearing Jooheon whine at Giri made Chess almost lose it.

"I don't know why don't you ask her?" Well that was Giri for you. Short sweet and to the point.

"You mean they still haven't taught you boys how to work during a MV shoot?" Chess laughed at the shocked faces that she was greeted with as she stepped up the last step onto the heliport though they swiftly turned to smiles and cheers as the boys ran over to engulf her in a group hug. She had to admit she was relieved that they recognized her. "I guess you missed me just a bit!"

"Of course we missed you Noona! We didn't even get to wish you luck on your tour!" Minhyuk faced her with an exaggerated sad look on his face.

"Well I'm here now so no sad faces! I missed you all too. What do you guys think about going to grab BBQ for dinner? My treat," Chess was immediately picked up and thrown over Shownu's shoulder. As she squealed in protest he spun around before setting her back down on the ground. "I take that as a yes."

Chess chuckled as some of the boys complained about wanting something different while the others told them to shut up and be grateful. Chess led them down to the street to go in search of food telling the boys that she and Giri would drive. There was a short and ridiculous debate before it was decided that Shownu, Jooheon, and I.M would ride with Chess while Hyungwon, Minhyuk, Kihyun, and Wonho would ride with Giri. Chess got into her Jeep and started it while watching the boys fight about who would sit up front. Eventually Shownu won. With everyone in the car and buckled up she started the short drive to the BBQ restaurant where they had first introduced I.M feeling like it was only appropriate. Surprisingly it had actually been within walking distance of the set for the MV but whatever they were there now and that's what mattered.

The group was quickly sat in a back room and ordered their food. Chess could already feel her wallet getting lighter listening to the boys order but she guessed it could have been worse. She smiled around at the boys just so happy to be able to see them again after so long.

"So how was your tour Noona?" Jooheon looked at her from his spot across the table from her with a small smile on his face making his dimples show. She had noticed how none of the boys seemed to be able to wipe the grins off their faces since she had come onto the heliport earlier and it warmed her heart.

"It was exhausting. I mean it was fun, I love performing and seeing the fans but all I wanted was to come back home and sleep in my own bed. We had a bit of a hiccup when we went to my hometown but luckily that was the last concert. We start our mini Korean tour in about a week but I'll be able to come home after most of those concerts so I'm looking forward to it."

"What do you mean hiccup? And did you really just say that you stopped off in your hometown? I thought you couldn't talk about that stuff?" Giri looked to the side at Chess in surprise. She hadn't even told him where her hometown was and she was just going to throw it out ther carelessly now?

"Well sajangnim decided it was time to break the gag order and he put Raleigh, NC as a stop so that I could start talking about my past at my own pace. He didn't bother to tell me that though so when I went out to one of my old favorite coffee shops I ran into an old friend and in my panic I eneded up saying some really fucked up things to her. When I finally called sajangnim he told me what was going on and I felt like a complete douche canoe. I told the entire crowd at the concert that I was from there and that I needed to apologize to my friends. It was actually pretty emotional. The Risen lost their shit." Chess shrugged at the end of her story. She didn't want anyone to make a big deal out of it, it still wasn't comfortable for her to talk about her life before she moved to Seoul.

" _Yeah! East Coast! Ride or die!"_ Chess couldn't help but laugh when I.M added the E hand signs bobbing in his chair next to Jooheon after his exclaimation.

"Yah! Maknae we're in public remember? Don't be a nuisance," Jooheon grabbed I.M in a headlock causing the table to explode in raucous laughter.

Shortly after the food arrived and the table went quiet as everyone dug in. Unfortunately as they were finally starting to feel full Shownu got a call from the PD telling him that he needed to see him and a few of the other boys. After he stood up and grabbed Hyungwon and Minhyuk to leave Kihyun and Wonho decided to join them. The boys all bowed and thanked Chess for the meal before walking out and towards the set.

"Well I guess you guys really are debuted now, huh?" Chess looked at the two remaining members and smiled a little sadly. "We won't be able to see each other as much now. I almost miss No.Mercy."

The boys just nodded slightly at her. It was going to be hard but they really couldn't complain that much. They were finally starting to reach their dreams and there wasn't anything wrong with that in Cheshire's mind. She just wished she would be able to see them a little more than she'd get to now. They'd work it out though. She loved them all too much to lose the closeness that they had gained.

"Well we're just going to have to build a blanket fort at your dorm and pretend the world doesn't exist soon," Chess clapped her hands and eye smiled at them before standing up. "I'm going to go pay the bill real quick."

She didn't catch that all three that were left at the table spoke at the same time after she left.

"She's just too cute," They all stopped and looked at each other. Jooheon stared at I.M who was staring at Giriboy who was staring back at Jooheon. They were all shocked that they had said the same thing but what really got under their skin was the way they had all said it in the exact same way. There was no denying it, they all liked Cheshire and that was enough to spark an immediate tension between the three who were still staring at each other when said girl returned.

"Uhhh... Am I... interrupting something? I mean I can leave..." Chess could feel the tension in the room but she had no idea what had caused it. She figured she wasn't going to get told when they all just shook their heads and stood up to walk with her out of the restaurant.

"I'm just going to head home. I've gotta be in the studio super fucking early. When you drop the kids off you're welcome to stop by though Chess," Chess didn't know what the look he was giving the other two boys was but she was sure she didn't like it. She tilted her head and furrowed her eyebrows at him about to open her mouth when Jooheon spoke up.

"I figured you'd want to come hang out with us after the shoot Noona. I have some raps I wanted to show you," Jooheon eyed over at Giri and sent a quick shifty look at I.M before smiling sweetly at her. Again before she could speak I.M cut across whatever she would have said.

"Yeah I really wanted to talk to you more about the tour. I want to know more about your hometown!" Again there was a shifty look at the other two before he smiled brightly at Chess.

"Uh... I'll think about it. I'm still exhausted from the tour guys," Chess said just giving up on the questions that kept pushing themselves into her brain. She didn't even want to know anymore.

Chess gave Giri a hug before he got into his car. He squeezed her a little tighter than normal and she wasn't sure what the fuck was going on in his head but she just let him go and waved as he left telling him to be safe on his way home. She quickly herded I.M and Jooheon into her Jeep to get them back to the set before they got in trouble. She quickly put a stop to the dispute over shotgun by just blindly grabbing one of their wrists and pulling them along to the passenger side of the car. I.M had a triumphant smile on his face as he got into the front seat and Jooheon into the back.

Cheshire was already sick of whatever their problem was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N I have been super excited to write this chapter and have had it mostly planned since I started this story. I really hope you liked it! Now the question is when are they going to tell her? Who's going to be first? Who will Cheshire choose? Will their friendships last? We'll find out fairly soon. I'm still not even honestly sure at this point lol. Well as always Thank You for Reading! Kamsamnida!


	20. Revelations and Choices

Cheshire ended up getting conned into going to the boys dorm after all. When Shownu and Minhyuk had found out that she was already invited over they teamed up with I.M and Jooheon. It was impossible to say no to them at that point and to make it even worse they begged for her to invite the girls. She was so sick of their whining by the time that the filming was done that she just gave up. She called Alice figuring that the girls couldn't exactly say no to her when she went full aegyo on them and she knew she would considering that she had begged to hang out with the boys everytime Chess mentioned them on their tour.

Not long after she had once again caved to the boys demands of wanting to ride with her she got a text from Alice asking for the address to the dorms so that they could head that way. Cheshire simply unlocked her phone and handed it to Shownu, who was again in the front seat, telling him to type in the address so she could drive. She regretted the action shortly after as immediately the boys took her phone and started taking pictures and messing with her background. Jooheon made it a selca of himself before I.M complained that he wanted to be on it too and then Kihyun complained too. 

"Yah! I'll take a picture with everyone when we get back and I promise to make that my background, okay? Not close my phone and stop being babies!" Chess just wanted the car ride to be over at that point. She was so done. The boys jabbered some more before finally they made it to the dorms. That was the longest 20 minutes of her life. Chess parked snatched her phone from the boys in the back seat and unlocked it only to find Jooheon had won the battle to put his selca as her background before she went to her texts to find that Alice, Bei Lee, Young Ji, and Sumi had all texted her.

LeaderAngel: You got Alice to use aegyo on us? Unnie jinja?

BellsWhistle: Unnie I was reading... I don't want to be here... They're staring at us...

InWonderland: OMG Unnie! They are so cute! Why did you keep them to yourself?!

BrainJi: Where's the one that speaks english? I wanted to talk to him.... Don't tell me you're keeping him all to yourself!

Cheshire's head landed on the steering wheel with a thud as the boys were getting out of the Jeep. She was going to get massively embarassed tonight she just knew it. Suddenly her phone buzzed with a new text.

BellsWhistle: Nevermind I'm happy! We got soju while we were waiting for you.

" _Oh god no.... Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck!!!!!!!"_ Chess screamed as she jumped out of the car and ran past the boys to the dorm. She had to stop Bei Lee no matter what. The poor girl had never been able to pace herself when it came to alcohol. She knew if she didn't get there fast that she was going to embarass herself more than they would try to embarass Chess. 

Cheshire burst through the door of the dorm not even bothering with taking off her shoes in her haste to find the younger girl. She knew that the others would just let her get drunk but Chess knew she wouldn't want to embarass herself in front on Minhyuk. Bei Lee had admitted to her crush on the boy while they were on tour. Chess ran into the living room finding that the bunks had disappeared to be replaced with an actual couch upon which she found the girls laughing at whatever the boys had just said, not a single drop of alcohol in sight.

" _What the actual fuck Bei Lee!?"_ She couldn't contain her agitation. The girls just laughed

"We knew it'd get you here faster if you thought I was getting drunk. You were taking forever!" Bei Lee was still giggling at the look on the older girls face as she plopped down onto the floor in shock that they had just tricked her into running all the way from the garage to the dorm. At that moment was when the boys that had been in her Jeep entered with the most confused expressions on their face.

After taking off his shoes, I.M made his way over to Cheshire and brought her a pair of slippers and bent down to help her take off her shoes.

"Did the floor throw itself at you again?" I.M chuckled at Chess who turned to look at him finally when he spoke.

" _These bitches just tricked me into running all the way up here!"_  Cheshire pointed towards her members sitting on the couch before crossing her arms. "I'm going to have to move in with you guys now... How can I live with people who pull that kind of prank?"

I.M blushed a bit at the idea of her moving in with them but swiftly started laughing.

"You're always welcome here Noona! You could share my bed," Jooheon sat down beside her and wrapped his arm around her shoulders pulling her to his side. I.M glared a bit at his hyung but didn't say anything. Chess noticed it but didn't have time to question it before Sumi spoke up from her spot on the couch.

"Yah! Don't be a pervert! That's one of my members! I won't hesitate to beat you!" Cheshire laughed loudly grasping her sides and doubling over.

"What the hell do you think you can do to him shorty? We all know you're the pansy of the group!" Sumi gave Chess an offended look before huffing and crossing her arms and legs. Young Ji meanwhile had gotten up from the couch to sit in front of Chess and I.M.

" _You the one that speak english right?"_ Young Ji's broken english made Chess giggle and look at I.M who seemed like he was trying not to laugh too.

" _Yeah I lived in Boston for a while as a kid. I learned while I was there,"_  He spoke too quickly for Young Ji and she turned to Chess with a sad look on her face.

"It's okay Jiji. You'll get it eventually you just have to keep practicing. You should really start watching shows in english if you want to learn faster though," Chess quickly patted the pouting girls head. "Okay so now that I have caught my breath and have decided to move in, what are we going to do? Movies? Music? Something stupid?"

"Oh Unnie! We should watch that movie you were telling us about! The musical!" A collective groan was heard from the boys.

" _Sweeney Todd or Repo?_ " She rubbed her temples knowing that Alice had probably grabbed the DVD before she had even left their dorm and wasn't sure why she was asking since she was going to whine and aegyo until she got her way.

"This one! I brought it! The way you described it I thought even the boys would like it!" Alice pulled out Chess's copy of Repo! The Genetic Opera before waving it around like a toddler.

"Alice! How many times do I have to tell you not to go into my room or touch my DVDs?" The maknae pouted at Chess and she just rolled her eyes. "Fine! But next time you touch my DVDs I'm hiding your stupid Hello Kitty lamp."

"But Unnie that's not fair! I love that lamp!"

"I love my DVDs!"

"SO! What's this stupid musical about?" Shownu spoke up before the bickering could continue.

"It's not stupid! It's actually a pretty badass rock opera honestly. And I don't even know why you're asking, you're about to have to watch it. Alice will whine your ear off till you do what she wants," Chess got up and walked towards the entertainment center grabbing the DVD as she passed by Alice. "Yah boys! Go get blankets and pillows and shit. If you want snacks now is the time."

"Why are you acting like you live here?" Wonho scoffed at Chess's demands.

"Didn't we just decide that I was moving in? Also even if I didn't I'm still older! Besides who watches a movie without those things?" Chess watched as Wonho simply rolled his eyes and moved with the rest of the boys to go get everything she had asked for.

When the boys came back they tossed some extra blankets and pillows to Young Ji, Alice, and Sumi who had cuddled up together on the couch. They started setting up blankets and pillows on the floor and Chess noticed how Minhyuk made sure he was next to Bei Lee. So cute. Finally after Shownu and Kihyun came back from the kitchen with snacks for everyone Cheshire turned on the TV and put the DVD in pressing play and grabbing the remote for the soundbar on the way to find a seat. Apparently her choices were to sit with I.M next to the wall or with Jooheon next to the ottoman thing that had been her makeshift bed. She walked over to I.M who happened to have more fluffy things surrounding him. Seriously the boy had like five pillows, three blankets, and four stuffed animals what girl would say no to that? Sumi would, Chess thought.

After finally settling in and the movie started Chess saw Jooheon turn a glare to I.M who was just hugging his big dog stuffed animal to his chest with a small grin on his face before turning back to the movie. Chess reached up and poked I.M's dimple that was showing making him turn to look at her. He grinned and wrapped his arm around her making her cuddle into his side and wrap her arms around his waist with her head resting on his chest. He smelled the same as she remembered and it was just as heavenly. She felt him lean down and place a light kiss to her hair and she grinned. He was just too adorable.

Chess only made it about halfway through the movie before she fell asleep. She loved the movie but she was just so exhausted still that she couldn't focus. She awoke to the boys starting to talk loudly again. When she finally sat up she noticed she wasn't the only one to fall asleep though as I.M had his eyes closed with his head leaning onto his stuffed dog that he had moved behind his head at some point. Looking around the room she also noticed how Minhyuk and Bei Lee were both asleep cuddled up together and how Jooheon was missing.

Chess stood up and stretched making sure not to disturb the sleeping boy next to her before making her way towards the balcony. As soon as she lit her cigarette she heard the door open and close again. She looked over to find Shownu coming to stand beside her.

"You do realize that they like you right?" Chess tilted her head to the side not really understanding his meaning.

"I would hope you boys liked me considering you invited me over again," Shownu just gave her an incredulous look before sighing.

"I'm talking about Jooheon and I.M. They really like you," Chess felt her heart stop beating for a moment. They liked her? They realy liked her? Was that what all the glares were about? "It's kind of obvious even if they hadn't both gotten into a fight on the way up here tonight."

"A fight? Why? They're so close..." Chess didn't understand. This wasn't like the boys. They hadn't fought since she had left after introducing I.M. 

"Apparently Jooheon felt like he had some form of dibs on you since he had known you longer and I.M reminded him about how you had protected him during No.Mercy. Needless to say it would have gotten messy if I hadn't been in the elevator with them," Shownu let out another deep sigh. "I'm not trying to make anything awkward for you but I think it'd be best if you knew so you could sort out your own feelings for them. Whether you like them back or not you should probably let them know so that this stupid competition they've got going on will stop. You might want to add Giriboy into that too from what I gathered they hadn't even known about each others feelings till dinner tonight and they said something about Giriboy having them too."

Shownu patted her head before heading back inside. Chess had never been so emotionally confused in her life. The three closest guys to her all liked her? What was she supposed to do? She stood outside for a long time after she had finished her cigarette. She had a lot of thinking to do now. Did she even feel that way about one of them?

Cheshire was absolutely screwed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N So it'll be another chapter or two before the official pairing will be made. I'm still not even close to sure who it will be. I'm also going to wait on releasing her full back story until she's made up her mind but before she officially tells whichever boy she chooses lol. As always Thanks for Reading! Kamsamnida!


	21. The Studio

Cheshire woke up in her own bed after tossing and turning all night. She couldn't stop thinking of what Shownu had told her before she left last night. All three of them liked her. Jinja. She had no idea what to do about it either. Chess kept tryig to figure out whether or not she even had feelings like that for any of them. She had kept turning the idea over in her mind only switching the boys out every once in a while to see if it helped. It didn't. She couldn't possibly imagine a life without any of them being a part of it and with two of them being apart of the same group she worried that the decision she would ultimately have to make would destroy her relationship with the boys. 

Chess stared up at the ceiling for a little longer before she groaned rubbing her face with her hands. Exasperation was running through her body as she finally got up and decided to just get up and go to the studio. She'd find something to do there, maybe she'd try to record a RI5ING STAR video since she had been working on a few covers. She got ready with a pair of jean shorts and a blue muscle tank that read The Struggle Is Real pairing it with a black and white bandeaux before grabbing her sunglasses and heading towards the front door. She threw a quick goodbye over her shoulder as she slipped into her rainbows and walked out of the dorms.

Chess walked the quick five minutes to the studio, not wanting to bother with her car, and found that the press had gathered in front of the building as per usual. She really didn't have the patience for this today.

"Cheshire! Is it true that you revealed your hometown while on tour? Are you going to fill the fans in on your past?" Of course they would be asking her this. They hadn't been able to set up any kind of press conference since Chess had so adamantly opposed letting everyone in on her past so quickly. She simply sighed.

"Yes I'm from Raleigh, NC back in the States and it was our last stop on the tour before returning to prepare for our Korean tour. I still haven't decided on how much I'm going to tell the fans about my past yet so I would be really grateful if you would let me have some more time to think it over. For supporting RI5E and allowing us our privacy, kamsamnida, it means the world to us," Chess had never stopped her walk towards the building and as soon as she was at the gates and the security officers were pushing the reporters back she bowed deeply at them, hoping this would be enough to placate them for now.

Chess felt herself let out a deep sigh as she pushed the button for the floor she wanted in the elevator. That was another problem she would have to eventually deal with and it was definitely getting harder to put off. She kept mulling over what she should do about both the conflicts currently facing her when she stepped out of the elevator and turned to head to the studio to record something, anything that would help her keep her mind off the troubles in her life.

As she put her hand on the doorknob she realized that she could hear music already flowing from the speakers. That was weird. She had just seen all the girls in their living room cuddled around the TV. When she opened the door finally she tilted her head to the side and furrowed her eyebrows. Jooheon was sitting at the computer working on god only knows what. Quickly closing the door behind her she cleared her throat to make her presence known causing Jooheon to swivel around in his chair and look at her.

"Sorry I didn't know you'd be coming in today. Sajangnim said I could use RI5E's studio since he's still trying to set up Monsta X's," Jooheon quietly explained looking more towards the floor than at Chess.

"It's ok I just came to clear my head. What are you working on?" Chess walked over and leaned in to look at the papers that he had scattered over the empty space on the desk. Before she could really see anything other than a few lines of Hangul though he had pulled them into a pile and to his chest.

"It's lyrics but they're not done yet," Jooheon turned to face the computer again and Chess saw the tips of his ears burning red. She chuckled. The badass rapper could be the cutest little fucker sometimes. Slowly Chess wrapped her arms around his chest from behind his chair and laid her cheek on his right shoulder.

"Will you let me see them? Please~," Chess sung the end of her word trying to act as cute as possible so that he would cave. What she hadn't expected though was for him to turn and face her causing their faces to be just centimeters apart.

"But... They're not... Finished," Jooheon slowly stated as he looked into her eyes almost pleadingly. He started to lean in at a snail's pace, trying to figure out if she would allow him. Chess blushed and froze. She wasn't sure if she was ready for this but she couldn't pull away either. Jooheon's lips were just barely ghosting over hers. She could feel how soft they were but they were just tickling at her at the moments. She suddenly craved the kiss, whether it was just because of the anticipation or because she truely wanted Jooheon to kiss her she didn't know. 

Apparently she would never know because just before Jooheon could fully connect his lips to hers the door opened. Chess immediately stood up straight and walked over towards the door to the recording booth waving a hello to Shownu. He eyed her curiously as she walked into the booth to set up both the cameras and mic to her liking before walking out. It was obvious that Shownu had just asked Jooheon what he had walked in on by the fact that it was instantly silent when Chess exited the booth. Trying to ignore the awkwardness in the air though she simply went over to the computer and loaded up the instrumentals that she was looking for before finally facing the boys.

"If you're gonna stay will you help me record this? I can't really work both sides of the booth," Chess chuckled awkwardly trying to ignore  what had just happened between her and Jooheon.

"Yeah... I will... No problem," Jooheon turned to the controls getting ready as Chess turned back to enter the booth, ignoring the look that Shownu was sending her. She reached up and grabbed the headphones once she was settled in her place behind the mic. She was going to just sing and forget that they existed. She wasn't rapping today, she just didn't have the energy for it so she had chosen an american song that was still a bit upbeat but had some appropriate lyrics for what she was having to deal with with the boys.

Chess signaled Jooheon that she was ready and the first strains of 'Clarity' came through her headphones. Without question she sang. She poured her heart and her problems into her voice. She just wanted to let go and come back to a clear mind. Maybe singing would help her find some answers. She knew her voice was deeper than the original during the chorus but she was liking the feeling that she had just keeping it going figuring if it had been bad Jooheon would have stopped her by now. She finished and kept her eyes closed for a second just let the moment wash over her. Her mind was starting to feel less jumbled so she finally opened her eyes.

"How was it?" Shownu sent her a smile and thumbs up while Jooheon just kept looking at the screen nodding quickly when addressed. "Can you find the instrumentals for 'Have Faith In Me'?"

Shortly Jooheon had started the track this one being a heavy song that she doubt anyone expected from her but she sang again with her heart. This song no matter the upbeat tone always tugged at her heart reminding her off all the broken promises she had, of all the things she had left behind. She sang until she could feel tears trying to escape her eyes. She was starting to work through her problems, whether it seemed like it on the outside or not. It was such a relieving feeling to not have her mind clouded anymore. She was starting to gain some clarity.

"Turn on Frankenstein please," She didn't even bother asking how it was she just needed to sing one more song. This was the the creepiest song she sang, literally talking about stitching up a cut up boy and making him hers. Chess needed it though. It was the finally piece of the puzzle that would make her life just a bit easier. As she sang she thought back to all her memories with the boys. One kept popping into her mind. All her memories with the other two didn't hold a candle to how she would feel just thinking about the memories with him. She couldn't help the smile that crossed her face while she sang about a monster that she wanted to make hers. She felt like it was only appropriate. She had finally made her choice. At least she was pretty sure she had. She hadn't been able to feel this way about someone in over three and a half years. With that thought though her resolve faltered. She'd have to tell him about her past. What would he think of her after that? Would he stay? Would he decide that he had been wrong about his feelings? Would she lose him entirely? She shook her head as the instrumentals ended the song and walked out of the booth.

"Shownu? Are you busy? Do you think you could grab a coffee with me?" She decided she'd tell Shownu first. He was like her little brother, he'd be able to give her an opinion on how the boys would react. She'd be able to learn how to handle it and tell him about her choice too.

"I think I'm free Noona. You good Jooheon?" Jooheon just nodded and went back to his lyrics without looking up. Shownu rolled his eyes and walked towards Chess motioning for her to lead the way. Chess did just that and took them to the company's cafe in the lobby.

After quickly buying coffee for the two of them coffee Chess found them a table towards a corner. Shownu thanked her for the coffee quickly taking a sip.

"So what did you think about in the booth? You looked like you finally figured something out," Shownu was perceptive, how did she always forget that?

"A couple things but the most important is that I need to finally tell you guys about my past. I figured I'd start with you. You seem like you would give me some advice on how to tell the others and I really need that. My past is... well it's got a lot of dark spots in it," Chess looked and the untouched coffee clenched in her hands.

"Well then you're going to have to start somewhere. How about the beginning?" Shownu reached over to place his hand on her wrist encouragingly. Chess was happy that they were the only two in the cafe at the moment. She didn't know how she would be able to tell him if there had been other people there.

"I guess you could say everything in my life was pretty normal at least until just before my 21st birthday. So I guess I'll start there."

Cheshire took a deep breath preparing herself. She was going to have a hard time and she knew it but Shownu just squeezed her wrist gently letting her know he wasn't going anywhere.

Here goes nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N Who did she choose? What happened in her past? Will the boys still be there? You'll find out soon! As always Thank You for Reading! Kamsamnida!


	22. The Past Is In The Past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Potential Trigger? I feel conceited about my writing saying it but there is a bit of a description of death? So Please be warned.

"When I was still 20 I met a man that was the love of my life. We were together for four months before he proposed and I accepted. We were so happy. We had decided to move out of state so that he could accept this really amazing job and were staying with my parents. Since it was just after Christmas my Oppa and his wife were staying with them too so the house was completely filled. We had been having an amazingly smooth Christmas given that our family could barely even be together in a room for fifteen minutes before we started to annoy each other. On the last night my fiancee and I were staying, it had been a long day and I was restless so I took a walk around the neighborhood. It was late and dark but I just felt this urge to go out that was just not ignorable. As I walked around the neighborhood I got this weird feeling that something was very wrong and turned to go back to the house. When I got there the front door was kicked in and there were a couple loud gunshots. I ran into the house not even thinking about it and found my Appa in the foyer clutching his side that was covered in so much blood it looked black. He looked at me and said 'At least I still got to protect my  _Babydoll.'_ Then he closed his eyes. He died right in front of me. I screamed for my fiancee and my Oppa and my Eomma and none of them came. I ran around the body of the man who had broken in trying to find someone, anyone. Every room I went into there was just blood either from Appa chasing after the man or from where he had shot and killed my entire family. They were all dead. The last room I went to was the room that my fiancee and I had been staying in. All I really remember was that I saw him and dropped to the floor and screamed until I entirely lost my voice. Some of the neighbors had woken up to the gun shots and called the police though and I remember them having to literally drag me out of the house because I couldn't make my legs work. I was just in so much shock. They asked a million questions a million different ways. I couldn't answer, I could barely breathe. The EMTs showed up along with the cororner and took away the bodies and looked me over deciding that I was physically okay. I don't even know how but my friend Christina found out and came to take me away when they finally released me. The investigation took weeks before they finally decided that the man who broke in was the cause and that I had no part in it. At one point they had actually accused me of conspiring with him. They thought that I had organized my family's murder. I didn't even attend the funerals. My family's friends did everything and all I did was hand over the money. I couldn't look at anyone for months. Once the house had been cleaned and the carpets and furniture replaced I just stayed in it. I didn't leave the house for about six months. I had holed myself in the house trying to figure out what to do. I spent the entire time teaching myself Korean and preparing myself to just leave. I couldn't stay anymore everything hurt to look at. Once I had finally passed every test I could find online for checking my fluency I bought a one way ticket to Seoul. I packed one bag worth of clothes and left a note for my friends. I left Raleigh and I never looked back. I bought everything I needed to live here and was staying in hotels until I auditioned at Starship. I still don't know why sajangnim decided to take me but he did and that's how I got here. That's why I couldn't talk about my past. It's taboo enough that I'm white let alone that I had been engaged and even worse that I had practically been witness to my family's murder. I thought I was going to die after I lost them and I couldn't talk to anyone about it. The day of the second mission was the three year anniversary. I actually broke down for the first time since I had left. I'm always in a bad mood that day but it was just so much worse watching people be so happy and hopeful that I lost it...."

Cheshire was crying. Tears flowed freely from her eyes and she couldn't have stopped them even if she tried. Shownu stood and walked around the table to Chess where he immediately pulled her up into a hug squeezing her tightly to his chest. She almost couldn't breathe from how hard he was squeezing but she didn't care. This was the first time in over three years that she had told someone about what had happened and she was just happy to know that he still wanted to comfort her. 

After what felt like hours of Shownu squeezing her and rubbing her back he stepped back with his hands still on her shoulders looking into her now dry eyes.

"I'm so sorry that you went through something that terrrible. I can't even imagine it. You shouldn't be ashamed of it though. You weren't to blame. It wasn't your fault," Shownu lifted his hand to her cheek and rubbed it gently with his thumb. "The guys will feel the same way so don't worry. We'll always be here for you."

"Thank you Shownu. That means more to me than you could ever know," Chess smiled up at him before engulfing him in another quick hug.

"Well on a lighter subject, you said that you made your choice?" Shownu smirked at her wiggling his eyebrows a bit making Chess laugh.

"I guess so... I'm just worried about what it will do to my relationship with the other two and even worse their own relationships," Chess sat back down as Shownu made his way back to his seat.

"I don't think too much will change. Sure, the other guys will be hurt for a bit but they'll come around eventually. I'm pretty sure they'd be fine with each other too. It just might take some time," Shownu sent her a thoughtful glance before quirking his eyebrow in a gesture that clearly said 'just tell me already' as she took a sip of her now lukewarm coffee.

"Uggghhh... Arasseo! I think I chose I.M. I'm not entirely sure why but while I was thinking about the kiss that almost happened before you walked in and all the times that Giriboy and I would cuddle, I just couldn't stop seeing I.M's face and I kept thinking about the night that I first spent at the dorms with you guys. I just can't stop thinking about him anymore," Chess slouched in her chair a bit, exasperated at the entirty of the situation she had been put into because of the boys.

"When are you going to tell him?"

"I don't even know... I think after he hears about my past. That way he still has time to change his mind," Chess ran her index finger over the side of her mug in a nervous gesture.

"Ha... That wouldn't be enough to sway him. I'm pretty sure you could have said that you were Satan himself and the kid would still be in love with you," Shownu shook his head increduously. Chess couldn't help but giggle a bit.

"I guess it'll be pretty soon then."

 

Chess and Shownu bid each other goodbye not long after and Chess made her way to the practice room figuring that maybe she could dance a bit before she went home. Once she arrived she placed her phone on the auxilary cord and chose a playlist. She danced for six songs before she decided she deserved a break. She sat down on the floor after turning off the music and grabbing a bottle of water. She startled when the door opened, looking up to find I.M smiling back at her.

"Why do I always seem to find you on the floor?"

"Because even with all the abuse I suffer I just can't find it in me to stay mad at it," I.M chuckled coming to sit next to her. "You know some people would find it weird that you talk like that I.M."

"I'm the 4D member anyways apparently, what's it matter?" Chess giggled shaking her head at the boy as he looked towards her. "I'm curious. Why do you always call me by my stage name instead of my real name?"

"Why do you call me by mine?"

"I don't know your real name," I.M looked at her slightly confused.

"Same here."

"Surely it was written on all those cards you had on No.Mercy."

"It was but I ignored it. I figured if you wanted me to call you something different you'd tell me."

"Changkyun," Chess looked at him and furrowed her eyebrows. "My name is Changkyun. If no one else in the world does, I want you to call me by my name."

"I like it. It's cute," There was a pause in the conversation for a moment as Chess thought over whether or not now was the time. She couldn't help but feel like it was too early but she wasn't sure she'd get another chance like this anytime soon. Without wasting another second she spoke up. "Changkyun?"

"Ne?" He looked over and grinned at her as she said his name. It made her blush a bit if she was honest, he was just so damn cute.

"I have something I need to tell you," She was a bit nervous but it couldn't end that badly right?

"You can tell me anything, Cheshire," She saw the sincereity in his eyes and figured it'd be easier to just get it over with.

"I'm going to tell you about my past. Back before I was Cheshire. I'm going to tell you about Scarlett," With that the flood gates opened and she repeated everything she had just told Shownu a few hours before. She didn't cry this time though. She was amazed at how much she felt like just telling someone had helped to, even if only slightly, start healing the scars on her heart. Changkyun listened intently and didn't make one single move until she was done speaking. When she had finished though Changkyun threw his arms around her and pulled her into his lap to hug her to him more fully.

"I'm so so sorry. I don't even know what to say. You're an amazing person," He took his face out of her shoulder to face her. "I don't think I could have lived through that. You really are amazing Scarlett."

Her heart skipped a beat hearing him call her that. She thought it would have felt foreign coming from someone who hadn't known her before the accident but somehow his voice saying her name just felt so familiar and so much like home. It made her blush but she still wasn't ready for people to call her that again.

"Oh I'm sorry. Do you not want me to call you that? I get it. I'm sorry Chess," He stumbled over his words a bit realizing what he had said. Chess just looked at him and slowly shook her head.

"I'm just not ready for everyone to call me that again. It's hard to not associate it with everything that happened," Chess moved out of his lap and sat across from him. Now it was time for the awkward part and she really didn't think she was ready for it at all. "I still have something to tell you though."

"Hmm? What is it?" Changkyun looked over at her with a concerned look, worried that what she said wasn't even the worst of it.

"Changkyun, I like you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N okay so this is kind of short compared to the other chapters but honestly I had a bit of writers block on it not to mention that I had to drive five hours up to Baltimore on Saturday and drive back that same night so I'm a bit exhausted too. I hope you all enjoyed it at least though. As always Thank You for Reading! Kamsamnida!


	23. Unexpected Reactions

Chess had been certain that she could deal with it if he rejected her. She definitely knew there'd be no problem if he returned her feelings but this... This was the possibility she had most assuredly not been prepared for. Changkyun was just staring at her, jaw lax, eyes wide and unblinking. He hadn't moved a muscle for what felt like minutes. Chess reached up to wave her hand in front of his face. She really just needed him to respond one way or the other before she could fully relax. Suddenly he shot straight up looking her dead in the eyes.

"You like me? Like me how?" Chess blushed but felt a tad bit hurt at the accusing tone in his voice. She maybe a bit of a prankster but she never played around with emotions, not like this.

"I like you. As in the feeling that eventually grows into love or heartbreak. As in I want to be with you," Chess was actually amazed at herself, she had never been able to be the one to say those words when it came to the guy that she liked. She was always too afraid of rejection to try. For some reason though Changkyun was different, he just made her feel so comfortable.

"You like me. Me? I.M? Lim Changkyun? The trainee you had to protect? Me?" Changkyun pointed at himself and his eyes grew wider with each nod that Chess sent his way. "Wow."

"Ummm.... Well now that I've probably embarassed the hell out of myself, if that's all you have to say I'm going to go bury myself in a nest of pillows and blankets at my dorm until the next ice age," Chess stood up and brushed off her shorts. Sure she wasn't uncomfortable telling him but now that he wasn't answering? She was sure that a boiled lobster had nothing on the red that painted her cheeks.

"Wait!" Chankyun jumped up as fast as he could and grabbed Chess's wrist as she began to turn away. "I'm sorry. I told you, I'm not generally the type of guy that girls want. I've never really been confessed to. I've confessed and gotten turned down plenty of times but no one's ever confessed to me."

"Well then so you're aware the general population doesn't just stare at the person who confessed and ask questions like that. They generally respond with their own feelings whether positive or negative," Chess looked at her feet, she couldn't bring herself to look at him anymore if he was going to stare at her again. Changkyun was apparently not having this though as he hooked his fingers under her chin and lifted it forcing her to look at him.

"I like you too Cheshire. Jinja. I have since that first night I met you. You're beautiful and funny and weird and I haven't been able to stop thinking about you this whole time. I had just kind of resigned myself thinking that you would have chosen to like Giriboy, whose amazing at making music, or Jooheon, who seems to always make you smile when he's around. I never once thought that you would ever be able to feel that way about me. I'm just Changkyun. I'm not all that special or different. I just happened to make it as an idol but that doesn't even make a difference because you're an idol too. I'm just shocked. Like why me?" Changkyun finished sighing and looking towards the ceiling.

"Yah! You Pabo! Of course you're special and different! How many people do you know that would still talk to me about my abusive relationship with the floor after 8 months? You're really funny! And if you haven't noticed you make me smile all the time too and hell sometimes you make me absolutely speechless. So Giri can make music and Jooheon makes me smile, So what? They're my friends! They're some of my closest friends at that but you have managed to worm your way into my heart after only a couple days. You are hot and funny and weird and special and, god knows, you act like a four year old sometimes. I love it! Everything you do is special to me," Chess stood in shock at herself for a moment before trying to turn her head away from him. That didn't happen though because at that moment Changkyun grabbed her face with both of his hands.

Changkyun crashed his lips onto Chess's and she was frozen for a second in shock before she began to kiss him back. There was nothing that could ever taste as sweet as his lips did. She felt like she had forgotten how to breathe. It wasn't a deep kiss but there was so much feeling put into it that she wished it would never end. Eventually though Changkyun pulled back.

"Well I guess I can't say I haven't had a girlfriend anymore," Chess giggled as Changkyun looked at her like he was expecting something.

"I guess so. I mean it'd be hard to explain you just randomly kissing another idol huh? Titles for the win!" Changkyun laughed and Chess smiled softly at him before wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling his face down to hers. "Besides I'm not sure I'd be able to live with myself if I let this chance go."

She pressed her lips to his causing him to wrap his arms around her waist. This kiss was fairly short too but when they pulled apart Changkyun pressed his forehead to Chess's with a bright smile on his face.

"Be careful now you might pull a muscle if you keep smiling like that," Chess poked his cheek earning a chuckle from him.

"I don't think I'll ever be able to get rid of it anymore. What have you done to me yeoja?" He closed his eyes and pulled her even further into his embrace.

"All I did was agree to being your girlfriend Pabo. You act like you've died and gone to heaven," Chess moved her head to rest on his shoulder snuggled into his neck.

"I haven't? I was pretty sure you were an angel."

"Yah! That's so cheesy! You Pabo."

"Why do you always call me a pabo? Why don't you call me Oppa?" Changkyun gave her a smug smirk and eyebrow wiggle as she pulled away smacking him on the arm.

"Because you are a pabo and I'm older than you! You are not my Oppa! I am your Noona! I will never call you that!"

"Well  **Noona**  do you want to come out to dinner with me tonight? I'm pretty sure I'm going to die if I don't eat something soon," Changkyun wrapped his arms around her again and pulled her to him so that he could nuzzle his face into her hair.

"I guess so as long as you're not considering this our first date. Seriously I look like quite the bum today and I would like to be able to say I tried on our first date."

"Ah jinja? You look amazing no matter what you wear."

"I'm not even wearing make up today! I want to at least try to look impressive on our first date!" Chess heard him sigh into her neck his warm breath caressing the side of it.

"Arrasseo. I'll take you out for our first date tomorrow." Chess chuckled. Changkyun was many things but she hadn't figured him to be this persistent. "Well what do you want to eat tonight? I'm still hungry."

"Uggghhh... Don't ever ask me what I want. I  **never**  know unless I'm really craving something which rarely happens. I'm happy with pretty much whatever as long as there's no onions. Blechhhh." Chankyun laughed as he pulled away.

"Okay then let's go get chinese," He watched as Chess went over and grabbed her bag and phone from where she had them placed on top of the small table in the room.

"I guess that's fine. There's a pretty good chinese place near my dorm if you want to go that way." Changkyun reached out and grabbed her hand interlocking their fingers.

"Sounds good to me. Lead the way Noona," Chess rolled her eyes at the smug smile he gave her.

" _If you're going to be an ass about it I'm going to make you call me an english pet name."_  Changkyun chuckled and knocked her shoulder with his.

"I'll call you whatever you want me to  _babe_." Chess looked away from him slightly blushing. She felt like one of those modest Manga heroines always blushing at the things he said to her. Despite her red cheeks Changkyun took the oppurtunity to place a peck on her temple as they exited the practice room to wait on the elevator. Neither one of them noticed that Jooheon had rounded the corner before turning to hide behind it when he noticed them holding hands.

 

Dinner had been a short and sweet affair with a whole bunch of Changkyun talking about his past at Chess's urging, which he obliged since she had just opened up so much to him. When they left both of them were all smiles and laughter with Changkyun's arm around Chess's shoulder and hers around his waist. They walked the short distance to her dorm in relative silence, just enjoying each others company.

"Well seeing as it's only 7 would you like to come up? Maybe watch a movie or just talk? I can't promise that the girls won't bother us but it should be at least kind of interesting," Chess giggled a bit nervously as she played with Changkyun's fingers.

"I guess if you want me to... I don't want to impose on you guys," Changkyun looked up at the building that held her dorm, gulping, almost as nervous as Chess was.

"I would really like it if you did. And I doubt any of the girls would think of it as imposing. Strange, maybe, since you're the first guy to come over but not imposing. Just don't let Alice get a hold of you. From what I saw before I left this morning she's in a cuddle mood and I don't feel like fighting her today," Chess laughed lightly pulling him towards the doors of the complex.

"Don't worry. You'll never have to fight another girl for my attention," Changkyun pulled her back to him to give her a swift back hug before following her inside. They made their way quickly to her dorm and she opened the door poking her head inside to see if the girls were entirely decent first.

"Hey Young Ji? You might wanna go change or throw on a sweatshirt or something," Chess said making sure that Changkyun wasn't trying to look inside.

"Why? What are you doing?" Young Ji sent her a confused look before getting up and heading towards the hall closet to grab a sweater.

"Uhhh.... I have a guest?"

"What kind of guest do I have to change for?" Young Ji slowly pulled the sweater over her head, making Chess sigh in anguish at her.

"Well.... Umm... I guess you should actually go get Sumi first... She's gonna want to know this. Make sure she's fully dressed too though!" Chess yelled at Young Ji who was already heading down the hall to the room she shared with Sumi. It didn't take too long for them to show back up in the living room waiting for Chess to come in. She glanced back at Changkyun to give him a nervous smile before interlocking their fingers again and walking inside.

"Uhhhh.... Unnie? What's up with this?" Sumi kept looking between Chess and Changkyun and their hands.

"Omo! Unnie are you finally dating!? Yay!" Alice ran up and locked herself onto Chess's side while Sumi and Young Ji eyed her suspiciously from across the room. Bei Lee just gave her a supportive grin before turning back to whatever manga she was reading.

"Uh.... So you guys all know Changkyun..... He's.... ummm.... He's my new namjachingu..." Chess looked over at Changkyun and blushed a bit. Her nerves were definitely getting to her.

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Young Ji was looking at her with a very concerned face.

"Well I'm pretty sure it would have been worse had he been just a normal guy but I mean a lot of people were even shipping us after No.Mercy aired so it couldn't be that bad right? We're gonna have to tell sajangnim and see what he thinks about it but I don't see how this could actually be a bad idea."

"Okay well I guess if you've thought this through and you're prepared to potentially deal with the consequences then it doesn't matter what we say. Chughahabnida." With that last word Sumi had given them as much of her blessing as they were going to get prompting the other girls to do the same. Chess couldn't have been happier.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N Well... I guess that just happened. This took me like three days to write so I'm sorry if it's not super amazing but I really kind of liked it myself. As always Thank You for Reading! Kamsamnida!


	24. Movies and Anxiety

Cheshire and Changkyun had finally managed to pry Alice off of 'her unnie' and make their way towards Chess's room for a bit of privacy. Sure they had practically gotten the girls' blessings but that didn't mean that they didn't keep inspecting them like they were some sort of exhibit at the zoo. Chess couldn't blame them though, she was going to be the first one to actually make an attempt at dating someone since they had debuted. None of them had any idea what to expect out of it. Chess just didn't feel like having to feel their eyes on her anymore though, it was just unnerving. 

"Well that went better than I thought it would have..." Changkyun sighed as soon as Chess shut her door. She immediately regretted this as her room was a complete pig sty though and it would have taken her hours to clean at this point. She really needed to hire a maid.

"I guess so. I just wish they wouldn't look at me like I had suddenly turned into a freaking unicorn. It's not like it's that strange that people date," Chess plopped down on her bed as Changkyun looked around her room chuckling at the disarray.

"Well maybe they're just worried about you and your reputation... I mean you are technically  _craddle robbing_...  _Cougar..._ "

"YAH! You're not THAT much younger than me! Okay, maybe five years is a little bit big of an age gap but it's not like you're still in high school or something! Ugghhhh.... You're making me regret my decision already! How can you do that? It's been like three hours since I told you how I felt and I'm already wishing I had just chosen the easy route..." Chess flopped back onto her bed and stared at the ceiling.

"What do you mean? What easy route?" Changkyun slowly walked over to sit down next to her and watched as she rolled her eyes before sitting back up.

"You do realize that Shownu told me about the fight in the elevator right? And about dinner that night? I knew you three liked me before you mentioned it in the practice room. You boys made my life even more difficult even if just for a few hours... The easy route would have been to just have chosen Giriboy. He's the closest to me and it would have been simpler. He's also only a few days younger than me. I couldn't honestly tell you why you stood out more. You are all so much alike it's crazy. Just... From now on if you could just not mention the age difference that'd be great, it's actually really hard for me to not think about it. If Sajangnim approves of this and we do go public it is going to be something that the press is going to focus on so much and I'm not sure I'm ready to deal with it so I'd like it if we could just pretend it's not a thing," Chess slowly turned to look at him.

"Okay I get it. I can't believe Shownu ratted on us but I get it. No matter what gets said though I'm always going to be here for you. If it gets too hard for you just let me know I'll do all I can. I just want to make sure you're smiling, actually smiling, not the fake ones that you put on sometimes. I won't let anything happen to you. I'll always protect you," Changkyun pulled Chess to him placing a light kiss on her hair before resting his chin on her head. "So you said something about a movie."

"You pabo. I've got a metric shit ton of movies. Any idea what kind of movie you want to watch?" Chess chuckled before standing to walk over to her wall filled with DVD's.

"What's your favorite?"

"Movie or genre?"

"Genre."

"I really like horror movies. I've got a lot of those," Chess turned to look at him over her shoulder.

"I guess a horror movie sounds good then. Do you have anything that's actually scary though?" Changkyun leaned back on his hands lifting an eyebrow to her.

"Well what kind of scary? Like serial killer scary or paranormal scary?"

"Paranormal."

"Hmmm... I've got 'The Conjuring', 'Insidious', 'Dead Silence', or 'The Haunting in Conneticut'"

"I haven't seen 'Dead Silence' before," Chess turned around to fully face him.

"Jinja?! I love that movie! It's more so scary because I have a ridiculous fear of ventriloquist dolls but it is really freaky," Chess turned back to the wall and grabbed the movie before heading over to her TV and getting everything set for it to play.

"I've heard about it but never really got the chance to watch it. If you like it that much though then it must be at least decent," Changkyun chuckled softly as Chess came back over to the bed with remotes in hand.

"It really is. Uh.. Sorry I don't really have any chairs or anything. We can just sit on the bed if you want. That's usually what I do, just more like nesting than sitting," Changkyun pulled her down onto the bed and wrapped his arms around her.

"I'll nest with you anyday.... Could you explain what nesting is though?" Chess giggled and pulled herself away from him starting to set up her multitude of pillows so that they were up against the wall and surrounding the two of them.

"Basically it's just snuggling in bed with pillows and blankets. Maybe just a little bit more in depth," Chess giggled and pulled her blankets over to her and scooted herself back to rest against the wall of her room as Changkyun did the same.

"I see. I think I like this idea. I get to cuddle with you right or is that not nesting?" He let out a deep laugh at his own comment and the eye roll he got in return.

"Pabo. Just get comfy so I can start the damn movie," As soon as she said this he positioned himself right next to her and pulled her to have her back resting against his chest.

"I'm comfy now."

"Pabo," Once again Chess rolled her eyes and started the movie.

 

After the movie the night before, Changkyun left to go back to his dorm but not before making sure to give Chess a tight hug and swift peck on the lips. They had agreed that they would go to tell Sajangnim this morning though and Chess was now freaking the hell out. She really had no idea how this would go and she was scared that she had just gone through the headache of choosing and worrying about how to tell Changkyun and the others, which still needed to happen, for nothing. She had fretted the entire time she was getting ready and all the way to Starship but when she got there and saw Changkyun waiting for her in the lobby she felt a little bit of the tension leave her body.

"You ready for this?" Changkyun's voice was as tense as Chess felt and it wasn't all that helpful in keeping the stress at bay.

"Ready as I could be. Why does it feel like we're going to court?" Chess shook her head lightly as she began the trek to the elevator that was going to deliver her to the lion's den that was Sajangnim's office.

"Because we're going to get the verdict on whether or not this is okay. It'll be okay though. He has no reason to say no," Changkyun sounded more like he was trying to convince himself more than anything and all Chess did was nod in return. They went the rest of the way in silence, only speaking to tell the secretary that they needed to see Si Dae sajangnim. She nodded at them and picked up the phone briefly speaking into the receiver before telling them to go on in. Chess took a deep breath before opening the door.

Si Dae sajangnim was sitting behind his desk putting some papers into a file quickly before looking up and smiling at the two. His eyes darted between the two with a questioning look.

"Annyeong. What brings you two here this morning?" He stood as Chess and Changkyun bowed to him in greeting. He motioned at the chairs in front of the desk for them to sit. Chess sat down quickly to keep herself from shaking. She didn't think that this would be so nerve wracking but she just couldn't control her anxiety. This would either be a beautiful start to a relationship with Changkyun or a swift and early demise of it.

"Well Sajangnim.... Ummm... Changkyun and I... Well we came here because we have discovered that we have... umm... feelings for each other... We were hoping that you would approve us being in a relationship.... I know that he's still a new debut and that that might be difficult but I also know that apparently a lot of fans really want us to be in a relationship too and I thought that maybe that'd be enough for you to okay it..." Chess heard her voice and was surprised at the meekness of it. She thought she could have at least kept her voice strong even if she was on the verge of an anxiety attack.

Sajangnim looked between the two again, eyebrows furrowed deep in thought. It felt like they sat there forever, at least in Chess's mind. Just before she started to hyperventilate under Sajangnim's thoughtful gaze he finally spoke.

"You are right the comments about No.Mercy included a lot about people wanting to see you two together but I'm just worried. He is a new debut and most times we have a dating ban for the first few years just to get them accustomed to the life. I know that you know how to handle yourself by this point Cheshire but I worry that your relationship will interfer in his work," Sajangnim held up his hand to silence Changkyun who looked like he was about to speak. "I know you would try not to let it but there's still a chance it could and it's simply worrisome. I want to support you both but I just don't know if this is a good idea. Not to mention the fact that you're so much older Chess. I know you generally don't let things bother you but this is going to be something that the press will try to use to tear you apart. I think your career could handle it but I'm concerned about how you personally would. Besides what would happen should you break up? What if it was early on? I don't know. I want you to be perfectly clear here, I want you both to be happy but I also don't want either of you to end up throwing away all that you've worked for."

"Sajangnim, I'm new to all of this. To being an idol, to being in a relationship, all of it. So I know that I really don't know very much about anything in this situation but I do know that I care about Cheshire. I have since I met her. I want to protect her, be her support, and make sure that she gets everything that she deserves, and she deserves a lot of things. I want to be able to be the one that's there for her. I know that this will be hard. I know that it's risky for you. Even if you say no I'm still going to be just as close to her because I refuse to let her walk out of my life just like that. I won't. So please, Sajangnim, please just give us your blessing," Chess was really moved by Changkyun's words. He was very sincere but at the same time Sajangnim had brought up some valid points that Chess didn't think about. She didn't ever want to be the reason that he failed as an idol. She would never be able to forgive herself if that happened. She was beginning to feel very insecure about her own feelings now too. Sure, she liked him, there was no doubt in her mind about that but did she like him as much as he apparently liked her? What he just said made it sound like she was his entire world adn she wasn't sure that she could say something like that with that much sincereity right now.

Changkyun turned and looked at Chess grabbing her hand to interlock finger and looked at her so caringly and gently. Her insecurities flew from her mind as though they had never been there in the first place. If they ever ran into trouble in their relationship or careers they would deal with it then. That's what Chess did best anyways right? Procrastinate? She smiled gently at Changkyun before turning back to Sajangnim.

"We'll be able to make this work. I really want this Sajangnim," Her words must have been the last thing that Si Dae sajangnim needed because he heaved out a low sigh.

"Well I guess I have no choice but to give my blessing, do I?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N Mianhe! I know this took a ridiculously long time for me to actually update but I was having trouble figuring out a transition. I think the next one might take some time too but I am trying really hard to get it up asap. At the latest I think I'll be updating next week but I'm hoping to have it done at some point tonight. As always Thank You for Reading! Kamsamnida!


	25. Disappointments

Cheshire and Changkyun were walking down the sidewalk towards Monsta X's dorm after their meeting with sajangnim with the express purpose of telling the others about them. The meeting hadn't lasted very long after they had received sajangnim's blessing but it had lasted just long enough for him to tell them to try and keep their relationship from the public eye as much as was possible for as long as possible. They had begrudgingly agreed as they knew that he was only asking so that in case something did come up and they did break it off they wouldn't have a ridiculous scandal on their hands. All Chess really wanted at that moment was to be able to reach over and hold her boyfriend's hand but she knew that there could be press hidden anywhere and it scared her now. She had never really worried about the press seeing her in public because she had never actually done anything that was note worthy or even slightly scandalous but things were different now.

"I wish we didn't have to hide our relationship," Changkyun broke the silence first. "What's the worst that could happen? I have no intentions of letting you go any time soon so why do we need to hide?"

"Changkyun, I know that it's hard but it does make sense. You haven't been in a relationship before but trust me, I've been in plenty. Anything could happen and it could be a roadblock that we can't get past and since we're idols it's just going to be even harder. You're going on tour in two months and I've got the Korean concerts coming up. We're not going to be able to talk to each other hardly at all, let alone see each other. We're in down time right now so things are easy but in two weeks it's going to start to get more difficult. I know that you think you're ready for that but I don't know that you are. Hell, I don't know if I am. You're going to see a lot of pictures and news articles and hear rumors that I'm dating someone else, or that I'm too close to my fans, or even possibly rumors about me and Giriboy being together. It happens every tour and I know it. The press thinks that they know everything about my life from a few photos and they try to form their own reality. You're going to have to ignore that and trust me. On the same level there's going to be the same thing going on with you too while you're gone. I'm going to see pictures of you and other girls taken at inopportune moments that make whatever your doing look inappropriate and hear dating rumors and see you being ridiculously nice to female fans and it's going to be really hard," Chess sighed and looked up at the partly coudy Seoul sky with sad eyes. "I'm a jealous person by nature and I'm going to have to surpress that even more than I already do and even I'm not entirely sure how I'll react to these things."

"You won't have to! I'm not going to be even remotely close enough to another woman for you to possibly think anything's going on! They won't be able to get those pictures!" Changkyun turned to her with a fire burning in his eyes. Chess stopped walking and turned to face him as well.

"Yes you will. You have to. It is literally part of your job description to get close to other women. I understand that much but it doesn't mean that I won't get upset without talking to you about it first. I'm going to try but I'm just not sure how well my brain will let me react to things like that even when I know that it's not something that you would choose to do," Chess let out another sigh and looked at him with pleading eyes. "Don't you ever let me be the reason that you lose fans or don't make it as an idol. I would never forgive myself. And don't tell me you won't do your job either because that's a quick road to me just ending this so that you don't let the other guys down. I can't watch you fail because of me. I won't."

Changkyun seemed like he was battling himself over what to say next, never looking at her but down the street or up at the sky, before sighing and ruffling his hair in agitation.

"Arasseo. I won't do anything stupid. I just don't honestly even want to be that close to any other woman. I only want to hold your hand, to hug you, to kiss you. I don't want anyone else to be that close," Changkyun stared at a point just over Chess's shoulder with a blush tinting his cheeks as he spoke. Chess quickly grabbed his shirt sleeve and pulled him the short 20 feet into the lobby of the dorms and hugged him as soon as they were hidden from the street.

"I know. I don't want that from anyone else either but it's our jobs. Maybe not the kissing.  _I will cut a bitch real quick._  But I know how you feel. We'll make this work we're just going to have to work hard at it," Chess felt Changkyun pull her tighter to him and nuzzle his face into the side of her neck as she spoke. She couldn't help but giggle at him. "I didn't know you were so cheesey, pabo."

"I'm not a pabo! Cheeseball? Probably. Pabo? No," Changkyun lifted his head out of her neck to face her with a stern look on his face. Chess simply laughed and leaned in to place a quick peck on his lips.

"Come on let's get all the bullshit over today so that we can go on our date. Or did you forget already?" Chess laughed at the look of offense that crossed Changkyun's features.

"Yah! I didn't forget! I have it all planned out! Let's get this over with!" Changkyun grabbed Chess's hand intertwining their fingers and pulled her towards the elevator.

The elevator ride was swift but Chess could feel her anxiety growing again with every floor it climbed. She wasn't so sure she could handle it if Jooheon looked hurt. She knew he probably would be, whether or not that was conceited to think she didn't know, but she just didn't want him to be. He was like a little ball of sunshine all the time, always making people laugh and feel better. She didn't know what she would do if she was the cause of that sunshine being put out. Her heart was already starting to ache as Changkyun opened the door of the dorm.

"Hey guys! Can you come to the living room there's something I have to tell you!" Changkyun pulled Chess into the living room only to immediately put a hand over her eyes. "Cheshire's here too so put on some clothes!"

Chess couldn't help but giggle. It's not like she hadn't seen the boys in boxers accidentally that one time during No.Mercy. It was cute that Changkyun was trying to protect her innocence none the less. Slowly the boys started to file into the living room with Shownu leading the pack and Jooheon picking up the end. When all six boys had settled themselves onto the couch and the floor Changkyun and Chess stood in front of them.

"Okay... Well... Guys...."Changkyun started but he was letting his fear of the guys rejection scare him and it was more than Chess could take at the moment.

"Changkyun and I are dating. It's been approved by sajangnim and the girls already know. We're trying to keep it from the public eye right now for a just in case situation. We don't want it to affect you or the girls so if any ACTUAL problems come from it tell us. We're going to try to make this work but if it gets to be too much then we're going to have to break it off. We've come into this relationship knowing that, okay? Please if you have any comments concerning whether or not we've thought this through, keep them to yourselves because I am really sick and tired of hearing them now, got it? Okay. Cool. That's the announcement," Chess may have rambled a bit but she didn't want to feel judged by yet another group of people and she also knew that ripping the bandaid off quickly was going to be better for Jooheon. She had seen how his face had dropped when she said that they were dating and she had seen his face go blank trying to keep himself numb like he had done durin No.Mercy when I.M was introduced. So when he got up and ran towards his room, Chess patted Changkyun's arm letting him know she was going to take care of this. Changkyun gave her a slightly worried look before nodding and squeezing the hand that he was holding before letting go.

When Chess entered Jooheon's room she couldn't help but notice how much it had changed. There was now only one bunk in the room and he was laying on the bottom of it. There were posters of No.Mercy and Mad Clown and Giriboy and even one of RI5E that had been hung carefully by the head of his bunk. Chess couldn't help the small sad smile that made it's way onto her face. He really had liked her.

"You know you're still one of my best friends right?" Chess was going to do everything she could to bring him out of this but she didn't know how much it would take. "I mean I get it if you don't want to be anymore but I still see you that way."

"I'm not really in the mood to talk right now, Chess," Jooheon finally turned his head so that he was facing her.

"Well that's too damn bad. You're going to talk to me and you're going to talk to me now because I refuse to leave without knowing where we stand, got it? You know I'm more stubborn than you could ever hope to be so I could do this all night. Remember though I also have a much shorter temper. Do you really want to test me right now?" Chess was going to get him to talk. That was all there was to it. She didn't care if she was hurt in the end, she probably would deserve that but he was going to talk.

"Chess, why? Why are you trying? Why are you talking to me? You chose him. Of all people you chose him. Why? Why didn't you at least take Giriboy if you were going to reject me? Why him?" Well that took less time than Chess had thought it would.

"I'm trying to talk to you because I reiterate YOU ARE MY BEST FRIEND! No matter what happens that doesn't change in my mind. You and Giriboy are my best friends. Even better than the girls. I can't honestly tell you why I chose him. I don't know. I thought about it really hard, I did, but he was always the one I thought about more. I don't know Jooheon. Can you tell me why you chose me? Because I can bet money that your first thought has something to do with how I look and I'm not entirely sure I'm okay with that. I chose based on what I thought of you as a person, so your personality and thoughts and actions. Not how you guys looked. I couldn't care less how you looked honestly. So I'm just putting all this out there before you put words in my mouth or try to us me as a way to back up any insecurities you have. You're all beautiful both inside and out but for some reason Changkyun just stuck with me. I don't know Jooheon," After she finished Jooheon stood up and walked towards her.

"I never even got the chance to show you my true feelings, Chess. Don't I at least deserve that chance after all this time?" The look on Jooheon's face was breaking Chess. She wasn't sure she could say no to him.

Jooheon took one more step towards Cheshire, closing the gap between them, and placed a hand on her cheek making her look him in the eyes.

"I love you, Cheshire," And then he kissed her.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N Hmmmmmm................. So still questioning pairings honestly........ Might not stick with I.M...... We'll see........ As always Thanks for Reading! Kamsamnida!


	26. Pinky Promise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A/N So I know this one is a little shorter than the others but I didn't want to completely destroy the scene that had been given by writing too much into it. I promise I'll try to update more often but I am updating as soon as I write it so it's a bit difficult at times. As Always Thank You for Reading! Kamsamnida!

What. In. The. Actual. Hell? Jooheon was kissing her. He was KISSING Cheshire. Cheshire, the girl who had just announced she was dating his band mate and friend. Her brain wasn't functioning. She should have pushed him away. She shouldn't have closed her eyes. She shouldn't have enjoyed this. She should have slapped the living shit out of him. So why the hell was her body not listening to her brain and kissing him back? Why was this happening? Before Chess could compose herself Jooheon pulled back and rested his forehead on hers.

"I really do love you, Chess. More than anything. I don't know what to do now," Jooheon had his eyes closed but Chess's were as wide as saucers. No way this had just happened. No way he just said that. What should she do now? She felt a deep guilt take over her heart and squeeze so hard she felt like she couldn't breathe.

Finally Chess's body started to respond like her brain told it too. She pushed Jooheon away and looked towards the door, considering whether or not to just run away. Her conscience wouldn't let her. She had to deal with this and running away would only hurt both of them more. She couldn't do that. She couldn't be what broke Jooheon. Herself? She didn't care. She was going to hate herself for a long time coming now.

"Why? Why did you do that? I just told you and the rest of the boys that I'm with Changkyun. Why would you think that was okay? Jooheon. You're my best friend. I don't get how this seemed like a good idea!"

"Because I've loved you since I first met you! Since three years ago when you first came to Starship! Since those late night practices in the studio! Since the first time I woke you up from your nightmare!" Jooheon didn't look hurt anymore. He looked angry. But all that was lost on Chess at his last statement. She didn't remember him ever waking her up from a nightmare.

"What? When did you...." She couldn't even finish that question. She was scared of what he knew now. Had he known all along what had been wrong with her?

"Two weeks after we started working together you fell asleep while I was working on some lyrics. You started mumbling and then you started crying. I woke you up and you cried on MY shoulder. You kept saying how there was blood everywhere. That you wish you had protected them and that you were sorry. You fell back asleep in MY arms. Not HIS. MINE. I was there. I took care of you. I didn't say anything because I figured you'd tell me but you never did. Does HE know? Did you tell HIM?" Chess's eyes were widened again this time in fear not shock. Why didn't she remember this? What was going on?

"Yes I did tell him. I was planning on telling you after we resolved all this... this shit! I didn't know that you did that," Chess couldn't wrap her mind around this new information.

"Of course you did. Did you ever really trust me? Or was it just that you needed someone to care about you till you found what you were looking for?" Jooheon's expression was dark and Chess felt her heart break at his cruel words.

"I always trusted you Jooheon. I couldn't tell you about this. It was in my contract! I had no choice. I just recently got permission to tell people! I wanted to tell you first but then all this bullshit about you three liking me came up and I just couldn't. I couldn't do that until I settled my own feelings. Changkyun wasn't even the first. Shownu was, so don't think that Chankyun found out first because I chose him. He found out because he was the first one I ran into after I told Shownu and figured out how to deal with it," Apparently that was not the thing to say. Jooheon's eyes flared again in outrage.

"Shownu?! You told him first?! Why couldn't you trust me? You said I'm your best friend! You think I couldn't look past my feelings for you to be there when you need me? You think I'd let that cloud how I see you? Is your past that bad?" Jooheon grabbed onto Chess's shoulders and she could feel him trembling. She couldn't tell anymore if it was from rage or from sadness and hurt. Jooheon just looked so conflicted.

"Yes! My whole family and my fiance were MURDERED Jooheon! Killed! In cold blood! The cops blamed me! They said I arranged it! I watched my Appa bleed out! I saw every one of them dead! Do you think that's something I could just tell anyone!? I kept this inside for years! YEARS Jooheon! That's what the nightmare was! That's why I don't talk about my past! That's why I was scared to tell you or anyone else for that matter! I didn't want you to think less of me! I thought for sure it would make you more skittish around me and I didn't want that! What do you want from me?!" Chess was crying now. She couldn't help it and she couldn't look at Jooheon who had lost all of his anger now. He felt horrible and he didn't know what to do. At that moment though Changkyun busted into the room after hearing all the yelling and looked from Chess who was shaking to Jooheon who was looking at her with a sad look.

"What the HELL did you do to my Girlfriend?!" Changkyun crossed the room and grabbed Jooheon by his collar pushing him into the wall. Jooheon never actually looked at him but kept his eyes on Chess as she slowly sank to the ground devolving into a sobbing mess. She couldn't even hear what was going on around her, she was stuck in her own sadness and couldn't find a way out.

"I kissed her and I told her I love her," Jooheon looked into Changkyun's eyes briefly enough to see the rage turn his eyes black before he felt Changkyun's fist connect with his jaw. "She finally told me her past too. Even if it was her yelling at me. I finally got to know why she had to cry herself to sleep in my arms."

Changkyun felt his rage overflowing at Jooheon's words and when Jooheon smirked he lost it. Changkyun had never been a violent person but he was finding that now he had a reason to be and he would do whatever it took to protect Chess. Even if it was beating up one of his best friends.

"You piece of shit! You know how much you mean to her! You know it! Why the hell would you do that to her! Why would you do this to me!?" Changkyun was breathing heavily and was finally finding the words for his anger. "You know what I don't even care! If you ever touch her again, I will not stop until you're not moving! Got that?! I won't let anyone hurt her! Especially not you!"

Changkyun pushed Jooheon into the wall with all his force before turning around and going to Chess who was still sobbing on the floor. He wrapped his arms around her helping her to her feet and taking her out of the room and through the living room to the balcony. Changkyun gently sat her on the bench against the windows, kneeling down in front of her and wiping her tears which just made her cry more.

"I kissed him back. He kissed me and I couldn't help it... I kissed him back. I'm so sorry Changkyun. I'm so sorry," Chess sobbed hard again and Changkyun wrapped his arms around her pulling her face into the crook of his neck.

"It's okay. You were just surprised. Don't worry about that right now. Are you okay? How can I help you right now? What do you need?" Changkyun felt Chess slowly get herself under control. She pulled away and Changkyun gave her a box of tissues that just seemed to have appeared out of nowhere and she blew her nose and cleaned her face. Once her face was cleaned she grabbed Changkyun's face and kissed him. Hard. When they finally broke the kiss, Changkyun rested his forehead on hers and started running his fingers through her hair.

"What in the world did I ever do to deserve having you care about me this much?" Chess's quesiton was whisper quiet and she hadn't been sure if Changkyun had even heard it until he answered her.

"You went through hell and you're still here. You deserve nothing but love and I plan on giving that to you. No matter if it hurts me or if you return it. Whether you're my girlfriend or just my friend. I'm going to make sure that the rest of your life is only filled with love. I won't let anyone hurt you. Not ever. I promis you that," Changkyun stilled the hand in her hair on the back of her neck and stared straight into her blue-green eyes. He placed a sweet peck on her lips and Chess felt her lips form a small sad smile.

"Pinky promise?" Chess stuck out her right pinky and Changkyun locked his with hers almost instantly.

"Pinky promise," Changkyun chuckled but Chess reamained serious.

"I will always do the same for you. No matter what. I don't ever want you to even think that you're not just as loved," Changkyun smiled and brought his hand on her hair to cup her face.

"Pinky Promise?"

"Pinky Promise."

 


	27. The Perfect Date

Chess and Changkyun had a pretty easy day considering the fight that had happened only a few hours ago. When Changkyun had said that he had the perfect date planned Chess had scoffed, not believing him. She was happily surprised though, they had already been to a park and to a nice traditional Korean restaraunt for lunch. Unfortunately they couldn't be as close as they would have liked, having to keep a minimum of two feet between them at all times. Now though they were walking into a movie theater that was completely deserted as it was about 2:30 pm on a Tuesday.

They were watching The Fantastic Four and to be perfectly honest, Chess and Changkyun weren't really interested in the movie. They had both already seen it and this was more of an excuse to be alone and cuddly more than anything. They grabbed seats in the back of the empty theater, just to make sure they wouldn't be spotted if someone were to walk in, and Changkyun immediately dropped his arm onto Chess's shoulder after pushing up the arm rest in between them. Chess grinned at him and curled into his side resting her head in the crook of his neck.

"I'm sorry this day started off so rough. Other than that, I've had a whole bunch of fun. You did plan the perfect date," Chess reached up and kissed his cheek. She didn't fail to notice his bright smile before he reverted into his normal playful self, pouting at her.

"You doubted my ability to plan a date? Glad to know that you have so much faith in me!" Changkyun removed his arm from her shoulders so he could cross both of his arms across his chest and look away from her.

"Mian, Changkyun. Come on you know I didn't mean it that way! You're the one who said it would be perfect! I just know better than to have my expectations too high. Especially for a first date. Usually those are just so ridiculously awkward and end badly. I wasn't expecting it would be bad because of your planning. What do I have to do to make you stop pouting?" This was apparently what Changkyun had been waiting for because he immediately turned to her with a mischevious glint in his eyes.

"Well... You could do aegyo and call me Oppa," Changkyun smirked at her and Chess smacked his arm.

"I hardly even do aegyo for my fans! And I've told you before I'll  **NEVER** call you Oppa! You're younger than me! Pabo!" Changkyun took advantage of the moment when Chess had let her guard down because of her shock and wrapped his arms around her practically pulling her into his lap.

"Well then how about kisses? And maybe a little aegyo?" He leaned his forehead down to rest on Chess's and she sighed, giving into his demand.

"Changkyunnie! Mianhe.." Chess pouted a bit, puffing out her cheeks, and made her voice more high pitched. She really wasn't the best at aegyo but she did try. After Changkyun chuckled softly at her he place his lips softly on hers. Chess swore she would never get used to the sensation that overwhelmed her body when he kissed her. It was like all of her nerve endings were being shocked and burned all at once. It was the most amazing feeling.

"I guess that'll work for me," Changkyun grinned before leaning in again to capture her lips. This was absolutely a perfect date.

For the rest of their time in the movie theater the two kept curled in their own little ball exchanging kisses every now and then or whispering a joke here and there. It had been everything they had needed after such a horrible start to the day and the separation that they were having to keep up when in public. When they left it was sometime around dinner and Changkyun hailed a cab for them, telling Chess the date wasn't over quite yet. He held up his phone with the address on it so only the driver could see and the driver smiled and nodded.

"Where the hell are you taking me?  _I swear to god Changkyun I will report you for kidnapping..."_  Changkyun laughed at the idle threat and interlocked his fingers with Chess's.

"We're going somewhere I had always hoped to take my girlfriend," He gave her a gummy smile and Chess rolled her eyes.

"You know, I think that was supposed to be sweet but it just made it sound like it could have been any girl that had become your girlfriend. It doesn't seem all that special now," Chess rolled her eyes again when he brought his face closer to hers and whispered in her ear.

"I promise it'll be special and I don't think any other girl on this planet would ever appreciate it like I know you will," Changkyun kissed her temple and then pulled away to look out the windshield. He really was something else.

The taxi ride didn't take too long, maybe about twenty five or thirty minutes. This brought them to the Han River and probably about a forty five minute walk from the Banpo bridge. The park they were at was absolutely beautiful and the walk way by the river was starting to light up since the sun was now beginning to set. All in all it was a pretty romantic place that Chess had actually not had the time to visit since she moved to Seoul.

"Come on let's keep walking we're not quite there yet," Changkyun gave Chess a face mask and a snapback, that he apparently bought while she was too concerned with the view, and pulled on his own. When both of their make shift disguises were fully in place Changkyun grabbed Chess's hand and led her to the walkway by the river.

"You mean this isn't the place? Jinja? I was really impressed there for a second," Chess pouted slightly she had kind of just wanted to sit in the soft grass and watch the sunset together. She had always adored the way the city sparkled once the sun went down and wanted to watch that with Changkyun.

"Nope this isn't it. The place I'm going to take you to is better," Chess just shrugged and went back to taking in the view while walking hand in hand with her boyfriend. God, did she love that she could call him that. A soft grin formed on her face and she giggled without even realizing but Changkyun, who had yet to take his eyes off her, did. "Be careful, if you keep smiling like that you might pull a muscle."

"How could I not though? You've taken me on a great date. You have been the perfect gentleman and I couldn't ask for more. I really have had more fun today than I have had in years," Changkyun stopped and pulled Chess into a tight hug, kissing her forhead through his face mask.

"I'm so happy that you've liked it this much. I hope that I can always make you smile like this," He let her go and they continued walking. They stayed mostly quiet for the rest of their walk and just enjoyed the scenery and each others company. Before Chess really noticed they had made it to the Banpo bridge and the sun was just about to sink into the horizon.

"Come on. This is what I had planned," Changkyun pulled Chess towards the cafe that overlooked the bridge and Chess was a little confused. The cafe was well known and generally there were tons of people there on dates. They wouldn't have any privacy or the ability to really enjoy their time their because they'd have to stay apart. "I called yesterday and booked the whole cafe. It's our own personal retreat for the night."

Chess's eyes went wide, she hadn't dreamed that he would do all that for a date with her. She had never had someone go so far out of their way to do something for her. Given she knew it wasn't just for her but this was amazing! Changkyun simply chuckled at her shocked expression and led her up the stairs to the cafe. When they entered the hostess led them out to a table on the balcony that had been set immaculately with a pretty red table cloth. There was already a bottle of wine sitting on the table and there were flower petals scattered around that seemed to glow in the flickering candle light. It was the most beautiful thing that Chess had ever seen. Changkyun made sure to pull out her chair as she looked all around her taking off her snapback and face mask, covering her gaping mouth with her hand.

"How in the world did you do all this? Why? Isn't this too much?" Chess was practically in tears, she had never felt so thought of in her life. Yeah, she had had caring boyfriends before and they were wonderful, but this was just so different. He was going all out to impress her for their first date. Even her fiancee hadn't done anything close to this special when he proposed.

"I just wanted to make you remember this forever. I know I will," Changkyun reached across the table and held Chess's fingers lightly.

Dinner was probably one of the best experiences of her life. The food was absolutely delicious and was paired with one of her favorite wines. (When had he found out her wine preferrences?) They had a light and funny conversation and just enjoyed themselves. Dessert was the fluffiest whipped cream strawberry cake that Chess had ever laid eyes on and it had to be the best tasting thing in the world. They were having so much fun that time seemed to fly by and before they knew it the Banpo bridge rainbow waterfall was starting. They both stood and walked over to the railing to get a better view. Changkyun stood behind Chess wrapping his arms around her waist and resting his chin on her shoulder.

"So do you think you'll ever forget today?" Changkyun whispered in her ear and kissed her jaw just below it. Chess spun around in his arms and wrapped her own around his neck putting one of her hands into his hair. She leaned in and kissed him. This time it wasn't a short kiss. It was long and passionate. Changkyun moved his lips against hers taking control of the kiss and fully exploring her mouth. He lightly bit at her bottom lip and when Chess gasped into the kiss he took the opportunity to slip his tongue into her mouth earning a pleased moan from Chess that vibrated in her chest. The kiss lasted a long time and when they pulled back both of them were breathing heavily. Changkyun tightened his grasp on her waist, trying to do all he could to bring her closer, not that that was even possible at this point.

" _I don't think there's a force in the 'verse that could make me forget today,"_  Changkyun laughed at Chess's Firefly reference, making her laugh herself. It maybe entirely ridiculous but that was definitely part of the reason why they just clicked together. All the stupid little jokes and references to random comic books or cult tv shows. They were the biggest, weirdest geeks together and nothing ever felt more right to either of them. They felt like they were indestructible together and they were both determined to keep that feeling for as long as possible.

Unfortunately, neither of them noticed the faint flashes going off near them or the paparazzi that had been documenting their time in the cafe. They had no way to be prepared for their first hurdle as an idol couple. The future looked bright from where they were standing but how bright would it look when the press really dug into them and their pasts?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N Finally a new update!!!!! I found some inspiration and now that I've got it laid out for a new conflict hopefully I'll be updating more often. I won't get into the new conflict quite yet but I might through in some different perspectives just to give you guys a little more information but no promises! As always Thank You for Reading! Kamsamnida!


	28. Weekly Idol

"Unnie! You have to wake up! Jinja! We have to go get ready! Ji Eun Unnie will be so angry if you're late again!" Chess groaned and rolled over on her mountain of pillows to look at the time on her phone. It was already 10:30 am. Unfortunately Alice's screechings were correct though. If she didn't move now she would be late and Ji Eun would have her head.

"Arrasseo! I'm up!" Chess stood up and stretched out her body finding it hard not to let a dreamy smile cross onto her face. She was still in a daze after the wonderful first date that Changkyun had planned for them even though that was over a week ago. There was nothing quite like knowing that he cared about her that much already. She couldn't help but giggle to herself at the memory of everything they did together while she was getting dressed and decently presentable. Ten minutes later Chess stepped out of her room to find the other girls gathered at the doorway putting on their shoes to head out for the day.

"I will never understand how it takes you so little time to get ready," Young Ji scoffed as Chess quickly put on her shoes.

"Well unlike you I don't decide to put on make up even though I know the Coordi's are just going to make me wash my face so they can redo it," Chess poked Young Ji's cheek and eye smiled at her.

"Don't you worry about the press though? What if they get pictures of you bare faced?" Alice linked her arm through Chess's and leaned her head on her unnie's shoulder.

"Ahhh the secret to that, my young maknae, is that I couldn't care less. And big sunglasses should I have bags under my eyes," Chess lightly swiped Alice's nose pulling out her oversized sunglasses and putting them on.

"Okay girls I'm sure that's more than enough. We really need to get going now. Dae Suk manager-nim is going to be driving us to the studio so we don't really need to bring your car Unnie. We'll just walk and get our morning exercise. Here, I know you didn't get to eat yet," Sumi handed Chess an oatmeal bar with chocolate chips and Chess gave her the most starry eyed look she could muster.

"Ohhh!  _Our leader is the bestest in the whole wide world!_ " Sumi simply rolled her eyes as Chess ran back in quickly not even taking her shoes off to grab her tumbler and fill it with coffee before she left. The girls simply waited by the door and rolled their eyes at her when she returned. They had long since given up on telling her not to wear her shoes in the house, even if it was just for a quick reason, since she was firstly an american and secondly 'not putting up with any of their shit' when it came between Chess and her coffee. "Alrighty then girls!  _Let's do this thing!"_

The girls were having a good time walking to the company together. They hadn't really been able to spend a lot of family bonding time together since the end of the tour because of all their schedules and Chess's dating bit, so it was really nice to be able to joke freely around each other again. They walked and laughed and suddenly the topic came around to boys, as it always seemed to do when all the girls were together.

"I wish I could meet someone like you did Unnie. I want a boyfriend so bad," Alice whined and rested her head on Chess's shoulder again, pouting. Chess laughed with the other girls at the maknae's comment.

"Well don't worry I'm sure you'll get to meet Jungkook soon," Alice feebly smacked Chess in her side, only making her laugh more. "What I'm curious about though is what is going on with Bei Lee and Minhyuk. Hmmmm?"

Bei Lee blushed and looked away which made the girls all giggle.

"Ah so the quiet reader has found herself with a crush. Why haven't you told any of us?" Sumi wrapped her arm around the now very embarrassed second youngest and giggled.

"Told us? She didn't have to! Didn't you see her all cuddled up to him at their dorm when we watched the movie?" Young Ji wrapped her arm around the other side of Bei Lee who now had taken to staring at the ground.

"He's just really nice guys... I don't really have a crush... I'm sure it'll pass. I just haven't had a guy be that nice to me outside of the fans in a while."

"Unnie, I'm sure he likes you too! Don't give up hope so quick!" Alice gave her biggest smile while leaning in front of Chess to get a better view of Bei Lee. Though as all the girls were laughing they came up to the gates of Starship and were immediately preyed upon by the press. It seemed that they really had no intrest in anyone but Chess though and swiftly tried to detach her from the others.

"Is it true that you're in a relationship with I.M from Monsta X?"

"Are you aware of the fact that he's 5 years younger than you?"

"Do you really have a thing for younger men?"

"How long have you two been together?"

"Does he know the secrets of your life before debut?"

Chess's blood ran cold. How did they find this out? What were they even using as evidence to speculate off of? They had just officially gotten together a week and a half ago. How did this happen? Before she could even attempt to answer or block any of the questions that had been hurled at her, security guards came in and fished the girls out of the crowd bringing them into the gates. They were escorted up into the building and as soon as she was close to the elevators, Chess's phone rang. It was sajangnim and he hardly waited but Chess to finish saying hello before he started.

"I'm trying to take care of the press as much as I can. Unfortunately it might need to be made public a lot sooner than we thought. I'm not really sure what they're going off of and I know that you two have been careful. I'm going to try to protect you two as much as possible but I don't know that we'll be able to hide your past any more. I'll try to keep that as secret as possible for now but I'm going to give you the choice of whether or not you go public with your relationship. I'm sure that Weekly Idol is going to ask you. I'm going to leave it up to you. Be careful." He hung up before Chess even had the chance to say anything. She slowly pulled the phone away from her ear and when she had really let what he said sink in she dialed Changkyun's number. It rang a couple times before going to voice mail. Why did she have to be right when she had predicted things getting difficult in two weeks?

Chess typed out a quick text hoping that he would be able to see it before she had to film for Weekly Idol so that she knew what to say. She had no real problem with going public but she also didn't want to do anything to jeopardize everything that Changkyun had worked for. They had already lost a whole bunch of fans when the pictures of Wonho clubbing and smoking and drinking underage had come out. She couldn't handle being the reason that they lost more fans.

Getting ready for a show had never been so quick or so blurred in Chess's mind. She was dressed and made up in no time it had seemed and the other girls were done just as quickly. They had been rushed into the van that was taking them to the studio and Dae Suk for the first time in as long as the girls knew him would not shut up. He kept talking about how he hated that the press was harrassing the girls and that there was no reason for them to be digging into their personal lives but Chess's didn't really hear any of it. She kept staring at the phone in her hands waiting for Changkyun to respond to her. She really didn't want to have to do this on her own considering that it was going to affect the both of them. He didn't respond though and when the door to the van opened with Dae Suk letting them know that they had arrived, Chess immediately dialed his number again with no luck. She was going to have to do this on her own.

She had never realized that she had a muscle memory for the hallways leading to the sound stage for Weekly Idol until today. She walked without really seeing what was around her but just so happened to lead the girls to the right place. The girls were told that they would simply be waiting in the wings since it was so close to filming time. Chess took some deep breaths and willed herself back to her normal bubbly and carefree self and was amazed at how easy it was despite the stress she was feeling. She had made her decision as to what she would say if they asked her about her relationship with Changkyun in the hall. She just hoped that everyone would understand but maybe that was just wishful thinking on her part.

Before she knew it, Chess and the girls were called onto the sound stage and they did their greeting and were starting to talk to Connie and Donnie and Chess was actually happy to be on the stage. If there was anything that she wanted to do should, heaven forbid, RI5E break up, it would definitely have to be becoming an MC. She relished in the idea of being on a real show and it was just so much fun to do all the games that they had set up for them. They talked for a while with Sumi about her drama project that she had been working on before moving to Young Ji, who had been in the studio since they got back trying to record a solo album. Connie took extra care in talking to Bei Lee and Alice who had just started a working closely with a charity that helped women who had cancer, making sure to point out the name and how to donate or volunteer or seek them out for help. Then it was all eyes on Chess.

"So Cheshire you're the only one that we haven't heard of a new project from. What are you going to do while the other girls are so busy? I hope you're not going to sleep the whole time. I hear that's bad for your health," Everyone laughed at Donnie's joke and Chess had a gummy smile on her face when she answered.

"Well I've been in contact with a couple different shows that want me to make an appearance but nothing is set in stone yet. Hopefully you'll be seeing me soon though. I'm really trying to get an invitation from Two Days One Night honestly," Chess giggled and Connie went over to look into a camera.

"You see! PDnim, you need to ask her! We really want to work with her!" Everyone laughed again and when it quieted down again Connie asked the question she had been dreading.

"We have to ask though we've been seeing it all over the internet and magazines. What is your relationship with I.M from Monsta X?" Chess took a deep breath and smiled gently at Connie.

"We're just really good friends. We've been hanging out a lot and I've been around the other boys too but I'm just close with I.M, nothing more," With that out of the way the rest of the show ran smoothly and Chess could only hope that she'd be able to tell Changkyun before the show aired. She really just wanted to make sure he understood.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! She had to deny her relationship!!!!!! What's Changkyun gonna think? We'll find out soon! As always Thank You for Reading! Kamsamnida!


	29. The Inevitable Fight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay guys so I completely forgot to put this chapter up... Like I said I'm transferring this from AsianFanfics.com so I completely lost track of what I was doing! I'm So Sorry!!!!

"You said what?!" Chess pulled the phone away from her ear. She had finally gotten in touch with Changkyun who had left his phone at home that day when they went to the practice rooms. He had apologized profusely when he had called her back but now he was fairly livid. Chess told him that she had decided to say they were just friends on Weekly Idol and that she was sorry but that didn't seem to quell his anger.

"I had to make a decision that wouldn't hurt either of us or our groups. With Wonho's scandal you just lost a whole bunch of fans and I didn't want to be the reason you lost more," Chess was trying her best to remain calm and not get angry herself but his reaction was beginning to piss her off. If he hadn't forgotten his phone that morning this wouldn't have happened. "We talked about this after sajangnim gave us his blessing. I'm not going to be the one to destroy everything you've worked for and I won't let you hurt my career either. I don't want to lose my dreams because of a relationship that isn't proven to work yet and I don't want that to happen to you either. It's only been a week and a half and yes, it's been a great week but that doesn't mean that this relationship is going to be permenant. I don't want us to take unnecessary risks."

"How could you decide that this on your own? I would have rather had us gone public! Wonho's shit is his own problem! We would have been able to have gone on dates without having to disguise ourselves finally! Are you ashamed of me? Do you not want anyone to know that you care about me? Do you even really care?" And that was the straw that broke the camel's back. Chess was enraged now and there was no going back. She was usually known for being able to keep her temper in check but if he was going to question her feelings and motives like this there was nothing she could do to hold it back anymore.

"Yah! If you hadn't forgotten your phone this wouldn't have been a problem in the first place! I know I'm your first girlfriend and all but there are somethings that you can just kind of assume you need to do! I would rather have to wear a disguise to date you for the rest of my life if it meant that we both got to keep our dreams! I don't really care if people know who I'm dating or anything about my personal life for that matter! Do you really think I would have chosen to be with you if I thought I'd be ashamed of you?! Or if I didn't really care about you?! I get that you're mad but you really need to think before you say those things!" Chess was breathing heavily now and she was very much doubting his maturity level now. Surely he would realize that what he was saying was stupid, right?

"Maybe this was a stupid decision in the first place then. Maybe we shouldn't have tried," Changkyun's voice was quiet and dead serious. It was breaking Chess's heart. It hadn't even been long enough for something like this to tear them apart.

"What do you mean?" Chess felt a deep seated fear take the place of the rage that had been bubbling just a few seconds ago.

"Maybe we shouldn't be together. It seems like we have completely different priorities," Chess heard him sniffle into the phone. He was crying. She knew he was and he would never admit to it.

"Yah, pabo. This isn't enough to tear us apart. You just have to compromise a bit more with me. I'm trying I really am. You just seem to only think about us while I'm trying to see the big picture. I love that you care so much about being with me and that I'm one of your first priorities but in this industry that can't happen. Monsta X needs to be your number one priority and then your fans. I need to be like third or fourth on that list. Same goes for me. I have to keep RI5E and the fans a top priority but you're still on my list. I just can't make you number one yet," Chess could feel the lump forming in her throat the more she spoke. The fear was still turning in the pit of her stomach making her feel queasy.

"Maybe I'm just not mature enough then because I can't do that. I don't care about being an idol anymore, all I care about is you," Chess's heart broke. She couldn't take it anymore and if he wasn't willing to bend then their relationship was going to break anyways. Maybe it was better for both of them if they broke it here rather than waiting and making it messier.

"You can't talk like that. It's not just you that's an idol it's all of the boys. Shownu and Jooheon and Minhyuk and Kihyun and Wonho and Hyungwon, they rely on you too. You can't just give up and leave them hanging. What you do will affect them just like what I do will affect Sumi and Bei Lee and Young Ji and Alice. That's the unfortunate downfall of debuting in a group. It's not just you that you have to think about. Would you really want the boys to suffer because you decided to do something stupid? You wouldn't even think twice about it if it meant saving the groups reputation if this was anything else. If it wasn't our relationship and it was anything else you would try to avoid a scandal. That's what you have to do now. It's hard and I know it is and it suucks. It suucks so bad but we have to deal with it. We're not average people as much as we want to be or try to be. We're idols and unfortunately we're idols whose reputations could affect some of our best friends. Do you really want to hurt the boys just so we don't have to wear disguises to go out together?" She couldn't be sure that she was getting through to him but this was her last ditch effort. There was nothing else she could do or say to fix this after that.

"It's not just about the disguises! I can't be the proud boyfriend and tell eveyone about how I'm with the most amazing woman I've ever met. I have to watch other guys openly flirt with you every time you're on a show. I have to deal with girls flirting with me because they think I'm single. I have to pretend that I'm still just the innocent maknae that doesn't know anything about love. I can't be honest anymore. I can't take the lies and the fake smiles and all the pretending. I just want to be able to hold you and let eveyone know you're mine and I'm yours. Of course I care about what happens to the guys but I'm worried that I'll end up losing myself in these lies. Or even worse losing you. I can't do that anymore," Changkyun was sobbing now and there was nothing on this planet that could have been more heart shattering for Chess. She hated to hear him so hurt but she couldn't change anything.

"Unfortunately you only have two options now though. Either you can keep up the lies for a few more months or we have to break up. I don't want to lose you either but we can't go public now. Not for a few more months. Not after I said we weren't dating... It would destroy both of our credibility and I'm not willing to risk that... Not for either of us. I like this just as much as you do and I'm sorry that it has to be like this but that is just apart of the life that we've chosen. Secrets and lies and pretending is in the job description when you become an idol. I mean think about everything that I've had to cover up since I became an idol. I legitimately did lose myself. I'm not able to say that I'm Scarlett anymore. I haven't been that person in years and it's a sacrifice I've had to make but I'm not necessarily sorry to have made it. I do like who I am even if it unfortunately comes with some pretty heavy baggage and a truck load of secrets and lies to the general public. That's reality as an idol though. You don't really get to control your own life anymore," Chess could hear herself getting quieter and quieter as she spoke and even noticed that she started crying when she spoke about how much she had changed. The fear in the pit of her stomach seemed to edge away as she figured she knew what the outcome was going to be.

"I don't think I can lie anymore. I wasn't built that way. I know I'm not perfect and I may be a lot of things but I've never been a liar. It's tearing at my soul to know that I'm not telling people the truth. I haven't even told my family because I don't want them to think badly of me for lying about it in public. You may be okay with the way you keep secrets but I'm not. I can't anymore," That was it. Chess broke down she couldn't even try to keep herself together anymore. They had been so great together. They were always laughing and joking around, sneaking a kiss here and there when no one was looking. Always cuddling every chance they got and finding a new way to let the other know they cared. This had to be a record. No way there were people who would get together and separate this quickly. Especially not when they still had feelings for each other. Why couldn't he just compromise for her this one time? Better yet, why had she even bothered to like anyone after everything she had been through? She had to be cursed and destined to be alone. She let out strangled sobs and couldn't help the choking noise that left her throat. She didn't want this to be this hard but she couldn't help it anymore. "Why can't we just tell eveyone? Let's just tell them and apologize for the lies. Explain that we were just trying to keep our privacy. That it's still new and that we didn't want to upset anyone."

"That's not... That's not how this... this works and you know it. We can't... We can't tell them now. Mianhe... Jinja m-mianhe... I... I can't... Mianhe... We... We can't..." Chess's sobs shook her whole body now as she collapsed to the floor of her room. Everything was against her now, even her own brain that wouldn't stop bringing up memories of the times they had cuddled on her bed watching a movie or just talking. Everything was just painful and she was powerless to stop it. She heard Changkyun sobbing as well and that did nothing but increase the ache deep in her soul. How had it come to this? She was so happy and peaceful not even fifteen hours ago. How had she gone from daydreaming about their first date to having to deal with this immeasureable pain? How did one answer on a variety show change her life so much? How did five words have so much power?

"Please... Cheshire.... Don't... Don't do this... We can... We can make them understand. It... It doesn't have to end this way," Changkyun's plea made her heart wrench even more though she had been so certain there was no way for her to feel any more pain. With one last deep breath Chess gathered all the courage she had left and spoke.

"Changkyun... I think... I think we should break up."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N I'm not even going to lie to you guys I'm crying right now.... Literally have tears coming down my face.... This was... This was definitely hard to write... I know that it may seem ridiculous but there will be a point I promise! Things will turn around! As always Thank You for Reading! Kamsamnida!


	30. Everything's Fine

In the month and a half that followed their break up, Chess kept herself busy with anything and everything she could. She had been on Two Days One Night, Running Man, and even Gag Concert, she had began to take piano lessons so she could learn to write her own music, and she had gotten herself involved in a charity to help fund research for women centric diseases such as Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome, PMDD, Endometriosis, and a long list of others. She had made sure that she never had a waking moment that wasn't filled with something to keep her brain occupied. Except for today. Dae Suk and Sajangnim had ordered her to take a break saying that she was working far too hard and that if it was that important for her to do something then she could write some new lyrics.

She had been avoiding lyrics. That meant letting her mind flow onto paper. It meant admitting that she was hurt and vulnerable again. Admitting that she was still hurting. She couldn't do that but just sitting in the dorm by herself was killing her. She decided maybe going to the company would help. Maybe she could get away with just singing. She pulled herself together and out of her dorm deciding to take her Jeep to avoid any potential press that was still hanging around with questions about her relationship status. She drove in silence and parked in her spot quickly trying to make sure no one saw her. She might still get scolded for not taking the full day off. Chess ran up the stairs as quickly as she could since she had decided against the elavator and soon found herself on the fourth floor. As she was walking down the hall she heard someone in one of the empty studios curse and she suddenly found her distraction. She didn't even knock when she entered knowing that even if they weren't alone her presence wouldn't bother anyone here.

"Hey there Giri. Haven't seen you in a while," Chess gave him her best attempt at a genuine smile though it didn't completely reach her eyes.

"That would be because I was avoiding you. Still am honestly," Giri's blunt words stung but she knew she probably deserved it. "Are you just bored because your boyfriend's on tour?"

Giri turned to look at her through his bangs and saw her visibly flinch at his question. He let a smirk crawl on his face, it may have been petty but it made him feel better.

"He's... He's not... Not anymore..." Giri watched as all the strength left Chess and ran over to grab her arm, trying to help steady her.

"What the hell happened?" Giri couldn't help but ask, no matter how mad he was she was still one of the few people he deeply cared about.

"We broke up... After I had to deny the relationship," Chess could feel the lump forming and was trying her best to stop it. It had been over a month! Even if she hadn't really thought about it a two week relationship shouldn't have had her this hurt for this long.

"What did that pabo do?" Giri fully pulled her to his chest and hugged her trying to quell the tears that he saw in her eyes.

"I should have just told them we were together. I shouldn't have covered it up. It's all my fault. I'm so stupid," Chess let her tears soak into the shoulder of Giri's shirt and wrapped her arms around him. "Mianhe... I'm so stupid... I made the wrong choice."

"Aniyo... You didn't... You really fuucking like him, obviously. If you didn't I'm sure you wouldn't be crying like this. How long have you been like this? I heard you've been trying to overwork yourself recently," As much as it pained him to admit it, she had made the right choice. He wasn't sure he could have ever made her feel like this, not that he wanted to make her sad but she really did care about I.M if she was still this much of a mess.

"It's been a little over a month. I'm just so scared to stop and have nothing but my own thoughts. If I don't work until the point of exhaustion my brain betrays me. I see his face everytime I try to sleep and all the good things. We were only together for two weeks... What's wrong with me Giri? Am I really this pathetic?" Chess tightened her grip on Giri a little more almost afraid that he would leave her too. She was having quite the issue with her abandonment issues since the break up.

"Nothing's wrong with you and you're not pathetic. He's a pabo. There's no other explanation. I bet he's even realized how stupid his decision was by now," Giri stroked her hair and Chess only sobbed a bit harder into his shoulder.

"I'm the one that decided to break up. He couldn't lie anymore and I couldn't go back on what I had just said so I broke it off. We couldn't have worked through this. We just had completely different priorities. I know it was the right thing to do but why does it hurt so much?"

"Because you really like him. Because you genuinely want to be with him. That's why it hurts. He's a pabo for not enduring and you... you're a pabo for letting go too early. I know that you're scared of people knowing you. I know you're scared of letting people in but you're going to have to. You're an idol. Eventually everyone's going to know everything about you. Including your past. You have to remember that, it's one of the sacrifices we have to make for this life," Chess felt his words like a smack to the face. Hadn't she told Changkyun the same thing when she was trying to convince him to just bear with it for a couple more months?

"I'm so stupid... I should have just said we were together... I should have just come out with it.... Then he'd have stayed and I would feel like this... I'm so stupid," Chess wasn't getting any better and she knew it but at least for the first time in a long time she was able to say everything she was feeling. Maybe that's what she needed to heal. Giri just held her and rubbed circles into her back while she cried into his shoulder. There were no longer any words that could comfort her and he knew it so they stayed quiet until she finally calmed down and got herself together. "Thank you for still being my best friend. I'm sorry that I hurt you. I think I really did need you this time though."

"You always need me. And I'll always fuucking be there. Mad or not I still care about you and you're my best friend too. I'm not going to say that I want to hear about your relationship problems but I'll always be there if you need me to listen. I don't like not being the only man in your life but I guess I have to accept that now huh?" Giri chuckled a bit and opened his mouth to say more when Chess's phone went off. Giri got a weird look on his face like a mixture of pride and sadness when he heard that it was Rush by Monsta X. Chess tried to dig it out as quickly as possible but her tight pants made it very difficult.

"Shownu? What's up?" Chess had barely finished speaking before Shownu was going into a rant.

"I don't know what the hell happened to you two, hell no one does, but you need to fix it now! I'm sick of him moping around! He's been really shitty for the past couple weeks and he won't let anyone know what's going on! We can't even perform to the best of our ability because we're practically having to carry him around on stage! Whatever fight you guys are in please, just please, talk to him and fix it! It's killing us!" Shownu sounded completely exhausted and Chess was certain she had never heard the younger boy curse, especially not to her.

"Shownu, I'm sorry... We broke up. A little over a month ago. I can't fix this."

"Yes you can! Call him! He needs you! Whatever made you two break up I'm sure he's willing to fix it now! Please!" Chess could feel the tears reforming in her eyes and Giri took her phone from her ear and walked into the recording booth of the studio.

"Shownu. Yeah it's me. Yeah, it's pretty bad here too. Yeah. I don't think it'll happen right now. Over the phone isn't such a good idea. Yeah. I think I can work that out. Yeah. Yeah. No problem man. You have no idea but this... this is much worse than just letting go. Yeah. See you soon," Giri hung up and walked out where Chess was standing just staring at him. "Come on let's go get food. We've got a lot to discuss."

Chess nodded and put her phone back in her pocket while Giri lead them out of the studio and locked it. She was curious about what Giri and Shownu talked about but at the same time it wasn't something she really wanted to know. It wasn't something she could really focus on at the moment.

"So what do you want to eat?" Giri looked at her and noticed she still hadn't managed to recover her smile since she had stopped crying. Though at his comment the corners of her lips tilted upwards.

"I'm not even really hungry anymore," Giri rolled his eyes and looked over at her.

"Yah! That's bullshit and you know it. Okay. We're going to get sushi. Let's go," Chess hadn't even paid attention to the fact that they had made it to the lobby and were about to exit the front doors until the cool autumn air hit her.

"We should have taken my car. What if there's press?" Chess put on a manufactured smile as she saw the few camera men near the front gate just to make sure she didn't break her character.

"Since when have we ever cared about them? Just ignore them. We'll be fine," Giri dug out his cigarettes and offered one to Chess who seemed to have forgotten hers at the dorms. They walked through the gates puffing on their cigarettes and were bombarded as soon as the press saw them.

"Cheshire, did you lie about your relationship with I.M?"

"Are you trying to protect his career?"

"Are you having an affair with Giriboy now?"

"When are you going to tell us the truth about your past?"

"What's so important to keep hidden?"

Giri simply grabbed onto Chess's arm and pulled her away from the press, flipping them off as he went. They seemed to lose intrest when they didn't even bother to say two words to them and went back to their stations by the gate as Giri and Chess headed towards their favorite sushi restaurant.

"Okay, so when do you want to go see him?" Once they were about a block away and they knew the press hadn't followed them Giri spoke.

"I can't. There's nothing I can do that will fix this. There's nothing I can say that will take back the lies that had to be told," Chess didn't like that he seemed to think this was so easy. Everything about this situation was just fuucked up and she couldn't keep going pretending that it wasn't.

"Yeah you can. Why don't you tell people? About your past? I'm sure if he saw that you did that then he'd see that you're really trying. I think he'd understand that and then you could fix it," Giri had a point. Chess hated that he did but she still wasn't sure she could do that. She had hidden away everything for so long that she wasn't sure she wanted anyone to know anymore. It didn't help that she had no idea how to tell people without it getting misconstrued. "I have a friend that works over at SBS. I think that he'd be more than willing to cover it for you. He's trust worthy too. He's not going to make it out to be something it's not."

Chess was silent for a while trying to consider if this would be enough of an effort for her to win back Changkyun's heart. She wasn't sure that she could do it if it was only going to be a wasted effort but Changkyun had always seemed to understand how sensitive and hard talking about her past was. Maybe it would be enough to get him to try one more time.

"Okay. I'll do it."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N Well... This is still kind of painful but maybe it'll get better? I honestly have no idea where this story is going exactly but I am hoping for a happy ending. Really hoping. As always Thank You for Reading! Kamsamnida!


	31. The Press Release

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay guys I added a chapter that I had forgotten to put in while transferring it's Chapter 29 titled The Inevitable Fight... I am so sorry but if you've been a bit confused that chapter should solve the problems... Please go read that before continuing... I'm so sorry guys...

It didn't take Giri more than a couple days to get in touch with his friend at SBS and even less for his friend to set up the interview. Chess was still wary of the entire idea but she was slowly grasping onto a stronger resolve to just be honest and get it over with. She had always liked her privacy and now she was going to sacrifice all of that for the chance that a guy was going to see it and change his mind. When had she become a pathetic high schooler again? Chess shook her head to rid herself of those thoughts. She wasn't pathetic. This was probably the strongest and bravest thing she would ever do. She was going to risk everything she was and everything she had worked for, yes, but she might end up getting something much more valuable in return. That still sounded like what every high schooler would say but given the fact that she hadn't even come close to feeling like this about anyone other than her fiance, she could say that this was worth it. At least she hoped it was.

Giri's friend had made sure to let Chess pick where she would be most comfortable to have the interview and she had chosen the studio. It had felt too intrusive to have it in the dorms. So at ten o'clock in the morning Chess headed out of the dorms and to Starship. She had decided to be fully comfortable and not try to dress up or even really look her best. This was going to be hard and it was going to make her cry so there was no use in putting on make up that would just make her look even worse after words. When she finally made her way into the lobby there stood a man all on his own with a couple camera bags and some audio equipment. She made her way over to him and he smiled.

"Annyeonghasaeyo, Cheshire. It's nice to meet you. Kang Jin Hyuk-ibnida," He reached out to shake her hand after they exchanged bows. "Kamsamnida for letting me interview you."

"Honestly, I'm not really going to let you interview me. I'm just going to tell you everything. I might not really be up to answering questions after. Mianhe," Chess sent him a weak smile and Jin Hyuk easily returned it.

"No worries I don't think I'll have too many questions anyways. I just want to help you as much as possible. Giriboy seems to think there are a few that I'm going to have to ask though so will that be okay?" Chess simply nodded and motioned for him to follow her. They went up to RI5E's studio where Giri was waiting outside in the hall.

"Annyeong, thought you might need some moral support," Giri gave her a tight hug and she nodded at him as she unlocked the studio and held the door open for both of the guys. As soon as they were inside Jin Hyuk got his equipment set up and asked Chess to sit down and get comfortable. After everything was set up and Giri was sitting down behind the equipment, the interview started.

"Annyeonghasaeyo, Kang Jin Hyuk ibnida. I'm here with Cheshire from RI5E who has agreed to allow SBS to be the first to hear her full story. Kamsamnida for joining us in supporting her to the fullest. Kamsamnida Cheshire for doing this. I'm ready to listen whenever you're ready to start," Chess had to admit she was a bit surprised that as professional as he was that Jin Hyuk had become friends with Giri, though she was happy for his professionalism.

"Annyeonghasaeyo, you all probably know me as Cheshire from RI5E but Beck Scarlett ibnida. This is the first time in three years that I have introduced myself that way and surprisingly it's sort of a relief. For almost the entire time that I've been in Korea I've hidden away everything in my past and I have finally come to the point where hiding it is just more of a hassle than it's really worth. 

"I've always had a hard time with really trusting anyone but for the first time I'm going to fully trust all of my fans and all of Korea. I just recently started trusting my best friends with all of this and I hope that my trust in the citizens of Korea will be well placed. What I've been through in my life... It's... It's pretty tragic to be honest and I have a hard time understanding it myself but I ask for your understanding and support.

"I grew up in a city called Raleigh in North Carolina on the east coast of the United States. I grew up in a fairly normal household with my eommunnie, appaji, and oppa. I had a very typical American life through my childhood and teenage years. When I turned nineteen I went to a University in North Carolina and I met a man that I can still say had been the love of my life. I had fallen head over heels for him and he was everything to me. We were engaged to be married after four months of being together and the only bit of this story that I am ashamed of is that I dropped out of school to be able to stay with him. He had received a job offer in Massachusetts which is just over 1100 kilometers away from where I was in school. I hadn't wanted to leave his side and had decided I would simply continue my school after we got married.

"In the time between us moving states, we stayed with my parents who were more than happy to help us out. We were threre for about six months and were planning to move after my birthday on January 1st. We did this so that we could easily spend Christmas with them since it would be hard to after the move. My parents house ended up completely filled because my Oppa and his wife had come to stay with us too. We had always been a close family but even close families can get on each others nerves but for the first time that I could remember Christmas was a smooth day and we hadn't had any problems. It was nice," Chess felt the tears forming in her eyes and tried to force them back taking a few deep breaths to calm herself down. "On December 28th I was trying to go to sleep because it wasn't too long before my fiance and I were supposed to start packing and sending movers with our things up to our new place. I was completely restless that night and I've always thought that it was just because the house was so full and had been so noisy for so long but now I'm not even sure anymore. Maybe it was a premonition.

"I decided that a quick walk around our neighborhood might make it easier for me to sleep. It wasn't a very large neighborhood. Only about seventeen houses on the more country side of the area. We had never really seen too much crime or even had a burglary in the area so I hadn't had any second thoughts about the walk even though it was very late at night. As I had made my way about halfway down the neighborhood though I had a nagging feeling. I wasn't quite sure what was wrong but I knew something wasn't quite right. I ran back home as fast as I could. When I finally got back to the house I found the front door kicked in and... umm... I'm not... I'm not so sure I can say this for tv's sake..." Chess's tears were falling freely now and Giri handed her a full box of tissues from behind the cameras. Jin Hyuk simply nodded and motioned for her to continue. She figured he meant he'd edit it out if it was too graphic. "I ran in after I heard gunshots. I saw... I saw my  _daddy_  he... he had been shot... I ran over and tried to help him... I ju... I just didn't know how... He... He looked at me and said how he was happy he had been able to protect me his  _babydoll._  He died in my arms. He had been shot in a standoff with the man that had broken into the house... The man hadn't started with my appa though... He... He had killed ... He... They... He killed all... all of them... I lost my entire family and happiness in one unfortunate night. I lost everything I was. I saw... I saw them... I saw them all... It is... a horrific image embedded in my memory that I will never escape. Even that wasn't the worst though. The police had investigated me because they had thought that I... That the orphan and widow before even experiencing the happiness of marriage... That I had hired the man to kill my family. It all was for nothing though because I had nothing to do with it and they finally proved that I didn't months after everything that had happened.

"Shortly after my name was cleared and everything was restored, I sold everything. I sold the house, all the cars, all of the heirlooms, everything. I have my parents and my Oppa and sister-in-laws wedding rings and I have my engagement ring but nothing else. I don't even have any of the same clothes anymore. I sold everything and moved to Korea. I left everything I was and everything that I could have been back in Raleigh. I hadn't planned on trying to be an idol. I just went to the audition to pass time... I... I hadn't planned on being alive... Not for... Not for this long... Being accepted to Starship... It literally saved my life... I don't think anyone knows that bit yet... I had come to Korea as part of my bucket list and because if I had died here it wouldn't burden anyone back home anymore... I owe the entirety of what's left of my life to Si Dae Sajangnim. I have met beautiful and wonderful people because he saw something in me... I... I learned to love people again... I learned that I would always have a family somewhere... I found that I wasn't alone..." Chess wiped her eyes and took a few more deep breaths.

"Cheshire," Chess cut him off.

"Please... Call me Scarlett... I haven't been able to claim that name for years and I want to accept it again now..." Jin Hyuk gave a soft smile and continued.

"Scarlett, kamsamnida for sharing this with us. Jeseongnida that you even had to experience something so horrific but I think I can say that we're all so happy that you're still with us and that we're so thankful to Si Dae Sajangnim for seeing your talent. The only question I think that I really have for you is this. What made you decide to finally open up about this?" Giri gave a supportive look past the cameras to Chess who simply nodded and began her answer.

"I found someone who makes my heart soar and because of all the lies and secrecy in my life I had to cut it all off. I couldn't let it grow past a simple crush. I think that I may have already not only destroyed my one chance at that happiness but I also think... Ani... I know I hurt him. I never intended to and it was not something that I wanted. I'm just hoping that if I do this that at least he'll be able to see that I do still care and that I'm willing to change the things in my life that aren't honest or that are just hurtful in general. I want to become better. Even if that means being better on my own and not recovering what this secret has made me lose," Chess gave a sad smile to the camera and Jin Hyuk.

"Scarlett, kamsamnida. I don't think you have anything to worry about. I think we will all be supporting you in your quest to be better," With that Jin Hyuk cut the cameras and let her know that he was going to edit it and prepare his piece for it and that if all goes well it should be aired within the week. After the door closed and Chess and Giri were left alone, all the strength left her and she fell to her knees. Giri swiftly had his arms around her in support as she cried.

"You did amazing. I don't think there's anyway that anyone could ignore your sincerity. Everything will be fine," Chess simply buried her face into his shoulder more and nodded. She really hoped that this was the right path for her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N Sooo..... I know that this is a lot of recap of what was said in Chapter 22 but still I felt it needed to be emphasized again because while it's been an issue we haven't talked too much about it and now I'm hoping this is going to open a whole new can of worms lol... As always Thank You for Reading! Kamsamnida!


	32. Headlines

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N This entire chapter is simply the news reports that ran after Chess's initial interview just so we're all aware.

"Earlier this week SBS released a tell all story for RI5E's lead rapper Cheshire who has now revealed that her real name is Scarlett Beck. Her tragic past has us all questioning why she would hide this for so long. Was she really implicated in the murder of her family? We at KBS have been trying to contact the Raleigh police department in hopes of finding someone who will clear up all the suspicion that has arisen though they have yet to get back with us. We will keep you updated as the story continues to unfold."

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_"Earlier in the week Internationally known Kpop star Cheshire from RI5E revealed that not only is her name Scarlett Beck but also that she was formally a resident of our own Raleigh, North Carolina. Some will remember that during her concert here a few months ago that she had revealed that Raleigh was her hometown but now we have been given a reason for her leaving. A few years back we ran a story on the tragic murders of the Beck family and their soon to be son-in-law. Apparently that was her family. She had been implicated in the murder but shortly dismissed as a suspect. We are getting in contact with RPD as we speak trying to confirm that the suspicion was unfounded and will give you more details as the story progresses."_

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**Cheshire Former Suspect In Family's Murder**

Cheshire a.k.a. Scarlett Beck was suspected in her family's murder as she stated in a tell all story to SBS Reporter Kang Jin Hyuk. Beck also states that she was relieved of suspicion but gave no reason as to why. With this tell all we have only received more questions about her mysterious past. Who was the man she says murdered her family? Did she hire him? Why didn't she reveal this earlier? Is this the reason for her unexplained absence in activities for RI5E this past two months? With all these unanswered questions even the fans are beginning to doubt her.

"If she would have come forward with all of this earlier I think that I would have been able to support her more but I don't know. It's all just too strange. How many people could that actually happen to?"

"She's been hiding this for so long. Why did she hide it in the first place if she was going to tell us anyways? Was she still under investigation when she debuted?"

These were only a couple of the questions that the fans are asking. Though there are many fans questioning whether or not they should believe her there are still those that hold a loyalty to her.

"Cheshire is my hero. She didn't have to tell us about this at all. She decided to be brave and reveal what she went through before she debuted. I trust her. She's never done anything to earn doubt from me before. This had to have been very hard on her and I hate seeing that there are other fans doubting her. She's a very nice person. Cheshire! Saranghaeyo!"

"If she's been cleared of all suspicion by the police who are we to doubt her? This is the time when she's most in need of our support as fans! I will be her fan forever! I will always support her and she needs to know that we are still here for her! She's a very brave person to even talk about this at all. Cheshire! Saranghaeyo!"

Neither Cheshire nor Starship Entertainment have offered any further comment about her story. We have resolved to stay vigilant in our search for answers to the fans questions and the questions of the general public. Just who have we allowed to become an idol now? We will keep up our search and let our readers know the answers as soon as we get them.

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"Hyolyn, please tell us your thoughts on this scandal that Cheshire is going through. We know that you released your own tell all story once in reference to the surgeries you had to undergo as a child but this is an entirely different beast. What do you think about it?"

"Honestly, I don't know Cheshire Unnie very well but I do know that she is a very genuine person. I trust her words whole heartedly. This was something very personal that she had to deal with on her own for so long and she gathered all her courage to be able to be honest with her fans. If she says that she had nothing to do with it then I believe her and there is absolutely nothing that could make me doubt her. She may not be the most open person about her past but I know that she wouldn't make something like this up. I also know she's not the kind of person to hurt a fly in true violence so there is no chance that I think she had anything to do with the horrible murder of her family."

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"Mad Clown we understand that you're fairly close with Cheshire. Had you known about her past before the tell all? What's your stance on everything that's being said?"

"I am close to Cheshire. I was one of the people that helped teach her to rap and we've been close ever since. She's like my little sister. I knew that she couldn't talk about her past, I didn't know exactly why but I knew she couldn't. She's a very caring and wonderful person and to be honest I don't know what I'd do without her whining in my life. She's sweet and thoughtful and she's always but other people and their careers before her own. If Chess didn't tell us about her past it was probably to protect RI5E and their careers. Now that she has I'd say that this is the one selfish moment that I've seen from her and I couldn't be more proud of her. She's finally beginning to care about herself as much as she has everyone else that she surrounds herself with. I just wish that the fans could see it that way too and stand beside her and support her. No matter how much me or the other artists that know her personally support her we unfortunately can't do half as good of a job as the fans can. Cheshire has been honest with them and she needs to know that it's okay that she's been honest and that it's not going to hurt those she cares about if she continues to do so."

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"So Giriboy, is it true that you're the one that set Cheshire up with Kang Jin Hyuk? Why did you do that? What's your take on the backlash that has been received?"

"Yeah I did. Chess needed to tell everyone about herself. It was beginning to tear her apart and she couldn't take it anymore. She was working herself to death and I couldn't watch her trying to run herself into the ground anymore. She's my best friend. All this backlash is fuucking stupid. People fuucking trusted her with their lives when they didn't know a damn thing about her but now that she's gotten the courage to tell them about herself they're fuucking leaving her. If people are doubting her words or doubting her as an artist then were they ever really fans? I don't fuucking think so. Fans support the people they're a fan of. They shouldn't just turn their back on somebody just because the stupid fuucking press gets their hands on a fuucking story. I got Cheshire to tell Jin Hyuk because I've known him for a while and I know that he wouldn't twist her story just to get better ratings. I'm sick of seeing headlines where fuucking reporters are bashing her or suspecting her. If Chess was still under investigation do you really think she could have left Raleigh? Let alone the country. She hasn't done a damn thing wrong and I will support her no matter what the fuuck happens. I'll make this claim here and now. If Cheshire, by the end of this bull shit the press is trying to smear her with, is no longer in the music industry, then I won't be either. I stand by her one hundred percent and if she gets kicked out because people don't trust her then I'll fuucking leave because that's not the type of industry I want to be a part of."

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"This is SBS News at 5 and with all the backlash and throng of supporters we have seen Cheshire, otherwise known as Scarlett Beck, go through some pretty rough times these past few weeks. Our reporters have been working hard trying to get all the facts and we finally have received a call from Sheriff's Deputy Seth Cooke from the Wake County Sheriff's Department for Raleigh, North Carolina. Thank you sir for Joining us."

"I'm happy to help in anyway I can."

"From what we've heard Beck was implicated in her family's murder but was released of suspicion. Can you verify this statement for us?"

"Scarlett Beck had been under investigation following the murders of four members of her immediate family and her late fiance. We collected evidence from the scene of the crime and from a few eye witnesses, though none but Scarlett had seen the actual murder. Through our investigation we concluded that it was all the work of a man named Charles Giuseppe, a former customer at Scarlett's father's jewelry store, who had felt he had been treated unfairly. Due to a mental break that had placed him into a mental institution and released shortly thereafter,  Giuseppe had stalked the family and tried on multiple occasions to corner not only Scarlett's father but also her mother. Eye witnesses to these instances said that they could hear Giuseppe screaming at them that everything was their fault, that they were the reason he was alone, and that he would get his revenge. Frank Beck, having lived his whole life by the teachings of the Free Masons, had tried on more than one occasion to help Giuseppe in any way that he could. All of this was for naught though as Giuseppe's mental state had deteriorated to the point that he fully broke. He hunted down and murdered the entire Beck family, excluding Scarlett, only a couple days after Christmas."

"Thank you for all of that information. Did you personally work on the case?"

"Yes I did. I was one of the first to arrive on the scene and it was one of the more gruesome scenes I've seen in all twenty years that I've been a cop. I was the one that actually carried Scarlett out of the house since she was in so much shock that she couldn't move.... I've seen a lot of victims and unfortunately I think that Scarlett was the most traumatized of them all. I was very happy to see that she had done so well in her life and that she was happy. I only wish that that happiness would continue for her."

"Thank you, sir, we appreciate you talking to us."

"No problem."

"At last we can say that the suspicion has been cleared from Cheshire, at least for us. We hope that this will help to shed light on the troubling events of her past and that the fans will continue to show their support. For SBS News Kang Jin Hyuk-ibnida."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N Sooooo..... This was much longer of a chapter than I thought it would be lol.... Got some action from a couple characters we haven't seen in a while and hopefully cleared Chess's name... Hope you all enjoyed it... As always Thank Youfor Reading! Kamsamnida!


	33. Choices

Giriboy had showed up to Chess's dorm early the next day. He had even risked his own physical safety by being the one to wake her up. Chess had of course swung at him a few times complaining about her lack of sleep before fully waking up and realizing that it was only him. She had apologized profusely. Giri simply told her to get dressed and that he was going to take her to breakfast to talk. Begrudingly, Chess left the comfort of her bed after her door closed and got herself somewhat presentable.

"Come on I know you love pancakes... Let's go get some pancakes," Giri said as he wrapped his arm around her urging her out of the dorm. Chess didn't even care about the fact that the paparazzi hadn't left her alone in weeks when she walked out the door of the lobby and lit her cigarette. She was too damn tired. She hadn't slept right since she had done the interview but things were even worse now. With all the headlines doubting her she couldn't get a grip on what to expect from people anymore. Sure most of the news stations had also talked to the RPD and Sheriff's department to confirm what Jin Hyuk had found in his interview but it wasn't necessarily making things any better. It seemed that now everyone was focused on the fact that she had been engaged before like that made her a bad person. It wasn't like she had just ended the engagement! He had died for Christ sake!

"Don't worry about them Chess. We're only going about two blocks away," Giri led her in her silent state to the restaurant and got them a table in a private room. "Look I know that you're still suffering and all but at least talk to me. I'm only trying to help you."

"I know... I just... I don't know what to say anymore. I didn't think that it'd be like this once I was cleared of suspicion, ya know?" Chess looked over the menu and ordered a tall stack of the strawberry-banana pancakes with strawberry syrup and coffee before turning back to look at Giri.

"I know I wasn't either. But!" Giri clapped his hands and a smile crossed his face as he did. "I just talked to Shownu this morning. Do you want to go see him? He's apparently seen the interview and he's even more of a wreck now. To be honest Shownu kind of begged me to make you go but I wanted to give you the option. Do you want to go see them?"

"When did you start talking to Shownu?" Chess couldn't gloss over the fact that she had never actually seen the two of them interact like that before. It almost bothered her. Even she hadn't had a chance to talk to Shownu like that since they went on tour.

"That's not important now. Do you want to see him?" Giri was more persistent today than usual and Chess knew that he was completely serious about this. Not that he wasn't normally serious but he was always willing to go on side tangents with her and he just was having none of it today.

"I do. I mean of course I do but I have schedules and they're in the middle of their tour. Are you sure that's a good idea? What if I just make everything worse?" Giri's face fell for a bit. He knew that Chess may not be the most confident in herself but she had never come right out and been this self depricating before. It may not have seemed like it with the words that she used but her face told him that she only believed she could screw things up. It hurt his heart.

"Don't worry. Your schedule is cleared for this. Si Dae sajangnim said that you needed to take a break anyways. He's worried about you. The only downfall is I couldn't get Swings to agree to letting me have the time off so you'll be alone on the flight. Can you do that? Shownu promised he wouldn't leave your side after the concert if you needed him. Is that okay with you?" Chess simply nodded. No matter what she had to see him even if it was only to get closure. They hadn't exactly had the best break up after all.

Shortly after their conversation their food arrived and Giri changed the subject trying to make Chess feel a little bit less burdened. It wasn't until they were leaving that Giri brought the subject back up simply giving her a boarding pass that he had already bought for her and telling her that he was sorry he couldn't go with her. He walked her back to the dorm and dropped her off in the lobby before heading out to catch up with his schedule. He had a crazy couple of days coming up.

Chess spent the next couple of days thinking of everything that could be perfect. The perfect outfit, the perfect hairstyle, the perfect shoes, the perfect sunglasses, the perfect apology, and even the perfect outcome of this trip. She had packed and repacked and repacked once again. She was even more nervous about this trip than she had been about telling him about how she felt the first time. When the day of her flight came she was so nervous she wasn't even sure how she wasn't shaking. She woke herself up and got dressed in the outfit she was going to wear on the plane. It was simple and comfortable while still fashionable should the paparazzi follow her to the airport like she expected they would. She would be leaving at one in the afternoon and would be landing at around six or seven should everything work out the way she wanted. She'd change once she got to the hotel she was going to share with Monsta X.

Chess double checked that she had her passport and everything that she needed before putting on her had and heading out to her Jeep. She quickly got in and headed out of the parking garage. She didn't miss how the press quickly got into their vans and started following her. She tried not to pay them much attention though it was kind of hard considering they were constantly fighting to be the car next to her. They even followed her onto the highway. She honestly hadn't expected that.

As they followed her, one of the vans moved to take the place behind her. She heard it happen before she felt it. The van clipped the back passanger side of her Jeep. She fishtailed and in her panic she over corrected sending the front passenger side into the press van that was in the lane next to her. The momentum sent her flipping sideways. She flipped two or three times thanking god that she had made sure to install a roll bar on the Jeep for just in case something like this ever happened. All she saw was the world spinning even more before she blacked out.

 

Giri had had a long day of promoting for his new album before he headed home. It was about two thirty in the morning before he finally made his way into his living room, collapsing on the couch, knocking the remote to the floor as he fell. As soon as he got comfortable though his phone rang loudly from his pocket. He quickly fished it out hoping to simply silence it and grab some much needed sleep. The caller i.d. said it was Shownu though and that could only mean that something wasn't right.

"Ne, Shownu?" Giri barely finished his greeting before Shownu was yelling almost panicked into the phone.

"Hyung, where's Noona? She never showed up what happened?" Giriboy sat up straight panic suddenly filling his body. He had gotten a text from her earlier in the day stating that she was leaving. She wouldn't have runaway would she? No. She had been set on this meeting happening from what he remembered.

"Shownu, I'm going to go see what's up. She should have been there. I'll let you know when I find out what's happening," Giri hung up the phone before really hearing Shownu tell him to hurry up. Giri stood stepping on the remote turning on the tv as he went. He reached down to pick it up but stopped when he heard what was being broadcast at that moment.

"We're outside of Seoul National University Hospital where rapper Cheshire has been admitted after an unfortunate accident earlier today. There is still not much known of her condition only that she has yet to wake up..."

Giri didn't even have to hear more. He grabbed his keys and ran out of his apartment dialing Shownu's number as quickly as he could. Shownu picked up on the first ring and Giri didn't even let him answer before he started explaining.

"Chess was in a car accident on her way to the airport. She's in the hospital and hasn't woken up yet. I don't know how serious it is but I'm on my way there now," Giri took a deep breath as he opened the door to his car pausing to collect his thoughts before speaking again. "I'm going to let you decide whether or not you tell I.M. I know that he's going to want to come back to Korea. You decide. I'm hanging up now. I trust you Shownu."

 

Shownu looked at the phone in his hand after the line went dead. What was he supposed to do? He was the leader. If I.M went to Korea and didn't make it back for their concert in two days then he would be blamed. If he didn't tell him though he knew that I.M would probably hate him for a long time coming. In the end his worry over his Noona got the better of him. He couldn't go, it wouldn't be right but I.M could. He'd just have to make sure that the Maknae didn't do anything stupid. Shownu ran down the hall of the hotel to the room that I.M and Jooheon were sharing. He knocked frantically only to be met with Jooheon's tired face.

"Mwoh? Hyung, what do you want?" Shownu didn't even answer him and brushed past him grabbing I.M's arm that was hanging off the bed and pulling him to his feet and out the door. He yelled that they would be back to Jooheon who just scratched his head and closed the door. Shownu led the Maknae to his room and closed the door. Wonho was still in the shower and for once Shownu was happy for how long he took.

"Look Changkyun. Chess was in an accident. She was on her way to the airport to come here to see you when it happened. She's in the hospital and she hasn't woken up yet. Giriboy is going to check on her now but that's all I know," Shownu saw the desperation and pain that crossed Changkyun's face and made sure he still had a firm grip on his arm. He didn't need him running off before he finished what he had to say. "I know you're going to go back to Korea. We have a two day break. You have to be back here before the concert, arrasseo? If not I'm going to have to call Sajangnim. Please don't do anything stupid okay? Go."

It took barely a nanosecond for I.M to sprint out of the room once Shownu loosened his grip on the younger boys arm. I.M had almost even run into Wonho as he made his exit slamming the door of the hotel room in the process.

"What the hell was that hyung?" Wonho sat down on his bed and kept drying his hair.

"That was a man suffering the worst heartbreak that he could ever feel."

"Hyung that's pretty weird to hear coming from you... What do you mean though?" Wonho stared at the older boy with an incredulous look.

"He couldn't protect the one thing he cares about most in this world."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N DRRRAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!! So like really I kind of feel bad about this chapter... Like there were a whole bunch of different ways this was supposed to turn out and I.M and Shownu were supposed to fight but I didn't expect it to go that smooth lol... I'm sorry if it feels rushed but I had to get this out there before I could really get a good foothold into the drama ahead... Given it's not that much drama lol... As always Thank You for Reading! Kamsamnida!


	34. Heartbreak and Fear

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N So this is all from I.M's point of view and I'm starting it from the official break up. So you'll get to see how he handled it a little better.

"Changkyun... I think... I think we should break up..." Those words hit him as hard as one of the guys kicking him in the stomach. Changkyun hadn't ever really known that this kind of pain would hit him so physically so quickly. Wasn't he supposed to still be in shock? He didn't hear whether or not Chess actually said goodbye, he just knew that when he managed to pull the phone from his ear that the line had been dead for a while. He stood on the balcony for a long while after he put away his phone simply trying to process how to deal with the pain. He had no idea what to do.

"Hey Changkyunnie.... Are you crying? What the hell happened?" Shownu had made his way out to the balcony to check on him since he had been out there for over an hour now. He and the other boys had been worried about him.

"Aniyo. Mian, hyung. I don't know what happened to me," Changkyun could have kicked himself for not just telling him the truth. I mean, it was Shownu, he was Appa, if anyone could have helped him in that moment it probably would have been him. Despite himself though, Changkyun continued to deny that anything was wrong simply saying he must be sleep deprived and heading back into the dorm to his bunk where he curled up with his Baymax plush and silently cried himself to sleep.

The next two weeks he had been so busy with preparing for the tour that Changkyun hadn't even had the opportunity to think about the fact that he had been broken up with. He didn't have time to think about the hollowness he felt everytime he checked his phone and didn't have a message from Chess. He didn't have time. Not until he was falling asleep. Everytime he would close his eyes all he saw was her face, the two little jeweled studs below her bottom lip, the way her blue eyes sparkled when she smiled, her cute little nose that held the bull ring in a different color everyday. He saw her smiling and laughing and blushing. He saw the way that she would curl into his side when she would fall asleep watching her favorite horror movie that they had watched a hundred times. He saw her in the exact moment that he had fallen in love with her, wide eyed and on the verge of tears with the most genuine smile he had ever seen on her face. He would always hear her too. Hear her calling him a pabo and laughing. He heard their whispered conversations when they were at the others dorm late into the night. He heard her joking with him. And worst of all he heard her singing. He heard her singing her favorite American songs, the songs she thought he wouldn't hear because he was asleep.

Every night he was subjected to even more torture than the night before and yet he still didn't tell anyone. When he came back from the studio to find that the guys were watching the RI5E episode of Weekly Idol, he sat and watched with the rest of them. He watched as she denied that they were together. He watched as her smile faltered, not enough for anyone else to tell but just enough that he knew she was putting on her show smile. He watched as the sparkle left her eyes and she denied everything. It wasn't until the guys started telling him that it was okay, that it was just for the sake of a public image, that he went to his bunk. He had meant to seek solace in the silent room but only found himself feeling the pain of the break up anew knowing that only a few hours after that had been filmed had they officially broken up. He heard the door open but simply buried himself deeper into his blanket and pillows clutching Baymax to him.

"She didn't want to say that. I know you could see it in her face. She wanted to tell everyone. She just can't. She's too worried about everyone else that could get shit for it. I think... I think she really... really loves you man," Jooheon's words were definitely unexpected. They hadn't really talked very much since he had gotten together with Chess but he knew that Jooheon not only cared for Chess but for him too. It didn't matter though, Jooheon didn't know that they were over and Changkyun definitely wasn't going to be the one to tell him that.  "Don't be too hard on her. She had a really rough life before she got here. I know you know the whole story but... but you should remember that. She wouldn't have said that if she wasn't trying to protect someone. She acts like she's this impenetrable wall of strength when she really isn't. She's going to need you now more than ever. So don't be too hard on her."

Jooheon left with a sigh when he didn't get a response from Changkyun. He wasn't aware of the fact that the younger boy had broken into tears, using all his might to not break into wails and lash out at everything around him for how stupid he had been. How had he not realized how hard this was for her? How had he needed Jooheon to tell him how much Chess was suffering for them? Why didn't he just suck it up and deal with the lies a little longer? Why was he such a pabo? 

That was the first night he hadn't dreamed of her.

He dreamed of Jooheon and Giriboy. He dreamed of them yelling. Not really anything specific but simply yelling at him. Without knowing what they were saying he knew it was about Chess. He tried to plead his case. He tried to tell them what happened. He tried with everything he was but they wouldn't listen. He woke up with a start when their yelling became them physically hitting him. Changkyun looked at his phone and realized it was four in the morning. It was no use going back to sleep. They were supposed to be at the studio at six, so he simply got up and dressed to go for a run. He wasn't generally the most athletic or the happiest to work out especially so early in the morning but he couldn't sit still. When he had gotten out the door he put in his earbuds and started running. Changkyun had no real idea where he was going, he just knew he needed to run.

After a solid forty five minutes of running he finally stopped to catch his breath and take in his surroundings. When he looked around he noticed that he was in front of Chess's dorm. He had subconciously come here and now all he wanted to do was make sure she was okay. He looked up and saw that her bedroom light was on and almost moved to the other side of the street when he heard a door open. Instead he pressed himself to the security wall hoping she wouldn't see him. Changkyun wasn't sure how he knew but he knew it was Chess. His suspicions were confirmed when he heard her curse in English at her lighter like she always would when it didn't work the first time. Changkyun felt his lips tug into a smile, at least she sounded like she was alright. While it hurt him to think that she was okay when he was feeling so horrible, he was genuinely happy to know that she was okay. He continued on his run not hearing her break into sobs a few moments later.

Changkyun hadn't really thought that the tour would be as hard as it was. It was only a week into it and it was like a living hell for him. He should have been happy, he was doing what he had wanted since he became a trainee but with a tour unfortunately came a lot more down time. Riding on planes, waiting for equipment to be set up, getting his hair and make up done, all of this was time when he was left with his thoughts and they always circled around Chess. He couldn't manage to get her out of his head for more than the time that he was doing sound check or performing and even then it was hard because he couldn't help but wish she would have been there for at least one of their concerts like they had talked about before the break up. Everytime he looked into the crowd and saw people holding signs with his name he couldn't help but wish she was one of them even though he knew she wouldn't be. Everytime he felt his heart break just a little bit more. He knew that the guys weren't happy with him but he just couldn't find it in him to put on a good show. Everything hurt.

When they were finally on their way to Bangkok, it had been a greuling trip to the airport when they were getting ready to leave China, Shownu handed him a tablet and told him he might want to watch it. 'It' was a special report by SBS about Chess. He almost handed it back but Shownu wasn't having any of it and made him watch it. The interview was pretty simple and didn't last very long but Chess had said everything. She had finally told the public about her past. Every horrible detail, every sad moment, and Changkyun was floored. Why had she done that? Wouldn't it be hard for her later? He couldn't help but feel a little bit proud when she said that she had done this all for him. Sure, Chess never said his name but he knew she was talking about him. At that moment he would have done whatever it took to be with her right then and just hold her, let her know that everything was okay. He couldn't though and he knew that, it was the really unfortunate part of their career choice. He had to go to Bangkok and he had to perform tomorrow and he'd have to wait until he was back in Korea to tell her how much he loved her and how sorry he was for everything.

Changkyun's impatience showed throughout his time at the hotel and even during sound check the next day but what was really unnerving to him was how often Shownu seemed to be checking his phone and giving him worried glances. It was almost like he was hiding something. It didn't matter though because that night was the best performance that Changkyun had given the entire tour and he had worn himself out so much that when they got back to the hotel he had gone straight to change and lay down in bed. Yeah, he was sweaty and gross but he would just shower in the morning and sleep for now. That was his plan. Until Shownu grabbed him out of the room.

When Shownu told him that Chess was supposed to be there and that she had been in an accident that landed her in the hospital, Changkyun had been ready to run out of the room and catch the next flight back home. He barely registered that he only had two days and had to be back on time before he was sprinting down the hall. He wasn't sure what he would do if something irreversible had happened to Chess but he knew that it wouldn't be good. He had to go see her. He had to tell her he loved her. He just had too. He wasn't sure he would ever get over it if he lost her forever, not when he had planned on making sure that he got her back and never let her go again. Not after everything she had done to make things better between them. Not when he had been such a wimp that he couldn't even call her to apologize for being a pabo. No. He wouldn't let that happen. She had to know what she meant to him.

She had to know that he loved her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N I'm really proud of this chapter honestly. I really love it! We're not too far off from the ending of this story either so only a little bit longer.... As always Thank You for Reading! Kamsamnida!


	35. Fate Can Be Cruel

It was the longest five hours of Changkyun's life, sitting on the plane waiting to land in Seoul. It seemed like people were moving slower to get off the plane too and that irritated him to no end. He had almost considered mowing some people over but figured it'd be worse if he did that because who knew if someone would recognize him and record it. Since his return hadn't been announced though he did find it much easier to actually make it out to the street and hail a taxi once he was finally out of the hell that was the airport. Once he had told the driver where he was going they zoomed off towards the hospital. Changkyun was very grateful at that moment for the fact that Shownu had texted him the hospital rather than just telling him. 

Changkyun was convinced the universe was against him though considering he was now stuck in the normal morning traffic and could see that it was going to take them a very long time to actually reach the hospital. He inwardly cursed at the other cars that were blocking his way, wishing that they would have just all decided that today had been the day to stay home. Of course that wouldn't have ever happened and thus he was stuck. Sitting in a taxi. Barely moving.

"Jesongnida, it's really congested here in the mornings. I think it's probably going to take us a while," The ajusshi driving looked at Changkyun briefly in the rearview mirror as he spoke, noticing the look of worry and stress on the young man's face. Changkyun simply nodded. He knew it wasn't the driver's fault that there was traffic but it was making him panic just a bit more. "Why's a young man like you trying to get to the hospital so quickly anyways? Is your halmonnie sick?"

"Aniyo. It's kind of complicated," Changkyun didn't even know why he was bothering to answer. In all honesty it was probably the most he had spoken off stage in a month.

"Well unfortunately we've got time and you look like you're about to jump out and run the rest of the way from worry. Why don't you talk about it? Sometimes it's easier to talk about things that bother you to a stranger rather than someone you know," Changkyun sighed. He had chosen the most talkative taxi driver in all of Korea.

"My girlfriend and I broke up a month ago because we weren't able to see eye to eye on some really important things, at least they seemed important. When we broke up I was devestated. I didn't understand why we couldn't just fix what was wrong but we just couldn't. My friends don't even know we broke up, I don't think they do at least, and they just kept telling me to talk it over with her, that everything would be fine. I had to go overseas for my job and while I was over there one of my friends showed me something. My girlfriend had done the one thing that I never thought she could do. She talked about her past and everything that she had kept hidden from everyone for so long. She did it for me. She did it to make me happy to make sure that I understood that she really did care about me. She revealed the most painful things from her past everything, just to make me understand. She had made plans with one of my friends that was abroad with me to surprise me and she was heading to the airport when she got into an accident. She's at the hospital and I have no idea how bad it is or if she's even still alive. All I know is I have to make it there before something else happens to her. I have to see her," I have to tell her I love her. Changkyun thought to himself when he finished. He didn't know why he was bothering to tell this ajusshi anything about him but it seemed the older man was right. It was much easier to talk about this to a stranger than to tell the guys.

"Love is always hard. Especially when it's still young. Learning how to grow with someone is really difficult. It's more difficult when you don't take the time to see the other's point of view. Mianhe, jinja mianhe, that this had to happen but now you'll at least be able to appreciate each other more. I'd say that from my point of view that now it's your time to step up. If she did all that and put herself through pain just to show how much she loves you, I think she deserves at least that much back from you. I'm sure she'll be okay. Fate can be cruel but I doubt that it would ever be quite that cruel. I don't think I've ever seen someone who cared as much as you care about her not make it in time to tell the other how they feel. Only in dramas. Never happens in real life," Changkyun mulled over the ajusshi's words. He really hoped they were true but knowing what Chess had already been through in her life he knew that Fate really can be that cruel. "Take my word on this one. You'll get to her in time don't worry. Just make sure that you make all this up to her."

"Ne, ajusshi. Kamsamnida," It just so happened that as Changkyun was thanking the ajusshi, they had pulled up to the hospital. He hadn't even realized that they had been driving that whole time and maybe that was all the ajusshi was trying to do, distract him, but it was still nice to talk to him. Changkyun paid him and bowed at him as he exited the car sprinting towards the main reception. When Changkyun made it to the desk with a couple nurses behind it he asked for Chess's room. The nurse started to look it up in the computer and then got a very confused look on her face before speaking to him.

"Beck Scarlett-ssi was released about two hours ago. She's not here anymore," The nurse continued to give Changkyun a very confused look as he thanked her and turned to walk outside. If she wasn't there where in the world was she? Changkyun quickly dug out his phone and looked up Chess's contact profile. He quickly hit the call button hoping to everything in the world that she would answer. Only it wasn't her that answered.

"Yobuseoyo?" Giriboy's voice flowed throw the speaker of his phone and Changkyun could almost feel his heart stop beating. He took a second to mentally slap himself though because whether or not Giriboy had feelings for her, he was Chess's friend first and foremost. It wasn't that weird that he answered her phone when she had just gotten released from the hospital.

"Hyung, where's Chess? I need to see her," Giriboy sighed and Changkyun was really worried for a moment that Giriboy wouldn't tell him where Chess was.

"I see that Shownu decided to tell you. Good. She's at my place right now. She didn't want to go home and have the girl's freaking out over her. I'll text you the address," Changkyun was about to hang up the phone when he heard Giriboy say something else to him. "Changkyun, if you fuck it up this time, I won't try to help again. I'll do whatever I can to make her mine."

The line went dead and Changkyun didn't know whether to be happy or angry at what Giriboy had said. He was happy that Giriboy was helping but he was definitely angry about the threat. He'd never let Giriboy have that chance. Changkyun loved Chess way too much to ever lose her again. He set himself into his determination as his phone dinged letting him know he had a text. Once he got the address he hailed yet another cab so that he could go to Giriboy's place. Luckily the drive was much shorter this time and as he got done paying the driver he closed the door and ran up the stairs, not being patient enough for the elevator at that moment, to Giriboy's apartment. The door opened almost as soon as he knocked and Giriboy stared at his face for a second as if trying to guage something in the younger boy's expression.

"She's asleep in the guest room right now. You can go see her but she's kind of exhausted. Don't be too rough with her, okay?" Changkyun nodded and headed in the direction that Giriboy pointed. He hesitated a bit at the door, no longer sure that he was really prepared to see how she looked. What if she was really beat up? What if she had broken her bones? Changkyun shook his head clearing his mind. None of that mattered really, he was going to be upset when he saw her no matter what. He slowly turned the doorknob trying to make as little noise as possible so that he didn't wake her up, and walked into the room shutting the door silently behind him.

Chess was laying on her side facing the wall away from him when he came in. He took notice that her hair had changed colors again and was now a vibrant purple with pink streaks in it. He almost laughed when he realized that it made her look like the Disney version of the Cheshire Cat. Changkyun slowly made his way over to the side of the bed so that he could see her face. She was sleeping so peacefully that it would have been the most beautiful he had ever seen her had it not been for the huge bruise on her left cheek and the bandage on her right temple. He noticed her right hand was bruised too as she was sleeping with it resting on her pillow. Luckily though it didn't seem like there were any broken bones. Only some really nasty bruises.

Changkyun sat in the chair he assumed that Giriboy had placed by her bed and reached over to brush her hair out of her face. He immediately regretted it though because she began to stir shortly after. When she fully opened her eyes and saw him she clenched them tightly closed again and rolled onto her back groaning.

" _Why do I see you now? I already woke up dammit! Go away! I know how bad I fucked up, Okay?! My life is sucking pretty bad right now even without the hallucinations. Can you just go away?_ " Changkyun couldn't figure out whether he wanted to smile or cry. Apparently she saw him as much as he saw her in his sleep but he apparently didn't show up nicely in her dreams. He was kind of hurt to know that she only remembered their fight. Or at least that's what he figured it was.

"I'm really here Noona. Shownu told me you got hurt coming to see me so I came back home to make sure you were okay," Changkyun reached out and grabbed her left hand, which looked much less worse for wear than the right had, and held it gently in his own hand. When his hand had touched hers, Chess turned to face him again, her eyes going wide. She slowly reached out her right hand and touched his cheek with gentle fingers and Changkyun nuzzled his face into her palm.

" _You're... You're really here..._  I'm _not dreaming..."_ Changkyun couldn't help but smile gently at her when he saw the tears running down her cheeks. He reached out to gently wipe them away hoping he wouldn't hurt her in the process. The smile that broke out on her face was the most amazing thing he had ever seen. She looked gorgeous, even with all the nasty bruises and Changkyun found it hard to speak around the lump forming in his own throat.

"Of course I'm really here. Why wouldn't I be? I love you, Cheshire."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N Omg it's so close to end.... I'm like almost in tears because we're so close! Thanks for sticking with this story I really appreciate it guys! As always Thank You for Reading! Kamsamnida!


	36. Dreams or Nightmares?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N So we're going back to Chess's point of view here but we're starting when she blacked out from the accident so bear with me I promise it is important.

Chess could feel her body floating but couldn't grasp why it would be. Hadn't she just been in a massive car accident? Shouldn't she be feeling some kind of pain? She immediately opened her eyes, only to see darkness and a thick gray fog. She was dead wasn't she? So much for there being a light at the end of the tunnel.

"Please. As if you'd be useful enough to die," Chess whipped her head around and found Sumi standing a few feet away from her, almost entirely engulfed in fog. "I don't know what Si Dae sajangnim ever saw in you. You are the least qualified idol that has ever existed and you're just holding us back. Do you even know how much more we could have achieved by now if you hadn't joined? You're pathetic."

Chess knew that Sumi could be a bitch at times but this, this was far worse than she had ever been. Before Chess could try to answer though Sumi was gone and another voice came fro her side.

"You aren't half as smart as you think you are. You think that I have you check my brain games to correct me? Ha! I do it so maybe you'll learn something. You think that just because you speak two languages you're smart? Your Korean isn't even that good. I'm amazed anyone can tell what you're saying half the time." Young Ji disappeared just like Sumi had, before Chess even had the chance to speak. Chess could feel the tell tale burning of unshed tears as she turned to face another voice.

"If you hadn't been apart of RI5E, I would have judged No.Mercy. I would have been able to be with Minhyuk but you had to get with Changkyun and ruin my chances. Do you really think any of the guys want anything to do with us after what you've done?" Bei Lee disappeared but Chess couldn't hold it in anymore. She screamed as loud as she could, hoping Bei Lee would hear her.

"I didn't mean to hurt anyone! I love him!" Chess was crying and breathing heavily when the next voice sounded.

"You can't even love yourself. How are you supposed to love someone else?" It was Alice but her words were much more harsh than Chess had ever heard them. "It doesn't even matter anyways. If anyone gets close to you they just end up hurt or dead. Hell, you couldn't even protect your own family. What makes you think that the same thing won't happen to us? We'd be better off if you weren't around."

Chess fell to her knees as Alice disappeared. She couldn't believe what was happening. Why would they say these things? Why were they all degrading her? This couldn't be real right?

"Of course it's real Chess. Why wouldn't it be? You've screwed all of us over simply by existing. Why couldn't you have just died with your family? The world would probably be a better place," Chess looked up into Shownu's face that normally held a gentle bunny smile for her but now only held a scowl like he was disgusted. "Because of you one of my members can't even perform correctly. I don't even know what about you is making it so difficult for him to get over. You're worthless. He'd have been better off with a Sasaeng than you."

"I don't even know why I bothered to teach you anything. You're the most talentless person I have ever seen. Not to mention how amazingly disrespectful you are. You think that I hang around you because I care? No. I'm there to make sure you don't say something stupid and offend someone important," Chess snapped her head to look at Mad Clown who was looking at her like she was trash on the sidewalk. "You're so pathetic. I don't even know why we bother with you."

"You think it's easy to make sure you don't fuuck up? Huh? I've been cleaning up your messes for a really long time. I'm surprised that anyone could even stand to be close to you. Hell, I don't know what I even fuucking saw in you in the first place," Giri's was the shortest but probably the most hurtful of all. He was her best friend. How could he say all that?

"It's easy to say all that when it's true. God, you would have been so much fun to play with but you just had to choose the Maknae huh? You could have at least let me have some fun with you first you know. I guess it's all for the better though. Who even knows how many guys you were with before," Jooheon's face was so hard and dark that it broke Chess's heart just to look at. The last voice though, it killed her a bit inside.

"You just couldn't let me have my fun could you? I knew I should have tried to move quicker. Shit, you would have been the easiest lay. I should have just hit it and quit it. You were so desperate weren't you? So desperate to have someone act like they cared about you again. Maybe if you hadn't been so desperate you would have seen that you were being easy. Damn it would have been good though. I can't believe you thought I really cared about you like that. What were you expecting? That we'd be together forever? That we'd get married and have some kids? Ha! You're not even Korean! Do you really think I could have taken you home to my parents? God you're such a pabo. How have you even survived this long?" Chess covered her ears and screamed. This couldn't be real. There was no way. Changkyun would never have said those things to her.

"This isn't real! This isn't true! They all care about me! They do!" Chess screamed as loud as she could but all she could hear was Changkyun's condescending laughter. There wasn't anything more painful for her than hearing him say he didn't care about her. Eventually the laughter faded away and she continued to cry, still covering her ears, not wanting to hear more. She eventually felt a hand on her shoulder though which was strange. None of them had touched her, so why would they start now? What else could there be for them to say? Chess eventually turned to look seeing as the person seemed to be adamant about not leaving until they got their say. Her eyes almost bugged out of her head and and her jaw dropped. This couldn't be happening. Why would he be there? He's not going to blame her and make her feel worse was he? He ginned and chuckled gently.

"Now, Scarlett, when did I ever blame you? It wasn't your fault," Chess's eyes, that had somewhat dried in her surprised, overflowed with new tears as she jumped up to hug the man in front of her. He hugged her back and his deep chuckle rang in her ears. "Scarlett, when did you become so naive? Do you really think that your friends and your new family don't care about you?"

"Are you really here?" Chess pulled back and started touching his familiar face. She hadn't seen it in so long but it looked just like it had all those years ago.

"Yes I'm here Scarlett. I was watching over you but I couldn't let you beat yourself up like this. Everyone makes mistakes. You can't think that just because you did one stupid thing that your world is going to end. You can't let it get to you like that. You're so much stronger than this. I was so happy watching you take that audition and finally making something happen in your life. I love seeing you get on stage and seeing people screaming for you. And most of all I'm so happy to see you finally letting yourself fall in love again and seeing him love you too," His eyes were soft and caring and he had the sweetest of smiles on his lips. He was everything Chess remembered him to be.

"Daniel. What do you mean? Why?" Daniel cupped his hand to Chess's cheek and chuckled again.

"You were my one and only. You were my soul mate. That's why I asked you to marry me but I wasn't yours. Your soul mate was halfway across the world apparently. I couldn't be any happier than I am knowing that you finally met your one and only. Now you need to wake up. He's coming for you and you need to be awake to see him. I'll always love you Scarlett and I know you'll always love me but it's okay for you to love him more. Now wake up," Chess blinked as Daniel kissed her forehead. She hadn't even dreamed about him since he had been killed so why did he show up now? Couldn't he have just stayed with her? Soon Chess blinked again and Daniel was gone and in his place were hospital lights.

After blinking a few more times Chess found that she couldn't remember what exactly had woken her up and only that she had dreamed of all her friends saying everything she was scared of. She was terrified that they really felt that way about her. What if it really was better if she just died? What if they really didn't want her around and were sick of taking care of her? Chess tried to move but groaned loudly when a sharp pain shot up her body.

"You're awake? Omo... I need to get the nurse! Are you okay? Does it hurt really bad? Do you need anything?" Giri's face had popped up from her left side when she groaned and she was assaulted by his questions as he pressed the call button for the nurse who came in and immediately started taking note off all the monitors and levels.

"Ne, I'm fine. Ne, it really hurts. Ne, I need water," Giri busied himself with pouring a glass of water for her and then came back to her bed side. The nurse left the room saying that she would send in the doctor.

"You are never allowed to do anything like this ever again! Do you know how scared I was? Huh?" Giri looked at her while she downed her water and then leaned in giving her a very light hug once she was done.

"Ne, Giri, mianhe. I didn't mean to worry you. I guess I wasn't supposed to make things right with Changkyun huh?" Giri lightly slapped the back of her hand as it was probably the only space not covered in bruises and scowled at her.

"Yah! Don't you dare say that. I bet he's going to be worried sick when he finds out about this," The doctor soon came in and Giri bowed at him before he began speaking.

"Beck-ssi, you are one of the luckiest people I have ever seen. After that massive accident you have managed to only sustain a few severe contusions and a sprained right wrist. I've prescribed some pain killers in case the pain gets too intense but other than that you're fine and ready to leave, just rest your wrist for a week before doing anything to extensive. Arrasseo?" The doctor gave her a smile and she agreed before bowing her head to him as he left.

Giri made quick work of grabbing all her things and helping her to his car. She had said that she didn't want to go back to the dorms and worry eveyone so he took her to his place. Chess had fallen asleep again in his car and he carried her to his apartment and laid her down in the spare room. She was out for hours and only woke up when she felt her hair moving. She blinked open her eyes trying to adjust to the sudden light. She saw Changkyun sitting next to her bed and groaned.

" _Why do I see you now? I already woke up dammit! Go away! I know how bad I fucked up, Okay?! My life is sucking pretty bad right now even without the hallucinations. Can you just go away?_ " Chess clenched her eyes shut, turning away from him, and opened them again hoping he would be gone when he spoke.

"I'm really here Noona. Shownu told me you got hurt coming to see me so I came back home to make sure you were okay," Chess felt his hand grab hers and her eyes widened. Was he really here? Was this really her Changkyun? She turned to face him and reached out to touch his face that was solid in her hand. When Changkyun nuzzled into her palm she wanted to cry. He was really here. It was her Changkyun and not the horrible hallucination that she had.

" _You're... You're really here..._   _I'm not dreaming..."_ Changkyun chuckled and it was like music to her ears. He reached out and gently wiped the tears that had escaped her eys.

"Of course I'm really here. Why wouldn't I be? I love you Cheshire," Chess's smile was so wide it almost hurt but she wouldn't trade this moment for anything in the world. He loved her. He loved her like she loved him and he was real. Nothing could be better.

"I love you too, Changkyun," Changkyun leaned in and pressed a soft kiss on her lips. Oh, how she had missed the feel of his lips. Finally she had him back. He was her one and only and she was never going to let him go again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N So we're only about four chapters from the end now and I'm really sad to see it ending but I'm so proud of myself for actually finishing something for once! As always Thank You for Reading! Kamsamnida!


	37. The Hunger Games? Jinja?

Chess was living for the feeling of Changkyun's lips on hers but they pulled away when they heard a knock on the door. A couple of seconds later Giri opened the door and leaned on the door frame. He looked over the scene in front of him with cautious eyes. Chess thought it looked like he might cry but she knew him better than that and he was not the type to get that emotional.

“So, are you guys going to stay here or what?” Giri said with an eye roll.

“Ani. We'll get out of your hair. Komawo Giri. For everything, I really appreciate it,” Chess said as she started to get up. When she sat up though she grimaced, her body was sore from both sleeping so long and from all of the bruises. Changkyun immediately leaned over her and slowly helped her to sit up while Giri had jumped forward with the intent of helping. He stopped though when he saw the way that Changkyun was helping, figuring that he shouldn't interfere. “I'm okay I promise, just sore.”

“Arasseo Noona. I just don't want to see you look like that. Just let me help you, okay?” Chess smiled gently at the worried look in Changkyun's eyes and Giri clear his throat.

“Do you need a ride? I can take you back to the dorms if you want,” Chess shook her head and gave Giri a bright smile.

“Ani. You're only about two blocks away and I think I want to walk. I've been laying still for too long. I'm sure it's not helping anything,” Both Changkyun and Giri gave her a skeptical look. “Mwoh? I'm fine really! I'm sure a walk would help! Plus if I feel like I'm pushing it too much I will call for a cab okay?”

“Don't let her push herself too much okay? I know she's stubborn but if she looks like she's hurting too much you carry her if you have to. Got it?” Giri's voice was firm and the look on Changkyun's face as he nodded was just as firm. Chess couldn't help but roll her eyes and shake her head. This was going to be a ridiculous recovery and she knew it.

A couple of seconds passed and Changkyun helped Chess to get out of the bed and he wrapped his arm around her waist for support to move to the door. Chess had other ideas though and swatted at him as she stretched trying to soothe some of the stiffness in her muscles.

“I can walk on my own  _thank you very much_! I don't need to be babied, it's not going to help me later. It's only bruising and a sprained wrist. Gwenchanio,” Chess said sternly giving both Changkyun and Giri a stern glare, daring them to baby her anymore. Changkyun sighed as Giri raised his hands in a surrendering motion, letting Chess walk herself out of the spare room and to the door where she began to put on her shoes. She was aware of the two boys talking behind her but chalked it up to Giri telling Changkyun to look after her again. For being younger than her, he really was as protective as an Oppa at times.

“I'm not kidding Chess. Don't push yourself too hard,” Giri said as he came up behind her and gave her a quick hug, making sure not to linger. “I don't know what any of us would do if you got seriously hurt.”

“Whine and complain like the big babies you are probably. Don't worry Giri. I've taken care of myself for a long time now, I'm not going to push it too much. I wouldn't want to disappoint anyone by having to be laid out for longer than necessary,” Chess said, turning to return Giri's hug.

When the two broke their hug Changkyun came over and held his hand out to Giri. After a second of thought Giri clasped it bringing Changkyun in for a quick bro hug. They gave each other a small smile before Changkyun spoke.

“Kamsamnida. I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't been around to help,” Giri waved away his thanks and scoffed a bit at the younger boy.

“She's my best friend. I would have helped her anyways. Just take care of her. I mean it,” Giri's tone was harsh but the smirk on his face made Chess happy. He was finally getting back to normal and it was all she had wanted.

After another quick goodbye Changkyun and Chess headed out of Giri's apartment and onto the street walking swiftly because of the cold but at a pace that was still manageable for Chess. Changkyun had made a conscious effort to stay a good bit away from her just in case there were any reporters nearby and kept scanning the area to make sure they weren't being recognized. He didn't want to have to go through the same argument twice with Chess. If she wasn't ready to tell the world they were together then he was willing to wait this time, he didn't want to lose her a second time. It wasn't long though till he felt her hand grip onto his and interlock their fingers.

“Chess, what if we get spotted by the press?” Changkyun questioned attempting to pull his hand from hers.

“Then let them see us. I don't care anymore. I'm not going to lose you ever again and they'll find out sooner or later. I love you Changkyun and I'm done with the lies,” Chess said giving Changkyun a determined look. He smiled back and settled his hand back around Chess's.

“ _Thank you,”_  Was all he said before leaning in and giving Chess a chaste kiss. When he pulled back he noticed the bright smile on her face and couldn't help but smile back. This was what he had been missing.

The two made it back to the dorms swiftly after that and Chess paused before entering. She wasn't scared per say but she definitely didn't know if she was ready for how the girls were going to react. Surely they knew all about the accident by now and they all must be worried so she wasn't sure if she would be walking into a mess of tears or frustration that she hadn't come home right away. Either option was not exactly something she was ready to deal with. With one last deep breath, Chess swung open the front door and pulled Changkyun inside with her. She had barely gotten her shoes off when the assault started.

“Unnie~! Gwenchana!? We were so worried! Why didn't you call us?! We went to the hospital and they told us you had been discharged! Why didn't you come home!?” Alice screamed through tears as soon as she saw the eldest.

“Unnie! If you were going to just leave like that you should have called us! We were really worried!” Young Ji said sniffling a bit at the end.

“Why would you just leave and not let anyone know!? Sajangnim was even worried!” Sumi said coming up behind the other two. She wasn't crying but her eyes were red as if she had just stopped.

“Don't ever do that again! What would we do without you?!” Bei Lee said dabbing at her eyes.

“Gwenchanio. Mianhe. Giri came and got me from the hospital and took me to his place to rest a bit more. Jinja mianhe,” Chess said as the girls all stopped what they were doing at once and finally realized that Chess wasn't alone.

“Annyeonghaseyo,” Changkyun bowed to the girls that were now gaping at him like he had two heads.

“Mwoh? Aren't you supposed to be on tour?” Sumi said breaking the silence.

“Ne. Shownu told me what had happened to Chess and I couldn't stay. He and Sajangnim worked it out for me to come back to Korea during our break. I go back tomorrow night,” Changkyun replied casting Chess an apologetic look. She simply smiled and squeezed his hand, she understood.

“When did you two get back together?” Alice asked with round questioning eyes.

“I think it was an hour ago officially?” Chess answered, chuckling as she looked to Changkyun with a smile that he returned.

“Alright girls. She's fine and probably needs to rest. Let's leave her be for now, arasseo?” Bei Lee said herding the others back into the living room. Chess quickly mouthed her thanks to the younger girl and quickly pulled Changkyun into her room.

Once they were inside, Changkyun looked around the room with a nostalgic smile. It hadn't been that long since he had been there but it felt like it had been a hundred years ago and yesterday all at the same time. It was still slightly messy with her clothes strewn everywhere, paper and pens littering her desk, and the ever present nest of pillows on her bed. He never really realized how much he missed it. Chess had walked over to her DVD collection and pulled out her Hunger Games special edition blu ray set and popped one into the player before turning on her TV and setting herself up on the bed.

“Are you just going to stand there all day or are you going to come nest with me?” Chess said sending Changkyun a teasing smirk. He smiled and shook his head.

“How could I ever say no to you?” Chess scoffed at him and rolled her eyes before scooting herself over so he could get comfortable. “The Hunger Games? Jinja?”

“Yah! We could have watched the entire Harry Potter series for the eighth time but I decided to go easy on you,” Changkyun rolled his eyes at her and pulled her closer to him so he could nuzzle into her hair.

“Arasseo. As long as I'm with you I don't really care what we do,” Chess scoffed again.

“Don't lie to me Changkyun. I still remember all the complaints I got when I made you watch Sailor Moon Crystal with me,” Changkyun groaned and rolled his head back to look at the ceiling.

“That's different Noona! It's so girlie!” Chess rolled her eyes.

“Says the man who got up and danced to the theme song every time it played and cried when Mamorou sacrificed himself for Usagi,” Changkyun pouted at her.

“The theme song was super catchy! And that was really sad! Only a soulless human wouldn't cry at that!” Chess laughed and pulled Changkyun's head down to rest on her shoulder.

“Arasseo, gwenchana,” Changkyun wrapped his arms around Chess's waist and pulled her closer and nuzzling into her neck more.

The two stayed cuddled up and made it through the first two movies before falling asleep during the third. They slept through the night never once letting go of each other. It was the first peaceful night of sleep that either one of them had had in months.

  
  


Changkyun woke up fairly early in the morning to a tickling feeling on his face. When he finally opened his eyes he found that Chess's hair had gotten loose from the ponytail that she had fallen asleep in and had settled itself under his nose. He smiled and pulled a hand up to run his fingers through it to try and settle it back down. As he did, Chess hummed and nuzzled further into his chest. Changkyun bit his lip trying to suppress the smile trying to take over his whole face. He couldn't have asked for more. As he kept running his fingers through her hair, Chess's eyes began to flutter open. After a few blinks to clear the sleep from her mind she looked up to Changkyun.

“ _Morning. How long have you been awake?”_  Changkyun couldn't help but chuckle at the fact that she seemed to forget to speak Korean.

“I just woke up a few minutes ago. Are you hungry?” Chess scrunched up her face at him and sat up rubbing her eyes to try to wake herself up more.

“ _What'd you just say?”_ Changkyun immediately sat up straight and turned Chess's face to look at him, worry etched on his features.

“Do you not understand me? Did you suffer a brain injury that they didn't find? Should we go back to the hospital?” Changkyun ran his hands through Chess's hair and gently over the small cut on her head.

“ _Ugghhh.... What time is it? Just give me a minute to wake up... Korean isn't my first language remember?”_ Chess leaned over and found her phone squinting her eyes at the sudden light from the background. It was seven thirty. She was never awake this early unless her schedule called for it. “Gwenchana. I just forget how to Korean sometimes when I wake up. It usually just takes me a second to get back to it.”

“I was worried,” Changkyun released a breath that he hadn't realized he had been holding. “I thought you had forgotten how to speak Korean entirely.”

“ _Nah...._  Just a side effect of being really tired,” Chess said sending Changkyun a smile.

“If you're still tired go back to sleep,” Changkyun said but Chess just shook her head.

“I'm awake now. Besides I want to spend as much time with you before your flight tonight and I would like to be conscious for it,” Chess laughed and Changkyun grinned at her.

“Arasseo. Are you hungry? I'll go pick us something up for breakfast,” Changkyun said standing and stretching.

“Ne but can we order delivery? There's a really good place around the corner that delivers,” Chess said moving over to her desk and digging through one of the drawers.

“Do you really keep a secret stash of menus?” Changkyun chuckled but Chess sent him a light glare.

“Are you kidding? You don't? When the girls go on a diet they throw away all of the menus and expect me to follow the diet too. They do diets wrong though, they cut everything out, I just cut down. I have to have a secret stash or I'd never be able to get food,” Chess said as she found the menu she was looking for.

Chess and Changkyun quickly looked over the menu and ordered. They joked and played around waiting for it to arrive and neither one of them could have been any happier. That was the beginning to their day of cuddling and enjoying each others company. Neither of them could have asked for anything more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N So I finally got over the writers block, at least for this chapter! So I only have three more chapters to write and one of those is the epilogue! I'm sad to see it ending guys! I worked really hard on this and I really hope you all liked it! As always Thank You for Reading! Kamsamnida!


	38. Home Sweet Home

Taking Changkyun to the airport and waving him off at the gate had been the hardest thing Chess had had to do in a long time. She had wished she could have had more time with him, that she could have kissed him more, that she could have held him longer but he did have a tour to finish and she wasn't going to stand in the way of that. As she left the building and hailed a taxi she kept reminding herself that Monsta X only had a few more weeks before they came back to Korea. They would be back before she knew it and then they would have a two week break before they were back in the studio. She'd have plenty of time with him then. She told the driver to take her to Starship and sighed looking out the window, she would just have to try to find something to take her mind off of it until Changkyun was back.

When Chess finally got to Starship she went directly to Sajangnim's office to see if there was anything she could do, a variety show, a new recording, anything time consuming. She was told to enter his office to find Sajangnim standing, facing the windows looking out over Seoul. He turned to face her when he heard the door shut and the look on his face was filled with sadness.

“Cheshire, what brings you here? Shouldn't you be resting?” Chess couldn't help but grin, he really was very caring.

“I've just got a few bruises and scratches, gwenchanio. I was wondering if there was anything I could do. I don't really want to just be waiting for Changkyun to get back from tour and I know that RI5E doesn't have anything planned for the next month because of Sumi's drama. I can't just sit still like this,” Chess said sitting in the chair in front of Sajangnim's desk.

“Well, you're not exactly fit to go on tv right now and we've had you release quite a few solo songs now so I don't want to over do it there. Why don't you take a couple weeks to go home?” Sajangnim held up a hand when Chess opened her mouth to reply. “Not Seoul. Why don't you go back to the states for a while? Didn't you say that you wanted to see your old friends?”

“I... I guess that's a good idea,” Sajangnim's eyes widened a bit, he hadn't been expecting her to agree so quickly. It had always been a fight when it came to anything about her past.

“Arrasseo. I will book the flight and hotel for you. Will you be okay leaving tomorrow morning?” Chess simply nodded with a small smile on her face before standing and bowing before heading for the door. “Chess?”

“Ne, Sajangnim?” Chess turned to see a light smile across his face.

“I'm glad that you're finally letting people see the real you,” Chess smiled a little wider and bowed again before leaving the office.

  
  


Something that never changed was how awful the flight from Seoul to the states was. Even sitting in first class and being able to sleep it was the worst. Chess wasn't claustrophobic or anything but being cooped in an airplane for nineteen hours was practically torture. When she finally exited the plane and entered into RDU she sighed in relief. There was nothing quite like the stuffy smell of an airport after not being able to really stretch for that long. Chess put on her hat and face mask before quickly heading to customs to be able to leave and after the arduous process finally made her way to baggage claim. Apparently news of her stay in Raleigh had been leaked though as there were numerous camera clicks and flashes when she grabbed her luggage. To be perfectly honest, Chess was surprised that they even cared that much. North Carolina wasn't really known for having much of a Kpop following and she's not even that famous in the U.S.

“ _Cheshire! Are you taking a break from your music?”_

“ _What was the cause of the accident?”_

“ _Are you really in a relationship with Im Changkyun from Monsta X?”_

Chess rolled her eyes a bit as she grabbed her bag. Couldn't they at least wait until she was facing them to start asking her questions? She turned around and waved with a smile on her face. She pulled down her face mask so that she could answer their questions and smiled widely at the cameras.

“ _Nice to see you all! RI5E is currently on a break because our leader, Sumi, is currently starring in a drama that is releasing soon. We should be back in the studio in a couple months. The car accident that I was involved in was caused by the paparazzi that were continuously following me trying to find out more information about my past. They clipped the rear end of my Jeep making me hit into the paparazzi in the lane next to me making me flip three times before finally coming to a stop. I was lucky enough to have only sustained minor scratches and some bruising,”_ Chess answered with a small smile before waving and attempting to leave to only be stopped once more.

“ _Is it true that you're dating rookie group Monsta X's Im Changkyun?”_

“ _Yes, it's true. Changkyun and I are in a relationship though we are trying to keep our private lives just that, private. Now if you will all excuse me I've just had a nineteen hour flight and would really like to just get some sleep. Thank you for all of your support and RI5E will continue to work hard to make all our fans proud,”_ Chess waved and finally four big bodyguards came over and finally pushed back the reporters so that she could leave the airport.

As soon as Chess was out of the terminal and in the bright morning sunlight of Raleigh, she took a deep breath and smiled. She didn't necessarily miss this place but it was good to come back knowing she wasn't hiding anymore. She felt like the weight of her past had finally been lifted from her shoulders and she couldn't help but be truly happy. There wasn't very much else in the world that could make her feel like this.

A bodyguard gently tapped her shoulder and Chess turned to look at him. He was definitely an intimidating man, standing a full head and a half taller than her with dark eyes and dark skin that was stretched taut over his large muscles that were still visible in his uniform. Chess was very happy that he was protecting her and that she didn't have to try to get around him.

“ _Miss Cheshire, we're in that black car over there. I'm Ezra, the head of your team while you're here_ ,” The man smiled gently and while it didn't look in character for him it did make Chess feel a little better to know he was trying.

“ _Nice to meet you Ezra, please just call me Chess,”_ She gave him her biggest smile as she bowed her head slightly while shaking his rather large and calloused hand.

“ _Okay Chess. Let's get you to the hotel and away from the vultures 'ight?”_ Chess nodded as Ezra led her to the big black suv that was going to be her transportation for her two week stay.

As soon as the car started to move, Chess fell asleep with her head resting against the headrest. It really had been a long flight and she was more tired than she could ever remember being. The drive wasn't very long though so she was soon awakened by Ezra gently shaking her shoulder. Chess got out of the car and moved quickly inside of the building, heading to the front desk. She dealt with the perky counter girl quickly and went straight to the elevators. Once she was finally in her room she collapsed on her bed to fall asleep.

  
  


The one downfall to falling asleep so early for Chess was the hours she would end up waking up. She woke up to find that it was four thirty in the morning and was not very pleased. She walked around her room after figuring out that she was definitely not getting any sleep and took to the balcony to smoke a cigarette.

“Why is there never anything happening in this town?” Chess sighed as she puffed on her cigarette. The rest of her time was spent silently, wondering what she would do with all the time on her hands. There never really had been much to do in NC and now even more so considering that her family wasn't there anymore. She would be reconnecting with some old friends hopefully but that didn't necessarily mean that was going to happen anytime soon. She took her time to finish her cigarette before heading back into her room to change. Once she was in a decent outfit she headed out into the hallway and to Ezra's room. She had been told that she needed to have her bodyguards with her at all times outside of the hotel to try to prevent another accident from happening and it was the first time that she would agree, though she wasn't going to sit around the hotel room to wait for them to wake up when all she really wanted right now was coffee.

“ _Please forgive me but why the hell are you awake this early?”_ Ezra said when he opened his door after Chess's loud knocks woke him up.

“ _Well considering that it's now five thirty and I've already had my cigarette, I really wanted to go get coffee but I have to have you with me remember? I'm sorry I woke you up but I'm not ready for the scolding that I will get if my boss finds out that I didn't take you with me after all the shit that's happened,”_ Chess replied with an apologetic smile to the large man that looked so done with her already.

“ _Alright. Give me ten minutes to get ready,”_ Ezra didn't wait for Chess to answer and closed the door to get ready. Chess simply leaned against the wall next to his door and began to scroll through her instagram feed. She came across a few pictures that Changkyun had taken and smiled lightly. They were all of him and Jooheon at the hotel and there was even a video. They were both being complete children and it was endearing. Chess was happy to know that the two were friends now, especially considering their rocky start. Had it really been almost a year since they had finished filming for No.Mercy?

Before she could reminisce too much Ezra emerged from his room, giving Chess a strange look for the way she was smiling. He simply nodded towards the elevator before Chess started skipping, literally skipping, down the hall. Chess was sure that there was nothing that could bring her mood down now.

“ _Okay I don't mean to be a buzz kill or anything but it is too damn early in the morning for anyone to be this happy,”_ Ezra said in a gruff voice once the doors to the elevators closed.

“ _Normally I would agree with you but I'm still on Seoul time and it's only, like, six at night there. Don't worry I'll splurge and get you a couple extra shots of espresso big guy,”_ Chess said with a bright smile patting Ezra's shoulder.

“ _More like a fifth of Jack if you expect me to deal with you being... bubbly...”_ Ezra visibly shuddered at the word bubbly making Chess giggle.

“ _Where are the other guys?”_ Ezra gave Chess an almost offended look when she mentioned the other bodyguards.

“ _You think I can't protect you on a simply coffee trip?”_ Ezra's tone was serious making Chess's eyes widen and her wave her hands frantically in front of her face.

“ _No! No no no no no! That's not what I meant! I just... I mean... I didn't know if I had to have a full detail at all times or not! I wasn't questioning your ability to protect me!”_ Ezra's hardened expression cracked and he even let out a snicker at how upset Chess was.

“ _Oh god you should have seen your face! That was priceless!”_ Chess's jaw dropped as she realized what had just happened. When she recovered she slapped Ezra's shoulder and complained loudly about his joke.

“ _That wasn't nice! I thought I had actually made you mad! I can't believe you would do that to me!”_ Chess squawked out, laughing the whole time at her own reaction.

“ _Hey! It's only fair! You woke me up at five in the morning!”_ Ezra replied trying to escape Chess's attack on his arm, laughing just as much as the strange girl.

The coffee trip went in much the same way but neither of the two noticed the eyes that lingered on them as they made their way back to their hotel. Neither was aware of the nightmare that was coming for them.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N Sooooooooooooooooooooooo.............. I haven't abondened this story, just in case you were curious... Also I've been saying that this was probably only going to last for a couple more chapters but apparently my hands had other plans... I'm probably looking at another five to ten chapters at the least... I didn't mean to add a new character... I didn't mean to bring more angst into it.... I also didn't mean to finish this chapter at such a god awful hour on Easter... Happy Easter btw lol... As Always Thank You for Reading! Kamsamnida!


	39. Friends and Stalkers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N This entire chapter is in English so I'm not going to bother with the italics this time just so everyone is aware.

“Scarlett! Oh my god! I missed you so much! How could you just disappear like that? We thought that you had gotten hurt or something! Don't ever, ever, ever do that to me again!” Kelsey squealed at her highest pitch, almost tackling Chess to the ground in a tight hug.

“Yeah I know. I was a pretty terrible friend for a while. I'm sorry,” Kelsey smiled at Chess's apology and handed her off to Sara who hugged her but not before lightly smacking her arm.

“You think after twenty years you can get rid of me that easy?” The girls all laughed and went into Christina's house to catch up. Ezra, who had driven Chess, and a few of the guards he had brought with them were stationed outside of the house to be on the look out for anything suspicious.

The girls all spent time filling Chess in on all the things that she had missed while she had disappeared on them. Three of their friends, including Kelsey, had gotten married, Sara had finally moved out of her mom's house but was still living on their land, and Christina had moved into the house with her fiance. A lot more had been mentioned but those were the important points that Chess had gleaned from their talk.

“Hey Scar? Do you remember that guy that used to creep on you so bad in high school? What was his name?” Christina asked as she brought the girls a glass of wine each. It may have only been noon but in Christina's world that meant it was no longer morning and therefore it was okay to drink.

“You mean Hamilton? The one that followed me home one day?” Chess sipped her wine and gave Christina a confused look.

“Yeah! That one! Do you happen to remember his last name?” Christina said leaning over the coffee table a bit more.

“I think it was Andrews. Why?”

“I think he just moved in a couple houses down from here actually. I saw him walking around the neighborhood while I was taking the pups for a walk. I saw him go into the blue house on the corner actually,” Christina's words made Chess's blood run cold. Hamilton had never really done anything menacing to her or anything but he really creeped her out. There was just something not quite right about the guy.

“Well I just hope he doesn't remember me. I'm not exactly ready to have to deal with him after everything. I mean, shit, I've got to have security just to come to your house now,” The girls all chuckled a bit at Chess's words even if they were true.

“My how things have changed, huh?” At Kelsey's words the girls went back to catching up and asking Chess about how her life was as a celebrity, even going into how it was being with Changkyun. They all laughed together and had a great time telling each other about all the things they had missed. All in all it was as if the years Chess had been gone hadn't even happened.

  
  


Chess spent the entire day at Christina's, even after all the others had gone home. Before she knew it Christina asked her if she wanted to go take the dogs for a walk around the neighborhood with her. She almost got into a physical fight with Ezra, knowing she would have lost, about not taking the guards with her. He only relented because there were going to be two rather large and intimidating looking dogs with her. As they walked Christina filled Chess in on all the gossip around the small 17 house neighborhood.

“Mrs. Peterson had a heart attack while she was gardening about a month back and the entire neighborhood got together to take care of her garden while she was in the hospital. It was actually pretty nice but Jennifer seemed to think that she was the say all end all of gardening and didn't let anyone do anything without her supervision. The worst part was that she definitely killed Mrs. Peterson's rose bush,” Christina and Chess laughed a bit before they both looked up and saw the blue house on the corner. “Maybe he won't be home.”

“I doubt it. I think my luck for this year is just plain horrid,” Just as the words left Chess's mouth, she spotted a man coming out from the garage towards the mailbox. It was almost like he had timed it honestly. “Oh god. That really is him.”

“Don't worry we can always just make an excuse and run away,” Christina reassured as Chess's arm stiffened where it was wrapped around her own.

“Hey there neighbor! Got a friend with you today huh?” Hamilton looked at the girls before widening his eyes in recognition. “Good Lord is that you Scarlett? How have you been? I haven't seen you since what? Junior year of high school?”

“Yeah, something like that,” Chess's answer was stiff and even the dogs could feel the tension in her voice.

“I was really sorry to hear about what happened to your family. I tried to send a card but I guess you had already moved by then. Didn't you start doing something in the music industry overseas?” Christina felt Chess's grip on her arm tighten even more as she tried to come up with a good enough excuse to leave without upsetting the guy. Who knew what he was really capable of?

“Yeah I'm a part of a Kpop band actually,” Chess could have slapped herself. Why would she tell him that? It's not like she needed a sasaeng in her life.

“Speaking of which. Don't you need to get back to your guard before he comes chasing after you guns blazing?” Chess couldn't have ever loved anyone as much as she loved Christina in that exact moment.

“Yeah. Sorry, uh-”

“Hamilton. Hamilton Andrews.”

“Sorry Hamilton I really need to get back now,” With a slight wave and bow the two girls walked away as swiftly as they could without drawing too much attention to how freaked out they were. Neither of them saw the devious smirk on Hamilton's face or the fact that he didn't once open the mailbox.

When the girls had finished their walk it was time for Chess to leave with promises of coming back to visit the next day and taking Christina on a shopping spree when she was able to get out of the house next. After a long hug, a short car ride and an irritating wait at the elevators Chess was finally alone on her floor heading towards her room. The bodyguards, while necessary, were definitely very irritating to have to have around all the time so she had sent them to their floor without seeing her off. She was certain that nothing could happen to her when she was less than a 60 yards away.

As Chess made her way down the hallway towards her room a figure in all black emerged from the staircase. Though it was a bit unsettling that she couldn't see his face, Chess brushed off her anxiety. It wasn't as if she was the only room on the floor. So when the figure started to move more quickly towards her it was confusing to say the least. When he reached out to grab her arm it was panicking. When he pressed a cloth to her mouth her heart stopped for a moment before her vision went black. The figure took Cheshire in his arms as carefully as he would a child who had fallen asleep in the car and carried her down the stairs and into his car.

  
  


When Ezra reached the door to his room he realized that he was still holding onto Chess's phone that she had made him take so that she wouldn't pester her boyfriend while he was on tour. With a sigh he lightly hit his head on his door before turning to go up to her room. Instead of taking the elevator, which was bound to take forever, he took the stairs. It was only one floor up but from all the way on the fifteenth floor Ezra still heard the door on the bottom floor open. He quickly made his way out of the stairwell and into the hallway to notice that something was wrong immediately. Chess's purse was in the middle of the hallway in front of her door.

Ezra's training kicked in at that moment and he sprinted down the hallway to knock on Chess's door. When no response came he yelled that he was coming in and used the key he had kept on him to open the door. Chess was nowhere inside. He immediately called all of the guards that had just gone to their respective rooms to rest on their cellphones to have them meet him upstairs. No more than two minutes later three other large men in black suits came barreling out of the stairwell to meet their boss.

“Cheshire is gone. Her bag was in the middle of the hallway so we should assume that she has been kidnapped. I will go down to the lobby to try and get a look at the hallway cctv footage. Rhodes go down to the lobby and see if anyone has seen her or if she's in the bar, Johnson start searching floors to see if there's any sign of her, and Lawrence you go down to the bottom of that staircase and see where it goes. If any of you find any trace of her radio me immediately,” Once he finished speaking the guards went off to perform their respective duties and Ezra went to the security office in the basement level. Luckily hotel security had agreed to help him in his quest to find the missing rapper. As hotel security pulled up the footage for him, Lawrence's voice came over the ear piece of his radio.

“Ezra, you're not going to like this. The stairwell leads to the parking lot across the street and I found the necklace she was wearing in one of the empty spots. I'm pretty sure she's been kidnapped. None of the people I came across in the deck have seen her either,” Ezra slammed his fist into the table, startling the poor hotel security guard.

“I need that footage now! She's been kidnapped and I need to see who did it!” The poor guard was shaking a bit as he put the footage of the hallway onto the main screen and played it. They watched as and unsuspecting Cheshire was knocked out and carried out of the hall. Had it not been for one screw up on the captor's part it would have been practically impossible to find her but now Ezra knew exactly where to start. Hamilton's anxious face had peeked out from under his hat when he had turned to open the stairwell door. Ezra was going to kill him.

  
  


When Chess finally came to, her head was pounding. It was almost as bad as when she woke up from the accident. It took her a couple of moments to fully come around but when she did all she could do was panic. Her wrists and ankles were tied to a chair that appeared to be bolted to the ground. Then she remembered the man in black. She felt her stomach knot and twist in a way that she was sure she would be sick. How could someone do this? She had heard the horror stories from other idols but she had never imagined that it could really be taken this far. As she continued to try to figure a way out of her situation the large metal door in front of her opened up. She could see the man standing there but she couldn't make out his face. She could make out the hanger of clothes in his left hand and the large knife in his right hand.

“I'm so happy I got the chance to see you again Scarlett. You have no idea how much I missed you,” Hamilton's voice was smooth like he was talking to a lover but that didn't stop the chill from running down Chess's spine. What in the world was she supposed to do now?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N Hey guys! I'm back! I'm sorry that it took sooooooo long but I couldn't help it I've had writer's block like nobodies business! I think this will last another five chapters and it will be done. I'm trying to finish this nicely though and don't want to make it too rushed... Sorry for the delay I promise I'll try to get this one done as soon as possible! As Always Thank You for Reading! Kamsamnida!


	40. Captured

“I can't believe that you just ran away without telling anyone Scar. We were all so worried about you. Did you know that there was a candle light vigil at your old house every month until you showed back up? But look at how you came back to us! You're famous! Now everyone sees how beautiful you are. You know that though don't you?” Hamilton took slow precise steps towards Chess with every word he spoke. The only thing preventing her from screaming was the ominous knife clutched in his hands. “They don't love you though, not really. Those guys that say they're your fans? They only want you for your body. They don't even really know anything about you. Have they ever gotten to see that tattoo on your hip? That scar on your thigh? The birthmark on your chest? No they haven't but I still love you even with those imperfections. I've always loved you Scar. Now we can be together just like we always should have been. What do you think Scar? Do you want to stay with me?”

“Let me go Hamilton. They'll know I'm missing by now. They'll be looking for me. Do you really want to be arrested for this? Please just let me go,” Chess was beginning to break already. Her voice cracked with unshed tears and her mind raced with the possibility that Ezra wouldn't be able to find her.

“Don't worry. Even if they know you're gone they won't find you. I worked hard to make this place live up to my expectations of it. It's completely soundproofed and not at all traceable,” Hamilton moved closer reaching out his hand that held the knife to softly caress Chess's cheek with the back of his fingers. She flinched at the feeling of his ice cold digits that were still gripping the knife tightly. “Oh! I forgot about your present! Look what I found! Don't you like it?”

Chess couldn't stop the shudder she felt as she looked at the clothes he had brought in, a pleated plaid mini skirt with an off the shoulder corset top. It was an exact match to the outfit she had worn the day Hamilton had followed her home from school. The smile on Hamilton's face as he noticed Chess's reaction was the icing on top of the psycho cake though.

“You know, it took me years to find this in your size again. I don't think it's healthy that you went down six sizes. I thought you looked better when you were a bit bigger. Did you know they discontinued all of these designs back in '05? I would have rather just brought you the outfit you already owned but it was turned to ash by the time I got to your house. Why would you ever burn that stuff? You look so good dressed like this but, hey, let's stop talking and get you dressed now,” Hamilton continued to move forward and slowly put the knife to Chess's throat. “Now, I'm going to take off your arm restraints and you're going to be a good girl and put on the shirt. If you try anything I'll slit your throat, got it? Same with your legs.”

Chess nodded that she understood and Hamilton took off her restraints. Slowly, Chess reached out her shaking hands and took the shirt from the hanger. As she began to unbutton her current top, Chess felt herself go numb, the only feeling left in her body being the knife against her throat. She felt her soul leaving her body as she took her shirt off and slipped on the thin corset tank. She was so far gone that when Hamilton took off her leg restraints and made her stand up she almost fell making her captor catch her by her waist. The knife pressing against her throat was a stark contrast to the almost loving way that Hamilton's hand held her. Instead of letting Chess take off her own pants though, he leaned her back against his chest and carefully began to undo the buttons. The knife pressed so deeply into Chess's neck with Hamilton's attempt to take off her clothes that the blade sliced her just above her collarbone. Not deep but enough to elicit a scream from her causing Chess's soul to come slamming back into her body.

Suddenly tears were streaming down Chess's face and the screams came without her consent. The sick bastard holding her simply chuckled and cooed into her ear. Hamilton told her to calm down and to be quiet in the kind of voice that one would expect a lover to use. Hamilton sat Chess down and tied down her wrists again. After she was restrained once again Hamilton continued his task of changing her into the skirt despite Chess's desperate screams. Everything moved in slow motion as Hamilton slipped the skirt up her legs and Chess felt fear prickle in every fiber of her being. She prayed that someone would save her soon.

Ezra ordered his men to stay and file the police report at the hotel while he took the SUV, driving at break neck speed down the highway, to find Cheshire. This wasn't protocol and it went against all of his training but he couldn't help it. That girl had a way of getting under people's skin. When he finally reached the neighborhood where Chess's friend lived he drifted into the driveway with a ear splitting screech from the tires.

“What the actual fuck do you think you're doing?!” Christina came out screaming as her dogs could be heard wailing inside the house. Ezra had barely managed to put the car into park before he was out the door running up to Chess's friend.

“Where does that bastard live?!” Ezra shouted as he ran towards the angry woman.

“What bastard? Why are you acting like a nascar driver coming to my house?” Christina was definitely a force to be reckoned with in her own right but that held no significance to what he was doing now.

“The one that scared her! The one that lives on your street! Where does he live?!” As Ezra shouted Christina seemed to start piecing together what was happening. Why was her friend's bodyguard here without her?

“Where is Scarlett?” Christina asked as Ezra stopped a foot in front of her.

“I'm trying to figure that out but I can't do that if you don't tell me where the fuck he is right now!” Ezra screamed as though he was still yards away from her, effectively making the smaller girl cover her ears.

“He's about three houses down on the right from here. Did he do something?” Ezra didn't bother to answer or take the car he sprinted down the road and noticed there was a car pulling into the house exactly three houses down on the right. Once it was parked none other than Hamilton exited the driver's side.

“You bastard! Where is she?! Where are you hiding her?!” Ezra exclaimed as he caught the collar of Hamilton's shirt and slammed him into the door of the car.

“Who the hell are you?!” Hamilton yelled as he started to have difficulty breathing as Ezra's arm found it's way to press on his neck.

“You fucking know exactly who the hell I'm talking about! Where is Cheshire?!” The larger man screamed into Hamilton's face as sirens began to be heard. “You hear that fucker?! They're coming for you so it'd be in your best god damned interest if you told me where the fuck you stashed her!”

“I'll... Never.... Tell you,” Hamilton said through gritted teeth and Ezra's arm as the police finally came on the scene.

“This is the Wake County Sheriff's department. Put your hands up and back away from the vehicle,” A man's voice sounded over the speaker of the police car as Ezra let go of Hamilton so that he could put his hands in the air as did the suspect. Officers quickly descended on the two men, placing them in cuffs and having them sit on the ground before they found out what exactly was going on.

Not too long later Hamilton was taken into custody and Ezra was with a couple officers letting them know what had led to the scene they had pulled up to. The officers were mostly worried about Hamilton being able to press charges though after checking Ezra's credentials and his story, they found that he was perfectly within the law and the requirements of his job. They took him back to the station with them to debrief him and find out what he knew exactly.

“Cheshire had been really worried about seeing this guy earlier. She told me that he had stalked her during high school and that she thought he had let it go after they had graduated. He was apparently pretty intense, her family even called the cops on him one time because he had followed her home from school,” Ezra ran his hands over his short wavy hair. “I know he's the one who took her. It was even on the video footage from the hotel. He's one psychotic mother fucker.”

“Don't worry we're working on finding her and we have an entire team dedicated to this investigation alone. One of our best interrogators is in the room with him now. It shouldn't be too long before we crack him. You might want to call your boss and her boss and let them know what's going on though,” The deputy said as he left the office that Ezra was in.

“Oh shit. Si Dae isn't going to be happy about this,” Ezra said shaking his head as he pulled out his cell phone. He quickly dialed the number for Si Dae, Cheshire's CEO, and put it to his ear. It was sometime around nine in the evening in Raleigh so it would have to be about ten in the morning there and he should be awake. The phone rang for a few minutes before a woman answered in Korean. “I need to speak to Si Dae Kim please. Tell him it's about Cheshire and that it is urgent.”

The woman put him on hold and Ezra began to crack under the pressure. This was the first time that anything like this had happened under his watch. Sure, he had seen some weird stuff when he was just starting as a bodyguard but never since he had become a team leader himself. He couldn't imagine the ass chewing he was about to get from Chess's boss. There wasn't much that Si Dae Kim could say to him that he wasn't already berating himself about. He should have done better.

“This is Si Dae Kim. What's wrong with Chess?” An older man's voice came over the phone as the hold music cut short. His voice wasn't angry but sounded almost scared. Maybe it wouldn't be as bad as Ezra was imagining it was going to be.

“Cheshire has been kidnapped sir,” Ezra heard the other man drop the phone and scramble to pick it up. There was a pause where Ezra could hear the man trying to compose himself.

“What do you mean kidnapped?” Si Dae sounded panicked now and almost winded. It was obvious that the man cared deeply for Cheshire and that made Ezra feel even worse.

“I mean that she's been taken sir. One of her former classmates stole her away from the hotel and we've caught him but we haven't found her yet,” Ezra replied dreading the next question that Si Dae was bound to ask.

“She's still alive isn't she?” The pleading tone of the man's voice made Ezra's heart twinge with sadness. He hated the answer that he had to give.

“We don't know yet.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N Okay so I swear I haven't given up on this story and this has been a really hard chapter to write and the next one will be pretty hard to but I promise that I will work hard to have it out soon! As always Thank You for Reading! Kamsamnida!


	41. Searching For Cheshire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Possible Trigger Warning!!!! I tried to beat around the bush as much as possible because I don't like writing that deeply into traumatic things but RAPE is heavily implied in this chapter!

Cheshire looked at the door that Hamilton had left through not that long ago. She had been staring at it for what felt like hours. Her whole body was numbed to the point where she didn't even attempt to make a sound, surely no one would have heard her anyways. Thoughts came slowly too, most of them reflecting on what her life could have been like if she had never met the demon that captured her.

After the ordeal that Hamilton had made her go through with her outfit change he had tied her down again. This time to a mattress she hadn't noticed before that was in the back of the room. He had done unspeakable and horrendous things to her on the mattress but she never struggled. Hamilton had made sure to hold the knife tightly to her neck though, just in case she tried. In the beginning she had cried, sobbing without sound. When the realization of what was happening to her came, she quickly felt her body go numb and turned her face away to stare at the corrugated metal of the door.

She was going to die here.

That was the only thought in her head as her torture continued, as Hamilton fixed his clothes and headed out of the door, and now as she lay on the mattress wishing that her death would be swift. She knew that her body was numb as her brain's way to cope with the trauma but she couldn't bring herself to change it. She was terrified that if she made any attempt to move or scream that she would feel every ounce of pain that she was blocking out. She couldn't even bring herself to think of the outside world.

Her mind reeled with the dissociative feeling that was keeping her going. She couldn't quite figure out if this was what people would call an out of body experience or if they would just call her crazy again. Chess had felt this feeling only once before in her life and that was when she had found her family murdered. That was the first time Chess had ever been called crazy and have someone actually mean it. Now it would happen again.

She was going to die as a crazy person in this room.

Thoughts started to edge their way into her mind, though they did nothing but make things worse. Chess thought of Ezra, who was probably going to suffer at work for this. She thought of Christina, who would be devastated about losing her again. She thought of her fans, who would mourn her passing and have vigils in her name. She thought about Starship and how they would have difficulties with promotions. She thought of RI5E and how they would never be the same. She thought of Mad Clown and Eun Hee, who would put their marriage on hold to mourn. She thought of Giriboy and how he would stop making music without Swings telling him to. She thought of the Monsta X boys and how they would cancel their tour and upcoming promotions. She thought of Jooheon, who would enshrine the Majinbu plush that she had given him for his birthday. Lastly she thought of Changkyun.

The vision of his face being distorted in grief caused tears to stream down her face. Changkyun had never known a grief like that and Chess had wanted to do everything she could to prevent it. Now he would feel the hole that she had felt before. Would he numb himself the way she had? Would he seek the help he needed? Would he rely on his bandmates? Would he follow Chess's lead and abandon everyone he loved? The thought of him dealing with the loss in the same way she had made Chess's chest tighten even further than it already was. She didn't want to leave him that way.

Cheshire began to fight a war with herself. Her brain still trying to numb her to block the trauma and her soul desperately pleading for her to move or scream. She fought hard but couldn't tell what would win. Did her own brain want to end her life here? She fought the internal battle as hard as she could but soon her head began to spin. She was dizzy and couldn't focus. Her vision tunneled and she thought she heard a metal clicking in the distance. Before she could identify the noise her vision went dark and she passed out.

  
  


The police had initiated a county wide search for anything that could lead them to Cheshire but due to the late hour they were unable to get search warrants for the properties that Hamilton owned, including two storage facilities, an abandoned warehouse, and an old farmhouse two towns over. Since they weren't technically breaking any laws by walking around the outside of the farmhouse and warehouse, or the halls of the storage facilities, they did just that hoping beyond hope that Chess was awake and able to make enough noise to give probable cause for them to enter. A few police men and women had taken to knocking on storage room doors, warehouse windows, and plumbing pipes, trying to rouse Chess to answer but they had no luck. They searched every building three times that night hoping and praying that they could get something from it but nothing happened and they had to resign to the idea that she was drugged or, even worse, dead.

Ezra tried his best to stay calm given the circumstances but he constantly found himself pacing his office, waiting for the phone to ring. The officers had let him leave after Hamilton had lawyered up and refused to speak anymore. He had made his way back to his office then to try and figure out something that he could do, though he hadn't been able to find much of anything to help on that front so far. His mind whirred with visions of Chess beaten, lying motionless, and bloody on a cold concrete floor and he couldn't focus on anything else. He may not have known her for long but she was just one of those people that could connect with anyone and make them care about her without having to even try.

When the phone rang and the police told him they had turned up with nothing, all he could think of was how many hours had passed. Nine. Nine hours had passed since he heard her laugh at him and tell him she was a big girl and could go up one floor on her own. Nine hours since that bastard had drugged her outside her room. Nine hours since she had been stuffed unceremoniously into the trunk of her car losing her necklace that she never took off. Nine hours since he knew that she was safe.

Ezra slammed his fists onto the desk in front of him out of frustration and anger and hatred that someone would do this to her. There was nothing about this situation that was okay and he hated himself for not being able to prevent it. There was a minor tingling sensation in his hands as he brought them up to rub his face. He knew feeling sorry for himself wasn't helping to bring her back but he had no idea how to stop it this time. His phone ringing brought him out of his thoughts. It was Si Dae. Fuck.

“Is there any news on Cheshire? Has she been found yet?” Si Dae hadn't even waited for Ezra to greet him before he began his interrogation.

“No, sir. We haven't been able to find her yet. The police sent out search teams but without a warrant they couldn't do much. They have to wait until the judges get into the courthouse tomorrow to be able to get one signed off on. They're working as hard as they can but the bastard has four different places that we know of that he could be keeping her. Two of them are storage facilities,” Ezra explained slowly hoping that the man on the other line understood what he was saying.

“They need to hurry. She's already been traumatized more than enough for someone so young. I can't begin to imagine what this will do to her,” Si Dae sighed and Ezra could swear that he heard the older man sniffle. “She doesn't deserve this. Make sure that _son of a bitch_ doesn't get away. We're going to crucify him.”

“Yes, sir. I'll personally make sure that he doesn't go anywhere,” Ezra hadn't really been sure what the Korean word the man had used meant but he was pretty sure that it was something pretty bad. The phone call didn't last much longer, mostly just enough to say that Ezra would fill the man in on the details as he got them, and the two hung up. Almost as soon as Ezra brought the phone away from his ear it rang again. This time it was the police.

Hamilton had been released from holding.

Ezra had asked how that was even possible but the cops themselves didn't understand. Under normal circumstances they would have been able to keep him for a full twenty-four hours before indictment but they hadn't been able to keep him for even twelve. The officers had strict orders from their higher ups to stay away until they could get an arrest warrant after they found Cheshire so they couldn't keep watch over him. Those orders meant nothing to Ezra though, and the cops knew it. They wanted this sociopath caught as badly as Ezra and Si Dae did.

It didn't take very long for Ezra to start packing everything he could into a bag. He didn't know how long he would have to follow Hamilton before the arrest warrant came through. As he was leaving the building to get into his personal, and far more discrete, car, the officer on the phone told him to be careful and that they would be in touch with him as soon as they had any information. The officer also held the phone away from their ear, so that Ezra could hear, them ask their fellow officer how long Hamilton's release would take. Ezra had five minutes to make it to the station before Hamilton would be gone. He prayed that the officer would figure out someway to buy him just six extra minutes.

  
  


Cheshire woke up to vomit. She could hardly even turn her head enough so that she wouldn't choke on it but that was the least of her worries. The numbness she had felt had left sometime in the few hours she spent passed out. The pain was unbearable. Her whole body ached, but she tried to move regardless. She tried to turn herself over to move to some semblance of a sitting position, so that she could reorientate herself in the room. It was no use though. Her wrists were bound so tightly to the pipe above her head that she would have to break them to move that much.

Chess took inventory of the room, noticing that there was nothing but the mattress and chair. There wasn't even a bucket to serve for a toilet. She knew she was screwed but she wasn't going to let herself give up. She was going to make it out of this, just like she had made it through her family's slaughter. She was going to live and there was nothing that could change her mind. She thought long and hard about what she could do and determined that making noise was her best bet but she needed to be careful or she could simply wear herself down more. She did the only thing that she knew she could do for hours on end without a break. She started singing, hoping that dehydration would wait until she was found to destroy her voice.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter! Yay! Sorry it took so long again guys but I've had a lot on my plate... At least it didn't take me a year to update! As always Thank You for Reading! Kamsamnida!


	42. Rescued

“We still haven't gotten the judge to sign the warrants so we haven't made anymore progress. Ezra, I told you I'd call you once we had any information,” The detective was definitely irritated at him, but Ezra didn't care. It had been so long since Chess had been abducted and there still wasn't anything that the police could do, meaning he had to keep tailing the bastard that took her.

“Alright let me know the moment you get the warrants signed,” Ezra said before he and the detective said their goodbyes and hung up. Ezra couldn't believe that he had been driving for that long just to follow the sociopath

Ezra had been following Hamilton since the night before when he had been released from the police station. He had gone directly from the police station to his house, Ezra followed as closely as he could but stopped at Christina's house when they made it into the neighborhood. Ezra had crept into Hamilton's yard and followed him as best he could so that he couldn't sneak out without Ezra knowing. Hamilton had spent an exorbitant amount of time in the house making Ezra feel like he had no idea he was being followed.

Ezra watched the house until the sun came up. Nothing moved for hours and Ezra was beginning to lose his patience. He kept checking his phone relentlessly and almost compulsively hoping and praying for an update on the warrants. He finally got one as Hamilton was exiting the house. He quickly pulled his phone up to his ear and answered quietly, trying to maintain his cover.

“We have the warrants now and we're beginning to search all of his commercial properties now. Hopefully we'll find her within the next hour or two and then we'll be able to get our arrest warrant,” The officer said quickly as Ezra could hear a large commotion in the background. He assumed that meant that the officer was either at a property to be searched or on his way from the station.

“Alright well hurry up and find her,” Ezra said as he hung up his phone and began to follow Hamilton once more as he headed into the garage. He ran down to Christina's house and got into his car quickly, hoping that Hamilton hadn't seen him.

As Ezra pulled out of the neighborhood, keeping himself at least three car lengths behind Hamilton's car, he was desperate for the call saying that they had the arrest warrant. The drive that they were taking was pretty direct but Hamilton seemed intent on taking every back road that he could. Ezra was having a hard time figuring out where they were going but it was taking a while. Finally after twenty minutes of driving, Hamilton either got tired of back roads or impatient with the drive, they finally turned onto the highway. Hamilton seemed to be going exactly the speed limit as to not attract attention to himself, which concerned Ezra. That meant that he was probably trying to leave the area and they were headed towards the airport.

Ezra was becoming more and more disturbed by the fact that he wasn't getting a call. They would be able to get the arrest warrant when they found Chess. Not only were they looking at possibly losing Hamilton to god knows where, but they hadn't even found Chess yet. Ezra's heart was beating faster than the pistons in his engine were moving to keep track of Hamilton. This was turning sour right before his eyes.

Ezra was right. Hamilton was definitely going to the airport and judging by where he parked his car, he planned to be gone for a while. Ezra parked at the Sheetz next to the lot that Hamilton had pulled into and waited for him to come out to the park and ride bus stop. It didn't take long but he had two huge suitcases with him, confirming Ezra's suspicions of him leaving for a long time.

Ezra followed the bus from the stop where Hamilton got on, to the second terminal where he threw his security pass into the windshield. It was an abuse of power technically, but Ezra considered this to be a very important bit of his job. He needed to be able to follow Hamilton as far as he possibly could but that was still going to be very difficult. He had some leeway with the TSA agents here but that didn't mean that he could just get past security without a client to go pick up. He was going to have to pray that the warrants went through before Hamilton could manage to get his ticket and through security. There was no guarantee that Hamilton would have to wait for his flight either.

Ezra continued to follow Hamilton as close as possible. He watched as the bastard waited in line with everyone else, as though he wasn't a kidnaping sociopath that deserved to be behind bars. Ezra watched as he got to the front of the line and smiled widely at the ticket lady. He saw the way that Hamilton tried to bargain on the price of the checking a second bag. He watched the sorry excuse for a man wave and head over to the security checkpoint. Ezra's heart sank as he saw Hamilton make it through security without a second glance from the TSA agents. That's when he got the call.

“We found her. She's pretty beat up so we're having her transported to Wake Med,” The officer paused but not long enough for Ezra to interrupt. “She's going to be pretty traumatized from this.”

“Hamilton is at RDU. He's just gone through security at terminal two. You need uni's here. NOW!” Ezra yelled as he hung up the phone and ran towards his car. He had to make his way to the hospital. He had to go see Chess.

  
  


Chess sang for as long as she could. Unfortunately it appeared that it wouldn't be that enough for her to be found. Maybe it was the middle of the night and no one was around. Maybe it was the middle of the day and singing wasn't out of place. She was beginning to panic but she couldn't do anything other than hyperventilate. There was nothing that she could imagine at that moment that could have been worse.

There was one single, uncovered lightbulb in the room casting a dingy orange glow on the concrete floor and metal walls. Chess tried to focus on anything else in the room but she couldn't find anything at all. The panic attack felt like it was crushing her as she clenched her eyes together to try to control her breathing. Her fingers wriggled and her arm muscles spasmed pulling on the ropes on her wrists.

She felt like her entire body was shriveling up. She couldn't bear the tension in her chest or the pain in her spine, it was too much. The car crash had been absolutely nothing compared to this pain. She craved the numbness she had felt earlier though she knew she wasn't going to get it again. She even caught herself thinking about how death would be better than this. Chess snapped her eyes open at that thought though, she wouldn't do that to Changkyun.

Thoughts of Changkyun had become the only thing that was keeping her alive anymore. Chess wanted to manage to live long enough to see him one more time. She knew that it might actually end up hurting him more but she couldn't help that little bit of selfishness in her. She kept her thoughts on Changkyun's face as she regulated her breathing. He became her strength and the focus that she needed.

With her renewed consciousness, Chess thought about the situation that she was in a bit deeper. She was tied, by the wrists, to a pole above her head. There was a garage style door on the wall to her right. The chair she had been on was bolted to the ground in the center of the floor. There was nothing in the room that she could use to escape but she was going to have to try. She needed to do something about the ropes around her wrists first.

Chess tried to move her hands as well as she could to try to untie the knot. She tried for what felt like hours to untie the know but she couldn't do it. Finally she gave up on untying the knot and tried to wriggle her hands out. It wasn't working either so Chess knew what she was going to have to do. She was going to have to figure out how to flip over so she could work a bit more at the knot. She turned her wrists trying to figure out which way it would be easier for her to flip. She ended up needing to turn towards her left, it even loosened the ropes just a bit. It still wasn't loose enough for her to simply slip her hands out but she tried to tug on it to see if she could work it loose. Nothing was working. She had one last desperate move to try to get herself free, she pressed her left hand against the pipe so that her thumb was against the metal and she kicked her hand.

The resounding pop and intense pain brought a shriek from Chess. She knew it was going to hurt, she knew it was going to be unbearable, but she had wanted to be able to move and do what she needed to right after. She hadn't expected her strength to leave her so quickly when the pain hit. She did nothing but cry and avoid moving her hand for a long time. It was beyond a difficult situation that she was now in.

Finally, Chess managed to come back to herself enough to move. She leaned her head down to her chest, trying to prevent herself from biting her tongue. As soon as she set her head where she knew she wouldn't hurt herself anymore than necessary, she worked her left hand out of the ropes. She screamed but it was muffled by the fact that she had her teeth clenched tightly together. Luckily, as soon as she got her hand out of the ropes, the ropes loosened around her right hand. She pulled her right hand free and cradled her left hand to her chest.

She only allowed herself a few moments to wallow in her pain before she tried to get up. As she got up the world spun around her but she forced herself to stay standing. She took slow, determined steps to get to the door. As soon as she got to the door she leaned her head onto the corrugated metal. She knew she needed to make noise and hopefully alert someone to her presence. She just had such a hard time trying to move since her hand was in so much pain. She took deep calming breaths and tried to set herself with as much stability as she could manage before she lifted her head.

Chess banged on the door as hard as she could. She tried not to waste any energy because she wasn't sure how long she'd be there. She also knew that if she didn't make enough noise it wouldn't draw enough attention. She tried as best she could to also yell out. It felt like an impossible situation but Chess couldn't do anything different.

“Help me! Someone please help me!” As Chess yelled, she felt a lump form in her throat. She was crying and there was nothing she could do to stop it. “Please! Anyone! Help me!”

Chess called out for a very long time before she heard anyone other than herself. When she was starting to almost give up, Chess heard something that sounded like a door slamming open and heavy footsteps. There was a lot of talking but she wasn't sure what they were saying. Chess leaned her ear against the door trying to hear a bit better. It sounded like police speak. That brought a spark to Chess's soul that she desperately needed.

“HELP! PLEASE HELP ME!” Chess screamed as loud as she could and banged on the door. It seemed to have worked because soon enough a voice was on the other side of the door telling her to back up so they could get in.

As soon as the door opened and Chess saw the familiar police uniforms, she smiled as a few tears escaped her eyes. She was saved.

Then the darkness took her again.

  
  


Ezra practically flew to the hospital. It took him half the time it normally would and he was surprised that there was not one cop trying to pull him over. He parked as quickly as possible and ran into the building to get directions to Chess's room. They hadn't told him anything about her condition when they told him they found her, but he wasn't sure that he was thankful for the lack of information. Ezra wasn't necessarily religious but he was praying to god that she was alright.

Ezra turned around a corner, heading towards her room and almost sprinted down the hall to the end. He had a moment of pause as he laid his hand on the doorknob of Chess's room. He was afraid. It was one of the few times in his life that he could genuinely say that he was scared. He had never really been that scared for someone's safety that hadn't been in his immediate family. He steeled himself for what was behind the door.

Luckily, she didn't look too banged up. Ezra breathed a sigh of relief at the sight of only her left hand being in a stint. If that was all that was wrong with her then everything would be okay. Sure, she'd probably have some PTSD but at least her physical healing wouldn't take that long. He took a few steps into the room and sat at the chair that was next to her bed. Hopefully she'd be able to go home soon and hopefully she'd be alright.

Cheshire had a long road to recovery ahead of her, but at least she had an amazing support system.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N Okay guys so I've finally gotten this bit done... What do you think is going to happen? Will things go smoothly for Cheshire from now on? How will Changkyun react when he finds out what happened to her? What about Giriboy, Jooheon, and her other friends? As always Thank You for Reading! Kamsamnida!


	43. Silence

When Cheshire was coming to, she was startled by the lack of sound. Had she really escaped or had she dreamed it? Her eyes fluttered open and she was blinded momentarily by the bright lights making her groan. At least she thought she groaned. She could feel it rumble in her throat but she couldn't hear any sound. Had she torn her vocal cords? As she was asking herself even more questions, she felt two hands on her right arm and looked up to see Ezra standing over her.

Ezra's lips were moving and tears were streaming down his face but Chess couldn't hear him. She finally was able to take note of her surroundings and noticed all the hospital equipment attached to her by cords. She should be hearing the beeping. She should hear the nurses coming in the room. She should hear her bodyguard crying over her. Everything was silent.

Cheshire brought her right hand up to her ear and tapped on it. There was no dull thud, there was nothing. She tried to lift her left hand but hissed in pain at the movement. There was still no sound. Tears were forming in Cheshire's eyes as she looked around the room hoping that there would be some explanation but there wasn't.

Chess screamed as loud as she could hoping for it to force her ears to work. It didn't. Nurses and doctors came rushing in and Ezra was trying to calm her down. The doctors were talking to her and asking questions but Chess couldn't understand. Trying to figure out how to explain what was wrong made her hyperventilate. She had no idea what to do.

“I CAN'T HEAR!!!!” Chess finally screamed. Once the doctors and nurses heard that they immediately grabbed the mini whiteboard off the wall and began scribbling on it.

'Calm down,' was the first thing that they wrote and as Chess's breath started to return to normal they wrote again. 'We will figure out what is wrong. Are you in any other pain?'

Chess shook her head, tears running down her face. What was she supposed to do if they couldn't fix it? She was a musician, her hearing was her entire life. Chess cried and cried and cried, there wasn't anything that could possibly console her at that exact moment.

Ezra was doing everything he could to try though. Hearing the doctors talking about what could have caused the hearing loss, was not comforting to him. No matter what he wasn't going to let her know that though. He held her hand and ran his left hand lightly over her hair. She was broken, and Ezra wished he could fix it. He stayed with her until after the sedative that the doctors gave her kicked in.

He headed out to the lobby of the ward Chess was in to make a phone call. He had sent a text to Si Dae, who had simply sent a message back telling him to call when she woke up. Ezra was pretty worried about talking to Si Dae honestly. He didn't know what to expect at all but when the call went through and the pleasantries were exchanged, it was a little less worrisome than he thought it would be.

“How is she holding up?” Si Dae asked right off the bat. Ezra could hear the exhaustion in his voice and could tell that he was definitely having a very hard time with the entire situation.

“Well... It's looking worse than we thought,” Ezra rubbed a hand down his face but continued. “Cheshire... she's, uh, she's not able to hear right now. She's completely deaf. There's nothing wrong with her ears physically and there wasn't anything on her MRI or CT scan. They're going to have a psychologist come see her tomorrow. They seem to be leaning more towards the idea that maybe it's a side effect of the trauma.”

“Deaf? She really can't hear? At all?” Si Dae's shock almost broke Ezra's heart. He sounded more like a dad than a boss. “When do you think that she'll be able to come home?”

“To be perfectly honest, it looks like once the psychologist gives their opinion she should be able to go back to Seoul,” Ezra wasn't very happy about Cheshire going back before she made a full recovery.

“I know I might be asking too much of you but is there any chance that you would consider coming to work as Cheshire's personal bodyguard here?” Si Dae's offer came out of left field and almost knocked the wind out of Ezra.

“What? You want to hire me?” Ezra sputtered the words out trying to figure out how this even became a conversation.

“I've thought about this since you told me that Cheshire got taken. I know that it's not your fault, Chess can be the most stubborn person in the company when she wants to be, usually when it's something she can do to make other people's lives easier. You've gone above and beyond the duties of your job and I think that you genuinely care about Chess. I think that when she comes back she's going to need someone like that, especially now with the deafness. I don't need an answer right now but I want you to know that it's an option. Let me know what the psychologist says and what your answer is. I need to go now,” Si Dae hung up without waiting for Ezra's answer. Ezra definitely didn't need to think about it as long as Si Dae seemed to think he did. He knew already what he was going to do.

  
  


After the psychologist came to see Cheshire, Ezra told Si Dae about the diagnosis and his decision. The psychologist said that Chess's PTSD was the most likely cause of the deafness. They told Ezra that the most affective treatment would be for her to go back to Seoul and be surrounded by the people in her life that cared about her the most. Cheshire had become guarded and distant since she woke up and that was all trauma related. She had all the normal symptoms of being the average rape survivor and it was not something Ezra had wanted Chess to have to heal from. The psychologist had said that hopefully with the right treatment that the deafness would fix itself within a few weeks to a couple months at the most. Chess needed all the support she could get now.

Needless to say, Ezra was on the plane in the seat right next to her. They had decided to bring a few notebooks and that was how Chess was communicating with everyone. There had been a big fuss with the press when she had gone through airport security but Ezra had been a pit bull, even pushing one of the more determined reporters out of the way when he got into Chess's face. The press was apparently having a field day with the news that she had been abducted but no one knew that she was currently deaf. Thankfully, none of the press knew about the details of her abduction either. It would have been a death blow to her career if it got out that she had been raped. That was definitely one of the biggest drawbacks of being in the Korean entertainment industry.

'Stop over thinking this Chess. You did nothing wrong and everything will be fine in a few weeks,' Ezra quickly jotted down before poking Chess's shoulder to grab her attention. Ezra didn't fail to notice how she jumped a bit from his touch, and unfortunately it wasn't because he startled her.

'That's a lot easier said than done,' Chess wrote back.

'What are you so worried about?' Ezra knew that he was prying but he had been told that it wasn't a bad thing to do by the psychologist. The more Chess could talk about her fears and worries and what happened to her, the easier her recovery could be.

'Changkyun,' That was all that Chess wrote back. Ezra had asked her the same thing the night before and that had been her answer then too. According to her, Changkyun was all she cared about, he was all that worried her. Him and how he would react to what she went through.

'Changkyun will be okay. He's just going to be so worried about you,' Ezra was aware that most of what Chess was worried about with Changkyun was how the worry was going to affect his job. She didn't believe that she was a worthwhile distraction and it hurt Ezra that she though of herself like that.

'I don't want him to disappoint his fans. He's got a lot going on and now I'm just adding to the problem. It'd be better if we weren't together for this. It's asking for too much from him,' Chess wrote with tears starting to form in her eyes. She knew where the conversation was going and how Ezra felt about the subject but she couldn't help it. She didn't want to be a burden on anyone.

'Stop it. You're not a burden. You are a wonderful person that deserves the world. I haven't even known you but for a couple of days and I know that. Hell, do you think I'd be on this damn plane with you if you weren't an amazing person? You deserve to have someone worry about you. You deserve to have someone try everything to help you. You deserve to have someone want to pause their own life to help you. You are so much more than you give yourself credit for and I'm sure that Changkyun is going to feel the same way. If he didn't then I'm sure he wouldn't have been with you and I'm sure you wouldn't have fallen for him. So stop it and deal with it because we're going to be taking care of you and helping you,' Chess gave Ezra a light smile after she read everything, though it didn't reach her eyes and the tears were still pooling.

Cheshire didn't answer for the rest of the plane ride and Ezra didn't bother to prod her anymore. She'd talk about things when she was good and ready. There were a lot of things that Ezra had wanted to know about her though so when she fell asleep finally he started up his laptop and began his research. To his surprise it wasn't all that hard to find what he was looking for. He found all the articles that were talking about Cheshire's past and the murders of her family, it finally gave an explanation as to why she seemed to think of herself as so inconsequential.

The more he read into it the more he remembered hearing about it when it had first happened. He remembered all the press coverage of the massacre at the family's home and how the killer had been gunned down by her father. How she was the only one left alive. Then he came across some pictures of her family. He hadn't really looked into the case when he had first heard about it, simply brushing it off as something tragic that happened to people he didn't know. Now, it was different. Now, it was world changing to see who her family was. Staring back at him from his laptop screen was his best friend that he'd lost contact with after college. Chess's brother had been his best friend since they were in elementary school and he just now found out why they had really lost touch. He had died.

Ezra had known Chess since she was a baby. He had babysat her with her brother countless times when they were in high school. He had been dubbed the adopted son of the Beck family because of how much time he spent with them. He had even promised to treat Chess like his own sister. How had he never thought to check on this before? How had he not thought to see what had happened to his best friend?

Ezra closed his laptop and put his head in his hands. He was completely dumbfounded by what he had just discovered but it all made sense now. It made sense that he wanted to take care of Cheshire, and it made sense that she seemed so familiar to him. She may as well have been his own flesh and blood sister. Ezra turned his head to look over at Chess who was napping with her head leaned against the head rest. She really did turn out to be a great woman.

“I'll always protect you. I won't let Travis down, I promise,” Ezra whispered even though he knew Chess couldn't hear him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N Okay guys my hands got away a bit from me with this chapter but I feel like it was a good thing honestly. What do you think? Were you expecting that from Ezra? I honestly wasn't.. at all.. In my original plan for this story, Ezra wasn't even a character and now he's actually become such a big part and I'm so surprised... I hope you all like it! As always Thank You for Reading! Kamsamnida!


	44. The Ultimatum

Changkyun had just arrived at the airport when his manager got a call and handed the phone to him. He was being called into the company. Changkyun wasn't quite sure what was up but he wasn't happy about this. He had wanted to go straight to see Chess. She had been all he had thought about for the last leg of the tour and he just wanted to be able to see her face.

“Changkyunnie, it'll be fine. I'm sure he just wants to talk to you about time management,” Shownu said with a smirk and light smack to his arm once they were in the van.

“But if you don't spend enough time with Chess, I'll break you,” Jooheon grumbled from the back seat. Changkyun knew that Jooheon still wasn't all that happy about not being the one Chess chose but he rarely voiced it. Changkyun and Jooheon were irrationally close considering the amount of resentment that Jooheon still had on the subject.

“Don't worry hyung, I'll make sure to keep her happy and not take away time from the band,” Changkyun said with a bright smile to Jooheon, who simply glared back before looking out the window and smiling lightly.

“Why the hell are you still up in arms about this Jooheon? How long have they been together again? Pretty sure that Chess chose Changkyun about six months ago,” Hyungwon said with and eye roll before leaning back into his seat.

“Three months. She only made that decision three months ago,” Minhyuk said as he scrolled through the notes on his phone.

“Why do you even know that? Is it even any of your business?” Wonho asked, though he leaned over to look at the notes that Minhyuk had taken.

“Why does anyone in this car need to put their nose into me and my girlfriends's business?” Changkyun asked, crossing his arms and sulking in his seat.

“We're your bandmates. It affects us, and Jooheon is just jealous, of course it's our business,” Kihyun's answer didn't make Changkyun feel any better.

The rest of the ride to the company was quiet. The boys were still tired from their plane ride and Changkyun was only able to focus on Cheshire. Once they reached the company, Changkyun got out of the van and headed towards Si Dae's office. He was really wanting to just leave faster than he was going to. Once he made his way to Si Dae's office, the secretary told him to head in.

“Sajangnim? You wanted to see me?” Changkyun tried to reign in his irritation at being there but knew that his voice was still frustrated.

“Come sit down. We really have to have a talk,” Si Dae motioned to the seat across the desk from him as Changkyun fully entered the office.

“If this is about time management, you don't have to worry, I've already got a plan for how to handle all of my responsibilities,” Changkyun said as he sat down. He bounced his leg up and down, anxious to get out of the office as quickly as possible.

“That's not what this is about. We need to have a very serious discussion,” Si Dae ran a hand down his face before continuing. “I know that you care about Cheshire and I know she cares about you. I'm going to have to tell you something that I'm pretty sure she would have rather told you herself but I don't really think that's possible at the moment.”

“What's going on? Is Chess in the hospital again? How'd she get hurt? Has she not woken up? Where is she?” Changkyun became more and more upset and worried the longer Si Dae spoke. It wasn't something he was prepared for.

“Calm down Changkyun. She's not in the hospital and she is awake, but she went through a really bad ordeal while she went to the States. She was kidnapped, Changkyun. She was missing for thirty-six hours and during the time that she was being held captive... Changkyun, this isn't easy and it's not something I ever wanted to have to tell anyone,” Si Dae took a deep breath and looked as deeply into Changkyun's eyes as he could. “Cheshire was raped.”

“M-m-m-mwoh?” Changkyun froze. He no longer was bouncing his leg or even breathing. Every muscle in his body was tight and strained to prevent movement.

“Chess was raped and is suffering from PTSD. She's lost her hearing because of it. We've got the best psychologists and therapists in Seoul looking after her and they all say that her hearing will return. It's just going to take some time for her to recover. Chess is going to be taking a break from promoting with RI5E once their all back from their individual promotions in a month. She won't lose her spot because of this, it was in no way her fault that this happened to her. We have a new personal bodyguard for her, apparently he was friends with her brother from a young age and knows her pretty well. We honestly have no idea how long she'll be in this state but it's going to be a very difficult time, no matter how short,” Si Dae paused and rested his forehead to his clasped hands.

“What are you getting at sajangnim?” Changkyun took a deep breath, anger beginning to replace the fear and worry inside him. If Si Dae was getting at what Changkyun thought he was, then he had every right to be angry.

“I mean to say that Cheshire needs a very strong and unbreakable support system right now. You have a choice to make and it's not going to be an easy one. You either have to let your feelings go and leave her so that she can recover, or you have to devote yourself and all of your time with her to helping her recover. I know that the second option sounds easy but trust me, it's the harder of the two choices. Chess can't speak to you while her hearing is gone, she probably won't want to be touched, she'll be distant and guarded, and she will have a very hard time allowing any form of intimacy,” Si Dae watched Changkyun's expression as it went from angry to hurt. It wasn't exactly the shift he had really imagined but it was something that made him realize that Changkyun understood the severity of the situation.

“What exactly are you telling me sajangnim?” Changkyun's pained voice hurt Si Dae as well but he knew that this had to be how things were.

“Either you go see her, meaning you are committed to being the support system she needs, or you don't go see her at all,” Si Dae gave Changkyun the ultimatum with a straight face and waited for his answer.

  
  


'That's three times that I've beaten you at this! I thought you said you were good?' Ezra pushed the notebook over to Chess who was clenching her hair in frustration.

'How do you keep beating me???' Chess's response made Ezra laugh as he brought the _Sorry!_ board closer to himself to put it away. Chess got up with a light stomp of her foot and headed into her room to grab some movies.

While Chess was gone and Ezra was cleaning up, Young Ji made her way into the living room. She was carrying her phone close to her chest and looking at Ezra with a very nervous look. Ezra was taking a crash course on Korean but was definitely no where near able to hold a conversation yet but Young Ji had taken it upon herself to try to help when she could. Ezra was being housed in the apartment next to the girls so that if Chess ever needed him she could reach him. It was pretty difficult to live in a country where you didn't know the language though, so Young Ji tried to make sure he had food and everything he needed.

“ _Food? You have eat yet?”_ Young Ji asked as Ezra looked at her with a bright smile. In the short time he had known the girls, Ezra had already come to see him as his younger sisters. They were sweet just like Chess and made life in a new country easier.

“ _No I haven't eaten yet. What are you thinking about ordering?”_ Young Ji's smile took over her whole face as she showed him the menu that she had pulled up on her phone. “ _Ooo, that all looks yummy. You order, I'll pay today. Get enough for all the girls too.”_

Young Ji smiled and bounced away down the hall to tell the girls about what they were having for dinner. Cheshire made her way out of her room as Young Ji was making her way down the hall. She simply turned to Ezra and raised her shoulders while pointing to the younger girl as a way of saying 'What's all that about?' Ezra simply mimed eating and Chess understood. She nodded her head and mouthed 'Oh' as she went to put a movie into the blu ray player. Chess took her seat back on the couch and Ezra joined her as she reached down to bring up a new game.

'Oh so you think you can beat me at Monopoly instead?' Ezra chuckled as Chess sneered at his comment.

'I'm the master of Monopoly. I'm going to have you begging for mercy.' Chess took out the board as Ezra configured the movie to have subtitles for Chess.

'I'm gonna be the boot.' Chess laughed and tossed the boot to Ezra while she took the race car and put it on GO.

Their first round lasted the entirety of the first movie, given neither of them really paid attention to the movie in the first place. Chess got up to put in the next movie in the stack and stopped when she saw what it was. She stared at the case for a while, running her fingers over the picture. Ezra watched as a small sad smile came across her face. He had no idea why she looked so sad looking at The Hunger Games though.

Chess finally came back to herself and put the movie in the player before returning for the second round of Monopoly. Her grim expression didn't change as they played though and Ezra didn't fail to notice. He tried to keep himself from prying too quickly but after thirty minutes of Chess being distracted he had to say something.

'What's got you so worried now?' Ezra pushed the notebook until it was practically on her lap. Chess didn't even bother to answer. She just looked over at Ezra with a minor eye roll.

'Changkyun. Will. Be. Fine. Stop worrying about him. I'm sure he'll be here in no time to fawn over you day and night.' Ezra patted Chess's shoulder and rubbed her back a bit as she started writing.

'I'm terrified that this will be too hard for him. I'm broken Ezra. I'm not the person that he fell in love with anymore and I can't ask him to put up with all of this. He doesn't need this in his life, it's too much to handle while also being an idol. He needs to worry about his fans and band, not me.' Chess stopped writing for a moment but continued shortly after. 'Even knowing all of that I don't want to be without him. I'm so terrified of this being too hard but I'm even more scared of being without him. He's what kept me alive through this whole thing.'

Chess turned to watch the movie as Ezra read her note. She couldn't help but think of Changkyun during this movie. All the jokes he made about her obsession and how it wasn't all that interesting to begin with. All the times she would hit him over the head with her pillows for insulting The Hunger Games and calling it boring. The two of them imitating Hawkeye and Katniss to figure out which would be a better ally. It was harder than she thought it would be. Before she realized it the notebook was pushed back into her lap but this time the writing was in Korean.

'The Hunger Games? Jinja?'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N Well we are getting very, very, VERY close to the end of this fic and it's really starting to make me sad but I really do love this entire story. As always Thank You for Reading! Kamsamnida!


	45. The Difference Between Love and Obsession

Getting used to having to write down what he wanted to say to Cheshire rather than actually saying it was difficult for Changkyun. He had yelled to get her attention more times than he really wanted to admit but he was finally getting used to it after a week of knowing that she couldn't hear him. He had definitely cried more times that he would ever tell Chess or the guys. It was desperately sad to see Chess so quiet and closed off.

Cheshire had jumped when he wrapped his arm around her shoulders and shied away when he leaned in to kiss her cheek. Chess would immediately start apologizing to him but Changkyun wasn't upset that she did that, he was upset that she was feeling hurt and scared. He wanted to hold her and protect her from the world but he couldn't. He didn't even have anyone to ask for advice, or at least that's how he felt.

The guys knew that Changkyun had cried himself to sleep every night that first week. They knew that Chess wasn't the same. They hadn't been told everything that happened to her, but they knew that she had been kidnapped when she went home. They wanted to talk to him about it but they also knew that they had to wait until he opened up about it.

Shownu was particularly anxious to talk to him. He had never been in the same situation but when he was in school one of his friends had gone through the same things Chess had, and worse according to what Shownu knew about the situation. Shownu wanted to be there for Cheshire and Changkyun the way he hadn't been able to for his friend. It was one of his biggest regrets but he wasn't willing to let that happen with Cheshire. She might as well have been his older sister for the way he cared about her.

About two weeks into being back in Korea, the guys had gotten used to not seeing Changkyun outside of practice, except for Minhyuk who had finally admitted his feelings to Bei Lee and would see Changkyun at the girls dorm briefly. That night however, Shownu stayed up waiting for Changkyun to come home. He had waited more than long enough for Changkyun to open up about what was going on. When the door opened, Changkyun jumped seeing Shownu sitting cross armed on the couch.

“Hyung! You scared me! Shouldn't you be asleep? We have an early practice tomorrow morning,” Changkyun said as he clutched his chest.

“I know but sit down. We really need to talk,” Shownu said, waiting for Changkyun to come sit next to him on the couch.

“Hyung, I know that I've been out late since we got back but I thought I was doing really good about getting up and working my ass off at practice,” Changkyun said as he plopped down, hugging a cushion to his chest.

“It's not about that Changkyun. You've been doing really good,” Shownu said as he patted Changkyun on his shoulder. “Changkyunnie, we all know that Chess was kidnapped.”

“Hyung, that's not even the half of it, but I can't... I can't really talk about it,” Changkyun said as he moved to get up, being halted by Shownu before he could stand.

“Look, if it's what I think it is, then you both need to know that I'm here,” Shownu said huffing out a breath that he had held deep inside of him. “I had a friend go through the same thing when I was in school and maybe worse.”

Changkyun tried to open his mouth to stop Shownu but he was having none of it. Shownu simply held up his hand and took a deep breath, collecting his thoughts. He hadn't talked to anyone about this since he had graduated. He wasn't sure that he had ever planned on it either.

“My friend was a great girl. She was a part of the dance crew with me and everyone loved her. She was bright and sweet, with the kind of smile that lit up a room. We had done a couple performances in an underground dance club and she got a lot of attention from guys, but there was this one guy. No one really knew what his deal was but he was really creepy. He did nothing but stare at her for a long time but one night she told us that he had actually followed her to her apartment complex. We all thought that maybe she was overreacting a bit because he was creepy, so we didn't do anything. A week later, she didn't show up to school for a few days. I went to her house to take her homework to her but her parents said that she hadn't been home, that they had reported her missing and the police were looking for her. I immediately went to the station and told them about the guy that had followed her home. A few days later they found her, locked in his apartment, tied up. She... she had been raped and tortured,” Shownu stopped and ran his hands down his face before resting his face in his hands. He took a few deep breaths and continued. “She wasn't the same after that, but who would be? She was closed off, she quit dancing, and she didn't talk to anyone. Instead of trying to talk to her and let her know we were there for her, we all just let her be alone. I didn't try to help her. I regret it more than anything. She actually jumped from Mapo Bridge six months later.”

“Hyung, that... That's horrible. Mianhae,” Changkyun said while reaching over to rub Shownu's back.

“I didn't tell you that to get sympathy. I told you that because I want to be there for Cheshire too. Cheshire is my Noona and I don't ever want to see anything like that happen to her. I'm not asking your permission but I am telling you out of courtesy since she's your girlfriend. I also need to know what she needs from me,” Shownu said with a fierce look at Changkyun.

“Hyung,she... She was raped too. I don't even know what she needs from me. I just show up and watch movies with her and play games. She won't even answer my questions. She won't tell me what happened or what's going on in her mind. She only writes me notes about how she's so thankful that I'm there. I think that's all she needs, people to be there,” Changkyun responded with a touch of exasperation.

“Why is she writing you notes and not telling you? That's a little odd,” Shownu said giving a confused look.

“Hyung... She has PTSD and it's caused her to lose her hearing. She can't hear anything. Everyone says that it's only temporary and that there's nothing physically wrong with her ears,” Changkyun hadn't really wanted to open up like that but he had been bottling everything up about it that he was just happy to talk about it to someone.

“She's deaf? How does she feel about that?” Shownu asked. Changkyun knew that the leader had a tendency to be pretty robotic but he was showing more emotion on his face than he had the entire time that Changkyun had known him. His face was full of sadness and worry, it caught Changkyun off guard.

“She hasn't talked to me about it. She hasn't even talked to Ezra hyung about it,” Changkyun responded.

“Ezra hyung?” Shownu asked, curiosity written across his face.

“He's her personal bodyguard. He had been the one that tried to catch the guy that had kidnapped her but the police hadn't got the warrant for his arrest before he made his escape,” Changkyun answered.

“They didn't catch the fucker?!” Shownu's anger, while justified, startled Changkyun. He'd never seen Shownu like this.

“No... They didn't catch him. If they find him then they'll arrest him, they even have our police on the lookout just in case he shows up here to try to find her again,” Changkyun wasn't sure what Shownu was thinking honestly. His face was difficult to read.

“I'll kill him if I ever see him,” Shownu's face was calm as he spoke and it really terrified Changkyun if he was honest.

“Hyung, what do we do? How are we supposed to help her get through this?” Changkyun redirected the conversation for the sake of his sanity and to bring Shownu back to the point.

“I'm not really sure but we'll figure it out Changkyunnie. We're going to bring her back to herself and we're going to do it together. We're going to let her know that she's not alone,” Shownu answered and pulled Changkyun into a side hug.

“Thank you, hyung,” Changkyun said as he fought back tears.

“Don't worry. We're going to get Noona back,” The two stood and hugged before heading to bed for the night.

  
  


Across the city, in a small studio apartment, Hamilton was setting up his 'Scarlett Wall'. He had had it up in his house and had refused to leave Raleigh without it. Scarlett had been the only person he had ever loved and he loved her with his whole being. There was nothing in his life that he had done that wasn't for her. He had gotten into business to make enough money to find her. He bought a house to keep her in. He hired Charles Giuseppe to kill her family so that she didn't have anyone holding her back. The fact that he had killed the bastard that had stolen her from him.

Everything in his life was done for Scarlett. Everything he was, was for Scarlett. Scarlett was his entire world and all he really cared about. He made sure that he had all the pictures that he had taken of her from high school on the outside edge of the wall, then the pictures from her house that he had taken, then he had all the pictures from her new career, but now in the center of everything, he had the pictures that he had taken of the time she had spent in the storage room with him. He was still angry that she hadn't realized that he had stolen her away for her own good. He had torn up and burned all the pictures of her crying. They pissed him off.

His favorite though, was the picture he had taken when he first walked into the storage room when she had woken up. She had bright, big, hopeful eyes, and a look of relief on her face. It was beautiful and he loved it. He made sure to make copies of it, one for his wallet, one for his nightstand, and this big one for the center of his 'Scarlett Wall'.

Hamilton had promised himself that he was going to find her again. He was going to find her and take her away again. She needed to be reminded who she was and he was the perfect person for that. She needed to be with him. These people in Korea had made her into something she wasn't, and he needed to fix that.

Hamilton walked out to his balcony and stared out into the city. He hadn't been able to find the address for Starship Entertainment, but he was going to find it. He was going to find it, and he was going to find Scarlett. There wasn't anything that was going to stop him and Scarlett being together. Hamilton refused to give up. He wasn't the type of person to let go of the things he loved and he loved Scarlett. Staring deeply into the sparkling lights of the dirty city that had stolen Scarlett from him, he made a promise to himself.

Hamilton would get his woman back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N okay guys it's a bit shorter than other chapters but I didn't want to force anything. I feel like this managed to get the point across. I'm really proud of this story and what it's become, even if my hands have gotten away from me a few times lol. I really am very close to the end of this one and I hope you all have loved it as much as I've loved writing it. As always Thank You for Reading! Kamsamnida!


	46. The Confrontation

Cheshire spent most of her days in her dorm. She knew that she was able to leave and that if she wanted to that Ezra or Changkyun or, now, Shownu would happily go with her. It had actually taken Chess a lot to accept Shownu being around. She had literally run and hid in her room for the first hour that he was there and it took about a hundred notes being pushed under the door by Changkyun to get her to come out. Now Shownu came over everyday that Changkyun had extra practice or when the guys had a day off. He made sure that Chess knew he was there if she ever needed him. It was helpful in her recovery to let him in even just a little and Chess knew that. She just didn't feel comfortable with the part of her recovery that required her to leave the safety of her dorm.

Today was a special day though. Today was the day that Giriboy came back from his Korean tour. She was finally a bit more accepting of allowing herself to see people that she knew were on her side. Shownu's appearance had helped to calm that bit of her anxiety and Giriboy was definitely one of the people that was always on her side. He would be the first person she went to see of her own accord.

Ezra was quick to meet Chess at the front of the building before quickly ushering her into the car that was taking them to Giriboy's apartment. Chess was really nervous and she hadn't realized that it would be that nerve wracking to see her best friend. Ezra lightly patting her shoulder was the only thing keeping her from jumping out of the car before it started moving. The vibration from the engine starting seemed to set her into place no matter how nervous she was.

'Just breathe and remember that he's your best friend. Remember what Dr. Kim said.' Ezra gently sat his note in Chess's lap and she quickly wrote her own reply.

'You're right. I have to tell my friends what happened and try to let them in again.' Ezra gave Chess a gentle side hug. He felt her stiffen at the closeness but it was much less pronounced than it had been for the past two weeks.

As the car pulled to a stop Chess took a deep breath. She mentally prepared herself fo whatever may come from this meeting. She had to admit she really was scared that Giriboy would turn on her. She had no idea why he would turn on her but she just felt like he could. Waiting for the elevator, she kept reminding herself that she needed to trust her friends. Trust, it was a word that she didn't really believe in anymore.

When they made it to Giriboy's door, Ezra knocked and Chess waited for the rapper to open the door. When he did, Chess gasped, his hair was very red. She hadn't ever really seen him change his hair this drastically. She knew that he had been blond before but that wasn't really that strange for some reason. Without really thinking about it Chess reached out and touched his hair, holding it between her fingers to inspect the color, and giggled.

“Hi there Chess. What are you doing?” Chess hadn't seen Giriboy's lips moving so she hadn't realized that he was speaking. Ezra was on top of it though. He used his limited Korean and explained as best he could.

“Annyeonghaseyo, Ezra-ibnida. Chess can't hear right now. We use these notebooks to talk to her,” Ezra's Korean was pretty bad but he was at least managing to get fluent in those sentences.

“What do you mean she can't hear?” Giriboy said as he took a notebook from Ezra.

“ _I don't know what you just asked me. I just learned those phrases in Korean,”_ Ezra said with a shrug. Giriboy gave a confused look before simply writing down his thoughts in the notebook for Chess.

'You can't hear? What the hell happened Chess?' Giriboy held the notebook up in Chess's face. He didn't fail to notice the way her smile faltered before she took the notebook from him.

'A lot happened. Don't worry, the deafness isn't permanent apparently.' Chess watched as Giriboy's face went from confused to relieved to sad. She quickly scribbled another response. 'Don't worry Giri. I'm strong enough to make it through this. I've got you and all my other friends and Changkyun helping me get better. I'll be fine.'

“Why do you always have to be the strong one?” Giri hadn't meant to say it out loud but he did before quickly pulling Chess into a hug.

  
  


The two spent a long time just sitting on the couch writing back and forth about what had happened. Giri was the first one that Chess had told without prompting. He was worried and scared for her, but Giri was the one person that Chess could always count on to be a shoulder to cry on. He was always strong when he thought that she needed it. He felt like she needed his strength now more than ever.

He promised her that he was going to be there for her for every step of her recovery. Chess giggled and told him that he didn't have to. He couldn't take her seriously though. He knew that she was going through hell. He knew that she was simply trying not to burden him. He wasn't letting her do that to him this time.

Their reunion was much too short for their liking but Changkyun and Shownu had messaged, telling her they were on their way to her dorm. Giri couldn't keep her from them but he did promise to come see her regularly. Chess had tried to push away his offer but he wasn't having it. He was going to do everything he could to be able to help her. If that meant he had to take up residence in her dorm then he would.

As Ezra and Chess made their way back to the dorm, Chess noticed that Ezra was fidgety. He was constantly looking behind them and telling something to the driver. Chess couldn't tell what was happening and Ezra wasn't answering. It wasn't until they drove past the dorm that Chess started worrying. That was what made her figure out that something was seriously wrong.

While Ezra was giving instructions that Chess couldn't understand to the driver, she turned to look behind them. There was a black car following them and Chess could still tell that something was wrong but she couldn't see how the press was a problem for her going home. That's when she noticed what was wrong. Hamilton was the driver.

Chess screamed and pulled her legs up to her chest trying to hold herself together. She couldn't even recognize when Ezra had pulled her to his side. Ezra held her tight and pat her back trying to calm her screams, there was nothing more heartbreaking to him. When the driver finally turned into the company parking lot, he watched as Hamilton drove past. The sigh of relief was short lived though as he needed to get Chess into the building, but Chess was having none of it. Eventually, Ezra just picked her up and carried her in.

“What in the hell happened to Cheshire?!” Jooheon was the first person that Ezra came across but Ezra couldn't really understand him.

“ _The guy that kidnapped her followed us,”_ Ezra confessed hoping that if he understood any English that he'd be able to help get Chess to Si Dae. Chess was slowly coming back to herself in Ezra's hold, though tears were still flowing down her face. As she felt Ezra stop moving she looked around and found herself looking into Jooheon's worried eyes.

“Jooheon!” It had been the first word that Chess had said since her stay in the hospital. It was loud and caught both Jooheon and Ezra by surprise, but Ezra let her down to go into Jooheon's embrace.

It didn't take long for the three to make it to Si Dae, who gave the explanation of Chess's situation to Jooheon before shooing him out the door with her and a couple of bodyguards to get her home. Si Dae kept Ezra behind to get the full story behind what happened on their way back to the dorms. Both groups went about their business not realizing how much danger was around the corner.

Hamilton had driven past the company and found a lot to park the car in. He wasn't just going to let Scarlett go like that. He was going to find her and he was going to keep her this time. She was the only thought in his mind as he made his way towards the company. He stood outside of the gates, just out of the sightline of the guards and entrance, to wait for her. Finally she came out, but she was with three men, one holding her close. The rage that he felt in his heart made him freeze. He watched for a while as the three moved down the sidewalk before he began to follow.

Hamilton had followed them for the entire walk back to an apartment building where two more men were standing outside waiting on them. Hamilton recognized the one as the kid that the press said Scarlett was dating. Finally the angry fire in his core bursts free and he was running towards the other man. Scarlett didn't even flinch when he ran past her screaming at the idiot that had tried to take her from him. It gave him hope that maybe she really did love him.

Yes, that had to be it. She loved him and this asshole had to be the reason she couldn't be. Well, Hamilton would fix that problem. He pounced on the smaller man, wrapping his hands around his neck and trying to squeeze as hard as he could. His attempts were halted though by a pair of arms wrapping around his own neck and squeezing as hard as they could. He released the man on the ground and turned to grab his assailant.

As he brought the owner of the arms around to face him, he discovered it was Scarlett. The confusion that came over Hamilton killed the fire in his veins. How could Scarlett do this to him? He was trying to save her! How dare she attack him! With that thought the fire was back but it was too late.

Chess's bodyguards pinned Hamilton to the ground as Shownu called the cops. Chess moved quickly over to Changkyun, who was still laying on the ground, and checked him over as best as she could. She tried to be as gentle as possible but the shrill piercing noise that she kept hearing sporadically caused her to be a bit rougher than she intended. She wasn't sure if it was a complication of her PTSD or not but it was definitely not helping.

Chess looked up to see that the cops had apparently arrived while she was trying to help Changkyun. Two were putting Hamilton into cuffs as another two were asking the bodyguards questions. Another cruiser pulled up as the one with Hamilton in it went off towards the station. This time the officers came over to Chess and Changkyun and while they were talking the noise was becoming unbearable.

Chess reached to clutch her hands to her ears trying to block the painful sounds. Changkyun didn't miss the motion and quickly leaned up to try to hold her and calm her down. The motion caused Changkyun to feel light headed and he almost pulled Chess to the ground with him. The cops that were attempting to help the two, quickly called for a couple ambulances to be sent to their location as they tried to help the injured idols as best they could.

The ambulances arrived and quickly pulled the two idols off the street and onto the gurneys. The noise filled Chess's head and came to such a crescendo that the pain was too much to bear. She screamed at the pain and it was so loud and painful, she finally lost consciousness. In the blackness that enveloped her, it was finally quiet again. She could finally relax.

Changkyun's ride was much different. He did nothing but try to find out how Chess was. He refused to answer the EMT's questions. All he wanted to know was how she was. He needed to know how she was but they wouldn't tell him. Finally the EMT's had had enough, they pumped a sedative into Changkyun's IV and he slowly fell into darkness. The blackness wasn't comforting though, if anything it made him feel more anxious. He worried more and more until he fell entirely into a blank space in his mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys sorry it's taken so long for me to update this. At first it was because I was not sure how to write it and I got writer's block but then I went through something pretty traumatic a couple weeks ago and I've just gotten back to myself... Kind of... As always Thank You for Reading! Kamsamnida!

**Author's Note:**

> A/N Just in case you were wondering here are RI5E's Pseudo profiles
> 
> Cheshire  
> Birthday: 91.01.01  
> Sign: Capricorn  
> Height: 172cm (5'8")  
> Blood type: O  
> Position: Main Rapper/Vocals  
> Weight: 61Kg (135 lbs)
> 
> Sumi  
> Birthday: 92.10.26  
> Sign: Scorpio  
> Height: 157cm (5'2")  
> Blood type: A  
> Position: Leader/Vocals  
> Weight: 50Kg (110 lbs)
> 
> Young Ji  
> Birthday: 93.03.10  
> Sign: Pisces  
> Height: 158cm (5'2")  
> Blood Type: B  
> Position: Visual/Vocal  
> Weight: 50Kg (110 Lbs)
> 
> Bei Lee  
> Birthday: 94.03.26  
> Sign: Aries  
> Height: 165cm (5'4")  
> Blood Type: A  
> Position: Visual/Vocal  
> Weight: 53Kg (119 Lbs)
> 
> Alice  
> Birthday: 95.05.19  
> Sign: Taurus  
> Height: 166cm (5'4")  
> Blood Type: O  
> Position: Maknae/Vocals/Rap  
> Weight: 53Kg (119 Lbs)


End file.
